I>  § 


^ni  1^ 


.\WEUN1VER%. 


1^1 

^lOSANCEl 


.jo^    \mmi^^       ^TiiaDNVsoi^ 


.^W!UNIVER% 


^VlOSANCEl 

Or 
O 


i-#     '^c'AHvaan^       <rii33Nvsoi^ 


Kg    iCl^i 


^VWSANCElfx^ 


^ILIBRARYOc. 


^<{/0JllV3J0^ 


^.OFCALIFO/?^ 


^OFCAIIFC 


"^AiijMNnmv^        >&AyvHaiVA^ 


>&Aavaaii 


•"^  ^  1  ir - 


^^WEUNIVERS/A        A^iVOSANCE 


^^^^130^501^     '^Aij]AiNn-3Wv*        >&Ayvaan-^^ 


<5>^lUBRARYac^ 


^^HlBRARYQc 


\oi\m'i^'^ 


^OFCAllFOff^ 


%jnv3-jo^ 


^OFCAIIFOMi^ 


^^Ayvaain^ 


^^•Ayvaan-^ 


.^WE•UNIVERy/A 


<ril30NYS01^ 


.^WEUNIVER% 
<^  —  - 


<ril30NVS01^ 


^WEUNIVER% 


v^lOSANCElfx^ 


^TilJDNVSOl^'^      "^Aa^AiNniwv 


>5,^H!BRARYa^^ 


^<!/0  J  nVD- JO^ 


.^WEUNIVER% 


^VlOSANCElfx^. 


<ril30NVS01^ 


%il3AINa-3\^^ 


^OfCALIF0% 


^<?Ayvaani^ 


-^illBRARYO^ 

iMii 


<^^L1BRARYQ^^         .\WEUNIVERy/A 

Ml  i^i 


n — n  0 ) 


MEMOIRS 


OF 


MISS   MARY   LYON, 


OF 


NEW  HAVEN,  CONN. 


NEW   HAVEN: 
PUBLISHED    BY    A.    H.    MALTBY. 

1837. 


Entered, 

According  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1837,  by 

A.     H.     MALTBY, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  Connecticut, 


HITCHCOCK    &    STAFFORD,   PRINTERS. 


a;^* 


stack 
Annex 

5" 

PREFACE.  ^51 


These  Memoirs  are  not  offered  to  the  pious,  as  afford- 
ing an  interesting  variety ;  or  those  soul-stirring  details, 
which  are  found  in  the  life  of  the  active,  and  successful 
minister  of  the  Gospel ;  or  of  the  devoted  female  mis- 
sionary. 

They  are  merely  presented,  as  the  history  of  an  im- 
mortal spirit,  from  its  conversion  to  God,  through  its 
progressive  course  of  sanctification,  till  it  appeared  pre- 
pared by  the  influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  to  join  the 
society  of  "  the  just  made  perfect"  in  Heaven. 

Truth  has  been  the  aim  of  the  compiler,  and  no  at- 
tempt made  to  extenuate  the  imperfections,  or  give  un- 
due prominence,  to  the  virtues  of  the  subject  of  these 
Memoirs ;  or  to  represent  her  otherwise,  than  she  ap- 
pears in  her  own  writings,  or  in  the  recollection  of 
friends,  who  still  cherish  her  memory,  as  the  sweet  per- 
fume of  a  precious  ointment. 

Miss  Lyon  thought  herself  constitutionally  inclined  to 
melancholy  ;  and  those  natural  traits  of  character  pos- 
sessed by  individuals  before  their  conversion,  generally 
remain  afterwards,  and  are  still  prominent  features. 
Divine  grace  gives  them  new  bias,  directs  them  to  different 
objects,  and  employs  them  in  different  pursuits,  St. 
Paul  after  his  conversion,  still  retained  his  distinctive, 
native  characteristics.  Some  of  the  Reformers,  and 
modern  missionaries,  furnish  examples  of  the  same 
kind.    From  a  native  sense  of  propriety,  but  more  espe- 


k^^ji.^^'^ 


4  PREFACE. 

cially,  from  a  desire  to  adorn  her  profession,  the  state  of 
her  mind  was  never  unseasonably  obtruded  on  any;  and 
her  societ)'-  for  an  afternoon,  or  for  a  visit  of  weeks,  or 
months,  was  considered  a/aror,  and  often  solicited.  She 
did  not  yield  to  the  melancholy,  which  at  times  oppressed 
her ;  or  ever  plead  it  as  an  excuse,  for  the  omission  of 
duty  ;  or  suffer  it  to  paralize  her  efibrts  to  do  good ;  for 
hers  was  a  life  of  activity,  and  usefulness. 

Let  not  the  desponding  feeling,  occasionally  expressed 
in  these  Memoirs,  be  ascribed  to  religion  as  its  cause  5 
for  it  was  the  grace  of  God,  shed  abroad  in  her  heart, 
which  restrained,  rectified,  and  overruled  it  for  good. 
If  her  exemplary,  and  disinterested  life,  is  compared 
with  one  possessing  the  same  constitutional  tempera- 
ment, but  unsustained  by  the  supports  of  religion,  and 
uninfluenced  by  its  precepts,  the  transforming  power  of 
divine  grace,  will  appear  conspicuous. 

It  is  true  that  the  sincere  believer  has  sorrows  which 
the  world  does  not  experience ;  but  he  has  seasons  of 
communion  with  his  heavenly  Father,  which  he  would 
not  exchange  for  millions  of  worlds.  At  times  he  feels 
the  dawnings  of  celestial  peace  in  his  soul,  arising  from 
scriptural  evidence  of  his  union  to  Christ ;  and  can 
adopt  the  language  of  the  apostle :  "  The  Spirit  itself 
beareth  witness  with  our  spirit,  that  we  are  the  children 
of  God." 

With  him,  death  is  disarmed  of  his  sting,  and  he  can 
look  forward  undismayed  to  that  tremendous  day, 
"When  the  heavens  shall  pass  away  with  a  great  noise, 
and  the  elements  melt  with  fervent  heat."  O  !  that  all 
those  who  are  feeding  on  the  husks  of  this  world,  and 
who  consider  the  rational  confidence  and  peace  of  the 
Christian,  as  delusions  of  the  imagination,  knew  by  per- 
sonal experience,  "  what  these  things  mean." 


PREFACE.  5 

These  pages  are  now  presented  to  the  pious,  with  the 
T-rayers  of  the  compiler,  that  God  would  make  this  hum- 
ble, but  sincere  attempt  to  glorify  him,  an  instrument  of 
their  growth  in  grace.  If  any  should  feel  an  increasing 
desire  to  follow  this  departed  saint,  wherein  she  followed 
Christ,  to  all  the  other  Christian  graces,  let  them  add 
those  for  which  she  was  particularly  distinguished. 
Watchfulness,  self-denial,  and  confidence  in  God. 


1* 


ADVERTISEMENT. 

Miss  Mary  Lyon  was  daughter  of  Col.  Wm. 
and  Mrs.  Lois  Lyon,  of  New  Haven,  Conn. 

Her  father  was  remarkable  for  precocity  of 
talents,  and  acquired  r.Imost  in  infancy,  habits  of 
strict  application  to  whatever  demanded  his  atten- 
tion, which  remained  through  life,  and  were  appa- 
rent in  all  the  various  occupations  in  which  he  en- 
gaged. 

His  love  of  literature  was  never  subdued  by  the 
pressure  of  business.  His  evenings,  and  at  times, 
part  of  the  night,  were  devoted  to  his  favorite  pur- 
suit. 

Col.  Lyon  respected  and  supported  the  institu- 
tions of  religion,  but  never  connected  himself  with 
the  professed  church  of  Christ. 

Mrs.  Lyon  was  a  member  of  the  first  Congrega- 
tional church  in  N.  H.  Her  love  of  prayer,  and 
diligent  perusal  of  the  Scriptures,  were  conspicuous 
traits  in  her  religious  character.  Debarred,  by  ill 
health,  for  several  years  from  active  pursuits,  read- 
ing the  Bible,  and  prayer,  seemed  indeed  to  consti- 
tute the  business,  as  well  as  the  enjoyment  of  her 
life.     Her  paternal  ancestors  were  pious,  as  far  as 


8  ADVERTISEMENT. 

known.  Her  grandfather,  and  father,  after  hves  of 
usefulness,  and  obedience  to  the  precepts  of  the 
Gospel,  died  in  the  triumphs  of  faith.  The  former 
of  these  venerable  men,  was  deacon  of  the  first 
Congregational  church  in  N.  H.,  and  obtained  from 
his  pastor,  the  honorable  appellation  of  a  Nathaniel 
"  in  whom  was  no  guile." 

Miss  Lyon  was  the  fourth  of  six  children ;  one 
son,  and  five  daughters,  and  was  born  Oct.  7, 1780. 


MEMOIRS   OF    MARY   LYON 


In  childhood  she  was  distinguished  for  veracity, 
love  of  order,  and  attention  to  what  she  read,  par- 
ticularly the  Scriptures.  One  example  of  this  kind 
in  a  child  about  five  years  of  age,  may  be  interest- 
ing. Her  father  becoming  wearied  with  a  noisy 
play,  in  which  Mary  was  engaged,  told  her  to  sit 
down,  observing,  how  would  your  mamma,  or  I, 
appear  jumping  about  the  room  as  you  do  ?  Why 
papa,  she  replied,  do  not  you  remember  what  the 
Bible  says  ?  "  When  I  was  a  cliild,  I  spake  as  a  child, 
I  understood  as  a  child,  I  thought  as  a  child  :  but 
when  I  became  a  man  I  put  away  childish  things." 

Nothing  of  a  religious  character  marked  her 
early  years.  At  the  age  of  seventeen  she  was 
leading  a  gay  and  thoughtless  life  :  attached  to 
dress,  parties,  balls,  and  other  vain  amusements  of 
youth.  Not  far  from  this  period  a  change  took 
place  in  her  feelings.  The  world  seemed  to  loose 
its  fascinations, — she  experienced  a  void  every 
where ;  and  all  things  appeared  to  be  vanity  and 
vexation  of  spirit.  No  divine  illumination  increased 
in  her  soul ;  she  discovered  her  native  alienation 


10  MEMOIRS    OP    MARY    LYON. 

from  God, — the  utter  sinfulness  of  her  whole  life, 
and  commenced  a  course  of  self-righteousness,  be- 
ing at  this  time  ignorant  even  of  the  plan  of  salvation, 
through  the  righteousness  of  Christ.  How  long 
this  state  of  mind  continued  is  not  known.  Some 
letters  written  in  1802  and  5,  indicate  no  particu- 
lar seriousness ;  but  as  they  exhibit  the  strength  of 
those  endearing  affections,  which  were  prominent 
traits  in  her  character  through  life,  a  few  extracts 
will  be  given. 

Killingworth,  Aug.  21,  1802. 

My  Dear  Sophia  : — Uncle  M.  and  his  family- 
treat  me  with  the  greatest  kindness,  and  my  visit 
has  been  very  agreeable ;  yet  my  thoughts  are 
much  at  home.  Every  night  in  my  dreams,  I 
make  5^ou  a  visit ;  and  while  I  am  enjoying  my- 
self in  the  East  chamber,  surrounded  by  my  sis- 
ters, and  reading  Shakespeare,  I  suddenly  open  my 
eyes,  and  behold  I  am  in  K.  ;  and  instead  of  hear- 
ing the  rattling  of  carts,  wagons,  carriages,  and 
stages,  the  lowing  of  cows  salute  my  ears. 

I  can  hardly  think  of  Gold  and  Eli  without  tears. 
Tell  them  to  be  good  boys,  and  I  will  endeavor  to 
procure  somethuig  pretty,  and  bring  it  to  them 
when  I  return. 

Killingworth,  Sept.  6,  1802. 
My  Dear  Sophia  : — You  will  receive  this  letter 
very  mal-apropos,  for  I  suppose  it  will  find  you  in 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  H 

all  the  bustle  and  gayety  of  Commencement.  Write 
soon,  and  tell  me  who  of  our  old  acquaintance  were 
in  N.  H.  I  went  last  Friday  to  spend  the  after- 
noon with  my  good  old  friend  Hannah,  now  Mrs. 
G.  I  was  delighted  with  my  visit.  She  had  ex- 
erted herself  much  to  make  preparation  for  us  ;  and 
had  some  of  the  finest  oysters  I  ever  tasted.  The 
happiness  she  expressed  at  seeing  me  there,  gave  a 
double  relish  to  her  supper.  I  enjoyed  her  Jiomely 
fare  with  rare  satisfaction  ;  and  felt  happier  in  her 
little  hut  under  the  rock,  than  ever  I  did  in  the 
ball-room  in  my  life. 

I  have  just  heard  the  sudden  death  of  Mrs.  S. 
Little  did  she  expect  so  soon  to  mingle  with  her 
parent  earth,  and  resign  her  lovely  features  and 
complexion  to  the  worms  for  food.  But  yester- 
day, so  heautiful! — now  silent,  shrouded,  moulder- 
ing, and  sharing  the  same  common  resting-place 
with  those,  who  when  living,  appeared  like  another 
race  of  mortals,  and  were  perhaps  pitied,  for  the 
rude  neglect  of  nature.  I  have  been  very  gloomy 
since  Saturday,  occasioned  by  the  sudden  death  of 
a  man  in  this  village,  with  bilious  cholic  :  but  do 
not  mention  it  to  papa. 

The  father  of  Mary  was  subject  to  severe  at- 
tacks of  this  terrible  disease.  These  letters  were 
written  during  a  visit  to  the  family  of  her  maternal 


12  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY  LYON. 

uncle,  the  Rev.  Achilles  Mansfield,  father  to  the 
late  Mrs.  Susan  Huntington,  of  Boston.  Mary- 
was  summoned  home  the  latter  part  of  September, 
to  attend  the  funeral  of  her  little  nephew,  G. 

TO  A  SISTER  IN  NEW  YORK. 

New  Haven,  Feh.  24,  1805. 

My  Dear  Sophia  : — Your  letters  are  in  some 
measure  a  solace  for  your  absence,  which,  were  it 
not  that  I  think  your  health  and  happiness  will  be 
increased  thereby,  would  be  almost  insupportable. 
But  with  spring,  I  hope  we  shall  see  you,  and  I  will 
endeavor  to  wait  with  patience  till  that  happy  pe- 
riod arrives. 

Wednesday  evening,  Emilia  and  myself  attended 
the  assembly.     Among  other  great  characters  Mr. 

was  there.     He  has  just  returned  from  a  trip 

across  the  Atlantic, — has  visited  London  and  Pa- 
ris,— seen  Napoleon,  Josephine,  and  all  the  imperial 
family.  He  was  present  at  Moreau's  trial,  &c., 
and  has  now  returned  to  illuminate  our  Western 
hemisphere.  I  discover  no  alteration  in  him  but 
an  increase  of  importance. 

Inconsistent  as  some  of  these  things  appear  with 
a  serious  state  of  mind,  a  few  circumstances  which 
are  remembered,  induce  the  opinion  that  she  at 
times  experienced  much  anxiety  on  the  great  sub- 
ject of  personal  religion. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  13 

Early  in  the  year  1805,  the  Holy  Spirit  again 
awakened  her  conscience.  Her  convictions  of  sin 
were  deep  and  pungent ;  and  for  several  months 
her  way  was  through  deep  waters.  The  next  year 
the  Rev.  Moses  Stuart  was  settled  over  the  congre- 
gation to  which  her  parents  belonged.  Under  the 
clear  and  lucid  exhibitions  of  divine  truth,  which 
distinguished  the  preaching  of  this  gentleman,  her 
mind  became  calm  and  decided  ;  and  she  obtained 
such  evidence  of  her  adoption  into  the  family  of  the 
Savior,  that  she  united  with  his  church,  August  3d, 
1806. 

From  this  period  a  desire  to  render  herself  use- 
ful to  her  fellow  beings, — to  discharge  duty,  under 
all  circumstances,  and  to  maintain  war  with  all 
known  sin,  appeared  to  be  the  fixed  purpose  of  her 
heart.  She  realized  deeply  the  extreme  selfishness 
of  the  human  heart,  even  after  conversion,  and  the 
consequent  necessity  of  examining  her  motives, 
lest  some  latent  selfishness  had  influenced  her 
mind  in  actions  which  appeared  disinterested. 
The  subjoined  is  the  substance  of  conversations 
with  a  friend.  When  I  am  unable  to  discover  duty 
between  two  things,  one  of  which  I  must  choose,  I 
examine  my  heart,  and  if  I  even  discover  to  which 
I  am  most  inclined,  1  endeavor  to  choose  the  other, 
as  most  crossing  to  the  flesh  :  for  the  selfishness  of 
the  heart  is  such,  it  would  probably  induce  us  to 
2 


14  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON, 

consider  that  the  highest  duty,  which  was  least 
self-denying  to  perform. 

At  another  time,  in  company  with  some  members 
of  the  church  to  which  she  belonged,  one  observed, 
that  it  was  easy  enough  in  most  cases  to  know 
duty,  but  her  trial  was,  an  unwillingness  to  perform 
it  when  known.  After  a  moment's  pause,  Mary 
replied,  I  cannot  say  with  truth,  that  is  my  trial.  I 
am  willing  to  do  duty,  when  I  know  what  it  is,  but 
sometimes  my  way  appears  hedged  up  entirely. 
In  conversation  with  a  friend  afterwards,  she  re- 
marked, I  should  not  dare  act  contrary  to  known 
duty,  even  if  conscience  was  out  of  the  question  ; 
for  God  will  never  suffer  such  disobedience  to  pass 
with  impunity.  He  can  give  us  the  desire  of  our 
eyes,  and  make  it  a  source  of  the  deepest  sorrow, — > 
creature  good,  is  just  wiiat  he  makes  it,  and  no 
more. 

Speech,  she  once  observed,  is  considered  a  great 
blessing  :  but  when  I  observe  how  few  persons  ap- 
pear to  reflect  upon  what  they  are  saying,  or  their 
accountability  for  the  use  of  speech,  at  times  it  ap- 
pears to  me,  as  if  it  could  hardly  be  considered  a 
blessing.  In  this  respect  she  was  very  exemplaiy  ; 
and  the  fear  of  offending  with  her  tongue,  proba- 
bly occasioned  a  degree  of  taciturnity  in  her  later 
years,  which  was  not  observable  in  her  youth.  It 
can  hardly  be  remembered,  that  she  spoke  of  the 


MKMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  15 

sins  or  foibles  of  any  one  in  mixed  company,  unless 
circumstances  rendered  it  obviously  her  duty  ;  and 
rarely  indeed  even  to  confidential  friends. 

From  the  hospitality,  and  social  disposition  of  her 
father,  a  large  family  connection,  and  the  general 
gayety  prevailing  in  New  Haven,  she  was  neces- 
sitated to  see  much  company  ;  but  this  was  not  her 
choice,  and  her  visits  were  generally  confined  to 
the  family  circle.  Her  calls  were  on  relatives, 
christian  friends,  the  sick,  and  the  aged,  and  on  stran- 
gers from  different  parts  of  the  United  States,  who 
resorted  to  New  Haven  in  the  season  of  summer, 
and  from  whom  she,  or  some  member  of  her  fa- 
ther's family,  had  received  acts  of  kindness.  Such 
calls  she  considered  debts.  Watching  with  the 
sick,  particularly  in  seasons  of  prevailing  disease* 
she  supposed  her  special  duty  ;  in  discharge  of 
which  she  was  not  deterred  by  the  contagious  na- 
ture of  the  malady,  or  the  general  mortality  around 
her. 

She  partook  of  no  amusement  which  did  not 
serve  to  invigorate  her  system,  or  improve  her 
mind.  Her  favorite  recreation,  was  long  walks 
with  a  few  friends,  in  the  beautiful  and  picturesque 
suburbs  of  N.  H. ;  along  by  the  margin  of  its  riv- 
ers, or  climbing  its  mountain  sides,  and  surveying 
the  lovely  landscape  which  stretched  beneath  her  ; 
or  walking  by  herself,  or  a  few  friends  in  the  new 


16  MEMOIRS    OP    MARY    LYON. 

burying  ground,  then  a  favorite  resort  for  the  citi- 
zens of  New  Haven. 

EXTKACTS    FROM    HER   JOURNAL   AND    LETTERS. 

June  14,  1808.  Returned  from  Killingworth  to- 
day,— met  with  pleasant  company  in  the  stage,  and 
through  the  goodness  of  God,  found  my  dear  father 
and  all  the  beloved  family  in  good  health. 

Thursday,  16.  Spent  the  evening  at  aunt  L's,  with 
a  large  party, — did  not  enjoy  it.  Indeed  company 
seldom  affords  me  any  enjoyment.  If  happy,  my 
own  reflections  are  my  best  companions  ;  if  unhappy, 
I  dare  not  seek  relief  in  dissipation.  Blessed  be  God 
for  granting  me  the  privilege  of  seeking  his  favor  and 
support,  and  imploring  his  guide  and  protection. 

July  2.  After  a  violent  thunder-storm  the  even- 
ing  is  serene  and  beautiful.  The  moon,  the  stars, 
and  indeed  the  whole  face  of  heaven,  present  such  a 
picture  as  the  Psalmist  was  probably  contemplating, 
when  he  exclaimed  :  The  heavens  declare  the  glory 
of  God,  and  the  firmament  slioweth  his  handy  work. 

July  9.  My  constant  relapses  into  sin  give  me 
just  reason  to  fear  I  have  never  entered  the  strait 
gate  ;  but  thou,  Lord,  knowest.  O  !  grant  me  the 
restraining  influences  of  thy  grace. 

July  15.  This  evening  I  have  attended  a  con- 
ference at  Mr.  D's.  I  left  home  with  a  beating 
heart  and  agitated  mind,  but  returned  tranquil  and 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON,  17 

composed, — surely  God  is  all  goodness.  N.  H.  is 
in  a  state  of  alarm,  two  men  having  died  with  yel- 
low fever  within  a  few  days.  May  God  preserve 
us  from  the  pestilence  that  walketh  in  darkness,  and 
the  destruction  that  wasteth  at  noon-day. 

Aug.  1 .  This  morning  I  visited  my  grandmother 
M ,  and  after  that  rambled  in  the  new  bury- 
ing ground  until  noon.  There  I  saw  the  memorials 
of  many  I  formerly  knew,  and  walked  over  the  dust 
of  those  with  whom  I  once  conversed,  and  beheld, 
like  myself,  pursuing  the  bubble  of  earthly  enjoy- 
ment,— little  foreseeing  it  would  burst  as  we  grasped 
it, — still  less  considering  the  importance  of  securing 
the  joys  of  religion.  Together  we  devoted  our 
time  to  the  trifles  of  the  passing  hour,  and  eagerly 
caught  at  the  vain  pleasures  of  youth, — deceived,  and 
deceiving  one  another.  Like  leaves  in  autumn, 
they  have  fallen  from  my  side  one  by  one,  and  I  am 
left  to  remember,  "once  they  were,  and  were 
most  dear."  God  grant  that  when  my  change  comes, 
I  may  be  enabled  by  his  grace,  to  meet  it  with  the 
resignation  and  faith  of  a  christian. 

The  individual  mentioned  here,  was  the  late  Mrs. 
Deborah  Mansfield  of  N.  H.  In  her  character  were 
united  great  energy  and  decision,  with  ardent  and 
active  piety.  With  her  Mary  passed  many  profit- 
able and  pleasant  hours  ;  receiving  from  her  such 
2* 


MEMOIRS    OP    MARY    LYON, 


religious  consolation  and  instruction,  as  her  great 
experience  in  divine  things  enabled  her  to  impart.* 

Aug.  5.  This  evening  I  quitted  company,  and 
retired  to  weep  and  pray,  for  the  consolations  of  the 
Comforter ;  and  this  sweet  exercise  has  not  been 
altogether  in  vain.  O  !  I  know  the  cause  of  this 
distress, — ^had  I  no  sin  I  should  feel  no  unhappiness. 

Aug.  12.  To-day  has  been  a  day  of  trial.  Mr. 
Stuart  has  been  conversing  with  my  sisters,  on  the 
subject  of  their  making  a  public  profession  of  re- 
ligion. My  heart  knew,  how  to  sympathize  with 
them,  remembering  my  own  sensations  on  passing 
through  that  solemn  but  happy  transaction. 

Aug.  20.  To-day  has  been  a  busy,  and  fatiguing 
day ;  but  considering  the  fallen  state  of  man,  con- 
stant employment  is  no  misfortune.  It  has  doubt- 
less prevented  much  sin,  and  is  only  an  evil,  when 
it  excites  so  much  care,  as  to  retard  our  spiritual 
progress. 

Sept.  23.  My  grandmother  Lyon  has  received 
a  paralytic  shock,  and  her  life  is  in  imminent  danger. 

*  This  venerable  matron  once  observed,  to  a  large  cir- 
cle of  her  descendants,  as  follows,  "  I  cannot  adopt  the 
language  which  Jacob  used,  when  he  was  brought  be- 
fore Pharaoh  ;  '  Few,  and  evil  have  the  days  of  the 
years  of  my  life  been,  «&c.'  for  I  have  reached  a  great 
age,  greater  than  that  of  my  fathers,  and  have  received 
a  multitude  of  good  things,  from  the  hand  of  my  heav- 
enly Benefactor." 


MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON.  19 

I  visited  her  this  morning,  and  shall  watch  with  her 
to-night. 

Nov.  4.  This  evening  my  mind  has  been  distur- 
bed, and  agitated  with  those  dreadful  feelings,  which 
once  tortured  me  almost  without  intermission,  for  a 
long  period.  My  God  only  knows  what  is  best  for 
me.  I  desire  to  submit  with  patience  to  his  bless- 
ed will,  and  to  feel,  that  these  mental  sufferings  are 
the  effects  of  indwelling  sin. 

Nov.  7.  This  evening,  I  am  afraid,  my  spirits 
were  too  high  to  be  innocent.  I  wish  to  be  serious, 
as  ^vell  as  cheerful. 

Nov.  10.  This  morning  was  a  morning  of  trial, 
how  I  went  through  it  I  am  unable  to  determine ; 
but  hope  I  passed  through  it  without  sinning  :  if 
not,  I  pray  God  to  forgive  me,  and  grant  me  a  great- 
er measure  of  wisdom  to  discern  duty  another  time, 
and  grace  to  perform  it. 

Nov.  20.  "  The  heart  is  deceitful  above  all 
things,  and  desperately  wicked."  Strange,  that  any 
one  can  expect  a  holy  God  to  save  such  sinful  pol- 
luted creatures,  as  mankind  evidently  are,  without 
the  intercessions  of  a  Savior,  and  the  sanctifying 
influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 

Dec.  2.  This  evening  my  father  read  a  descrip- 
tion of  the  opulence  and  splendor  of  ancient  Athens. 
But  alas  !  it  wanted  that  "  one  thing  needful,"  and 
without  this,  all   its  advantages  are  of  small  impor- 


'^ 


20  MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON. 

tance,  in  the  eye  of  a  christian.  Its  glories  are  now 
buried  in  the  dust,  its  lofty  temples  destroyed,  and 
the  miserable  beings  who  once  worshipped  within 
its  walls,  are  now  inhabitants  of  tl\e  eternal  world. 

Dec.  10.  O  !  that  I  lived  more  to  the  glory  of 
my  Redeemer.  His  cross  has  purchased  all  our 
mercies,  both  for  time  and  eternity, — his  sufferings 
have  laid  a  foundation  for  our  happiness, — his  hu- 
miliation has  prepared  a  way  to  our  glorification  in 
heaven  :  and  the  only  conditions  he  requires  of  us 
are,  to  repent  of,  and  forsake  sin,  to  believe  the 
gospel,  and  acknowledge  him  our  Savior. 

Dec.  21 .  I  have  spent  this  afternoon  at  Mr.  B's, 
with  my  mother,  sisters,  and  a  number  of  family 
connections.  Our  hearts  were  pained  reflecting  on 
former  times,  when  my  dear  aunt  was  alive  to  wel- 
come us.  But  I  trust  she  has  better  companions, 
and  better  employments  than  she  had  while  with  us  ; 
and  that  she  is  now  singing  the  praises  of  redeeming 
love,  in  the  mansions  of  the  blessed. 

Dec.  22.  I  wish  I  could  always  feel  as  I  ought ; 
then  the  trifling  chagrin,  and  disappointments  of 
this  life,  would  pass  unnoticed.  O  !  how  I  long  to 
feel  that  indifference  for  the  concerns  of  this  world, 
which  results  from  having  our  treasure,  and  our 
hearts  in  heaven. 

Dec.  26.  A  dreadful  suicide  has  marked  this 
day  with  gloom  and  horror.     Strange  that  the  aw- 


MEMOIRS    OF    MAR  Y    LYO  N.  21 

fill  act  of  self-murder  should  be  added  to  the  crimes 
and  calamities  of  human  nature.  Our  happiness, 
as  well  as  our  duty,  require  of  us  entire  submission 
to  the  divine  will :  for  how  can  a  dependent  being 
enjoy  peace,  without  feehng  a  willingness  that  the 
blessed  Jehovah  should  overrule  all  his  concerns. 

Jan.  1,  1809.  The  text  to-day  was,  "  Prepare 
to  meet  thy  God."  How  many  of  us  may  need 
this  preparation,  before  the  year  expires.  Grant, 
blessed  Savior,  that  I  may  possess  this  preparation, 
and  through  thy  atonement  be  received  into  eternal 
rest. 

Jan.  5.  This  evening  I  have  been  very  melan- 
choly,— O  !  that  I  could  be  assured  of  the  favor  of 
God,  then  these  misgivings  would  cease,  and  my 
trembling  soul  would  be  at  rest.  Time  rolls  ra])idiy 
along,  and  I  make  little  or  no  progress  in  the  chris- 
tian race, — surely  no  person  ever  had  so  many  bad 
passions  with  which  to  contend,  or  found  so  httle 
encouragement  in  struggling  with  inward  sin. 

Jan.  30.  Yesterday  S.  and  E.  were  admitted 
into  the  visible  church  of  Christ.  May  God  give 
us  all  grace,  to  fulfil  our  covenant  obligations, 
Mercy  surrounds  me.  If  I  lived  answerably  to  ben- 
efits received,  my  whole  life  would  be  filled  up'with 
acts  of  obedience,  and  songs  of  praise  and  thanks- 
giving. 

Feb.  4.     To-day  winter  rages  in  all  its  fury. 


22  MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 

Seldom  in  this  latitude,  do  we  experience  such  in- 
tense cold  ;  but  blessed  be  God  we  are  provided 
with  all  necessary  comforts,  and  possess  the  means 
of  assisting  others.  I  have  been  strongly  reminded 
of  Thompson's  description  of  a  winter  night,  and 
the  man  perishing  in  the  snow.  How  many  of  the 
unhappy  poor  are  now  neglected  and  forgotten,  by 
the  sons  and  daughters  of  wealth,  who  are  pursu- 
ing their  selfish  pleasures,  unmindful  of  the  mise- 
ries of  their  fellow  beings,  and  wholly  regardless  of 
Him  who  has  caused  them  to  differ. 

Feb.  15.  A  sense  of  past  sin  destroys  my  peace  ! 
O  !  that  my  soul  was  washed  in  the  blood  of  the 
Lamb,  that  "  cleanseth  from  all  sin  :"  and  clothed 
in  the  white  robe  of  the  Redeemer's  righteousness. 

This  afternoon  I  have  attended  the  annual  meet- 
ing of  the  female  charitable  society.  Though  my 
spirits  were  depressed,  I  felt  happy  in  hearing  how 
many  daughters  of  poverty  had  been  relieved  by 
their  exertions  ;  and  to  see  the  charity  children  en- 
ter the  room,  comfortably  clothed,  and  apparently 
grateful  to  their  benefactresses. 
"  Feb.  25.  Winter  still  continues  with  severity  : 
but  those  who  possess  the  com^rts  of  life  should 
forbftar  complaint :  and  rejoice  i\  the  goodness  of 
God  ;  and  be  ready  to  communicate  to  their  indi- 
gent neighbors.  The  night  is  dark  and  gloomy. 
But  how  much  more  gloomy  must  it  appear  to  those, 


-  M  E  M  0  I  R  S    OP   M  A  R  Y   L  Y  O  N  ,  23 

under  mental  darkness,  and  whose  spirits  are  wound- 
ed. Grant  all  such,  blessed  God,  the  consolations 
of  thy  Holy  Spirit. 

March  16.  How  fast  the  seasons  roll  away,  and 
with  them  the  lamp  of  life  is  fast  wasting.  Shortly 
it  will  burn  more  and  more  dimly,  and  finally  be 
extinguished  by  the  hand  of  death.  How  difficult 
I  find  it  to  remember,  amidst  the  bustle  of  life,  that 
I  must  indeed  die. 

TO    MISS    SUS^N    MANSFIELD,    KILLINGWORTH. 

New  Haven,  March  17,  1809. 
In  this  state  of  being  where  there  is  much  to  suf- 
fer, more  to  perform,  and  something  to  enjoy,  I 
know  of  nothing  that  has  so  great  a  tendency,  (I 
mean  of  a  temporal  nature,)  to  soothe  our  sorrows, 
encourage  us  in  the  discharge  of  duty,  and  enhance 
our  enjoyments,  as  the  sw^eets  of  friendship.  From 
habit  and  principle,  I  have  been  for  some  time  past, 
a  stranger  to  dissipation,  and  averse  to  public  amuse- 
ments :  but  I  esteem  conversation,  society,  and  the 
enjoyments  arising  from  friendship,  among  our 
greatest  temporal  blessings.  When  friendship  is 
based  upon  christian  principles,  and  cemented  by  a 
similarity  of  sentiments  and  feelings,  it  will  continue, 
not  only  while  this  brief  hfe  is  spending,  but  un- 
doubtedly through  the  ages  of  eternity.  And  there, 
whatever  is  wanting,  or  imperfect  here,  will  be  done 


24  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

away ;  and  the  remains  of  sin  and  error,  which 
annoy  eveiy  connection  on  earth,  will  be  no  more. 
Such  I  trust  dear  S.  will  be  ours.  Circumstances 
may  separate  us ;  but  let  us  never  forget  we  are 
both  traveling  the  same  road, — have  the  same  work 
to  perform, — and  are  bound  to  the  same  country. 
May  the  Father  of  spirits  preserve  us,  and  those 
we  love,  from  sin  and  danger ;  and  reunite  us  in 
that  world,  where  the  children  of  God  will  be  made 
pillars  in  his  holy  temple,  and  go  no  more  out  forever. 
New  Haven  remains  much  as  when  you  left  us. 
The  attention  to  religion  has  not  ceased,  but  I  fear 
declining.  How  unhappy  it  is  my  dear  S.  that 
where  an  uncommon  regard  is  paid  to  the  "  one 
thing  needful,"  there  should  also  be  an  uncommon 
zeal  exerted  in  defending  or  opposing  things,  ac- 
knowledged not  essential  to  salvation,  or  not  clearly 
revealed  ;  of  course  no  human  powers  can  estab- 
lish, or  overthrow  them.  Humility  teaches  her 
children  to  leave  deep  things  with  God  ;  and  Chris- 
tianity bids  her  followers  embrace  all  as  brethren, 
who  bear  (not  the  name  only)  but  in  reality,  the 
image  of  Christ  ;  whether  they  are  of  Paul,  or 
Apollos,  or  Cephas.  The  disciples  of  Jesus  should 
"  put  on  charily,  which  is  the  bond  of  perfectness,'* 
and  exercise  that  spirit  of  love,  meekness,  gentle- 
ness, and  long-suffenng,  which  dwell  without  mea- 
sure in  the  bosom  of  our  blessed  Kedeemer.     Then 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  25 

distrust  and  jealousy  would  give  place  to  confidence 
and  love  ;  and  all  would  strive  "  to  keep  the  unity 
of  the  spirit  in  the  bond  of  peace." 

Perhaps,  perfect  uniformity  of  opinion,  ought  not 
to  be  expected,  in  the  present  state  of  the  church. 
Some  degree  of  ignorance,  of  error,  and  even  of 
prejudice  remains  in  the  hearts  of  the  most  enlight- 
ened and  sanctified  christians  now  on  earth  :  but 
when  the  glorious  period  of  the  millenium  arrives, 
then  darkness  will  flee  away  before  the  Sun  of  right- 
eousness, and  all  shall  know  the  truth  as  it  is  in 
Jesus. 

TO    THE    SAME. 

March  2lst. 

It  is  difficult  to  keep  the  narrrow  path,  between 
uncharitable  bigotry,  on  the  one  hand,  and  what  the 
world  calls  liberality,  on  the  other.  It  is  difficult 
to  manifest  our  abhorrence, for  the  sins  of  our  fellow 
beings,  in  such  a  way  as  to  convince  them,  it  is 
their  sins  we  abhor,  while  we  love  their  persons. 

Nothing  short  of  divine  illumination,  can  make 
this,  or  any  other  duty  clear  and  plain.  To  com- 
pare spiritual  things  with  natural :  the  path  of  duty 
sometimes  appears  like  a  distinct  road,  over  an  open 
common,  with  the  rays  of  the  meridian  sun  shining 
full  upon  it.  Suddenly,  the  pathway  becomes  per- 
plexed,  runs  through  a  dark  wilderness,  with  scarcely 
one  cheering  beam  to  guide  my  footsteps. 
3 


26  M  E  M  0  I  R  S   0  F   M  A  R  y   L  Y  0  N . 

Our  grandmother  retains  her  mental  and  bodily 
powers,  to  a  surprising  degree  ;  and  is  still,  not- 
withstanding her  great  age,  a  real  blessing  to  her 
posterity. 

March  25.  How  kind  and  gracious  is  the  Lord 
to  me,  and  mine ;  what  constant  demands  on  my 
gratitude  and  love, — what  constant  obligations  to 
obey  the  God  of  my  salvation.  He  is  the  source 
of  all  my  enjoyments, — the  fountain  of  all  my  com- 
fort, — the  being  in  whose  favor  all  earthly  happiness 
consists, — without  his  presence  even  heaven  itself 
would  yield  no  joy. 

March  31.  To-day  is  the  Einnusl  fast.  Our  na- 
tional sins  are  indeed  great,  and  demand  a  national 
repentance, — but  every  christian  will  feel  most  con- 
cerned to  repent  of,  and  reform  what  he  finds  sin- 
ful in  his  own  heart.  Would  that  I  felt  more  the 
spirit  of  my  Redeemer.  I  long  to  be  more  gentle, 
more  forgiving,  and  more  patient. 

April  27.  To-day  my  feelings  have  received  a 
shock  in  hearing  the  death  of  poor  E.  How  mys- 
terious are  the  ways  of  providence  !  how  strange 
that  one  of  exemplary  virtue  and  unaffected  piety, 
should  be  so  far  given  up  to  despair  as  to  destroy 
his  own  life.  Surely  nothing  but  sovereign  mercy 
causes  me  to  differ.  I  am  still  in  the  flesh,  and 
may  be  exposed  to  the  same  temptation.  "  Save 
Lord  or  I  perish." 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  27 

April  29.  Wherever  I  go  the  unhappy  death  of 
E.  is  still  present  to  my  mind.  This  melancholy 
event  has  disturbed  my  feelings  to  a  great  degree, 
and  ahnost  shook  my  faith  in  the  superintending 
providence  of  God.  But  perplexing  as  this  dread- 
ful  event  is,  it  is  the  province  of  mortals  to  be  hum- 
ble. 

May  1.  We  are  all  in  affliction  in  consequence 
of  the  alarming  state  of  my  mother's  health.  I 
strive  to  compose  my  mind  by  thinking  we  are  in 
the  hands  of  a  merciful  God,  who  will  do  what  is 
right. 

May  2.  Sorrow  weighs  down  my  heart,  and  in- 
duces me  to  murmur.  O  !  keep  me  from  sin,  thou 
great  disposer  of  all  things. 

May  6.  My  mind  is  more  composed, — hope  I 
shall  not  be  called  to  pass  through  the  same  trials 
again  ;  but  if  I  am,  I  pray  that  I  may  be  kept  from 
sinning,  and  that  will  be  sufficient.  My  dear  mother 
is  restored  to  customary  health. 

May  24.  To-day  New  Haven  has  experienced 
a  slight  shock  of  an  earthquake,  which  occasioned 
some  alarm.  But  blessed  be  God,  the  elements 
are  at  his  disposal,  and  obey  his  voice. 

May  27.  I  find  grace  so  weak  (if  I  have  any.) 
and  corruption  so  strong,  that  when  I  "  would  do 
good  evil  is  present  with  me."  Last  night  and  to- 
day I  liave  experienced  a  struggle  in  bringing  my 


28  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

proud  heart  to  forgive  an  injury  I  received  last  eve- 
ning. But  I  hope  by  exertion  and  prayer,  through 
divine  grace,  I  have  gotten  the  victory,  and  that  no 
resentment  remains  in  my  bosom,  to  disturb  my 
peace.  If  I  were  truly  humble  I  should  not  be  so 
easily  wounded,  and  be  more  willing  to  forgive. 
O  !  how  much  there  is  still  in  my  temper  to  reform 
and  subdue, — so  much,  that  I  sometimes  think  the 
work  is  scarcely  begun. 

June  8.  Spent  an  agreeable  afternoon  at  aunt 
L's,  with  a  number  of  friends  I  value  highly, — I 
wish  I  deserved  their  esteem  more.  O  !  how  kind 
is  the  blessed  God  to  me  ;  and  surely  if  I  love  any 
thing,  if  I  know  what  love  is,  I  do  sometimes  love 
my  Maker.  The  example  of  the  world  is  indeed  a 
dangerous  guide ;  and  those  who  conform  to  its 
opinions,  its  maxims,  and  its  customs  are  indeed 
following  a  blind  leader,  that  will  conduct  them  to 
the  pit. 

June  26.  This  evening  I  heard  some  letters 
read,  written  by  the  unfortunate  E.,  a  few  days 
beibre  he  committed  the  dreadful  deed.  They 
were  very  little,  if  at  all,  marked  with  gloom,  and 
this  circumstance  induces  me  to  think  his  mental 
disease  was  sudden  and  his  death  not  premeditated. 

July  4.  To-morrow  I  expect  to  leave  home  for 
several  weeks,  I  pray  that  God  would  protect  me 
from  sickness  and  danger,   but  especially  from  sin. 


MEMOIRS   OF    MARY   LYON.  29 

TO    A    SISTER    IN    NEW    HAVEN. 

KilUngworih,  July  10,  1809. 

My  Dear  Sophia  : — I  have  been  here  five  days  ; 
were  I  to  judge  by  my  feehngs,  I  should  imagine  it 
five  weeks.  Not  that  my  time  passes  unpleasant- 
ly ;  but  we  are  so  seldom  separated  even  for  a  day, 
I  might  almost  say  an  hour,  that  I  am  inclined  to 
think  the  constant  society  of  my  sisters,  necessary 
to  my  happiness.  Perhaps  it  is  best  for  friends, 
sometimes  to  be  absent  from  each  other.  The 
present  state  of  mankind  is  such,  that  we  are  con- 
tinually exposed  to  changes  ;  and  few  families  re- 
main  in  the  same  situation,  for  any  considerable 
length  of  time.  If  we  suffer  ourselves  to  be  de- 
jected at  trifling  alterations,  what  shall  we  do  when 
great  trials  come  ?  I  have  frequently  thought  we 
were  in  this  respect,  rather  unhappy.  Our  days 
glide  on  in  such  an  even  tenor,  that  any  little  vari- 
ation in  external  circumstances,  depress  our  spirits. 

We  received  a  letter  from  Susan,  (now  Mrs. 
Huntington,)  on  Saturday.  She  wrote  us,  she  had 
passed  through  a  variety  of  scenes,  sufficient  to 
make  a  wiser  head  than  hers  dizzy.  I  can  readily 
believe  her.  Such  a  contrast  to  the  retired  life,  to 
which  she  has  been  accustomed  in  K.,  must,  for  a 
while  at  least,  have  a  tendency  to  unsettle  her  mind. 
But  habit  can  do  any  thing,  and  after  a  short  trial, 
3* 


30  MEMOIRS    OP    MARY   LYON. 

the  court  of  St.  James,  and  the  wilds  of  America 
are  about  the  same.  Neither  happiness,  or  misery, 
is  excluded  from  any  place.  There  is  an  avenue 
to  every  situation  on  earth,  through  which  both  can 
enter.  The  part  of  wisdom  is  to  search  out,  and 
enjoy  with  gratitude  the  blessings  of  our  lot,  and 
bear  v/ith  patience  and  humility,  its  unavoidable  evils. 

July  2\st. 
The  above  has  been  v>a'itten  sometime  as  you 
will  perceive  by  the  date,  but  as  I  have  nothing 
better  I  shall  send  this.  My  brain  is  not  very  pro- 
lific to-night,  of  course  I  should  not  be  veiy  en- 
tertaining ;  and  Killingworth  furnishes  little  mat- 
ter for  amusement.  You  must  take  this,  with  the 
liberty  that  is  given  to  editors  of  newspapers,  by 
their  correspondents,  to  accept  or  reject  as  they 
think  proper ;  and  with  this  license  you  cannot 
complain.  Killingworth,  as  it  respects  corporeal 
health,  is  a  second  Montpelier,  but  in  point  of  men- 
tal disease,  is  more  like  Bedlam.  A  man  and  his 
wife  were  both  seized  with  distraction  a  few  days 
before  my  arrival,  and  since,  a  third  person  has 
been  reduced  to  the  same  situation  ;  but  all  are 
now  better,  and  will  probably  recover.  This  vil- 
lage is  certainly  peculiar  in  this  respect,  and  I  do 
not  know  but  I  am  among  the  crazy  ones  myself, 
to  sit  writing  away  here,  when  it  is  almost  eleven 
o'clock. 


M  E  M  O  I  R  S    O  F   M  A  R  Y   L  Y  O  N .  31 

Aug.  31.  After  an  absence  of  eight  weeks,  God 
has  kindly  restored  me  to  my  paternal  roof,  and 
the  bosom  of  my  family.  I  have  experienced  his 
love  and  mercy  a  thousand  ways.  I  have  been 
sorrowful,  and  He  has  comforted  me, — I  have  been 
sick,  and  He  has  healed  me, — I  have  sinned,  and 
He  has  been  patient,  and  forborne  to  cut  me  off. 
What  returns  can  I  make  for  all  this  undeserved 
bounty.  Alas !  when  my  heart  ought  to  break 
with  penitence  for  sin,  and  gratitude  for  mercies, 
my  affections  are  cold,  and  the  trifles  of  this  world 
drav/  my  thoughts  from  the  blessed  Giver  of  all 
good,  in  whom  alone  dwell  happiness  and  safety. 

Sept.  4.  Heard  a  sermon  this  evening  on  justi- 
fication by  faith.  Surely,  if  any  subject  is  worthy 
the  attention  of  the  sinner,  it  is  this,  salvation  by  grace 
through  faith  in  Jesus  Christ.  I  find  since  my  return 
home  many  things  to  engage  my  attention.  The  du- 
ties of  my  station  call  for  much  of  my  time.  Company 
also  demands  a  portion  of  every  day  and  evening. 
I  do  not  live  as  I  wish.  It  is  most  difficult  to  keep 
a  sense  of  religion  on  the  mind,  when  oppressed 
with  earthly  cares,  and  surrounded  with  company. 

Sept.  15.  The  hurry  and  bustle  of  Commence- 
ment is  nearly  over,  and  N.  H.  begins  to  wear  its 
usual  appearance.  My  dear  cousin  Susan  spent 
the  week  with  us,  and  left  us  to-day  for  K.  ;  and 
next  month  removes  to  Boston,  to  spend  the  re- 


32  M  E  M  0  I  R  S    O  r    Ivl  A  R  y    L  Y  0  N  . 

mainder  of  her  days.  The  pain  of  parting  was  in 
some  degree  alleviated,  by  the  persuasion  that  she 
enjoys  the  protection  of  God,  and  that  I  also  (as  I 
hope)  am  an  object  of  his  care.  If  we  meet  in 
heaven,  it  matters  not  in  what  place  we  spend  the 
time  of  our  probation. 

Saturday,  Sept.  16.  The  peaceful  hours  of  the 
sabbath  are  drawing  nigh.  How  ought  the  heart 
of  the  christian  to  rejoice  on  the  approach  of  this 
day ;  and  remember,  with  never  dying  gratitude, 
the  resurrection  of  the  blessed  Redeemer,  and  as 
the  sure  consequence  of  that,  his  own  emancipation 
from  the  grave. 

Miss  Lyon,  when  at  home,  was  in  the  habit  of 
spending  the  sabbath  in  her  room,  except  during 
her  necessary  attendance  at  meals,  or  when  the 
weather  was  uncommonly  severe.  Unnecessary 
worldly  conversation  on  that  day,  was  painful  to 
her  tender  and  enlightened  conscience.  She  grieved 
at  the  departure  from  the  habits  of  the  Pilgrim  Fa- 
thers, respecting  the  sanctification  of  the  sabbath, 
which  she  witnessed  in  her  native  state.  Kind  and 
obliging  to  relatives  and  friends  at  other  times,  yet 
she  would  not  leave  her  room  to  see  them  on  the 
sabbath,  unless  their  errand  was  of  such  a  nature  it 
could  not  with  propriety  be  postponed  till  the  sabbath 
was  closed.     She  considered  a  seventh  part  of  the 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  33 

time,  as  claimed  by  the  Lord  of  the  sabbath,  for  his 
more  immediate  worship  :  and  as  respected  his  in- 
telligent creatures,  she  regarded  it  not  merely  as  a 
duty  thus  to  employ  it,  but  a  high  privilege. 

Perhaps  it  might  be  said,  under  the  guidance  of 
the  Holy  Spirit,  that  her  eminent  attainments  in 
religion,  might  be  principally  ascribed  to  her  strict 
observance  of  the  sabbath,  as  a  season  for  medita- 
tion, self-examination,  and  prayer. 

Sept.  17.  My  mind  has  been  distressed  to-night, 
respecting  the  uncertainty  of  my  state  before  God, 
and  during  the  sermon,  my  feehngs  were  almost  in- 
supportable. I  fear,  I  have  been  impatient.  If  I 
lived  nearer  to  God,  I  should  not  feel  these  dreadful 
misgivings. 

Sept.  20.  This  evening  I  have  been  to  aunt 
Cook's  with  a  family  party,  to  hear  some  tunes  on 
the  organ.  But  I  felt  no  disposition  to  join  in  the 
amusement,  and  returned  home  very  early. 

Oct.  7.  Tliis  is  my  birth-day,  and  my  God  only 
knows  if  I  shall  Hve  to  see  another.  My  times  are 
in  his  hands,  my  life  is  continued  by  his  appoint- 
ments, and  I  can  safely  trust  all  things  to  his  dispo- 
sal. The  blessed  Savior  has  opened  a  door  of  hope 
to  sinners,  through  which  they  may  enter  into  glory. 
With  such  glorious  encouragements,  how  strange 
that  any  should  despair  ;  and  with  such  motives  to 


34  M  E  M  O  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  O  N  . 

seek  a  refuge  in  the  rock  of  ages,  how  strange  that 
any  should  remain  careless  and  indifferent.  And 
yet  my  own  heart  is  stupid,  and  my  affections  cold. 

Oct.  25.  I  have  retired  to  my  chamber  for  the 
night,  but  with  my  mind  so  discomposed,  I  hardly 
expect  to  sleep.  O  !  how  distressed  I  have  been 
to-day.  I  have  wept  and  prayed, — prayed  and 
wept,  and  have  almost  thought  that  my  reason  would 
entirely  leave  me.  Blessed  God,  grant  me  submis- 
sion to  thy  will  in  all  things,  and  proportion  my 
strength  to  my  trials. 

Oct.  28.  My  spirits  have  become  more  tran- 
quil, and  the  gloom  and  agitations  of  my  mind,  have 
in  a  great  degree  subsided,  and  peace  is  once  more 
returning  to  my  bosom.  Happy  should  I  be,  if  in 
seasons  of  trouble,  I  could  feel  perfect  confidence 
in  God,  and  commit  myself,  and  all  my  concerns 
into  his  hands,  with  a  perfect  willingness  to  be  dis- 
posed of  according  to  his  plan,  and  a  practical  as- 
surance, that  all  he  does  is  best.  This  would  be  a 
blessed  state  of  mind  ;  but  I  believe  few  ever  attained 
it  in  perfection.  There  arc  many  trials  of  such 
a  nature,  that  we  can  hardly  know  the  path  of 
duty  ;  and  when  we  find  ourselves  in  this  state  of 
darkness,  we  are  prone  to  think  the  Lord  has  hid 
his  light  from  us,  and  this  for  the  time  destroys  our 
rehance  on  divine  instruction. 

Oct.  30.  Autumn  begins  to  wear  a  gloomy  as- 


MEMOIRS   OF   MAR  Y   LYON.  35 

pect,  and  the  face  of  nature  appears  decayed  and 
withered.  Like  old  age  the  features  still  remain, 
but  bloonm  and  beauty  are  entirely  gone.  My  faith 
and  patience  have  many  trials  :  but  I  am  also 
made  partaker  of  innumerable  mercies.  The  long- 
suffering  of  God  still  continues  my  life,  and  preserves 
my  health.  My  hours  of  sorrow  are  fewer  than  I 
deserve ;  and  I  have  no  cause  of  complaint,  but 
that  I  am  so  unmindful  of  God's  goodness,  and  so 
impatient  under  the  pressure  of  afflictions. 

Nov.  5.  What  a  state  of  doubt  I  live  in,  re- 
specting my  real  character  before  God, — tossed 
about,  not  knowing  where  to  fix,  or  what  conclu- 
sion to  form  of  myself.  Christ  is  wisdom,  right- 
eousness, sanctification,  and  redemption  to  believers. 
Wisdom  in  enlightening  their  minds, — righteousness 
in  justifying  them  before  God, — sanctification  in 
purifying  their  lives,  and  redemption  in  receiving 
them  to  glory. 

Nov.  22.  How  really  lovely  is  the  character  of 
a  christian.  What  is  the  praise  of  man, — the  es- 
teem, friendship,  and  good  opinion  of  all  our  fellow 
sinners,  compared  to  the  joy  of  thinking,  for  one  mo- 
menu  that  we  possess  the  favor  of  God  1  O  !  did 
I  possess  this  blessed  assurance,  I  think  I  could 
cheerfully  resign  the  enjoyments  of  the  world,  re- 
sist its  allurements,  hate  its  corruptions,  and  defy  its 
sorrows. 


3@  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

Dec.  3.  To-day  is  communion.  How  strange, 
that  so  sinful  as  I  know  myself  to  be,  on  an  occa- 
sion like  this,  so  calculated  to  move  the  affections, 
I  should  find  myself  so  insensible.  If  my  heart 
was  really  stone,  it  could  not,  I  think,  be  more  cold 
and  stupid.  If  I  feel  for  a  moment  as  I  wish, 
it  is  like  the  gleaming  of  a  meteor  instantly  gone, 
and  leaves  me  where  it  found  me.  While  sitting 
at  the  table  of  the  compassionate  Jesus,  I  find  un- 
belief, vanity,  and  carelessness  my  bosom  compan- 
ions. Even  impious  thoughts  dare  force  themselves 
into  my  mind,  even  when  my  lips  taste  the  sacred 
symbols.  O  !  it  is  indeed  only  the  mighty  power 
of  God,  that  can  deliver  me  from  this  body  of  sin, 
and  death. 

Dec.  14.  Spent  this  evening  at  aunt  L's,  with 
a  large  party  of  friends.  For  a  while  I  enjoyed 
their  conversation,  yet  experience  convinces  me 
that  much  company  is  injurious.  I  generally  re- 
turn languid,  and  sometimes  melancholy.  To-night 
I  feel  a  weight  on  my  spirits.  I  fear  that  I  have 
acted  improperly  ;  and  instead  of  adorning  the  doc- 
trine of  God  my  Savior,  I  have  dishonored  my 
christian  profession,  by  idle  words,  and  foolish  jest- 
ing. The  Lord  pardon  the  sins  of  this  day,  and 
of  my  whole  life,  for  Jesus  Christ's  sake  ;  to  whom 
be  glory  forever,  amen  ! 

Dec.  27.     The  God  of  the  seasons  has  seen  fit 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  37 

to  visit  US  to-day,  with  a  most  tremendous  storm  of 
snow,  hail,  wind,  and  rain.  Tliis  evening  it  is  dread- 
ful ;  may  the  Lord  preserve  all  those  who  are  expo- 
sed to  the  inclemency  of  the  night.  Those  whom 
Providence  has  supplied  with  the  comforts  of  this 
life,  are  especicdly  obligated  to  glorify  the  blessed 
and  merciful  Donor.  How  difficult  is  it  to  subdue 
siniiil  feelings,  and  sinful  thoughts.  I  find  constant 
exertion  necessaiy  to  struggle  with  impatience,  indo- 
lence, and  a  thousand  other  bosom  sins,  which  are 
ready  every  moment  to  break  forth  into  outward 
actions.  But  all  things  are  possible  with  God  ;  and 
his  grace  can  purify,  even  my  heart. 

Jan.  1,  1810.  How  rapidly  time  rolls  on, — 
how  short  the  last  year, — so  short  I  hardly  know 
what  has  become  of  it,  or  how  employed.  This  I 
know  ;  it  has  been  marked  with  innumerable  mer- 
cies from  God,  and  on  my  part  sins  without  number. 
It  is  by  free  grace,  and  free  grace  alone,  that  I  con- 
tinue until  now. 

Jan.  10.  Yesterday  the  connection  between 
Mr.  Stuart  and  his  people  was  dissolved,  and  we 
are  now  without  a  pastor.  My  heart  feels  this 
event  to  be  a  cross,  but  I  endeavor  to  submit 
with  composure  and  resignation.  This  event  has 
cast  a  gloom  over  the  church,  who  feel  like  sheep 
without  a  shepherd.  But  the  great  Shepherd  of  Is- 
rael will  be  our  protector,  if  we  confide  in  his  mercy. 


38  M  E  M  O  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  Y   L  Y  O  N . 

It  is  the  prerogative  of  the  blessed  God  to  be  omni- 
present, and  he  will  remain,  and  provide  for  this  and 
other  parts  of  his  Zion. 

Jan.  11.  To-day  I  have  spent  at  home  calmly, 
but  1  believe  not  profitably  ;  for  I  have  wasted  some 
time  in  idleness,  and  I  know  idleness  to  be  a  great 
sin.  How  blessed  are  those,  whose  hearts  are  re- 
newed by  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  sanctified  by  grace. 
No  event  appears  to  them  accidental ;  but  they  re- 
gard all  things  as  under  the  immediate  direction  of 
God.  Sickness,  they  consider  as  designed  for  their 
good,  and  death  as  the  entrance  into  a  state  of  safety. 
The  great  day  of  accounts,  they  anticipate,  as  the 
time  when  God's  justice  will  be  vindicated  and  ac- 
knowledged by  an  assembled  world. 

Feb.  13.  This  evening  attended  the  church 
meeting.  The  condition  of  the  Africans  was  brought 
forward  for  consideration.  They  are  sinfully  neg- 
lected,  in  a  country  professedly  christian,  and  are 
ignorant,  to  a  great  degree,  of  the  first  principles  of 
religion,  and  the  nature  of  the  gospel. 

This  evening  my  spirits  are  depressed,  not  re- 
specting any  thing  immediately  connected  with  my- 
self, but  the  miseries  of  humanity.  What  a  dread- 
ful evil  is  sin,  when  it  produces  such  sorrow  and 
remorse  as  I  have  felt  and  witnessed.  God  is  good, 
and  it  is  man  alone  that  refuses  to  be  happy,  by  con- 
tinuing in  sin,  and  rejecting  the  Savior. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  39 

Feb.  ]  8.  Why  do  I  so  often  go  mourning  all 
the  day  long,  and  pray  in  vain  for  an  aUding  hope  ? 
Were  I  comfortably  assured  of  ray  good  estate,  I 
think,  I  could  go  forward  with  every  duty,  and  de- 
fy all  opposition.  Now  I  am  afraid  to  rejoice,  lest 
it  should  be  presumption, — afraid  to  give  up  my 
hope,  lest  it  should  be  ingratitude, — afraid  to  rebuke 
sin,  lest  I  should  incur  the  condemnation  of  the 
hypocrite, — afraid  to  direct  and  guide  others,  lest  I 
should  prove  a  "  blind  leader  of  the  blind."  O  !  save 
me,  blessed  God,  and  assist  me  to  do  thy  will.  En- 
hghten  my  mind,  to  discern  the  true  path  of  duty, 
and  give  me  grace  to  pursue  it.  Help  me  to  do 
something  for  the  good  of  others,  and  let  me  do 
nothing  displeasing  to  thee. 

Feb.  26.  This  morning  I  had  a  slight  turn  of 
raising  blood,  which  would  have  a  natural  tendency 
to  agitate  the  mind,  yet  the  blessed  God  has  grant- 
ed me  a  calm  and  peaceful  day.  If  the  dealings  of 
the  Almighty  produce  a  right  effect  on  my  heart,  it 
is  of  little  consequence  whether  they  are  joyous  or 
grievous — all  is  right.  There  are  many  things  in 
the  christian  scheme  of  salvation,  that  cannot  be 
fully  comprehended  by  finite  minds  ;  but  were  it  oth- 
erwise, where  would  be  room  for  the  exercise  of 
faith  ?  If  all  were  clear,  where  would  be  the  chris- 
tian graces  of  trust  and  confidence  in  God  ? 

March  24.     I  wish  I  could  always  do  just  right, 


40  M  E  M  O  I  R  S    O  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  0  N  , 

and  escape  censure.  But  this  seems  impossible. 
I  find  I  am  often  blamed  for  doing  what  I  think  right, 
and  as  often  pass  without  censure  when  it  is  deserv- 
ed. This  consideration  ought  to  render  me  very- 
humble,  and  very  patient.  I  have  many  trials,  and 
many  temptations  ;  but  if  I  knew  I  acted  under 
them  all  like  a  christian,  should  rest  satisfied.  Far 
from  being  humble,  I  fear  I  am  impatient,  when 
called  to  take  up  the  cross  :  yet  how  I  pray  for  wis- 
dom to  discern  the  path  of  duty,  and  grace  to  pur- 
sue it. 


Miss  Lyon  considered  admonition  to  the  impen- 
itent, one  branch  of  christian  duty ;  and  that  she 
was  bound  by  her  church  covenant,  to  watch  over 
its  members,  and  warn  them  with  meekness  and 
fidelity,  when  they  were  indulging  in  practices  that 
might  have  a  tendency  to  wound  the  cause  of  Zion. 
Her  efforts  of  this  kind,  were  not  always  well  re- 
ceived :  and  others,  whose  rehgious  attainments 
were  inferior  to  hers,  could  not  comprehend  or  ap- 
preciate the  weighty  considerations  which  pressed 
upon  her  conscience,  and  therefore  supposed  her 
advice  officious,  and  that  she  was  overstepping  the 
path  of  duty.  She  probably  alluded  to  something 
of  this  kind  in  the  above  paragraph. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LY  ON,  41 

Sabbath  morn,  April  15.  Last  Wednesday  we 
heard  the  death  of  a  friend.  The  agitation  of  my 
mind  was  so  great,  that  my  health  for  two  days 
suffered  materially  ;  but  feel  more  composed  this 
morning,  and  hope  this  holy  day  will  prove  a  season 
of  good  things  to  my  soul.  What  a  happy  state  of 
mind,  is  a  firm  practical  belief  in  a  superintending 
providence,  and  through  faith,  to  resign  ourselves, 
and  all  our  concerns,  into  the  hands  of  the  blessed 
God,  to  be  disposed  of  as  he  thinks  best.  Could  I 
always  feel  thus,  I  should  not  experience  so  many 
dark  hours,  and  so  often  sink  into  gloom  and  de- 
spondency under  earthly  trials. 

April  21.  I  am  sensible,  I  have  not  passed  this 
day  without  sin.  I  have  been  impatient  and  angry  : 
and  I  find  also,  that  I  am  frequently  deceived  as  to 
the  motive  of  my  actions,  and  discover  on  reflection, 
that  they  are  at  least  doubtful.  Strange  that  I  should 
so  often  fall  into  sin,  when  I  think  I  strive  and  pray 
to  be  delivered,  not  from  its  punishment  merely,  but 
its  power.  The  christian  life  is  indeed  a  warfare, 
and  the  way  to  heaven  is  narrow,  and  my  path  is 
through  much  tribulation  ;  for  sin  and  sorrow  con- 
stantly pursue  me,  and  have  I  any  certainty  that  my 
peace  is  made  with  God  ? 

April  27.     I  have  passed  a  more  tranquil  day. 
I  believe  the  cause  of  this  peace  is,  that  those  around 
4* 


42  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

me  are  rather  happier  than  they  were.*  I  find  my- 
self more  strongly  operated  upon  by  sympathy  than 
I  wish,  for  I  hardly  know  what  my  own  feelings  are. 
I  pray  God,  in  his  own  good  time,  to  dispel  these 
clouds  that  hang  over  us. 

April  30.  Through  the  mercy  of  God,  1  have 
this  day  been  made  partaker  of  many  blessings ; 
and  peace  appears  to  be  once  more  returning  to  my 
bosom.  I  have  been  cheerful,  tranquil,  and  even 
happy.  One  thing  I  knov/,  I  am  not  humble,  as  I 
ought  to  be,  in  seasons  of  trouble,  and  feel  not  that 
gratitude  which  is  due  the  blessed  God  in  days  of 
sunshine  and  peace.  The  sin  that  so  easily  besets 
me  has  not  prevailed  as  much  as  usual  to-day.  But 
if  I  find  one  sin  in  the  least  subdued,  it  must  be  en- 
tirely ascribed  to  the  grace  of  God,  and  not  to  my 
own  vain  exertions. 

May  14.  This  evening  I  have  attended  the  nup- 
tials of  E.  L.  I  hope  the  dear  girl  will  be  happy 
in  this  connection,  and  all  her  friends  with  her.  I 
have  been  very  busy  to-day  ;  but  have  endeavored 
to  avoid  sin.  It  is  a  happy  state  of  mind,  when  we 
are  not  slothful  in  business,  to  be  also  fervent  in 
spirit,  and  serve  the  Lord  with  zeal  and  fidelity. 

May  20.     To-day  have  finished  reading  Baxter's 

♦  Two  members  of  the  family,  from  different  causes, 
were  in  much  affliction  at  this  Lime. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  43 

Saint's  Rest.  This  excellent  work  deserves  the 
frequent  perusal  of  every  christian.  Its  directions 
for  attaining  a  heavenly  frame  of  mind,  are  worthy 
of  trial ;  and  its  arguments  for  such  a  course,  are 
unanswerable.  May  God  incline  my  heart  to  medi- 
tate on  spiritual  things  ;  tind  in  his  own  good  time 
receive  me  into  that  rest,  which  he  has  promFsed  to 
all  the  sincere  followers  of  Jesus  Christ. 

May  25.  This  evening  attended  a  conference  at 
grandmother  M's.  To-morrow  I  shall  probably 
leave  home  for  Boston.  Whether  I  ever  return 
my  Maker  only  knows  ;  but  if  I  am  a  child  of  his 
by  grace,  all  other  things  respecting  me  are  of  little 
importance.  If  the  presence  and  blessing  of  God 
go  with  me,  I  am  safe,  to  whatever  temptations  I 
may  be  exposed. 

May  26.  Providence  has  seen  fit  to  disappoint 
me  in  my  projected  visit  :  but  the  consideration, 
that  all  events  are  under  the  direction  of  God 
should  give  perfect  resignation  in  all  circumstances. 
This,  I  doubt  not,  has  all  been  ordered  in  wisdom 
and  love. 

May  28.  Uncle  and  aunt  M.,  of  K.,  are  here. 
Uncle  M.  conducted  the  exercises  at  the  confer- 
ence this  evening,  but  my  thoughts,  like  the  fool's 
eyes,  wandered  to  the  ends  of  the  earth.  I  do  not 
feel  perfectly  satisfied  with  myself,  either  respect- 
ing external   circumstances,  or   internal   feelings. 


44  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

Discontent,  unwillingness  to  submit  to  cross  events, 
and  a  sense  of  having  acted  without  a  due  re- 
gard to  God,  are  surely  sufficient  to  make  me  un- 
easy, and  of  all  these  I  am  guilty. 

June  2.  Summer  has  once  more  returned,  and 
the  face  of  nature  is  again  clothed  in  beauty.  How 
melancholy  the  reflection,  that  amidst  all  the  love- 
liness of  the  natural  world,  the  moral  should  be  so 
deformed  by  sin  :  and  nowhere  do  I  find  its  deso- 
lations so  apparent  as  in  my  own  heart.  My  own 
sins,  and  the  sins  of  others,  forbid  mc  the  enjoy- 
ment of  settled  peace. 

June  11.  To-day  I  have  commenced  keeping 
the  African  school,  and  have  taken  charge  of  it  for 
two  weeks.  I  hope  God  will  bless  my  feeble  at- 
tempts to  do  some  good  to  my  fellow  mortals,  and 
that  whatever  I  do,  may  be  according  to  his  will. 

This  school  was  composed  of  young  colored 
children,  and  was  undertaken,  it  is  believed,  by  the 
recommendation  of  the  late  Dr.  Dwight.  Miss 
Lyon,  and  a  number  of  other  young  ladies,  from 
the  most  respectable  families  in  New  Haven,  ten- 
dered their  services  in  this  self-denying  employ- 
ment. Two  young  ladies  taught  the  school  for 
two  weeks,  and  were  then  succeeded  by  two 
others.  This  plan  was  pursued  for  a  few  months  ; 
a  permanent  liired  teacher  was  then  procured. 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  45 

June  15.  Passed  the  day  at  school  very  busily. 
The  evening  is  calm  and  beautiful  beyond  descrip- 
tion. The  full  moon  passes  through  the  sky  with 
uncommon  luster,  and  all  nature  wears  the  appear- 
ance of  harmony  and  grandeur.  The  works  of 
God  are  all  perfect  and  lovely  :  but  sinful  man  has 
sought  out  many  inventions. 

June  18.  I  find  my  time,  and  my  attention,  very 
much  engrossed,  (though  not  unpleasantly,)  by  my 
new  occupation.  The  concerns  of  this  life  have 
a  great  tendency  to  draw  the  mind  from  God,  even 
its  lawful  and  necessary  business  becomes  a  snare, 
unless  the  soul  struggles  to  repel  its  influence. 

June  22.  To-day  my  mind  has  been  disturbed, 
and  my  spirits  depressed.  This  morning  provoca- 
tion made  me  angry,  and  since  that,  (as  the  sure 
consequence,)  I  have  felt  unhappy  and  dissatisfied 
with  myself  and  all  around  me.  I  pray  God  to 
pardon  me,  and  subdue  my  sins  by  his  grace. 

June  23.  The  gloom  that  hung  upon  my  spirits 
yesterday  has  subsided.  The  mercies  of  God  to 
me  are  infinite,  both  as  respects  this  world  and  the 
world  to  come ;  and  the  returns  I  make  are  unbe- 
lief, hardness  of  heart,  and  sins  of  various  kinds. 
The  mercies  of  God  are  indeed  never-failing, — 
every  moment  of  life  is  a  witness  of  his  tender  care 
and  long-sufTering. 

July  5.  This  afternoon  my  mind  has  been  con- 


46  MEMOIR  SOFMARYLYOlsr. 

siderably  agitated,  from  a  number  of  causes.  I 
firmly  believe  in  the  superintending  providence  of 
God  ;  and  yet  practically  I  seem  prone  to  confine" 
his  guardianship  to  particular  places,  and  almost 
feel  a  misi^ivincr  fear  that  the  divine  care  will  not 
protect  me  everywhere.  Yet  I  will  try  to  trust  in 
God.  His  mercy  is  over  all  his  works,  and  I  am 
the  work  of  his  hands.  If  I  confide  in  his  protec 
tion,  he  will  preserve  me  ;  for  his  promise  stands 
sure,  and  he  is  faithful  to  keep  all  those  who  come 
unto  him  through  Christ. 

The  above  was  written  a  few  days  before  her 
departure  for  Boston.  The  state  of  feeling  it  de- 
scribes was  probably  subdued  by  prayer ;  as  she 
afterwards  observed  to  a  friend  in  substance  as  fol- 
lows :  That  she  felt  no  misgiving  fears  respecting 
a  local  change  ;  and  did  not  know  as  she  should  be 
agitated  if  stepping  on  board  a  ship  to  sail  for  Eu- 
rope. That  if  she  was  safe  in  Christ,  she  was  safe 
everywhere  ;  but  if  otherwise,  no  place  was  a 
place  of  safety.  This  absence  from  home,  was 
doubtless  a  subject  of  much  prayer,  trifling  as  such 
an  event  might  appear  to  the  thoughtless  ;  for  she 
was  in  the  practice  of  "  sitting  the  Lord  ever  be- 
fore  her,  and  acknowledging  him  in  all  her  ways." 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  47 


TO    HER    FATHER    IN    NEW    HAVEN. 

Boston,  July  16,  1810. 
We  arrived  here  after  a  passage  of  five  days. 
On  Monday  we  had  a  fine  wind,  and  reached  New- 
port before  dark.  Tuesday  we  were  becalmed, 
the  sea  was  rough,  and  the  passengers  very  sick. 
Wednesday  the  wind  was  contrary,  and  at  noon 
we  went  on  shore  at  a  Httle  island  called  Nashuan. 
At  night,  (a  thick  fog  coming  on,)  we  went  on  shore 
at  Old-town,  or  Edgar-town,  east  end  of  Martha's 
Vineyard,  where  we  slept.  Thursday  went  on 
board  about  10  o'clock,  A.  M.,  and  proceeded  to 
"  double  the  cape ;"  the  wind  was  fair,  and  we  sail- 
ed a  hundred  miles  before  night.  Louisa*  and  I 
sat  on  deck  all  the  evening,  and  beheld 

"  The  light-house  seen  from  afar, 
On  the  banks  of  the  stormy  Cape  Cod." 

On  Friday  there  was  another  calm,  and  the  pas- 
sengers and  sailors  amused  themselves  with  fishing. 
L.  caught  some  mackerel,  but  I  was  only  a  specta- 
tor. We  retired  about  ten,  and  on  waking  in  the 
morning,  found  ourselves  in  Boston  harbor,  sur- 
rounded with  shipping,  and  the  long  wharf  in  full 

*  Miss  Shipman,  of  N.  H.,  married  the  next  spring 
to  the  late  Dr.  Payson,  of  Portland,  Maine. 


48  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

view.  Mr.  Huntington  and  Susan  manifested  great 
satisfaction  at  my  arrival. 

I  have  suffered  considerably  with  sea-sickness, 
but  not  a  moment  with  fear  ;  and  think  I  should 
feel  no  apprehension  to  take  a  voyage  to  Europe. 
Saturday  afternoon,  walked  through  a  number  of 
streets.  Swift's  description  of  London,  would  do 
very  well  for  Boston.  "  Houses,  churches  mix'd 
together,  &c."  Yesterday  I  attended  worship  at 
the  Old  South,  and  in  the  afternoon  heard  a  ser- 
mon  on  the  death  of  a  young  gentleman,  who  was 
drowned  last  week  in  Cambridge.  He  was  well 
versed  in  twelve  languages,  and  had  made  con- 
siderable progress  in  the  Chinese.  But  God  has 
seen  fit  to  remove  this  second  Sir  William  Jones  in 
the  midst  of  his  literary  pursuits,  and  disappoint  the 
expectations  of  the  public.  Last  evening  I  heard 
a  sermon  in  the  new  church.  It  is  indeed  a  splen- 
did building,  and  looks  more  like  the  cathedral  of 
an  Archbishopric,  than  "a  meeting-house  for  dis- 
senters :  but  I  hope  much  good  will  be  effected 
within  its  walls. 

I  have  been  introduced  to  Dr.  Morse,  and  Dr. 
Griffing.  Mr.  J.  Evarts  has  called  on  me.  The 
consideration  that  the  providence  of  God  is  every- 
where, will  doubtless  render  me  fully  contented  in 
Boston. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  49 

At  this  period  the  Socinian  heresy  was  at  its 
height,  in  Boston  ;  and  had  become  like  an  over- 
whelming deluge,  throughout  the  Congregational 
churches.  It  was  considered  rather  a  hazardous 
experiment  to  read  the  doxology  on  the  sabbath, 
even  in  the  orthodox  Old  South  church.  Soon  af- 
ter the  settlement  of  the  late  Rev.  Joshua  Hunting- 
ton, some  pious  females,  from  influential  families, 
waited  on  their  young  pastor,  and  requested  him  to 
read  the  doxology  on  the  sabbath,  observing,  (to  use 
their  own  words,)  that  they  would  stand  by  him  if 
it  occasioned  any  excitement  in  the  congregation. 

It  is  pleasant  to  trace  the  progi'ess  of  truth  over 
error  since  that  period,  and  to  meditate  on  the 
faithfulness  of  God,  who  raised  up  able  instruments 
to  stem  this  torrent,  and  to  disabuse  the  honest,  in- 
quiring mind,  from  this  insidious  but  fatal  delusion. 

Oct.  1.  After  an  absence  of  twelve  weeks,  God 
has  kindly  returned  me  to  my  native  roof.  On  ta- 
king a  retrospect,  I  can  hardly  realize  I  have  been 
three  months  absent,  the  time  has  passed  so  rapid- 
ly. Short  as  it  appears,  it  has  been  to  me  an 
eventful  period.  The  blessed  Giver  of  all  good 
has  granted  me  almost  uninterrupted  health,  and  a 
thousand  mercies,  both  temporal  and  spiritual,  for 
which  I  fervently  pray  I  may  be  thankful.  My 
heart,  it  is  true,  has  at  times  drank  deeply  of  the 


50  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

"wormwood  and  the  gall;"  but  this  I  ascribe 
wholly  to  myself.  The  great  God  has  dealt  mer- 
cifully with  me,  and  done  all  things  well.  His 
faithfulness  has  never  failed,  and  his  ear  has  been 
open  to  my  cry,  when  1  called  upon  him  in  the  bit- 
terness of  my  soul.  I  can  commit  myself,  and  all 
the  future  events  of  my  life,  entirely  into  the  hands 
of  my  Savior. 

Oct.  6,  Yesterday  visited  the  African  school. 
To-morrow  is  communion,  and  I  am  in  such  an 
unprepared  state,  I  fear  I  shall  eat  and  drink  judg- 
ment to  myself.  Since  my  return  home,  so  many 
cares  press  upon  me,  that  I  seem  immersed  in  the 
vi'orld,  and  its  concerns  appear  to  have  taken  my 
heart  captive.  I  am  an  inconsistent,  unreasonable 
being.  I  hardly  know  what  I  want  myself;  but  I 
hope  God  will  dispose  of  mc  in  such  a  manner 
as  will  promote  my  eternal  interests,  whether  it  is 
agreeable  to  my  present  wishes  or  otherwise. 

Oct.  8.  I  have  been  very  stupid  since  my  re- 
turn, with  respect  to  spiritual  things  ;  but  my  mind 
has  been  agitated  on  other  subjects,  and  I  find  I 
am  not  exempt  from  worldly  sorrow.  It  is  strange, 
that  when  I  am  so  deeply  convinced  of  the  short- 
ness of  life,  and  the  necessity  of  being  prepared 
for  death,  I  am  still  so  interested  about  the  trifling 
concerns  of  the  present  world,  and  so  anxious,  at 
times  even  distressed,  respecting  the  future  alot- 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  51 

mcnts  of  providence.  I  wish  for  perfect  submis- 
sion  in  all  things,  but  cannot  feel  it.  I  long  to  take 
no  thought  for  futurity,  yet  find  my  mind  agitated  by 
hopes  and  fears, — expectations  of  happiness,  and 
dread  of  disappointment. 

Oct.  11.  Spent  this  afternoon  at  Mr.  B's,  with  a 
party  of  family  connections,  who  appeared  happy 
to  see  me  once  more,  unworthy  as  I  am,  and  un- 
deserving as  1  know  myself  to  be  of  their  affec- 
tions. When  I  have  time  for  reflection,  many 
things  which  happened  while  I  was  absent  fill  me 
with  shame  and  sorrow.  But  if  pride  is  the  founda- 
tion of  this  mental  uneasiness,  it  is  my  duty  to 
suppress  it,  and  not  yield  to  "  worldly  sorrow, 
which  worketh  death." 

Oct.  14.  Last  night  I  watched  with  my  grand- 
mother  Lyon,  who  continues  very  low,  and  did  not 
return  home  till  noon.  The  rain  prevents  my  at- 
tending public  worship  this  afternoon.  My  mind 
is  so  distracted  by  a  thousand  worldly  concerns,  I 
sometimes  think  my  spiritual  state  is  worse  than 
ever,  and  all  sense  of  divine  things  has  departed. 

Oct.  16.  This  morning,  about  four  o'clock,  my 
grandmother,  at  the  age  of  eighty-seven,  departed 
this  life  and  entered  the  world  of  spirits.  There  is 
hardly  a  possibility  I  shall  ever  attain  even  her  age, 
and  yet  I  am  looking  forward  to  future  scenes,  and 
forming  plans  for  future  enjoyment,  as  if  this  was 


52  MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON. 

my  eternal  home,  instead  of  being  only  my  state  of 
probation. 

Oct.  21.  How  humble  I  ought  to  be.  Sin, 
sorrow,  and  shame,  by  turns  almost  overwhelm  me, 
and  I  nearly  sink  in  despair.  My  temper,  my 
disposition,  and  my  heart  are  so  bad,  that  I  wonder 
I  do  not,  like  Job,  loathe  and  abhor  myself.  "  The 
law  of  the  Lord  is  perfect."  God's  law,  govern- 
ment, and  every  thing  that  proceeds  from  him,  are 
"  righteous  altogether."  And  yet  I  often  break  his 
law,  murmur  at  his  government,  and  oppose  his  will. 

TO    MRS.    SUSAN    HUNTINGTON,    BOSTON. 

New  Haven,  Oct,  22,  1810. 

Your  letter,  dear  S.,  reached  me  at  the  time  I 
was  preparing  for  the  funeral  of  my  grandmother 
Lyon.  Her  sickness  and  death,  necessary  sewing, 
and  other  concerns  that  have  pressed  upon  me 
since  my  return  ;  together  with  the  mistaken  kind- 
ness of  our  friends  and  acquaintances,  who,  (as  a 
parting  compliment  to  Emilia,*)  have  kept  us  al- 
most continually  engaged  in  visiting  or  waiting  on 
company,  will  sufficiently  account  for  my  not  wri- 
ting before,  to  inform  you  of  my  safe  arrival,  &c. 

The  morning  1  left  Boston,  and  the  evening  pre- 


♦  Her  sister  E.  was  married  during  her  absence,  to 
Mr.  B.,  of  Charleston,  S.  C. 


M  E  M  O  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  0  N  .  53 

viou.s,  I  experienced  such  a  depression  of  spirits, 
I  found  it  impossible  to  mention  the  subject  of  my 
departure  without  betraying  the  weakness  of  a 
child.  This  was  the  cause  of  my  silence,  I  was 
not  insensible  to  the  pain  of  parting,  nor  forgetful 
of  the  friendship  I  had  received  from  Mr.  H.  and 
yourself.  Miss  Harriot  Lathrop*  is  here  on  a  visit. 
From  her  I  learn  you  have  a  fine  companion  this 
winter.  Present  my  compliments  to  Mr.  H.  How 
comes  on  battledore  and  shuttlecock  ?  I  hope  he 
finds  his  sister  a  more  apt  scholar  than  I  was. 

New  Haven  presents  a  very  different  religious  as- 
pect from  that  of  other  times.  There  was  no  ad- 
dition  to  our  church  during  my  absence,  and  I  hear 
little  said  on  the  subject.  Doubtless  we  have  chris- 
tians among  us,  but  "  the  gold  has  become  dim," 
and  a  general  spirit  of  lukewarmness  seems  to  pre- 
vail. You  have  probably  heard  the  death  of  D. 
Daggett.  I  trust  he  died  the  death  of  the  righteous. 
Soon  after  I  left  N.  H.  he  became  very  anxious, 
and  during  a  number  of  weeks  experienced  a  state 
of  spiritual  distress,  almost  beyond  example.  A 
few  days  before  his  illness,  the  "  hope  that  maketh 
not  ashamed,"  visited  his  humble  heart,  and  he  re- 
mained calm  to  the  end. 


Afterwards  Mrs.  Winslow,  missionary  to  Ceylon. 
5* 


54  MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON, 

Oct.  28.  When  I  returned  from  meeting  this 
morning,  I  felt  almost  disheartened,  and  thought  I 
attended  in  vain  to  religious  duties.  But  this  after- 
noon, whilst  listening  to  a  sermon  on  the  doctrine  of 
free  grace,  I  experienced  the  most  delightful  sensa- 
tions, and  for  a  short  time,  almost  longed  to  be  ab- 
sent from  the  body,  that  I  might  join  with  the  re- 
deemed in  heaven,  in  singing  "  Not  unto  us,  not 
unto  us,  but  to  thy  name  be  all  the  glory."  Alle- 
luia, for  the  Lord  God  omnipotent  reigneth  ! 

Nov.  12.  I  have  felt  more  composed  to-day, 
and  I  hope  God  has  graciously  answered  my  prayer, 
for  tranquillity  of  mind,  and  submission  of  will.  I 
have  reason  to  believe  my  prayers  have  been  heard 
in  times  past,  for  my  petitions  have  evidently  been 
granted  in  several  instances.  What  encourage- 
ment  have  I  then  to  pray  ;  and  what  is  still 
more,  never  to  faint.  I  will  try  to  "  hope  against 
hope,"  and  exercise  faith  in  Christ,  who  is  the  sin- 
ner's friend.  Perhaps  these  clouds  will  soon  pass 
over,  and  the  sun  of  righteousness  and  peace  once 
more  shine  upon  my  wicked  and  troubled  heart. 

Nov.  22.  Mr.  B.,  Emilia,  and  Elizabeth  left  us 
to-day  for  Charleston.  The  last  week  has  been  a 
busy  and  trying  season  ;  but  through  divine  mercy, 
I  was  enabled  to  pass  through  the  trial  with  compo- 
sure and  firmness.  I  have  prayed  that  God  would 
protect  them,  and  I  trust  he  will,  and  in  due  time  re- 


M  E  M  O  I  R  S    O  r    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  O  N  ,  55 

turn  them  in  peace  and  safety.  How  strange  it  is, 
that  when  I  deserve  nothing,  and  yet  constantly  ex- 
perience such  innumerable  blessings,  my  ungrateful 
heart  should  so  often  rise  up,  and  say  with  the  spirit 
of  Haman,  "  All  this  availeth  me  nothing,"  because 
my  unreasonable  wishes  are  not  all  answered  ;  when 
perhaps  their  gratification  would  neither  conduce  to 
my  happiness  in  this  life,  or  that  to  come.  Yet  I 
do  not  wish  to  choose  my  own  portion,  I  only  wish 
that  my  will  may  be  entirely  swallowed  up  in  the 
will  of  my  God.  My  times  are  in  his  hands,  and 
that  is  all  my  consolation  and  support. 

Dec.  1.  What  a  wide  spreading  evil  is  sin.  It 
is  the  direct,  or  indirect  cause  of  all  the  misery  in 
the  world  :  and  it  is  wonderful,  that  mankind  do  not 
at  once  see,  to  what  they  may  ascribe  all  their 
troubles,  and  all  their  sorrows. 

Dec.  4.  With  what  sincerity,  I  can  exclaim  with 
Job,  "  Oh  that  I  were  as  in  months  past."  My 
mind  is  uncomfortable  beyond  description,  and  I 
believe  my  health  suffers  in  consequence  of  this 
mental  agitation. 

Dec.  7.  This  day  has  passed  much  more  calmly, 
for  which  mercy  may  I  be  sincerely  grateful.  Spent 
the  morning  with  my  pious  grandniother,  whose 
conversation  always  pours  consolation  into  my  heart. 

Dec.  20.  This  morning  my  mind  was  very  mel- 
ancholy, and  for  two  or  three  hours,  I  thought  I  per- 


56  MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 

ceived  symptoms  of  that  dreadful  mental  agony,  I 
once  suffered  for  a  long  period  ;*  but  it  passed  off ; 
and  this  evening,  blessed  God,  I  can  raise  my  Eb- 
enezer,  for  thus  far  thou  hast  helped  me,  and  I  hum- 
bly trust,  unworthy  as  I  am,  that  thou  wilt  never 
leave  me,  nor  forsake  me. 

Dec.  24.  The  christian  life  is  indeed  a  warfare, 
and  a  warfare  of  the  most  important  kind,  for  fail- 
ure here  is  eternal  ruin.  It  is  necessary  that  some- 
thing  should  teach  us,  that  this  world  is  not  our  rest- 
ing place,  and  that  happiness  is  a  fugitive,  long  since 
fled  from  the  earth.  When  God  would  convince 
me  of  this  great  truth,  he  takes  the  most  effectual 
method,  and  touches  my  spiritual  enjoyments.  When 
this  is  my  situation,  the  world  becomes  a  desert ; 
all  its  comforts  arc  turned  to  bitterness,  and  all  its 
sorrows,  of  whatever  nature  they  may  be,  appear 
light  and  trifling.  When  God  hides  his  face,  where 
can  I  look  for  peace.  In  comparison  with  spiritual 
darkness,  disease,  poverty,  all  worldly  sorrow  com- 
bined, and  even  death,  sink  into  nothing. 

Dec.  27.  To-day  we  received  the  welcome  in- 
telligence, of  the  safe  arrival  of  our  dear  friends  in 
Charleston.  God  is  always  good,  and  every  hour 
of  my  life  is  a  witness  that  he  is  gracious  and  long 
suflering.     Not  a  day  passes  without  furnishing  me 

*  Probably  in  the  year  1805. 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  57 

with  causes  to  sing  of  mercy,  and  to  bless  his  name. 
Yet  when  called  to  take  up  the  cross,  to  submit 
to  outward  trials,  or  to  struggle  with  inward  cor- 
ruption, how  prone  I  am  to  sink  into  despondency, 
and  to  think  my  "  strength  not  equal  to  my 
day."  But  "  why  should  a  living  man  complain,  a 
man  for  the  punishment  of  his  sins  ?"  I  know  that 
all  the  evil  in  the  world,  is  the  immediate  consequence 
of  transgressing  the  commands  of  God  :  and  that 
all  I  suffer  as  an  individual,  has  its  origin  entirely  in 
sin.  When  once  the  natural  feelings  of  the  heart 
takes  the  reins,  and  grace,  for  the  time,  ceases  to 
be  the  governing  principle,  there  is  no  more  peace. 

Jan.  6,  1811.  How  earnestly  I  long  that  the 
coming  year,  (should  God  prolong  my  life,)  may  be 
productive  of  good  fruits  :  but  I  have  found,  by  sad 
experience,  that  when  "  I  would  do  good,  evil  is 
present  with  me."  I  feel  sometimes,  as  if  I  could 
in  reality  give  up  the  world,  and  all  its  vain  con- 
cerns, and  cared  for  nothing  but  an  interest  in  Jesus 
Christ,  and  yet  perhaps  in  a  short  time,  the  cares 
and  pursuits  of  this  life  get  the  ascendency,  and  I 
am  again  brought  into  bondage. 

Jan.  13.  Discontent  is  a  very  great  sin,  and  of 
this  I  am  guilty  to  an  uncommon  degree.  The 
source  of  all  my  trouble  is  my  self-willed  heart;  when 
this  is  kept  submissive  to  the  will  of  Providence, 
then  I  am  calm  and  happy.     I  should  despair  did  I 


58  ME  MOIRSOF    MARY    LYON. 

not  hope  that  I  have  an  "  advocate  with  the  Father, 
Jesus  Christ  the  righteous." 

Jan.  20.  It  is  amazing  that  an}'"  one  should  en- 
deavor  to  lessen  the  evidences  of  Christianity,  when 
it  affords  the  only  real  good  we  can  enjoy  in  this 
life.  How  perfectly  wretched  I  should  have  been 
during  this  season  of  trouble,  through  which  I  have 
waded,  and  am  still  wading,  did  I  not  cling  to  re- 
ligion  as  my  only  refuge  and  support.  Every  oc- 
currence is  under  the  direction  of  a  wise  and  mer- 
ciful God.  Even  sin,  and  "  the  wrath  of  man"  will 
finally  be  overruled  for  good,  and  be  instrumental 
in  promoting  his  glory.  Why  then  can  I  not  be 
calm  and  submissive  in  all  trials  ?  It  is  because  sin 
reigns  in  my  m.ortal  body,  and  if  the  spirit  is  willing, 
the  flesh  is  weak. 

Jan.  26.  Spent  this  afternoon  with  my  pious 
grandmother,  who  stands  waiting  the  summons  to 
depart,  and  can,  I  trust,  say  with  St.  Paul,  "  I  have 
fought  a  good  fight."  I  find  myself  lamentably  de- 
ficient in  many  things,  and  in  all  come  short.  My 
temptations  and  trials  are  great,  and  my  patience 
has  left  me  to  an  astonishing  degree.  I  am  moved 
by  trifles  that  once  would  have  passed  by  me  unno- 
ticed. 

Impatience,  or  irritability  of  temper,  never  ap- 
peared to  be  Miss  Lyon's  besetting  sin,  even  before 


M  E  M  O  I  R  S    O  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  O  N  .  59 

her  conversion.  It  is  not  remembered,  that  for  sev- 
eral years  preceding  her  death,  she  was  so  far  under 
the  influence  of  anger,  as  to  speak  "  unadvisedly 
with  her  lips,"  or  alter  the  tone  of  her  voice.  Her 
mental  conflicts  were  mentioned  to  but  one  or  two 
individuals.  The  expression  of  her  countenance 
was  mild  and  composed  ;  and  her  outward  de- 
meanor calm  and  collected.  Whatever  was  the 
state  of  her  mind,  she  rose  at  the  usual  hour,  went 
tranquilly  through  the  duties  of  the  day,  attending 
upon  her  pious  mother,  who  had  been  many  years 
a  nervous  invalid  ;  conversing  with  friends  who 
called,  on  common  topics ;  and  making  calls,  if  ne- 
cessary, without  complaining  of  temporal  trials,  or 
making  any  allusion  to  her  spiritual  suflerings.  This 
great  self-command,  in  one  possessed  of  her  acute 
feelings,  evinced  the  strength  of  her  religious  prin- 
ciples. 

Feb.  5.  I  am  almost  afraid  to  yield  to  the  con- 
viction, that  I  am  unhappy,  lest  thinking  so,  should 
engender  a  spirit  of  complaint,  under  the  evils  I 
really  experience,  and  of  ingratitude  for  the  mercies 
I  really  enjoy  ;  and  thus  provoke  God  to  send  upon 
me  still  heavier  trials.  I  will  endeavor  to  trust  in 
him  who  knows  all  my  wants,  and  who  is  able  to 
supply  them  out  of  his  fullness. 

Feb.  11.     Yesterday  I  heard  two  very  alarming 


60  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

sermons,  from  John  viii.  24.  *'  Ye  shall  die  in  your 
sins."  After  church  I  was  very  much  distressed, 
and  for  a  short  time  almost  deranged,  but  in  the 
evening,  became  more  composed,  and  through  un- 
deserved mercy  have  been  tranquil  to-day.  How 
much  I  need  the  Savior.  Every  day  I  have  reason 
to  feel,  that  without  his  atonement  I  never  can  be 
saved. 

Feb.  16.  This  afternoon  I  have  visited  the  alms- 
house, and  the  objects  of  misery  I  saw  there,  ought 
to  teach  me  a  lesson  of  humility  and  contentment. 
If  I  know  my  own  heart,  I  long  for  perfect  resigna- 
tion to  the  will  of  Providence  in  all  things ;  and  I 
humbly  hope,  (before  the  expiration  of  many  more 
weeks,)  to  feel  this  spirit,  which  constitutes  the  hap- 
piness of  mortals,  while  in  this  state  of  trial. 

March  7.  Another  winter  is  passed  away,  and 
I  look  back  upon  it  with  regret,  for  I  have  grievously 
sinned  ;  indeed,  when  I  reflect  on  my  past  life,  I  am 
astonished  at  the  number,  the  variety,  and  the  ag- 
gravations of  my  sins.  Yet  perhaps  I  remember 
but  a  small  part,  a  very  small  part  of  my  offences. 
Great  as  they  are,  1  hope  I  shall  yet  be  pardoned, 
for  the  sake  of  the  blessed  Jesus,  who  died  for  just 
such  sinners  as  I  am.  The  illness  of  my  dear 
mother  has  prevented  my  attending  church  to-day, 
and  this  evening  there  is  no  conference.-  What 
blessedness  in  tlie  christian  religion  !  In  the  hour  of 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  61 

suffering  and  worldly  sorrow,  it  holds  out  the  hope 
of  rest  beyond  the  grave. 

March  9.  This  world  is  a  world  of  temptation. 
Every  hour,  every  moment,  we  are  exposed  to  the 
greatest  of  all  evils,  sin.  I  have  recently  read  a 
sermon  on  the  government  of  the  heart,  and  have 
prayed  for  grace  to  subdue  all  my  sinful  passions, 
and  to  regulate  all  the  disorders  of  my  soul.  I  hope 
those  detestable  heart-sins,  that  war  against  my 
peace,  as  well  as  my  soul,  will  be  brought  under, 
by  the  power  of  divine  grace.  That  I  shall  yet 
knoxo  that  I  love  God  supremely,  and  feel  a  cheers 
ful  submission  to  his  providential  dealings  ;  and  re- 
gard the  concerns  of  time  with  comparative  indif- 
ference, and  live  above  the  world  while  I  live  in  it. 

March  11.  To-day  I  think  I  have  avoided  the 
sin  which  so  easily  besets  me.  Would  that  I  were 
entirely  delivered  from  the  power  of  sin  and  Satan  ! 
**  O  that  I  had  wings  like  a  dove  :  for  then  would  I 
flee  away  and  be  at  rest !" 

March  17.     Heard  a  sermon  this  morning,  on  the 

partial  reformation,  which  sometimes  takes  place  in 

the  unregenerate.     During  the  sermon  it  seemed 

as  if  my  own  character  was  exactly  portrayed.     I 

once  thought  myself  under  serious  impressions,  and 

fondly  hoped  they  issued  in  conversion.     But  now 

my  evidences  are  feeble,  and  my  hopes  clouded. 

All  my  inward  corruptions   are  strugghng  for  the 
6 


t)55  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON, 

mastery,  and  my  graces,  (if  I  have  any,)  are  in- 
active,— all  is  darkness, — all  is  perplexity, — all  is 
sorrow. 

March  24.  How  good  is  the  Lord  !  I  am  abom- 
inably wicked,  yet  he  is  patient,  and  bears  long  with 
my  wickedness.  If  God  were  like  man,  this  thun- 
der  that  now  rumbles  in  the  air,  would  come  out  in 
judgment  against  me  and  strike  me  dead.  The 
holy  inhabitants  of  heaven  would  pronounce  the 
doom  just ;  and  my  own  mouth  would  be  obliged  to 
confess  the  same.  This  long-suffering  is  a  token 
for  good,  and  my  soul  desires  to  rejoice  in  the  doc- 
trine of  free  grace,  that  can,  consistent  with  the 
holy  attributes  of  God,  save  a  wretch  like  me. 
Through  the  undeserved  mercy  of  God,  I  have 
passed  a  happier  day  than  for  some  time  past.  I 
earnestly  pray  that  every  token  of  divine  favor,  may 
produce  its  proper  effects  on  my  heart, — greater 
watchfulness  over  myself,  and  increasing  love  for 
my  glorious  Benefactor. 

April  4.  This  evening  is  charming, — serene, 
still,  and  a  bright  moon-light.  The  natural  world 
still  appears  lovely  ;  for  man  has  no  power  to  mar 
its  beauty.  Sin  cannot  rob  the  firmament  of  its 
lustre,  nor  the  earth  of  its  verdure.  I  am  going  to 
make  a  wedding  visit,  where  there  will  probably  be 
a  large  party.  I  pray  God  to  keep  me  by  his  grace 
from  sinning  in  thought,  word,  or  deed. 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON,  63 

April  11.  Last  night  my  sisters  arrived  from 
Charleston,  and  God  has  kindly  permitted  us  to  see 
each  other  again,  in  the  land  of  the  living.  To-day 
we  have  a  violent  snow-storm  ;  but  Providence 
mercifully  brought  them  to  the  desired  haven  before 
it  commenced.  If  I  had  a  just  sense  of  the  mer- 
cies I  enjoy,  I  should  not  so  often  yield  to  despon- 
dency. But  I  trust  I  have  given  myself  to  Christ  ; 
and  hope  through  his  blood  to  be  cleansed  from  all 
past  sin,  and  to  be  kept  by  his  grace  from  sinning 
Willfully  hereafter. 

April  17.  There  are  many  sins  heinous  in  the 
sight  of  God,  of  which  the  world  think  little  ;  and 
there  are  many  things  which  endear  the  followers 
of  the  Lamb  to  their  Master,  which  render  them 
hateful  to  their  worldly  companions.  Sometimes  I 
hear  persons  commended  for  qualities  that  the  Bible 
strongly  condemns  ;  and  others  censured  for  those 
very  traits  of  character  that  the  Scriptures  incul- 
cate  in  the  most  earnest  manner. 

April  18.  Weariness  of  the  world,  and  wean- 
edness  from  the  world,  are  very  different  exercises. 
The  former  often  rises  from  impatience  of  spirit, 
and  an  unsubdued  will.  The  latter  generally  pro- 
ceeds from  a  real  conviction  of  the  empty  nature 
of  earthly  objects,  and  having  found  something 
more  productive  of  happiness,  than  all  the  earth  has 
to  bestow.     If  I  could  be  assured  that  the  mental 


64  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

suffering  I  have  endured  the  last  winter,  was  of  a 
godly  nature,  I  would  not  recall  one  sigh  or  one 
tear,  much  as  I  have  been  afflicted.  But  my  mind 
has  been  troubled  on  worldly  subjects.  I  hope  some 
spiritual  good  will  arise  from  all  this  evil,  and  in  due 
time,  through  grace,  I  shall  get  the  victory  over  every 
temptation,  every  trial,  and  every  sin. 

April  22.  It  is  very  difficult  to  discover  the  real 
path  of  duty.  Passion  and  prejudice,  often  blind 
our  minds,  and  induce  us  to  think,  say,  and  do,  a 
thousand  things,  the  motives  of  which  are  at  least 
doubtful.  I  am  convinced  that  self-love  and  self- 
will  very  often  influence  me  in  performing,  what 
ought  to  be  performed  from  better  motives.  This 
evening  at  the  conference,  I  heard  an  essay  read  on 
confidence  in  God.  While  I  was  there,  I  experi- 
enced such  a  deep  sense  of  my  own  sin,  and  had 
such  a  view  of  the  sins  of  others,  I  was  almost  over- 
whelmed, and  could  hardly  forbear  weeping  aloud. 
O  !  who  could  wish  to  live  always  in  this  sinful 
world,  if  through  grace  there  was  a  faint  hope,  even 
a  faint  hope  of  being  admitted  to  one  of  holiness. 
If  ardent  longings  after  sanctification  of  heart,  ho- 
liness  of  life,  and  perfection  in  the  world  of  glory, 
be  fruits  of  saving  grace,  I  hope  I  possess  it,  for 
sometimes  I  certainly  do  experience  these  feelings. 

May  3.  It  is  beyond  the  power  of  the  poet  to 
describe  or  the  painter  to  portray  an  evening  like 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYO  N.  65 

this.  But  David,  (by  divine  inspiration,)  has  done  it 
in  few  words  :  "  The  heavens  declare  the  glory  of 
God,  and  the  firmament  showeth  his  handy  work. 
Day  unto  day  uttereth  speech,  and  night  unto  night 
showeth  knowledge.  He  appointed  the  moon  for 
seasons  :  The  sun  knoweth  his  going  down.  O 
Lord  how  manifold  are  thy  works  !  in  wisdom  hast 
thou  made  them  all." 

May  8.  I  have  just  returned  from  a  long  v/alk, 
and  the  face  of  nature  appears  so  lovely,  that  one 
would  think,  man  was  again  placed  in  the  garden 
of  Eden,  and  that  the  earth  was  no  longer  under  a 
curse.  Would  that  such  days  of  innocence,  peace, 
and  moral  beauty  could  once  more  return,  and  then 
I  should  share  in  those  inestimable  blessings.  But 
while  sin  remains  in  the  world,  there  will  be  temp- 
tation ;  and  as  the  needle  in  the  compass,  irreso- 
lutely trembles  till  it  has  found  the  north  point,  so 
temptation  appears  to  hover  round,  uncertain  where 
to  fix,  or  whom  to  ensnare,  until  it  has  found  me. 

May  9.  There  is  a  wide  difference  between  real 
submission  to  God's  will,  and  a  natural  insensibility 
of  heart,  that  enables  the  possessor  to  pass  through 
all  scenes,  and  meet  all  events,  with  the  same  feel- 
ings. Many  who  know  nothing  of  God,  or  the  power 
of  religion,  will  bear  affliction  with  more  apparent 
fortitude,  than  the  real  follower  of  Christ ;  and  stand 

unmoved,  at  wliat  would  almost  overwhelm  a  weak 
6* 


tjtj  MEMOIRS    or    MARY   LYON. 

but  real  believer  in  Jesus.  I  believe  it  is  best  I  should 
be  exactly  in  the  situation  I  am.  The  knowledge 
that  God  has  placed  me  in  it  is  sufficient  to  convince 
any  christian  it  is  right,  and  I  think  I  can  see  rea- 
sons for  God's  providence  towards  me  in  this 
respect.  I  have  many  humiliating  things  to  bear, 
it  is  true,  but  I  have  also  pride  ;  and  it  is  necessary 
pride  should  be  humbled.  I  have  many  vexations  ; 
but  I  am  impatient,  and  it  is  needful  patience  should 
be  proved.  I  find  much  care  and  trouble  in  this 
life  ;  but  it  is  indispensably  necessary  that  I  should 
learn  by  experience,  the  world  is  not  my  resting 
place,  and  that  so  long  as  I  live  in  it,  I  must  expect 
tribulation. 

May  18.  The  duties  of  the  week  are  ended,  and 
holy  time  has  once  more  arrived.  I  love  the  sab- 
bath, but  fear  my  motive  for  loving  it  is  a  mixed  one. 
The  retirement,  the  freedom  from  company,  and  the 
rest  from  worldly  care,  I  enjoy  on  the  sabbath,  are 
congenial  to  my  natural  taste.  But  I  humbly  hope 
I  have  a  higher  motive,  and  that  I  may  be  prepared, 
by  its  exercises  on  earth,  to  spend  an  eternal  sab- 
bath in  heaven.  I  have  been  reading  Booth's  Reign 
of  Grace.  The  christian  should  read  it,  that  he 
may  see  to  what  he  owes  all  his  hopes  :  and  the 
self-righteous  sinner,  that  he  may  be  taught,  "  by 
the  deeds  of  the  law  shall  no  flesh  be  justified." 

May  21.     My  mind  to-day  has  been  tranquil,  and 


MEMOIRS    or   MART   LYON.  67 

external  things  have  affected  me  less  than  usual. 
Just  so  far  as  grace  prevails  in  the  heart,  there  will 
be  a  ready  submission  to  the  will  of  God,  in  all  his 
providential  dealings.  But  then  the  christian  has  trials 
peculiar  to  himself:  moral  evil,  is  what  his  Creator 
hates,  and  when  he  feels  it  in  himself,  or  sees  it 
in  others,  he  cannot  prevent  being  in  bitterness. 
Things  are  in  a  disordered  state  in  this  world.  Man- 
kind are  not  willing  to  be  governed  by  the  laws  of 
reason  and  religion.  They  like  confusion  and  bus- 
tle, for  these  have  a  tendency  to  banish  reflection. 
But  O  !  what  a  f^'arful  condition  those  are  in,  who 
cannot  bear  solitude,  and  fly  to  the  world  to  avoid 
the  pain  of  their  own  thoughts. 

May  20.  There  is  a  tranquillity  and  beauty  in 
this  evening,  and  nature  appears  so  lovely,  that  one 
would  think  the  God  of  nature  smiled  on  this  wicked 
world,  and  had  no  longer  a  controversy  with  its  pol- 
luted inhabitants.  The  declining  sun  gilds  the  sum- 
mit of  East-rock,  as  seen  from  my  window,  and 
gives  a  peculiar  mellowness  to  the  verdure  of  the 
trees.  The  blue  sky  is  partly  hid  by  white  clouds, 
and  the  West  glows  in  brightness.  The  natural 
beauties  of  the  world  are  calculated  to  lead  the  mind 
to  the  great  Creator,  and  would  always  produce  this 
effect,  were  not  the  mental  eye  in  darkness,  and 
blind  to  the  superior  beauty  of  holiness.  Change 
is  written  on  all  below.    We  might  learn  a  useful  les- 


68  ME  MOIRSOF    MARY    LYON. 

son  from  it,  were  we  so  disposed.  The  revolving 
seasons  of  the  year,  the  situation  of  families,  the 
state  of  individuals,  both  as  respects  the  inner  and 
outer  man,  so  constantly  changing,  might  teach  us 
to  check  pride  and  presumption,  in  days  of  pros- 
perity and  sunshine  ;  and  avoid  the  opposite  sins  of 
impatience  and  despondency,  when  our  sky  appears 
overcast  with  clouds. 

June  14.  Last  night  I  passed  through  a  trial  of 
so  heavy  a  nature,  that  I  have  been  ill  to-day,  in  con- 
sequence of  the  mental  distress  I  suffered.  I  pray 
for  wisdom  to  discern  the  path  of  duty,  and  grace 
to  pursue  it.  If  God  is  with  me  I  need  nothing  else, 
and  if  he  is  not,  I  wish  for  comfort  from  no  other 
quarter. 

June  15.  If  I  know  the  nature  of  my  own  mind, 
it  is  one  of  those  from  which,  impressions  once  made, 
are  haid  1o  be  effaced.  To  banish  any  subject  from 
my  mind,  especially  one  that  is  painful,  is  like  at- 
tempts to  erase  the  mark  of  the  diamond  from  the 
glass.  The  brittle  pane  may  break,  but  the  frag- 
ments still  retain  the  marks  in  all  their  power.  This 
afternoon  we  expect  a  large  party.  I  consider  it  a 
great  snare  to  my  soul,  and  a  great  trial  to  my  pa. 
tience,  to  see  so  much  company.  But  I  wish  to  be 
patient  under  this,  and  every  other  cross. 

June  27.  How  soothing  it  is,  to  find,  in  the  ex- 
perience  of  those  who  were  eminent  for  their  piety, 


MEMOIRS   OF   MART   LYON.  69 

a  similarity  to  my  own.  They  passed  through  the 
same  trials,  encountered  the  same  temptations,  ex- 
perienced the  same  doubts  and  fears  that  I  suffer. 
If  my  conflicts  resemble  theirs,  I  pray  that  my  faith 
may  also  be  similar  ;  and  after  waging  the  same 
warfare  I  may  enter  into  the  same  rest.  The  blessed 
Jesus  is  all  powerful. 

June  28.  Towards  evening  I  took  a  long  walk 
with  my  sisters,  and  found  a  friend  here,  at  our  re- 
turn, we  had  not  seen  for  fifteen  months.  It  is  now 
near  eleven, — the  night  is  perfectly  still, — the  moon  is 
"  walking  in  brightness,"  and  the  sound  of  a  flute  at 
intervals,  gives  a  kind  of  romantic  solemnity  to  the 
night,  which,  added  to  the  mental  trials  I  experience, 
and  the  peculiar  traits  of  my  disposition,  make  me 
nearly  wild.  But  I  will  retire,  and  strive  to  compose 
my  mind  to  sleep,  for  such  feelings  ought  not  to  be  in- 
dulged. A  melancholy  frame  of  mind  is  a  very 
ivicked  one  ;  for  it  arises,  either  from  a  want  of  faith, 
or  a  want  of  patience, — from  a  distrust  of  God's 
wisdom,  power,  and  goodness,  respecting  futurity  ; 
or  impatience  under  the  burdens  he  sees  fit  to  lay 
upon  us.  A  christian  should  "  rejoice  evermore" 
in  Christ,  and  be  patient  in  tribulation. 

July  18.  This  afternoon  I  visited  the  African 
school,  and  was  disappointed  in  finding  so  few  there. 
It  is  strange,  when  the  benevolence  of  a  few  individ- 
uals have  placed  these  oppressed  people  in  a  situation 


70  M  E  M  0  1  R  S    0  P    M  A  R  Y    LYON. 

to  bestow  upon  their  children  some  useful  knowledge 
and  religious  instruction,  they  should  be  so  backward 
to  improve  it. 

July  25.  Notwithstanding  the  physical  evils  which 
entered  this  world  at  the  apostacy,  the  human  family 
might  still  be  happy,  were  they  under  the  power  of 
religion,  and  all  its  members  real  christians.  How 
miserable,  on  the  contrary,  is  any  household,  (such  a 
one  as  I  have  recently  witnessed,)  when  the  con- 
duct of  those  who  compose  it,  is  guided  by  whim, 
prejudice,  the  feelings  of  the  moment,  selfishness, 
and  perhaps  violent  passions.  O !  how  miserable 
is  the  human  mind  under  the  dominion  of  its  pas- 
sions !  No  matter  which  takes  the  reins,  they  are  all 
t5^rants  and  the  soul  brought  into  captivity  by  them, 
is  truly  an  object  of  compassion. 

Aug.  1.  This  afternoon  we  expect  alarge party 
to  visit  us.  Were  I  to  follow  my  inclination,  I  should 
sit  alone  up  stairs  and  read.  But  I  find  myself  obli- 
ged to  exercise  self-denial  in  this  particular.  There 
are  many  things  to  ailiict  us,  of  so  peculiar  a  na- 
ture that  they  must  be  concealed  from  the  world  ; 
and  let  them  wound  ever  so  deep,  they  must  remain 
buried  in  our  bosoms,  hidden  from  our  best  earthly 
friends.  But  there  is  one  Friend  to  whom  even 
these  troubles  may  be  told,  and  that  PViend  is  able 
to  speak  peace  to  the  soul,  whenever  his  wisdom 
sees  fit. 


MEMOIRS    OFMARYLYON.  71 

Aug.  8.  How  merdful,  as  well  as  icise,  are  all 
the  dealings  of  God  towards  rae  !  If  he  has  denied 
me  any  thing  I  wished,  it  was  because  he  foresaw 
the  possession  of  it  would  retard  my  spiritual  pro- 
gress. If  he  has  called  me  to  suffering, .  it  is  to 
wean  me  from  the  world,  and  teach  me  that  happi- 
ness dwells  only  in  heaven.  If  he  has  granted  me 
some  sweet  hopes  of  obtaining  this  happiness,  it  is 
not  to  disappoint  them,  but  to  encourage  me  in 
waging  the  christian  warfare,  and  enduring  unto 
the  end. 

Aug.  12.  It  is  an  easy  thing  to  assume  the 
christian  name  ;  to  talk  and  write  like  a  christian  ; 
and  I  have  sometimes  thought,  to  think  and  feel  Hke 
a  christian, — but  to  act  like  a  christian, — to  be  pa- 
tient under  provocation  ;  submissive  under  trials  ; 
to  sacrifice  our  own  ease  and  advantage  cheerfully 
for  the  benefit  of  others  ;  to  bear  crosses  and  dis- 
appointment, without  complaint ;  to  keep  a  contin- 
ual watch  over  ourselves,  lest  we  offend  in  thought^ 
word,  or  deed  ;  and  above  all,  to  be  truly  and  5m- 
cerely  humble  before  God  ;  this  is  indeed  a  difficult 
task,  and  which  nothing  but  the  grace  of  the  great 
Jehovah  can  enable  us  to  perform. 

Aug.  19.  It  is  almost  impossible  not  to  assim- 
ilate to  those  with  whom  we  live  on  terms  of  inti- 
macy. We  insensibly  adopt  their  sentiments,  their 
language,  and  even  their  manner  of  dress  and  be- 


72  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

havior.  This  should  teach  us  great  care  in  selecting 
our  companions,  and  not  voluntarily  take  them  from 
the  world  ;  and  if  Providence  has  placed  us  among 
those  of  this  character,  it  should  warn  us  to  be  on 
our  guard,  and  resist  as  much  as  possible  their  bane- 
ful influence.  We  are  never  safe  on  this  side  the 
grave  ;  our  three  great  enemies,  the  world,  the  flesh, 
and  the  devil,  are  continually  plotting  our  ruin.  Flad 
we  no  keeper  but  ourselves,  how  soon  we  should 
seal  our  utter  destruction.  Thanks  be  to  God  for 
his  unspeakable  gift  ! 

Sept.  6.  What  a  scene  of  bustle  and  confusion, 
is  this  world.  Men  live  a  few  years  in  care  and 
nurry,  and  then  lie  down  in  silence  beneath  the 
"clods  of  the  valley,"  and  are  soon  forgotten  by  their 
busy  survivors.  What  madness  to  confine  our  at- 
tention to  a  world,  that  so  soon  forgets  its  friends  ; 
even  those  who  have  sacrificed  their  immortal  souls 
in  its  service.  The  Scripture  compares  human  life 
to  a  pilgrimage,  a  race,  a  warfare,  and  many  other 
things,  to  show  that  the  end  of  life  is  not  to  live  ; 
but  that  it  is  merely  a  passage  through  which  to  enter 
an  eternal  state  of  bliss  or  wretchedness. 

Sept.  9.  Every  day  adds  to  my  conviction,  that 
God  does  not  design  this  world  for  a  place  of  hap- 
piness. Care,  disappointment,  disease,  and  trouble, 
in  innumerable  shapes,  assail  us  at  every  turn,  and 
mar  every  thing  Uke  worldly  enjoyment.     Religion 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  73 

alone  yields  any  solid  peace  ;  and  religion  alone 
can  support  the  heart  under  the  deprivation  ofearthly 
comforts.  O  !  what  a  gloom  would  cloud  my  mind 
at  this  moment,  did  I  not  hope  the  blessed  God  had 
pardoned  me,  through  the  precious  Savior ;  and  did 
I  not  believe  that  all  the  events  of  my  life,  are  fully 
known  to  him,  and  permitted  by  his  providential 
government.  Blessed  be  God,  that  my  spiritual  en- 
joyments are  not  removed, — blessed  be  his  holy 
name,  that  I  can  pray,  and  pour  out  my  soul  before 
him,  without  trembling  and  dismay. 

Sept.  11.  To-day  is  commencement,  and  the 
town  is  filled  with  the  votaries  of  pleasure  and  dis- 
sipation. Many  of  those,  who  are  now  partaking 
of  the  amusements  of  the  season,  will  probably 
be  in  the  land  of  silence,  before  it  again  returns. 
Perhaps  I,  or  some  of  those  most  dear  to  me,  may 
be  of  the  number.  I  pray  God  to  prepare  my  mind 
for  all  there  is  before,  and  enable  me  to  approach 
his  bar  with  confidence  and  joy,  through  Jesus  Christ, 
my  only  hope, — Amen. 

TO    HER    SISTER    IN    NEW   HAVEN, 

Killingworih,  Sept,  16,  1811. 
I  find  K.,  dear  Sophia,  much  as  usual ;  pleasant, 
tranquil,  still,  but  rather  lonely.     I  must  write  a  let- 
ter brief  as  yours,  as  the  few  minutes  necessarily 
employed  in  preparing  the  chaise,  is  all  the  time  I 


74  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

have.  Kiss  E's  dear  little  babe  for  me.  Tell  father 
I  went  up  the  bank  stairs  to  bid  him  good  morning, 
but  he  was  so  busy,  I  thought  I  should  disturb  him, 
and  so  did  not  speak.*  I  met  Mr.  Evartsf  in  East 
Guilford,  and  conversed  with  him  some  time.  He 
will  call  on  you  this  week.  I  wish  I  could  be  at 
home  to  see  him.  It  is  so  pleasant  to  see  such  an 
old  friend, — a  good  man, — a  christian  indeed.  Good 
morning,  dear  sister.  May  the  God  of  mercy  bless 
us  both,  and  all  we  love,  for  the  Redeemer's  sake. 

TO    THE    SAME. 

KillingwortJi,  Oct.  11,  1811. 

There  were  not  as  many  clergymen  attended  the 
association,  as  uncle  M.  expected,  and  nine  only 
slept  here  ;  so  the  fatigue  of  waiting  on  them  at 
table  was  trifling,  as  respects  myself.  But  aunt  M., 
in  consequence  of  her  anxiety,  has  been  quite  in- 
disposed. 

The  return  of  my  birth-day  leads  me  to  inquire, 
what  has  become  of  the  years  that  have  composed 
my  past  life  ?  Memory,  it  is  true,  retains  some  of 
the  events,  some  of  the  enjoyments,  some  of  the 
sins,  and  many  of  the  trials  through  which  I  have 

♦  Col.  Lyon  was  cashier  of  the  old  New  Haven  Bank. 
+  Afterwards  Corresponding  Secretary  of  the  Amer- 
ican Board  of  Commissioners  for  Foreign  Missions. 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON,  75 

passed.  But  alas  !  the  greatest  partis  a  mere  blank, 
wholly  obliterated  from  my  mind,  and  gone  without 
leaving  a  trace  behind.  Yet  an  account  must  be 
rendered  for  every  moment  of  this  forgotten  time. 
All  time  is  present  with  God,  and  he  does  not  be- 
stow this  valuable  talent  without  requiring  an  im- 
provement. One  observes,  "  There  is  nothing 
wasted  with  so  little  remorse  as  time  ;  and  yet  there 
is  nothing  else  when  lost,  but  may  be  regained  ;  but 
this  cannot.^^  When  I  take  a  retrospect,  I  feel  con- 
strained to  ask  myself  as  Radamanthus  did  the  wo- 
man, "  And  what  have  you  been  doing  all  this 
while  ?"  But  I  cannot  give  as  ready  an  answer  as 
hers.  I  must  reply,  as  to  the  greatest  part  I  have 
really  forgotten.  One  season  of  life  has  so  closely 
followed  another  ;  one  set  of  ideas  and  pursuits  have 
been  interrupted  by  succeeding  ones  ;  recent  events 
have  effaced  the  impression  of  former,  and  all  the 
past  appears  like  a  confused  dream,  with  little  or 
nothing  effected. 

It  is  hardly  probable  that  the  years  wliich  remain, 
will  equal  in  number  those  that  are  past ;  but  they 
ought  to  be  far,  far  superior  in  diligence,  and  carry 
me  rapidly  heaven- ward,  for  they  will  certainly  bear 
me  rapidly  on  to  death,  and  the  grave.  Among  the 
other  evils  introduced  by  the  fall,  this  is  not  the  least ; 
a  sort  of  self-flattery,  which  renders  us  insensible  to 
our  own  condition.     We  see  others  called  to  trials 


76  MEMOIRS   OF   MART   LYON. 

of  various  kinds,  but  rest  in  a  kind  of  stupid  hope, 
that  we  shall  escape.  We  see  others  summoned 
away  by  death,  and  need  no  arguments  to  convince 
us,  that  "  time  with  them  is  indeed  no  more."  But 
still  we  feel  a  kind  of  persuasion  that  this  will  never 
be  the  case  with  us ;  or  at  least  if  we  must  die,  the 
dying-hour  will  never  arrive.  This  delusion  is  the 
bane  of  souls  :  for  did  the  world  reaZ/i/  and.sincerely 
believe,  they  should  certainly  die,  and  come  to  the 
judgment,  they  would  endeavor  to  live  in  some  de- 
gree of  conformity  to  such  a  belief.  Want  of  faith 
lies  at  the  root  of  all  this  difficulty,  and  this  is  the 
reason  why  the  Scriptures  put  such  stress  upon 
faith. 

The  apostle  says  "  we  believe,  therefore  we 
speak  ;"  and  we  may  say,  we  believe,  therefore  we 
act.  Sometimes  the  force  of  temptation  is  so  great, 
that  faith  for  a  season  ceases  to  operate ;  still  the 
general  course  of  a  persons  life  will  be  according  to 
his  belief.  If  he  really  and  habitually  thinks,  that 
there  is  a  great  good  to  be  obtained,  he  will  endea- 
vor  to  obtain  it  earnestly.  If  he  believes  there  is  a 
dreadful  evil  to  be  shunned,  he  will  need  no  argu- 
ments  to  avoid  it.  Want  of  faith  is  the  sole  reason 
why  he  is  not  feelingly  convinced  of  the  brevity  of 
life,  the  certainty  of  death,  the  joys  of  lieaven,  and 
the  bitter  torments  of  hell. 

Good  nighl,  my  dear  sister,  the  shades  of  evening 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  77 

are  closing  around  us,  and  very  soon  the  evening 
of  life  will  throw  her  dusky  mantle  over  our  heads  ; 
but  it  is  no  matter,  if  from  those  shades,  we  can  rise 
to  the  regions  of  never-ending  day,  and  dwell  in 
uncreated  light  forever  and  ever. 

Nov.  1.  After  more  than  six  weeks  absence  at 
K.,  I  am  once  more  returned  to  my  native  roof. 
God  has  never,  for  a  moment  of  my  life,  left  him- 
self without  a  witness,  that  he  is  kind  to  the  unwor- 
thy  :  but  now  I  have  a  fresh  proof  of  his  great 
goodness.  My  mind  is  more  at  ease  than  it  has 
been  during  the  past  year,  on  those  subjects,  re- 
specting which,  it  was  always  wicked  to  feel  any  un- 
easiness. My  heart  has  been  the  abode  of  a  hu- 
man-like spirit  ;  and  the  great,  the  countless  multi- 
tude of  mercies  lavished  on  me,  have  been  disre- 
garded, and  almost  spurned.  Through  this  long 
season  of  sin,  God  has  been  patient,  and  graciously 
waited,  forbearing  to  cut  me  off,  till  the  froward 
child  should  return  to  a  sense  of  her  duty.  Sin  is 
the  direct  or  indirect  cause  of  all  suffering  :  and  I 
am  convinced  it  is  the  immediate  cause  of  the  great- 
est part  of  my  past  troubles.  I  pray  God  to  par- 
don me  for  Jesus'  sake,  and  keep  me  hereafter  from 
these  dreadful  heart-sins,  by  the  grace  of  his  Holy 
Spirit,  to  whom  with  the  Father,  and  the  blessed 
Savior,  be  rendered  everlasting  praises, — amen. 
7* 


78  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

Nov.  5.  This  afternoon  we  expect  a  party  to 
take  tea  with  us,  and  among  them  several  strangers. 
To  me  such  parties  are  a  cross,  and  perhaps  it  is 
my  duty  to  bear  it,  as  such,  without  murmuring. 
Providence  has  placed  me  in  a  situation,  where  I  am 
obliged  to  converse  much  with  worldly  people  ;  and 
to  repine  at  his  allotments,  is  not  only  wicked,  but, 
(as  I  know  from  experience,)  is  productive  of  great 
misery.  The  true  line  of  duty  is  to  guard  against 
the  peculiar  temptations  of  our  situation,  and  not 
murmur  at  the  disposals  of  a  wise  God. 

Nov.  7.  To-day  has  been  extremely  pleasant, 
and  I  have  spent  the  afternoon  in  walking,  and  call- 
ing on  my  acquaintance.  My  mind  remains  tran- 
quil, and  my  spirits  good.  I  have  hourly  cause  for 
gratitude  and  humility.  Gratitude,  that  so  much 
good  is  allotted  me  ;  and  humility,  that  it  is  received 
with  so  much  insensibility.  Those  who  enjoy  the 
light  of  God's  countenance,  are  not  only  the  excel- 
lent of  the  earth,  but  they  are  truly  the  happiest  of 
the  race  of  Adam.  The  pleasures  of  religion  here, 
are  an  earnest  of  that  state  of  bliss  which  is  without 
alloy,  and  without  end. 

Nov.  24.  The  Holy  Spirit  only  can  perform  a 
work  of  grace  in  the  soul,  and  yet  the  world  live  as 
if  they  could,  by  their  own  exertions,  effect  it  at  any 
time.     When  this  life  is  so  fleeting,  and  the  one  to 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  79 

come  eternal,  it  is  strange  that  religion  is  not  the 
whole  business  of  man. 

Nov.  28.  Thanksgiving-day.  There  are  few 
who  have  so  much  reason  for  gratitude  as  I,  and  I 
fear  there  are  {ewy  (all  things  considered,)  who  ex- 
ercise it  so  little.  The  great  mercy  of  feeling  my  mind 
in  any  measure,  delivered  from  that  pit  of  sin  and 
misery,  into  which  it  has  been  j)lunged  during  the 
past  year,  should  excite  the  liveliest  emotions  of 
praise  towards  my  great  Deliverer.  I  will  strive 
to  meditate  on  the  past  as  I  ought,  and  look  ibrward 
with  hope,  trusting  that  God  will  prepare  me  for 
trials,  support  me  under  them,  and  carry  me  safely 
through  all. 

Dec.  5.  I  have  been  spending  the  afternoon 
with  my  grandmother.  She  is  very  happy,  for  her 
pilgrimage  through  this  world  is  almost  finished.  A 
belief  that  nothing  befalls  me  without  the  knowledge 
and  permission  of  God  ;  and  that  he  knows  the  se- 
cret troubles  of  my  heart,  which  are  hidden  fjom 
the  world,  is  a  consideration  full  of  comfort,  and 
tends  to  support  me  under  trials. 

Dec.  13.  There  is  a  great  deal  to  be  performed 
in  this  life,  that  duty  will  not  suffer  us  to  neglect ;  and 
there  is  still  much  more,  that  the  opinions  and  cus- 
toms of  the  world  exact  from  us,  that  is  not  neces- 
sary.    The  cares  of  life  are  a  snare  to  the  soul,  and 


80  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

if  not  regulated  by  a  principle  of  grace  will  prove 
its  ruin, 

Dec.  18.  The  unregenerate,  as  well  as  the  re- 
generate, are  required  to  make  known  their  wants 
unto  God  by  prayer.  Simon  was  exhorted  to  pray, 
when  the  apostle  thought  him  to  be  in  the  gall  of  bit- 
terness, and  there  is  reason  to  think  that  prayer  is 
often  an  instrument  in  turning  sinners  to  Christ. 
Without  prayer  there  is  no  religion  :  it  is  the  life 
and  soul  of  vital  piety. 

Jan.  1,  1812.  When  I  call  to  remembrance  the 
state  of  my  feelings  last  year,  I  have  reason  to  bless 
God  for  the  change  he  has  effected.  The  power 
of  divine  grace  alone,  could  send  peace  and  tran- 
quillity to  such  a  disordered,  and  almost  deranged 
mind  as  mine  then  was.  To  God  be  all  the  glory  ; 
for  my  own  exertions  were  entirely  fruitless.  This 
morning,  (I  hope  with  sincerity,)  I  renewedly  dedi- 
cated myself  to  my  Maker.  O  !  how  I  earnestly 
wish  and  pray,  that  the  coming  year  may  bo  spent 
more  to  the  glory  of  God  than  the  last.  All  the 
future  is  wrapt  in  uncertainty  ;  but  if  I  am  prepared 
by  grace  for  the  reception  of  trials,  it  is  no  matter 
what  they  are.  If  I  am  to  live  another  year,  may 
I  hvc  by  the  faith  of  Jesus  Christ.  If  I  am  to  die 
this  year,  may  I  die  the  death  of  the  righteous,  for 
the  Redeemer's  sake. 

Jan.  25.     The  path  of  duty  is  very  narrow.  The 


MEMOIRS   or   MARY   LYON.  81 

journey  of  a  christian  through  this  world,  resembles 
a  person  passing  over  a  deep  river  on  a  plank. 
While  he  walks  cautiously  on,  watching  his  foot- 
steps, he  is  safe  :  but  if  he  turns  to  the  right  or  to  the 
left,  or  suffers  his  eyes  to  be  directed  to  surround- 
ing objects,  he  tumbles  headlong,  and  is  lost. 

One  great  source  of  unhappiness  in  this  life,  is 
expecting  too  much  from  it.  Those  who  have  learned 
to  regard  it  merely  as  a  passage  to  a  better,  will 
not  be  greatly  moved  at  its  vexations,  and  of  course 
really  enjoy  more  than  those  who  take  up  their  rest 
here. 

Jan.  26.  Humility  is  a  lovely  grace,  especially 
in  youth.  But  that  kind  of  humility  that  leads  its 
possessor  to  rely  implicitly  on  the  judgment  and 
and  opinions  of  others,  merely  because  they  are 
older,  is  a  dangerous  quality.  How  many  things  I 
see  in  my  past  life  to  regret.  It  appears  as  if  mem- 
ory furnished  nothing  on  which  I  can  reflect  with 
pleasure.  Folly,  as  well  as  sin,  marks  every  thing, 
and  I  have  reason  to  blush  for  past  weakness,  as  well 
as  mourn  for  past  guilt. 

Feb.  1.  To-morrow  is  communion  ;  but  the  de- 
parture of  our  truly  christian  brother  will  sadden 
our  hearts,  when  we  behold  his  place  vacant.  But 
why  should  the  church  mourn  his  early  exit  ?  He 
has  escaped  many  sorrows,  many  temptations,  and 
many  sins,  and  is  now  probably  feasting  on  that  love, 


82  MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 

of  which  the  sacrament  is  only  a  token.  Why  my 
unprofitable  hfe  is  continued,  while  others  so  useful 
are  called  away  is  a  mystery.  I  can  only  say, 
"  Even  so  Father,  for  so  it  hath  seemed  good  in  thy 
sight." 

Feb.  6.  Our  danger  is  almost  as  great,  when 
discharging  a  k?iown  duty,  as  at  other  times  ;  for  the 
idea  that  we  are  well  employed,  makes  us  careless 
as  to  our  motives  of  action. 

Feb.  8.  I  am  so  ignorant  Avhat  would  promote 
my  real  happiness,  it  is  strange  that  I  should  ever 
wish  to  choose  for  myself.  I  feel  that  I  am  a  rebel 
in  will,  and  a  child  in  judgment.  My  inability  to 
judge  of  God's  designs,  by  present  dealings,  has 
been  clearly  discovered  to  me,  and  I  am  convinced 
I  have  no  reason  to  be  disheartened  in  any  circum- 
stances, however  perplexing.  When  the  hopes  of 
heaven  are  so  sweet,  and  the  fears  of  hell  so  dread- 
ful, how  can  I  be  interested  in  earthly  things  to  the 
degree  I  frequently  am  ?  It  would  seem  that  the 
consideration  of  such  important  things,  for  one 
moment,  would  entirely  absorb  the  mind,  and  make 
it  dead  to  the  world. 

Feb.  19.  My  failures  in  duty  are  so  numerous, 
my  relapses  into  sin  so  constant,  I  am  almost  tempted 
to  renounce  my  profession,  and  give  up  all  in  de- 
spair. But  I  am  told  by  writers  on  experimental 
religion,  that  such  temptations  are  froni  the  devil, 


MEMOIRSOFM.ARYLYON.  83 

and  therefore  it  would  be  sinful  to  listen  to  them. 
Could  he  prevail  with  me  to  cease  using  the  means 
of  grace,  I  am  lost  forever,  and  the  enemy  triumphs. 

March  6.  To-day  I  have  passed  through  a  most 
severe  trial,  but  I  hope  God  was  with  mc,  and  that 
I  passed  through  it  without  sin.  Yesterday  I  was 
engaged  in  the  duties  of  my  new  office,  as  Secretaiy 
to  the  Female  Charitable  Society,  and  had  an  oppor- 
tunity of  witnessing  the  evils  of  poverty.  The 
world  regards  the  happiness  of  the  christian  as  not 
worth  possessing.  But  if  there  is  any  happiness 
here,  it  arises  from  faith  in  God,  and  a  hope  of  glory 
through  Christ. 

March  23.  The  word  of  inspiration  unfolds  the 
mystery  at  once,  why  persons  are  so  attached  to 
this  world,  and  yet  find  it  a  place  of  so  much  sor- 
row and  suffering.  Sin  is  the  cause  why  this  life  is 
so  joyless,  and  the  reason  why  mankind  are  so  un- 
willing to  quit  it,  and  appear  in  the  presence  of  a 
holy  God.  Guilt  makes  the  sinner  cling  to  the 
world,  as  the  criminal  clings  to  his  prison,  rather 
than  appear  at  the  bar  of  condemnation.  There  has 
been  much  conversation  within  a  few  days  on  the 
lawfulness  of  attending  balls  and  the  theatre.  If 
these  sins  are  not  as  heinous  in  the  sight  of  God  as 
some  others,  do  they  not  excite  levity  ?  and  after  all 
that  can  be  said,  do  real  christians  desire  any  such 
amusements  ? 


84  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY  LYON. 

March  25.  God  has  provided  a  righteousness, 
independent  of  the  creature,  which  will  justify  the 
believer  at  the  bar  of  God.  If  I  am  saved,  I  shall 
remain  to  eternity  a  proof  of  the  doctrine  of  free 
grace,  and  the  electing  love  and  mercy  of  God.  If 
we  had  a  just  sense  of  the  magnitude  of  God's  love 
towards  us,  we  could  not  avoid  loving  each  other. 
Gratitude  to  the  blessed  Savior,  would  constrain  us 
to  obey  all  his  commandments,  and  this  of  loving 
our  fellow  creatures  with  the  rest. 

April  26.  How  little  do  I  realize  this  is  the  morn- 
ing on  which  the  blessed  Savior  rose  from  the  grave. 
This  heavy  world  hangs  upon  my  affections,  that 
would  rise  to  God,  and  weighs  them  down  to  earth. 
Like  my  happy  namesake,  I  long  to  go  forth  to  the 
tomb  of  my  divine  Lord,  and  feel  the  power  of  his 
resurrection,  in  a  resurrection  from  all  sin. 

May  1.  Walked  out  this  afternoon  with  Eliza- 
beth. Afterwards  visited  a  sick  negro  woman,  ap- 
parently near  the  grave.  She  appeared  sensible  that 
death  was  approaching,  but  ignorant  of  the  neces- 
sary preparation  for  it.  I  endeavored  to  instruct 
her,  according  to  the  best  of  my  ability.  Our  Crea- 
tor has  given  us  the  power  of  "  refusing  the  evil  and 
choosing  the  good,"  consequently  final  rejection  is 
chargeable  on/y  to  the  moral  state  of  the  will  and 
affections,  and  not  to  the  decree  of  the  Almighty. 

May  10.     This  morning  I  was  very  much  melted 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON,  §5 

in  prayer,  and  my  heart  seemed  to  feel  what  my 
hps  uttered  :  at  meeting  too,  during  the  first  prayer, 
my  thoughts  wandered  less  than  usual.  I  thank  my 
God  for  this  mercy.  The  service  of  God  is  a  delight 
when  I  can  shut  out  the  world  and  be  "  in  the  Spirit." 

May  14.  How  full  of  sin  is  my  heart  !  I  am 
sometimes  astonished  to  find  lurking  in  my  bosom, 
some  wicked  passion  I  thought  was  subdued.  A 
week  ago  to-day  I  found  myself  under  the  influence 
of  the  hateful  passion  of  envy.  And  now  I  record 
it,  that  when  I  see  it  written  down  against  me,  I  may 
be  ashamed  of  my  vileness,  and  in  future  shun  this 
abominable  sin.  This  feeling  is  as  foolish,  as  it  is 
detestable.  What  earthly  good  is  worth  envying  ? 
Who  is  happy  or  even  contented  ?  What  heart  is 
wholly  free  from  some  bitterness  which  is  peculiar- 
ly its  own  ?  How  irrational  then  to  suppose  that 
happiness  rests  on  a  httle  outward  good, — and  how 
dreadfully  wicked  to  disobey  the  command,  "  Re- 
joice with  them  that  do  rejoice." 

May  18.  This  morning  I  prayed  earnestly  to  be 
delivered  from  the  love  of  human  praise,  and  the 
dread  of  being  neglected  and  despised ;  by  those 
whom  I  esteem.  I  long  to  be  regardless  of  the 
respect,  attention,  dislike,  and  even  contempt  of  my 
fellow  creatures  :  for  what  is  the  judgment  of  man 
worth  ?  The  esteem  of  the  worthy  is  desirable,  it 
is  true,  but  even  this  may  excite  vanity  :  and  it  may 
8 


86  MEMOIRS    OF    MARYLYON. 

also  be  unfounded.  "  Man  looketh  on  the  outward 
appearance  ;  but  the  Lord  looketh  on  the  heart." 

May  19.  We  pursue  a  shadow,  when  we  seek 
comfort  in  any  thing  but  religion.  Alone  with  my 
bible,  and  sometimes  I  hope  with  my  God,  my  mind 
is  peaceful,  and  my  heart  finds  rest.  But  when  en- 
gaged in  the  things  of  this  life,  and  in  company  with 
the  people  of  the  world,  I  feel  uneasy,  and  long  for 
the  moment  of  release,  as  a  captive  longs  for  liberty. 
I  hope  ingratitude  to  God,-  for  the  mercies  I  enjoy, 
is  not  the  cause  of  this  world-loathing,  ^but  truly 
with  me  ;  "  Earth  is  a  tiresome  place." 

May  21.  To-day  a  kind  of  gloomy  discourage- 
ment has  filled  my  mind.  I  have  however,  endea- 
vored to  be  diligent  in  my  daily  occupations,  that  if 
I  could  not  make  any  progress  in  the  christian  hfe, 
I  might  at  least  fill  up  my  time  in  useful  employ- 
ments. I  have  been  tempted  to  consider  the  obsta- 
cles in  my  way  to  heaven  as  wholly  insurmountable, 
and  to  regard  my  trials  as  greater  than  any  ones. 
But  I  think,  (if  I  know  my  own  heart,)  I  should  not 
dread  these  peculiar  trials  as  much  as  I  do,  if  they 
did  not  lead  me  directly  into  sin. 

Friday,  22.  No  words  can  describe  the  gloom 
and  agony  of  my  mind.  "  Deep  calleth  unto  deep," 
and  I  am  overwhelmed.  The  world  is  a  desert, 
and  life  a  burden  ;  and  to  make  my  misery  com- 
plete, I  feel  as  if  God  had  forsaken  me,  and  given 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  87 

me  up  a  prey  to  sin  and  sorrow.  God  of  mercy 
appear  for  me  now,  for  never,  never,  did  a  wretch- 
ed creature  need  help  more  ! 

Saturday,  23.  Yesterday  the  agony  of  my  mind 
was  so  great,  that  I  was  obliged  to  leave  a  large 
party  who  were  here,  and  leave  the  room  to  avoid 
observation,  and  seek  support  from  God.  I  pray- 
ed fervently,  with  fixed  attention,  for  some  time, 
and  found  sensible  relief.  In  the  evening  I  heard 
a  lecture  from  these  words :  "  If  any  man  sin,  &c." 
1  John  ii.  1.  After  I  came  home,  and  to-day  gene- 
rally, I  have  felt  a  sweet  spirit  of  patience  and  re- 
signation, such  as  I  have  not  experienced  for  a  long 
time.     I  feel  willing  to  suffer. 

Sabbath,  24.  The  mental  tranquillity  I  experi- 
enced yesterday  is  in  some  degree  continued  to- 
day, and  I  desire  to  bless  God  therefor.  I  hope 
the  cause  of  my  distress,  on  Friday,  will  never  pro- 
duce the  same  effect  again  ;  for,  in  the  strength  of 
Divine  grace,  I  am  determined  to  conquer. 

Monday,  25.  Once  or  twice  to-day  I  have  felt 
a  gloomy  apprehension  at  what  I  fear  awaits  me, 
but  the  power  of  God  is  infinite,  and  I  rely  on  that 
to  carry  me  through  all. 

June  4.  This  afternoon  I  experienced  a  mental 
depression,  occasioned  by  discovering  another  proof 
of  my  astonishing  weakness.  Last  night  my  sleep 
was  disturbed,  and  I  awoke  early  in  much  agitation. 


88  M  E  M  O  I  R  S    O  r    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  0  N  . 

When  trouble  comes  upon  me,  I  can  find  no  way 
of  relief  but  to  kneel  down  and  pour  out  my  soul 
before  God.  We  can  foreseee  but  little  what  kind 
of  trials  await  us,  I  have  suffered  from  causes  which 
of  all  others  I  least  expected,  and  might  almost  have 
defied. 

June  9.  My  mind  has  been  calm  to-day,  and 
that  sinking  gloom,  I  so  often  experience,  has  not 
been  suffered  to  attack  me.  Those  only  who  have 
felt  this  mental  despondency,  can  have  any  ade- 
quate idea  of  its  bitterness.  Words  cannot  de- 
scribe it ;  but  I  bless  my  God  for  this  day's  tran- 
quillity. 

June  10.  I  have  been  this  afternoon  to  my 
aged  grandmother's.  I  saw  a  woman  at  work 
there  who  was  born,  educated,  and  lived,  till  within 
a  few  years,  in  the  lap  of  affluence  and  luxury,  and 
is  now  obliged  to  earn  her  bread  by  labor,  or  re- 
turn to  the  alms-house,  where  she  has  been  an  in- 
mate.  What  an  instructive  lesson  this  teaches  me 
of  the  fleeting  nature  of  all  earthly  good.  My 
mind  still  remains  calm,  and  I  feel  a  sweet  spirit 
of  hope  and  confidence  in  God.  How  lovely  is 
true  religion  !  how  happy  it  makes  the  soul ! 

June  13.  I  have  parted  with  two  christian 
friends,  for  whom,  though  our  acquaintance  was 
short,  I  {hv\  a  christian  friendship.  One  of  them 
told  rnc  at  parting,  our  separation  would  not  be 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYO  N.  89 

long,  for  we  should  soon  meet  again,  meaning  in 
heaven,  for  we  shall  probably  see  each  other  no 
more  on  earth.  God  of  love  grant  this  may  be 
the  case. 

June  15.  The  world  is  a  very  subtle  enemy  to 
my  soul.  I  feel  it  so  peculiarly  of  late.  Indeed,  I 
am  surrounded  by  enemies  on  every  sid^,  who  hunt 
for  my  soul  with  unceasing  exertions,  and  my 
worst  foes  are  the  sins  and  wicked  passions  of  my 
own  heart.  These  are  the  traitors  in  the  citadel, 
and  therefore  outward  enemies  are  encouraged  to 
attack  it  with  violence.  I  have  been  reading  the 
life  of  David  Brainard,  and  have  experienced 
pleasure,  surprise,  and  concern  in  the  perusal ; 
pleasure,  to  think  that  any  of  the  fallen  race  of 
Adam  could  arrive  at  his  eminence  in  grace  ;  sur- 
prise, that  any  human  heart  could  be  so  divested 
of  selfishness  as  his  ;  concern,  that  I  fall  so  far 
short.  Yet  I  long  to  feel  like  Brainard  ;  to  act.  to 
live,  and  die  like  him. 

June  21.  Surely  no  individual  of  the  sinful  race 
of  Adam,  ever  had  the  .reason  to  bless  God  that  I 
have.  No  fallen  creature  ever  had  the  cause  for 
gratitude  and  love,  to  the  blessed  Giver  of  grace 
and  strength,  that  I  have.  How  is  it  possible  I  can 
ever  distrust  God  !  How  can  I  ever  sink  under  any 
prospects,  however  discouraging,  when  there  is  such 
strength  in  the  arm  of  Jehovah  1  O  !  my  dear 
8* 


90  M  E  M  0  I  R  S   O  F   M  A  R  Y   L  Y  0  5^ 

Savior,  pardon  my  want  of  faith  ;  and  enable  me, 
with  humility  and  holy  confidence,  always  to  trust 
entirely  to  Thee. 

June  22.  What  a  relief  to  the  burdened  soul  is 
prayer  !  How  often  has  my  sad  heart  been  light- 
ened by  this  salutary  remedy.  When  I  cannot 
find  comfoft  here,  I  can  find  it  nowhere.  There 
was  once  a  long,  very  long  season,  when  I  could 
not  attempt  to  draw  near  to  God,  without  being 
driven  back  by  horror  and  dismay.  But,  blessed 
be  God,  it  is  not  so  now.  I  can  pour  out,  not  only 
my  sorrows,  but  my  sins,  before  the  throne  of  the 
Father,  Son,  and  Spirit :  and  sometimes,  when 
corruption  is  strongest,  prayer  is  most  fervent ;  as 
if  faith  overcame  those  fears  my  monstrous  sins 
would  naturally  excite.  This  afternoon  I  have  en- 
joyed a  sweet  season  of  prayer,  and  feel  sensibly 
refreshed  by  it. 

June  23.  God  is  continually  reminding  me,, 
that  it  is  folly  to  expect  happiness  in  this  life  ;  and 
I  feel  convinced  the  best  way  to  enjoy  it,  is  to  ex- 
pect nothing  from  it,  and  to  regard  it  merely  as  a 
stormy  ocean,  over  which  we  must  pass  to  reach 
the  desired  haven.  We  should  only  be  anxious  to 
steer  the  right  course,  guard  against  dangers,  and 
secure  a  safe  arrival  in  port,  without  being  very  so- 
licitous to  find  enjoyment  on  the  voyage,  which 
would  never  be  the  aim  of  a  prudent  mariner. 


MEMOIRSOP    MARY    LYON,  91 

Could  we  view  life  thus,  it  would  save  us  much 
trouble. 

June  24.  The  Lord  appears  from  time  to  time, 
to  be  showing  me  to  myself;  and  I  frequently  dis- 
cover some  trait  in  my  disposition  or  temper,  that 
I  thought  entirely  extirpated,  or,  at  least,  wholly 
subjugated.  God  only  can  make  the  leper  clean. 
My  mind  is  generally  more  tranquil  than  it  was 
some  time  since,  and  I  think  I  feel  more  submission 
to  the  deahngs  of  Providence.  I  have  experienced 
help  from  God,  when  I  least  expected  it ;  and  in 
situations  where  I  thought,  (before  they  arrived,)  I 
should  certainly  sink.  This  leads  me  to  hope  I 
shall  hereafter  be  supported  when  trials  press  upon 
me. 

June  26.  The  declaration  of  war  with  England 
lias  thrown  the  country  into  a  state  of  alarm  and 
consternation.  It  is  painful  to  observe  the  want  of 
faith  and  confidence  in  God,  that  prevails,  even 
among  those  who  call  themselves  christians.  By 
their  conversation  it  is  evident,  "  God  is  not  in  all 
their  thoughts ;"  and  they  tremble  under  the  rod, 
without  considering  who  hath  appointed  it.  Christ's 
little  flock  are  always  safe,  in  war  as  well  as  peace  ; 
and  will  soon  become  inhabitants  of  the  kingdom  of 
eternal  peace. 

June  27.  There  is  a  wide  difference  between 
afflictions  sent  upon  us  by  the  immediate  hand  of 


93  M  E  M  0  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  0  N  . 

God,  and  those  brought  upon  us  by  our  own  sins 
or  the  sins  of  others.  To  the  former,  it  is  our  duty 
to  submit  unreservedly.  To  the  latter,  (where 
moral  evil  is  concerned,)  submission  may  encour- 
age sin.  The  difficulty  of  distinguishmg  between 
these,  is  what  so  often  troubles  me. 

How  happy  are  those  who  have  trodden  the 
whole  length  of  tliis  wilderness  world — passed  the 
Jordan  of  death  in  peace,  and  are  now  safe  landed 
on  the  shores  of  the  heavenly  Canaan,  beyond  the 
reach  of  sin  and  sorrow.  With  them,  temporal 
evils  have  ceased,  spiritual  conflicts  are  over ;  and 
what  is  far  better,  they  are  placed  beyond  the  pos- 
sibihty  of  sinning.  O  !  when  shall  I,  a  poor  sinner, 
enjoy  tliis  blessedness. 

July  2.  To-day,  although  I  have  been  very 
busy,  my  mind  has  been  oppressed  by  gloom  and 
misgivings,  respecting  the  different  sects  that  pre- 
vail in  the  christian  world.  But  may  I  not  hope, 
Christ  has  some  followers  among  all  those  who  de- 
serve to  be  styled  christian  denominations  ?  And 
am  1  not  frequently  assured,  that  "  neither  circum- 
cision availcth  any  thing,  nor  uncircumcision,  but 
a  new  creature."  If  true  religion  consists  in  faith 
and  holiness,  surely,  the  outward  form  is  nothing 
essential. 

July  4.  My  spirits  are  low,  and  it  would  be 
wonderful  if  they  were  not.     I  have  no  hope  but  in 


MEMOIRS   or   Mary  LYON,  93 

the  mercy  of  God,  through  Jesus  Christ ;  and  al- 
though there  is  a  fullness  of  grace  in  him,  it  seems 
impossible  such  a  mass  of  moral  corruption  as  I 
am,  can  ever  enter  the  abode  of  perfect  holiness  in 
heaven. 

July  7.  Yesterday  afternoon  I  accompanied  the 
family  into  the  woods,  about  three  miles  from  town, 
to  take  tea  and  enjoy  the  cool  air ;  the  weather 
here  being  oppressively  warm.  The  evening  finds 
me  enjoying  many  blessings,  among  them  mental 
tranquillity.  How  much  cause  have  I  to  feel  a  con- 
stant glow  of  gratitude  to  God. 

July  10.  I  am  prone  to  look  forward  with  dread, 
to  events  I  think  will  be  distressing,  and  with  joy, 
to  those  I  hope  will  be  happy ;  v/hen  perhaps,  the 
arrival  of  hoili,  convinces  me  I  have  erred  in  my 
expectations.  Faith  settles  all  these  difficulties  by 
giving  up  future  things  entirely  to  God.  How  can 
any  one  who  really  wishes  to  lead  the  life  of  a 
christian,  seek  after  such  things  as  are  manifestly 
hindrances  to  a  growth  in  grace,  such  as  worldly 
company,  &c.  ?  It  is  astonishing  how  those  live 
who  feel  no  interest  in  the  hopes  religion  holds  out. 
What  do  they  lean  upon  when  heavy  troubles  press 
upon  them  ?  Almost  every  day  I  find  need  of  sup- 
port, and  fly  to  religion  as  my  only  prop  to  keep 
my  soul  from  sinking.  Yet  I  see  many  who  wholly 
disregard  it,  in  adversity  as  well  as  prosperity. 


94  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

July  16.  Happy  would  it  be,  were  I  always  un- 
der the  dominion  of  sanctified  reason,  and  not  so 
often  influenced  by  feeling,  as  I  find  myself.  The 
feelings  are  dangerous  guides  ;  and  yet  the  great- 
est portion  of  mankind  are  entirely  under  their  di- 
rection, and  know  no  other  rule  of  action,  but  the 
wishes  and  desires  of  their  own  depraved  and  falli- 
ble hearts.  This  is  too  often  my  case,  and,  like 
an  indulged  child,  they  frequently  make  me  bitterly 
lament  my  imprudent  and  hurtful  indulgence.  This 
afternoon  I'ode  out  of  town  a  few  miles  on  business. 
The  cares  of  the  world  discomposed  my  mind  once 
or  twice  to-day,  though  I  strove  against  it.  It 
seems  almost  impossible  to  keep  up  a  sense  of 
divine  things,  while  troubled  about  many  worldly 
concerns. 

Saturday,  18.  How  I  rejoice,  that  the  sweet 
sabbath  is  drawing  nigh  !  It  appears  to  operate  as  a 
balm  for  all  the  wounds  received  during  the  week. 
Happy  emblem  of  that  eternal  rest  that  awaits  the 
true  believer  in  Jesus  !  It  also,  (after  the  worldly 
business  and  confusion  of  the  week  are  over,)  pre- 
sents to  the  mind  a  striking  picture  of  that  rest  in 
the  Redeemer,  the  soul  enjoys  after  being  pursued 
by  the  terrors  of  the  law,  and  driven  about  by  doubts 
and  perplexity.  My  soul  desires  to  bless  God  for 
giving  me  his  sabbaths. 

July  23.     To-day  has  been  improved  as  a  pub- 


MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON.  95 

lie  fast  throughout  this  state,  in  consequence  of  the 
present  war  with  Great  Britain.  The  morning  dis- 
course was  adapted  to  the  occasion,  and  was  pe- 
cuUarly  solemn  and  excellent.  The  afternoon,  un- 
fortunately, partook  of  party  spirit  and  political 
prejudice,  though  many  remarks  were  good  and 
worthy  of  observation.  I  wish  to  live  a  life  of 
faith  on  the  Son  of  God  :  for,  in  addition  to  higher 
motives,  I  am  convinced  it  is  the  only  one  that  can 
yield  enjoyment  here.  Faith  enables  its  possessor 
to  look  back  with  composure,  regard  the  present 
with  moderation,  and  give  up  the  future  entirely 
into  the  hands  of  God.  And  surely,  if  there  is  any 
happiness  on  this  side  of  the  grave,  it  is  such  a  state 
of  mind  as  this.  The  gloom  and  anxiety  which 
often  clouds  my  views  would  disappear,  had  I  at- 
tained that  measure  of  this  precious  grace.  But 
my  faith  will  be  weak  while  the  work  of  sanctifica- 
tion  progresses  so  slowly.  I  see  clearly  the  con- 
nection between  holiness  and  faith,  sin  and  distrust. 
July  25.  What  a  labyrinth  is  this  world  !  Un- 
certainty attends  every  thing — we  are  uncertain 
what  would  promote  our  happiness  ;  what  would  ex- 
pose us  to  evil,  and  often,  very  often,  ignorant  of  the 
true  path  of  duty.  Sometimes  all  is  darkness,  and 
the  soul  nearly  discouraged  by  doubt  and  perplex- 
ity. Sometimes  the  fear  of  taking  a  wrong  step 
keeps  us  inactive,  when  we  sin  by  not  acting,  and 


96  M  E  M  0  1  R  S    O  F    M  A  R  Y   L  Y  O  N  . 

materially  injure  ourselves  and  others.  The  Lord 
give  me  wisdom  from  on  high. 

July  31.  The  creation  of  an  immortal,  imma- 
terial spirit,  in  the  first  place,  and  when  that  spirit 
has  become  defiled  all  over  with  sin,  to  renew  it  in 
Christ  Jesus  unto  holiness,  is  such  a  manifestation 
of  power,  wisdom,  love,  compassion,  and  astonish- 
ing condescension,  as  eternity  alone  can  enable  us 
to  comprehend. 

Aug.  4.  How  easily^  (did  I  not  strive  against 
it,)  might  a  mind,  formed  with  such  peculiar  pro- 
pensities to  melancholy  as  mine,  become  a  prey  ta 
despair.  But  it  must  not  be.  I  see  a  life  before 
me  of  duties  and  sufferings  ;  and  I  find  it  neces- 
sary to  gird  up  my  loins,  that  I  may  be  enabled  to- 
perform  the  one  with  fidelity  and  bear  the  other 
with  patience.  It  is  sometimes  a  pleasing  reflec- 
tion, that  life  itself  will  soon  be  over,  and  with  it,  all 
these  trials.  God  grant  me  at  last,  a  triumphant 
passage  over  Jordan,  and  a  merciful  reception  in 
the  heavenly  Canaan. 

Aug.  6.  Tuesday  I  attended  the  committee 
meeting ;  I  felt  very  ill,  and  some  conversation  I 
heard  in  the  afternoon  agitated  me  extremely,  so 
that  the  mental  depression  1  experienced  before  I 
left  home  appeared  to  be  almost  prophetic.  Sick- 
ness in  the  family,  in  connection  with  other  things, 
casts  a  shade  around  me ;  yet  no  words  can  ex- 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON,  97 

press  how  much  cause  I  have  for  praise  and 
thanksgiving  to  the  Giver  of  all  good.  I  long  to 
feel  assured,  that  no  trial  shall  come  upon  me 
greater  than  I  have  strength  to  bear ;  that  grace 
shall  be  in  proportion  to  my  need  ;  and  that  I  shall 
not  be  called  to  pass  through  the  peculiar  trial  I 
so  much  fear.  I  can  do  nothing  but  cast  myself 
on  God.  If  this  cruel  affliction  awaits  me,  the 
Lord  carry  me  through  it,  is  all  I  can  say  ;  for  I 
am  nothing  and  less  than  nothing. 

Aug.  9.  When  I  reflect  on  the  great  work  I 
was  sent  into  the  world  to  perform,  and  the  com- 
parative nothingness  of  all  things  below,  I  feel 
amazed  at  myself,  at  my  worldly  mindedness,  my 
desire  after  earthly  good,  my  anxiety  about  tem- 
poral concerns,  and  my  despondency  under  trouble. 
Jesus  Christ  is  the  only  needful  good,  and  to  pos- 
sess him  I  must  have  repentance,  faith,  and  holi- 
ness. How  strange  it  is  that  I,  or  any  other  one, 
who  pants  after  these  things,  should  not  pursue 
them  with  all  the  heart,  and  soul,  and  mind,  and 
strength,  as  the  sum  and  substance  of  all  that  is 
truly  desirable.  I  am  a  perfect  contradiction ; 
without  consistency,  and  an  astonishment  to  myself. 

Aug.  11.  How  dangerous  it  is  to  tamper  with 
the  feelings.  After  reading  works  of  the  imagina- 
tion, calculated  to  interest  the  heart  but  weaken  the 
mind,  I  am  half  wild,  and  for  that  reason,  as  well 
9 


98  MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 

as  others,  I  shun  such  works  as  I  would  a  serpent. 
Once  I  was  ignorant  of  their  baneful  effect,  and 
swallowed  the  poison  because  it  was  sweet.  Dear- 
bought  experience,  and  I  trust  something  better, 
has  convinced  me,  not  only  of  their  ruinous  t€n- 
denc)',  but  the  shi  of  wasting  time  in  their  perusal. 
Mental  peace  and  mental  purity  require,  not  only 
obedient  passions,  but  well  regulated  feelings  and  a 
well  governed  imagination. 

Aug.  22.  I  have  been  enabled,  in  one  or  two 
instances,  to  practice  self-denial,  and  this  is  a  much 
greater  mercy  than  to  have  my  wishes  granted.  I 
find  trials  of  various  kinds  pressing  upon  me  ;  but 
a  secret  something  keeps  me  from  sinking,  and  I 
still  hope  for  the  removal  of  all  these  evils,  or  a 
sanctified  improvement  of  them.  I  feel  astonished 
when  I  hear  aged  christians,  (after  expressing  a 
hope  of  glory,  amounting  almost  to  assurance,)  de- 
clare they  still  desire  to  live  longer.  If  this  world 
has  so  few  charms  for  me,  who  am  surrounded  with 
countless  mercies,  and  uncertain  but  this  is  all  my 
portion,  how  is  it  possible,  it  can  for  one  moment 
lure  the  stay  of  a  soul  convinced  of  its  vanity  and 
rejoicing  in  hope  of  heaven. 

Aug.  30.  If  I  am  really  a  child  of  God  and  a 
truly  converted  person,  I  believe  before  I  die,  I 
shall  pass  througli  a  season  of  severe  spiritual  dark- 
ness :  foF  I  aln  so  stupid,  that  my  conscience  is  al- 


MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON.  99 

most  sermon-proof,  and  it  is  nearly  impossible  to 
rouse  my  soul  from  its  lethargy.  Every  thing 
within  me  and  around  me,  seem  conspiring  to  draw 
my  mind  from  God  and  religion  ;  and  though  I 
struggle  to  repel  their  influence,  it  appears  like  op- 
posing a  straw  to  the  torrent.  Truly  salvation  is 
all  of  grace. 

Sept.  3.  Yesterday  I  passed  a  gloomy  day. 
Mamma's  illness,  and  other  trials,  nearly  over- 
whelmed me.  Towards  evening  I  went  to  see  my 
grandmother,  and  after  conversing  with  her  felt 
more  composed.  This  morning  my  heart  melted 
a  little  in  prayer,  and  afterwards,  reading  a  descrip- 
tion of  the  Savior's  sufferings,  my  tears  flowed 
freely ;  and  I  was  enabled  to  feel  in  some  degree 
as  I  wished.  The  stone  for  a  season  appeared  to 
be  turned  into  flesh,  and  I  had  some  sense  of  what 
my  dear  blessed  Jesus  endured  for  sin.  O !  that 
I  loved  him  as  I  ought.  Would  that  every  mem- 
ber of  this  family  belonged  to  the  family  of  God. 

Sept.  6.  The  scriptures  mention  three  great 
enemies  of  fallen  man ;  the  world,  the  flesh,  and 
the  devil,  and  bids  us  beware  of  their  wiles.  Which 
of  the  three  has  the  most  power  over  my  poor  soul 
I  cannot  determine.  But  certain  it  is,  something 
leads  me  into  sin  every  day ;  and  something  pre- 
vents my  sorrowing  for  it  £is  I  ought.  With  re- 
spect to  the  world,  (if  I  know  my  own  heart,)  I 


100  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

am  not  in  as  much  danger  from  its  pleasures  as 
from  its  cares  and  sorrows  ;  and  no  place  or  em- 
ployment is  exempt  from  their  intrusion. 

Sept.  7.  What  an  evil  and  bitter  thing  sin  is. 
Sometimes,  when  I  reflect  upon  some  particular  sin, 
that  memory  calls  up,  it  pierces  my  heart  like  a 
dagger,  and  I  would  give  worlds  to  recall  it,  but 
in  vain.  It  is  numbered  with  the  years  beyond  the 
flood,  and  I  can  only  lament  it,  pray  for  pardon, 
and  strive  to  shun  it  hereafter.  O !  how  I  fail  in 
relative  duties.  At  times  I  can  say,  (I  think  with 
sincerity,)  like  Job,  "  I  ablior  myself,"  but  fear  I 
cannot  add,  and  "  repent  in  dust  and  ashes ;"  for 
repentance  includes  a  ceasing  from  sin,  and  I  fall 
into  the  same  sins  again.  O !  if  I  could  feel  the 
power  of  sin  broken  within  me,  if  I  could  find  all 
my  corruptions  effectually  subdued,  no  earthly  hap- 
pincss  would  equal  mine. 

Sept.  10.  The  return  of  this  gay  season,  is  cal- 
culated to  awaken  many  painful  reflections  in  my 
mind,  on  a  variety  of  subjects  ;  yet  my  spirits  are 
unruffled.  Bless  the  Lord,  my  soul,  for  his  unmer- 
ited goodness  to  me.  Yesterday  was  commence- 
ment, and  the  town  was  a  scene  of  noise  and  dissi- 
pation. I  attended  the  exhibitions  both  parts  of  the 
day.  This  morning  heard  a  sermon  from  Luke  xvi. 
26.  To-morrow  mamma  leaves  home  for  Killing- 
worth.  I  hope  God  will  make  this  little  journey,  a 
means  of  restoring  her  health. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  101 

Sept.  12.  A  confused  and  tiresome  week  is  now 
ended.  Providence  has  seen  fit  to  place  me  in  a 
situation  where  I  am  surrounded  by  company,  busi- 
ness, confusion,  and  the  sure  consequence  of  all 
these  sins.  The  "  still  small  voice"  can  hardly  be 
heard,  amidst  this  continued  scene  of  hurry  and 
noise ;  and  divine  things  are  forcibly  driven  from 
the  mind.  I  am  sometimes  constrained  to  exclaim 
with  the  Psalmist,  "  Woe  is  me  that  I  sojourn  in 
Mesech,  that  I  dwell  in  the  tents  of  Kedar  !" 

Sept.  21.  God  is  bountiful  to  me  and  mine.  My 
father  has  been  relieved  from  a  dangerous  disease, 
and  we  hear  favorable  accounts  from  my  mother. 
The  temporal  mercies  we  enjoy,  as  a  family,  are  in- 
numerable, and  we  have  also  the  offers  of  salvation  : 
but  O  !  what  answerable  returns  do  we  make  ?  I 
fear  for  my  friends,  as  well  as  myself.  May  the 
Lord  incline  all  our  hearts  to  keep  his  law. 

Sept.  28.  Saturday  I  visited  the  death-bed  of  a 
christian.  She  was  an  ignorant  negro  woman.  I 
was  told  she  was  unable  to  read.  But  the  Holy 
Spirit  had  been  her  instructor,  and  she  was  deeply 
learned  in  spiritual  things.  The  truths  of  holy  writ 
were  engraven  on  her  heart,  and  flowed  from  her 
lips, — her  faith  was  strong,  her  hopes  bright,  and 
her  soul  triumphant  over  death  and  the  powers  of 
darkness,  through  the  name,  and  only  through 
the  name  of  Jesus.  She  appeared  to  taste  the  joys 
9* 


102  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

of  heaven,  and  was  on  the  wing  to  depart,  that  she 
m'ght  be  present  with  the  Lord.  If  those  who  doubt 
the  truth  of  Christianity  would  suffer  themselves  to 
witness  this  scene,  they  would  be  constrained  to  say, 
"  This  is  the  Lord's  doings,  it  is  marvellous  in  our 
eyes." 

Sept.  29.  Last  night  we  received  information  of 
the  death  of  John  Mansfield,  of  Cincinnati,  a  highly 
valued  friend  and  relative.  Possessed  of  youth, 
health,  beauty,  genius,  learning,  and  fame,  he  is  sud- 
denly called  to  resign  them  all,  and  bow  to  the  king 
of  terrors.  Death  rarely  finds  such  a  victim,  and 
the  grave  rarely  closes  over  such  a  prey.  But  all 
is  vanity  :  and  he  has  gone,  where  the  smallest  de- 
gree of  true  faith,  is  worth  all  he  possessed.  Such 
events  yield  much  instruction  to  survivors.  They 
teach  us,  that  no  earthly  possession  is  worth  envy- 
ing, and  that  preparation  for  death  is  the  only  object 
worth  pursuing. 

The  individual  mentioned  here,  was  a  native  of 
New  Haven,  and  had  been  residing  a  few  years  in 
Cincinnati.  He  commanded  a  company  of  volun- 
teers, who  accompanied  Gen.  Hull  in  his  disastrous 
northern  expedition.  Chagrin  and  disappointment, 
at  Hull's  unexpected  surrender,  and  exposure  to 
the  night  air  on  the  rivers  in  an  open  boat,  when  re- 
turning to  Cincinnati,  occasioned  a  malignant  fever. 


MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON.  103 

which  closed  his  brief  and  bright  career  at  the  age 
of  twenty-four. 

Oct.  5.  The  face  of  nature  is  gradually  laying 
aside  her  smiles,  and  assuming  the  garb  of  winter. 
Towards  evening  the  wind  rises,  and  utters  that  pe- 
culiar kind  of  moan,  that  can  can  be  felt  but  not 
described.  To-day  has  been  filled  up  in  the  dis- 
charge of  domestic  duties.  How  soon  the  time 
will  arrive,  when  the  performance  of  every  earthly 
duty  will  be  beyond  my  power  forever  !  and  how 
strange  that  I  realize  this  truth  so  little. 

Oct.  10.  The  recollection  of  past  sin,  pains  me 
to  the  heart,  and  the  idea  that  I  cannot  recall  it,  ag- 
gravates my  sufferings.  O  !  what  a  dreadful  feel- 
ing is  remorse  !  yet  every  year  I  lay  up  food  for  the 
serpent  to  feed  upon  during  the  next.  I  hate  sin, 
I  long  and  pray  to  be  delivered  from  it,  yet  it  clings 
close  to  me  and  I  seem  to  strive  in  vain.  This 
morning  a  sense  of  sin  and  misery  seemed  to  ex- 
cite fervent  prayer,  and  my  thoughts  have  wandered 
less  than  usual,  during  the  day. 

Oct.  13.  To-day  my  mother  has  returned  from 
Killingworth,  and  through  the  goodness  of  God,  in 
comfortable  health.  IMy  mind  is  more  tranquil,  and 
I  pray  I  may  shun  hereafter,  those  sins  which  have 
cost  me  so  many  tears  and  so  much  heart  ache. 


104  MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON, 

Sin  is  the  parent  of  sorrow,  and  if  I  commit  the  one, 
I  must  expect  the  other,  for  they  are  inseparable. 

Oct.  15.  The  matter  is  now  agitated  in  the 
family,  respecting  my  accompanying  Emilia  to  the 
South.  For  myself,  I  think  I  am  indifferent  how 
it  terminates.  The  Lord  order  the  result  as  he 
pleases.  I  have  reason  to  bless  God  that  my  mind 
is  so  tranquil,  when  there  are  so  many  things  pend- 
ing,  that  would  naturally  produce  melancholy.  I 
hope  this  arises  from  faith  and  confidence  in  God. 
I  think  I  feel  increasing  confidence  in  God,  and  a 
firmer  practical  belief  in  the  doctrine  of  a  partic- 
ular providence. 

Oct.  17.  I  have  been  walking  out  with  one  of 
my  sisters,  and  during  the  walk,  and  once  or  twice 
before  to-day,  I  have  felt  a  gloom  creeping  upon  my 
mind,  at  the  thoughts  of  the  approaching  separation. 
But  the  Lord  is  good,  and  let  me  trust  in  him. 

Oct.  20.  My  spirits  remain  tranquil,  but  perhaps 
preparation  for  the  journey  and  stupidity,  are  the 
causes  for  this  mental  peace.  Surely  it  is  a  great 
thing  to  go  so  far  and  remain  so  long,  such  is  the 
uncertainty  of  all  earthly  things.  Some  of  my 
friends  I  may  never  sec  again,  but  the  Lord  help 
me  to  put  my  trust  in  him. 

Oct.  25.  To-morrow  morning,  (if  Providence 
permits,)  I  shall  bid  a  long,  perhaps  a  last  adieu,  to 
my  nearest  friends,  my  native  home,  and  all  those 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  105 

familiar  objects  I  have  been  accustomed  to  behold 
from  my  birth  to  the  present  hour.  Yet  my  feel- 
ings are  composed,  and  my  mind  perfectly  calm. 
I  know  not  to  what  cause  I  must  attribute  this  un- 
expected tranquillity  ;  whether  to  stupidity,  or  the 
grace  of  God.  I  have  prayed  frequently  and  fer- 
vently for  support,  when  this  trial  drew  near,  and 
that  I  might  be  enabled  to  give  up  my  friends,  my- 
self, and  all,  into  the  hands  of  God  unconditionally, 
with  faith  and  humility  of  soul.  Perhaps  my  pres- 
ent state  of  mind  is  in  answer  to  prayer. 

Oct.  26.  The  bells  are  now  tolhng  to  announce 
the  death  of  our  chief  magistrate.  How  empty 
are  all  earthly  things  !  This  mark  of  respect  is 
unheard  by  him,  and  his  naked  soul,  far  beyond 
the  reach  of  earthly  honors,  is  receiving  its  sentence 
at  the  bar  of  God  ;  not  according  to  the  opinions  of 
political  friends  or  enemies,  but  the  unerring  stand- 
ard of  the  word  of  God. 

This  journey  to  Charleston,  was  performed  by 
land,  in  a  private  carriage,  taking  the  road  adjacent 
to  the  sea  coast  in  going  down,  and  the  road  through 
the  interior  in  returning.  It  is  to  be  regretted,  that 
she  has  left  do  record  of  the  incidents  of  this  journey, 
or  any  description  of  the  long  extent  of  countiy 
through  which  they  passed.  Her  conversation  after 
her  return,  was  highly  interesting  in  both  these  par- 


10§         MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON, 

ticulars  :  but  it  cannot  be  recalled  with  sufficient  ex- 
actness or  connection,  to  warrant  an  insertion  here. 
As  a  concise  memoir  only  was  contemplated,  and 
a  lapse  of  nineteen  years  has  produced  so  many 
changes,  both  by  deaths  and  removals,  it  was  con- 
sidered inexpedient  to  make  any  effort  to  obtain  dis- 
tant letters,  written  at  this,  or  any  other  period. 
Such  letters  only  have  been  inserted  in  this  me- 
moir, as  were  in  possession  of  two  of  her  sisters, 

TO    HER    FATHER   IN    NEW   HAVEN. 

Fairfield,  Oct.  28,  1812. 

We  arrived  here  without  much  fatigue.  Little 
J.  bears  riding  very  well ;  and  like  Mario w,  "  he 
makes  his  father's  son  welcome  everywhere."  I 
suppose  you  and  the  family  feel  lonely  this  evening ; 
but  a  few  days  will  wear  away,  in  some  measure, 
these  impressions,  though  I  presume  we  shall  never 
be  forgotten.  Our  kind  Creator  has  formed  us  of 
such  materials,  that  our  minds  cannot  be  exercised 
with  precisely  the  same  feelings  for  a  long  period. 
Time,  the  great  instrument  in  his  hands,  weakens 
mental  impressions,  however  painful,  and  finally 
wholly  efTaccs  them.  Our  parting  this  morning 
was  distressing,  but  O  !  how  trifling  compared  with 
that  which  death  occasions.  This  consideration 
ought  to  teach  us,  not  only  composure,  but  gratitude. 

This  is  the  first  time  I  was  ever  west  of  West 


^ 


MEMOIRS    or    MARY   LYON,  107 

Haven,  of  course  to  me  all  is  new.  Bridgeport  is 
a  thriving  little  town,  and  appears  like  the  begin- 
ning  of  a  large  city,  Stratford  bridge  pleased  m^ 
much,  because  it  was  so  necessary,  and  appears  so 
well  built.  I  hope  it  is  fully  secured  against  next 
winter's  ice.  The  horses  are  manageable  and  per- 
form well ;  the  carriage  is  very  easy,  so  with  the 
blessing  of  divine  protection,  we  may  hope  to  pro- 
ceed in  peace  and  safety.  Please  remember  us  af. 
fectionately  to  every  member  of  the  family,  partic- 
ularly our  mother;  and  tell  her  we  are  in  good 
health,  and  in  tolerable  spirits.  Good  night,  dear 
father,  may  the  Watchman  of  Israel  grant  us  his  fa- 
vor and  protection,  and  we  need  nothing  more. 

TO    HER    SISTER    IN    NEW   HAVEN. 

Clmrleston,  {S.  C.)  Dec.  25,  1812. 
My  Dear  Sophia  : — Your  kind  letter,  of  Nov. 
19th,  which  I  found  waiting  for  me  on  my  arrival, 
deserved  an  earlier  answer ;  but  the  old  proverb, 
"  that  none  are  so  busy  as  those  who  have  nothing 
to  do,"  appears  to  be  exemplified  in  my  case.  I 
am  free  from  care  and  employment  of  a  domestic 
nature,  still  day  after  day  has  passed  off  without  my 
finding  a  convenient  time  and  place  for  writing. 
The  father  of  Mr.  B.,  and  his  family,  received  us 
affectionately,  and  have  constantly  manifested  a  de- 
sire to  make  us  happy.     He  is  very  infirm,  and 


108  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

goes  out  little ;  and  J.  appears  to  yield  him  considera- 
ble amusement.  Mrs.  B.  has  the  care  of  every- 
thing relating  to  the  family,  and  is  possessed  of 
great  energy  of  character.  Isaac  B.,  as  usual,  is 
deeply  in  love,  but  kind  and  pleasant  as  ever. 
Claudia  is  a  lovely,  happy  tempered  girl,  full  of 
gayety  and  high  spirits,  because  her  exti'eme  youth 
and  inexperience  throw  a  vail  between  her  and  the 
world  ;  and  she  knows  not  yet  what  is  behind  the 
scene.  Mr.  Thomas  B.,  the  eldest  son,  has  just 
returned  from  Columbia.  He  is  a  very  talented 
man, — is  mayor  of  Charleston,  and  was  solicited  to 
stand  candidate  for  governor,  but  declined.  Judge 
Johnson,*  who  married  the  eldest  daughter,  resem- 
bles Dr.  Mason,  of  New- York,  so  much  in  person? 
voice,  manner,  &c.,  that  I  can  hardly  realize  they 
are  two  beings. 

Mr.  B's  situation  is  on  a  point  of  land,  surround- 
ed on  three  sides  by  water.  In  front,  James'  Island 
is  in  full  view ;  and  with  a  spy-glass  we  can  clearly 
see  the  mill,  plantation,  and  houses.  On  the  west 
side  runs  Ashly  River,  skirted  with  woods  on  the 
opposite  bank,  which  appear  like  the  region  of  soli- 
tude and  retirement.  In  the  rear  of  the  house  we 
are  still  encircled  by  the  river,  over  which  a  neat 

*  The  late  William  Johnson,  of  South  Carolina, 
Judge  of  ihe  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States. 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  109 

white  bridge  leads  into  the  country.  On  the  east 
side  lies  the  city,  which  appears  at  a  distance  more 
like  views  of  London  than  any  other  place  I  have 
seen. 

If  natural  and  moral  beauty  were  inseparably 
united,  Charleston  would  stand  second  to  no  city 
in  our  country  ;  but  the  dreadful  sin  of  slavery, 
like  the  fretting  leprosy  of  the  ancient  Jews, 
pollutes  every  thing  it  touches  ;  and  "  even  the 
mind  and  conscience"  of  the  best  people  here,  "  are 
defiled,"  in  some  measure,  by  this  horrid  iniqui- 
ty ;  as  destructive  of  true  enjoyment  as  it  is  of 
virtue.  The  unhealthiness  of  the  climate  may,  with- 
out presumption,  be  ascribed  to  this  as  one  of  its 
sources.  Independent  of  the  just  judgment  of  God 
that  every  sin  deserves,  these  degraded  people  have 
a  direct  tendency  to  render  the  air  impure.  Placed 
amongst  us  as  they  are,  with  no  motive  of  action 
but  fear,  and  constantly  employed  in  the  lowest 
and  most  menial  drudgery,  then-  habits  are  ex- 
tremely uncleanly ;  this  joined  to  the  heat  of  the 
climate,  and  their  prodigious  number,  might  produce 
an  unhealthy  state  of  the  atmosphere,  without  any 
other  cause.  At  some  future  period,  God  may  raise 
up  another  Wilberforce,  as  his  instrument  in  remo- 
ving this  scourge  and  iniquity  from  our  southern 
country.  If  sister  Elizabeth  has  returned  from  her 
visit  to  Mrs.  Everett,  tell  her  I  will  write  soon. 
10 


110  RIEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

January  4,  1813. 

I  began  this  letter  on  Christmas-day,  and  end  it 
in  another  year.  "  In  my  mind's  eye,"  I  see  you 
all  hovering  round  the  fire  this  evening,  and  dread- 
ing to  leave  it  even  for  a  moment.  If  it  will  afford 
you  any  satisfaction,  I  can  assure  you,  that  we  are 
nearly  in  the  same  situation.  The  weather  has  been 
extremely  cold  to-day,  but  we  are  all  in  good  health, 
and  the  new  year  finds  us  surrounded  with  mercies. 

I  see  by  the  papers,  that  J.  Totten  has  received 
a  captaincy.  I  am  sure  he  pays  for  it  dearly  in 
braving  the  rigor  of  a  Canadian  winter,  the  cannon  of 
the  British,  and  the  scalping-knife  of  the  Indian.  Tell 
papa,  dear  S,,  I  do  not  think  he  is  very  polite,  for  I 
have  written  him  three  or  four  letters,  and  received 
no  answer  ;  but  his  busy  season,  in  making  up  the 
yearly  accounts  at  the  bank,  is  a  sufficient  excuse. 

As  Miss  Lyon's  views  of  slavery  are  given  in 
the  above  letter,  it  seems  necessary  to  observe,  that 
after  her  return  to  Connecticut,  she  spoke  with  much 
feeling,  of  the  many  excellent  traits  she  observed  in 
the  southern  character,  more  particularly  in  the  cir- 
cle with  which  she  was  immediately  connected. 
The  hospitality  and  kindness  they  manifested,  in 
seasons  of  sickness  and  various  other  calamities, 
when  friendship  is  most  needed,  were  often  sub- 
jects  of  her  conversation  ;  and  she  related  many 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON,  HI 

acts  of  disinterestedness  and  generosity,  which  had 
come  to  her  knowledge.  The  kindness  and  atten- 
tion she  received  personally,  were  always  mentioned 
with  sensibility  and  gratitude.  The  subject  of  this 
memoir,  never  called  evil  good,  or  good  evil ;  or 
supposed  sin  changed  its  nature,  under  any  circum- 
stances ;  but  deeply  realized  that  she,  and  her  north- 
ern friends,  were  also  sinners  against  God,  and  that 
"  all  boasting  was  excluded."  Perhaps  few  of  our 
fallen  race  possessed  less  self-righteousness,  or  were 
more  ready  to  extend  the  mantle  of  charity  over  others. 

Charleston,  S.  C,  Feb.  25,  1813. 
A  variety  of  causes  have  combined  to  interrupt 
my  diary.  Since  the  last  date,  I  have  performed  a 
journey  of  nearly  seven  weeks,  and  since  my  arri- 
val, my  time  and  attention  have  been  almost  con- 
stantly engaged,  in  a  course  of  duties  and  concerns 
that  I  could  not  omit.  But  during  all  this  period,  I 
have  abundant  cause  to  "  sing  of  mercy."  The 
protection  of  God,  like  the  air  I  breathe,  has  sur- 
rounded me  in  all  places,  and  though  continually 
exposed  to  dangers,  I  have  been  carried  through 
them  all  in  safety.  In  a  land  of  strangers,  far  from 
home,  how  miserable  should  I  be,  did  not  the  provi- 
dence of  God  extend  to  every  part  of  this  "sin- 
worn  world,"  and  did  I  not  firmly  believe  this  bless- 
ed truth.     I  know  that  no  evil  can  befall  me,  but  by 


112  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

the  permission  of  my  heavenly  Father,  whose  good- 
ness and  mercy  have  always  followed  me,  and  never 
have  I  trusted  him  in  vain. 

March  1.  To-day  I  have  taken  a  long  ride 
through  the  city  and  its  vicinity.  My  life,  however, 
is  very  domestic,  and  I  seldom  go  out  except  to 
church.  If  the  Lord  is  with  me,  it  matters  little 
where  I  am.  The  shining  of  his  face  can  make 
any  place  happy,  and  without  the  light  of  his  coun- 
tenance all  situations  are  wretched. 

March  15.  I  have  been  troubled  with  an  inflam- 
mation and  swelling  in  my  right  hand,  for  more  than 
a  week ;  and  during  this  period,  Satan  and  sin 
have  assaulted  my  soul.  One  day  the  violence  of 
the  attack  was  so  great,  that  my  whole  frame  be- 
came seriously  disordered  through  mental  agitation, 
and  my  friends  sent  for  a  physician.  Alas  !  how 
little  did  they  or  he  comprehend  my  disease.  The 
balm  and  the  Physician  of  Gilead  alone,  can  ad- 
minister any  health  or  comfort  to  me. 

March  16.  My  mind  is  more  composed,  and  my 
hand  fast  recovering.  I  pray  for  grace  to  make  a  wise 
improvement  of  all  God's  dispensations  towards  me. 

March  19.  To-day  I  received  a  letter  from  So- 
phia, informing  me  of  the  death  of  aunt  Lyon. 
The  Lord  sanctify  this  event  to  her  poor  distressed 
daughters.  No  earthly  power  can  comfort  them. 
My  hand  still  troubles  me,  and  my  health  is  not  good. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON,  113 

But  ingratitude  itself  could  not  complain  in  my  sit- 
uation. Mercy  flows  in  upon  me  from  every  quar- 
ter, and  all  that  is  wanting  is  a  heart  to  feel  it. 
Heard  a  sermon  last  sabbath,  on  the  danger  of 
worldly  conformity.  It  appeared  to  be  a  word  in 
season. 

March  24.  When  I  reflect  on  the  dangers  through 
which  I  passed  on  my  journey,  I  find  abundant 
cause  to  believe,  not  only  in  the  doctrine  of  God's 
providence  generally,  but  his  special  care  over  me 
in  particular.  Happiness  is  the  pursuit  of  all,  but 
to  seek  it  in  this  world,  is  seeking  the  living  among 
the  dead.  The  wicked  certainly  do  not  possess  it ; 
and  the  righteous  have  sorrows  pecuUarly  their  own. 

The  most  prosperous  are  sighing  for  something 
more,  and  those  in  adversity  can  hardly  enjoy  the 
mercies  they  really  do  possess. 

March,  29.  The  style  of  preaching  here  is  truly 
evangelical ;  but  the  servants  of  God  can  say,  as  in 
other  places,  "  Who  hath  beheved  our  report."  The 
sin  of  slavery  pervades  all  ranks,  and  even  the  chil- 
dren of  grace  are  not  uncontaminated.  Interest 
so  far  darkens  the  minds  of  this  people,  that  they 
justify  the  practice,  and  call  evil  good.  But  sla- 
very is  not  the  only  sin,  and  may  the  Lord  give  me 
grace  to  watch  over  my  own  soul,  with  all  that  so, 
licitude  its  unspeakable  worth  demands  ! 

April  8.     What  an  inestimable  privilege  is  pray, 
10* 


114         MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON. 

er !  I  have  been  endeavoring  this  morning,  to 
draw  water  out  of  the  wells  of  salvation.  Keep  me 
this  day,  my  Savior ;  make  thy  strength  perfect  in 
my  weakness.  "  Lead  me  not  into  temptation,  de- 
liver me  from  evil,  for  thine  is  the  kingdom,  the 
power  and  the  glory,  forever  and  ever, — Amen." 

April  10.  I  find  myself  more  inclined  to  think 
of  troubles,  than  to  meditate  upon  mercies  ;  and  this 
disposition  must  be  corrected.  Very  few  of  my 
fellov/  beings  have  been  called  to  bear  so  few  great 
outward  aflhctions,  as  myself ;  and  perhaps  for  this 
very  reason  my  internal  mental  trials  are  greater. 
My  spiritual  warfare  is  at  times  terrible . 

April  19.  Yesterday  received  tidings  of  the 
death  of  N.  Mansfield,  of  Killingworth.  God  is 
thus  calling  away  my  relatives  by  death.  I  pray 
for  a  sanctified  improvement  of  all  these  events. 
No  drowning  creature  ever  longed  for  preservation, 
more  than  1  sometimes  do  for  holiness  :  and  this 
desire  God  has  2^ro?msed  shall  be  satisfied.  O  !  that 
I  had  faith  to  rest  upon  this  promise  ! 

TO   A    SISTER    IN    NEW    HAVEN. 

Charleston,  May  1,  1813. 

My  Dear  Elizabeth  : — E.  has  removed  from 

her  confinement,  and  is  apparently  in  better  health 

than  for  the  last  four  or  five  years,  and  is  far  more 

contented  than  when  here  before.     But  still  she 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON."  115 

earnestly  wishes  to  take  up  her  permanent  residence 
in  New  Haven,  and  educate  her  children  there. 

*  *  *  *  May  4.  On  reading  over  what  I 
wrote  on  Saturday,  the  reflection  crosses  my  mind, 
that  perhaps  I  am  "  disquieting  myself  in  vain." 
The  future  is  so  hidden  from  us,  and  so  wholly  out 
of  our  power  to  regulate,  that  it  seems  like  folly  to 
exercise  any  anxiety  about  it,  as  respects  temporal 
things.  Yet  there  is  a  prudent  foresight,  that  every 
christian  is  bound  to  observe, — a  little  ti?/iely  cau- 
tion has  prevented  much  evil.  Mr.  H.  will  tell  you 
everything  respecting  our  present  situation  and 
plans.  Mr.  B.  cannot  hear  a  word  of  my  return- 
ing home  this  summer ;  and  the  idea  of  leaving 
Emilia  is  so  painful,  that  I  believe,  all  things  consid- 
ered, I  shall  stay  over  the  season  ;  and  "  if  I  perish, 
I  perish."  The  difficulties  of  her  going  on  this 
summer,  with  two  such  infants,  seem  almost  insur- 
mountable. I  feel  also  desirous  of  obliging  Mr.  B. 
There  is  nothing  in  his  power  to  do,  to  make  us 
happy,  that  he  will  neglect :  and  if  the  fever  ap- 
pears, he  will  convey  us  to  SuUivan's  Island,  and  re- 
main through  the  summer. 

Judge  Law  it  seems,  has  renewed  his  addresses 
to  Sarah.  He  was  always  esteemed  by  me,  and  I 
consider  him  an  excellent  man.  But  still  I  hope 
S.  will  not  take  this  important  step,  without  "  first 
sitting  down  and  counting  the  cost."     She  cannot 


116  MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON. 

be  both  married  and  single,  she  cannot  unite  the  ad- 
vantages of  both  conditions  in  one.  I  can  only 
pray,  the  Lord  order  future  events  in  mercy,  and 
sanctify  the  past. 

May  10.  Awoke  this  morning  in  a  happy  frame 
of  mind,  and  was  enabled  to  lift  up  my  heart  to  God, 
with  praise  and  gratitude.  Love  and  thanksgiving 
seemed  to  fill  my  soul.  I  am  more  and  more  con- 
vinced, that  the  seat  of  happiness  is  the  mind.  Ex- 
ternal circumstances  have  but  little  effect. 

May  19.  Nature  appears  lovely,  and  the  tran- 
quillity  of  morning  is  soothing  to  the  mind.  But 
my  far-off  home,  my  far-distant  friends,  this  sickly 
clime  which  brings  death  near ;  and  above  all  sin, 
casts  a  gloom  over  my  mind,  which  I  cannot  re- 
move. O  !  for  a  ray  from  the  sun  of  righteousness, 
to  dispel  these  shades  and  dry  these  tears  !  Faith 
can  do  it :  and  through  Christ  I  trust,  I  shall  finally 
conquer  all  my  foes,  and  "  put  to  flight  the  armies 
of  the  aliens."  What  is  before  me  I  cannot  tell, 
neither  is  it  my  business  to  inquire.  The  path  of 
duty,  (when  known,)  must  be  pursued  with  humility 
and  perseverance,  and  future  things  left  with  God. 
"  Sufficient  for  the  day,  is  the  evil  thereof." 

May  27.  Seven  months  this  day,  I  left  my  na- 
tive roof,  and  my  God  only  knows,  if  I  shall  ever 
sec  it  more.     Taking  all  things  into  consideration, 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  117 

it  is  very  doubtful  whether  I  ever  do.  The  place, 
the  time, — and  the  manner  of  my  death,  is  of  very 
little  consequence  ;  the  only  important  thing  is  to  be 
prepared  through  faith  in  Jesus  Christ.  Sometimes 
my  mind  feels  easy  on  the  subject,  and  I  can,  (in  a 
great  measure,)  give  up  health  and  sickness,  hfe  and 
death,  time  and  eternity,  to  God.  Then  again,  I 
feel  dismayed  at  the  prospect,  and  think  there  is  yet 
much  to  be  done,  before  I  can  die  safely.  Sin  is 
the  cause  of  all  my  sufferings. 

May  29.  Thursday  afternoon  I  was  again  be- 
set by  the  dreadful  temptation,  that  has  assailed  me 
so  powerfully  of  late.  A  great  part  of  the  night  I 
spent  in  prayer,  for  sleep  was  banished  from  my 
eyes,  and  despair  almost  took  possession  of  my  soul. 
Yesterday  I  felt  more  tranquil,  and  in  the  afternoon 
accompanied  the  family  to  James  Island,  in  the  hope 
it  might  be  an  instrument  of  doing  me  good  ;  though 
agitation  of  mind,  and  want  of  sleep,  made  me  weak 
and  indisposed.  Last  night  I  slept  quietly,  and  to- 
day my  mind  is  comfortable.  The  great  God  with 
whom  is  all  power,  appear  for  me,  and  deliver  me 
from  "  this  thorn  in  the  flesh,"  "  this  messenger  of 
Satan." 

TO    HER    FATHER    IN    NEW    HAVEN. 

Charleston,  June  23,  1813. 
You  can  hardly  imagine,  my  dear  father,  how 
happy  we  were  to  see  your  hand- writing  once  more. 


118  MEMOIRS   or   MARY   LYON. 

Your  long  silence  had  created  a  considerable  de- 
gree of  surprise  and  anxiety.  We  rejoice  to  hear 
that  your  health,  and  that  of  the  family,  have  gen- 
erally been  good  ;  though  God  has  commissioned 
sickness  and  death  to  enter  within  our  borders,  and 
consign  to  the  grave  many  of  our  acquaintances. 
The  scriptures  speak  of  "  length  of  days,"  as  a  pe- 
culiar  blessing, — and  if  so,  we  have  reason  for  grat- 
itude, that  our  lives  are  continued  thus  far ;  and  I 
hope  the  time  which  yet  remains,  will  not  be  mis- 
improved  by  us. 

Charleston  is  at  present  tolerably  healthy.  A 
few  cases  of  the  country  fever  have  appeared  ;  but 
as  none  are  attacked  but  those  who  have  been  liv- 
ing among  the  rice-swamps,  and  the  fresh  water 
stagnant-ponds,  we  are  not  considered  subjects. 
Those  who  are  seized  with  it,  are  brought  down  to 
Charleston  for  change  of  air,  which  proves  very 
beneficial.  We  have  not  been  in  town  since  this 
month  commenced,  and  calculate  to  remain  prison- 
ers the  remainder  of  the  summer.  I  have  suffered 
less  with  heat  than  I  expected.  Our  situation  is  so 
very  airy,  that  when  the  mercury  stands  at  88  or 
90  degrees,  we  have  such  a  gale  we  can  hardly 
bear  the  windows  open.  That  passage  of  your  let- 
ter which  referred  to  old  Mr.  Bennett,  I  read  to 
him.  He  thanks  you  for  your  attention.  His 
health  continues  very  poor,  and  part  of  the  time  he 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  119 

is  quite  confined.  Little  J.  grows  apace.  He  has 
become  very  brown,  and  goes  about  the  house  with 
a  whip,  and  if  mamma  could  see  him  now,  she 
would  call  him  a  complete  commodore.  Sometimes 
he  sets  up  family  government  over  Lois,  and  not- 
withstanding his  early  age,  we  find  old  Adam  begins 
to  appear.  I  was  glad  to  hear,  dear  father,  that  your 
winter  evenings,  with  Col.  Mansfield's*  assistance, 
had  been  devoted  to  your  favorite  study.  Algebra. 
I  hope  it  was  an  instrument  of  relieving  your  mind 
from  care,  and  the  pressure  of  business.  I  am 
sorry,  particularly  on  your  account,  that  he  is  going 
to  leave  New  Haven  :  for,  as  Hamlet  says  of  his 
father,  "  take  him  all  in  all,  we  shall  not  look  upon 
his  like  again." 

TO  HER  PARENTS  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  July  22,  1813. 
My  Dear  Father  and  my  Dear  Mother  : — 
This  letter  will  be  the  messenger  both  of  bad  and 
good  tidings.  Bad,  when  I  inform  you  Emilia  has 
been  sick — good,  when  I  add  she  is  fast  recover- 
ing. The  27th  of  June,  the  same  day  Sarah  was 
man-ied,  she  was  seized  with  a  fever,  which  con- 
tinued three  weeks.     It  is  nearly  a  week  since  it 


*  The  late  Col.  Jared  Mansfield,  professor  at  West 
Point. 


120  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

left  her  ;  her  appetite  has  returned  ;  she  is  taking 
bark  and  wine,  and  will  probably  soon  be  able  to 
go  down  stairs.  Perhaps  we  should  not  have  in- 
formed you  of  this  circumstance  at  all,  had  we  not 
feared  you  would  hear  of  it  from  some  other  source, 
with  exaggerations.  I  hope,  my  dear  parents,  we 
shall  none  of  us  forget  the  goodness  of  God  in  this 
event.  It  appears  to  be  a  special  interposition  of 
his  mercy  in  my  favor,  and  my  prayer  is,  that  I  may 
regard  it  as  such.  I  shall  write  again  in  two  or 
three  days,  because  I  know  your  anxiety ;  (yet  I 
assure  you  she  is  now  preparing  to  eat  some  broiled 
chicken  and  homminy.)  In  the  meantime,  let  us 
offer  to  the  Preserver  of  our  lives,  a  tribute  of  grati- 
tude for  his  distinguishing  kindness  to  us  more 
than  to  others.  No  reason  can  be  given  for  it,  but 
this,  "  Even  so  Father,  for  so  it  hath  seemed  good 
in  thy  sight." 

Our  minds  have  been  so  absorbed,  that  we  have 
hardly  thought  of  S's  marriage  ;  but  as  far  as  hu- 
man judgment  can  extend,  we  have  reason  to  be- 
lieve it  will  promote  the  happiness  of  all  parties. 
The  citizens  of  Charleston  are  in  a  state  of  alarm, 
respecting  the  British  squadron,  now  only  one  hun- 
dred and  fifty  miles  off.  Tliey  are  repairing  and 
manning  the  forts,  and  making  preparation  to  re- 
ceive admiral  Cockburn.  The  course  the  enemy 
have  taken  in  the  middle  States,  may  well  excite 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  121 

terror.  The  beautiful  little  village  of  Havre  de 
Grace,  (where  we  slept  two  nights,)  is  laid  in  ruins  ; 
and  the  house  where  we  lodged  burnt  to  ashes. 
When  we  were  there  they  were  building  a  new 
meeting  house,  which  the  British  left  standing,  out 
of  respect  to  religion.  How  strange,  that  the  hu- 
man mind  can  ever  be  so  enveloped  in  darkness  as 
to  suppose,  that  taking  hold  of  the  "  horns  of  the 
altar"  will  absolve,  in  any  degree,  from  the  guilt  of 
rapine,  violence,  and  murder. 

The  children  are  well ;  and  though  night-watch, 
ing,  fatigue,  and  anxiety,  have  taken  off  some  of  my 
flesh,  yet  I  have  been  brought  thus  far  by  that  good 
Being,  whose  grace  is  sufficient  for  every  emer- 
gency, and  I  have  cause  for  nothing  but  thankful- 
ness and  praise, 

E.  and  myself  long  to  have  my  dear  father  and 
mother  taste  of  some  of  our  delicious  fruit.  We 
have  ripe  figs,  fresh  from  the  trees,  so  rich,  that  the 
honey  drops  from  them  when  opened.  Yesterday 
we  had  a  watermelon  tv/o  and  a  half  feet  long. 

Love  to  grandmother,  uncle  G.  Mansfield's  fam- 
ily, uncle  Lyon  and  family,  Mrs.  Leffingwell  and 
family,  with  aU  the  remainder  of  our  relatives.  I 
will  endeavor  to  add  a  few  words  in  the  morning 
before  the  mail  closes. 

July  23. 

Dr.  P.  has  taken  leave  of  E.,  and,  to  use  his  own 
11 


122         MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON. 

words,  resigned  her  over  to  the  cook.  Do  let  us 
try  to  remember  this  fresh  instance  of  divine  mercy 
— "  let  us  take  the  cup  of  thanksgiving,  and  make 
mention  of  the  goodness  of  the  Lord,  who  hath 
dealt  so  bountifully  with  us." 

Mr,  B.  and  myself  have  nursed  her  entirely,  as 
she  could  not  bear  that  any  other  one  should  en- 
ter the  chamber.  But  God  has  strengthened  me, 
in  the  inward  and  outward  man,  and  blessed  be 
his  name  forever. 

TO  A  SISTER  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  Aug,  2,  1813. 

My  Dear  Sophia  : —        *         *         *         * 

******** 

Mr.  Leland,  a  clergyman  of  this  city,  is  going  to 
the  north.  He  will  call  on  you,  and  if  convenient, 
I  would  request  some  member  of  the  family  to  in- 
troduce him  to  Mr.  Taylor.  Mr.  T.  will  run  no 
risk  of  hearing  any  thing  contrary  to  sound  doc- 
trine by  inviting  him  into  his  desk.  Elizabeth  will 
remember  him  perfectly. 

The  sickly  season  has  arrived,  dear  S.,  and  I 
frequently  think  "  the  ides  of  March  are  come," 
and  where  I  may  be  before  they  are  past.  The 
words  of  the  great  Ca3sar,  and  the  soothsayer's  re- 
ply,  occur  very  often  to  my  mind  ;  but  I  cannot 
say  they  produce  any  alarm.     I  never  felt  less  fear 


MEMOIRS  or  MARY  LYON.  123 

of  sickness  in  my  life  than  at  present.  If  this  tran- 
quillity arises  from  ignorance  of  my  danger,  and  a 
stupidity  of  soul,  it  may  be  most  dreadfully  shaken 
before  long  ;  but  if  it  proceeds  from  a  sincere  and 
firm  belief  in  the  doctrine  of  God's  general  and 
particular  providence,  and  of  his  eternal  sovereignty, 
in  fixing  the  boundary  line  of  the  lives  of  all  his 
creatures,  it  is  built  on  the  right  foundation.  I  pray 
God  to  prepare  me,  by  his  grace,  for  heaven,  and 
then  let  him  do  what  seemeth  him  good. 

Afternoon,  Aug,  2. 

Mr.  B.  brought  us  Elizabeth's  and  your  united 
letter  when  he  came  home  to  dinner.  It  was  truly 
acceptable.  Your  agitation,  my  dear  sister,  at  part- 
ing with  Sarah,  is  natural,  and  your  solicitude  re- 
specting our  health  is  also  natural.  But  all  we  can 
do,  is  to  give  up  ourselves  and  li-iends  to  him  who 
made  us,  and  let  the  potter  do  what  he  pleases  with 
his  own  clay.  The  scriptures  teach  us,  and  we 
find  by  experience  and  observation,  that  "  the  issues 
of  life"  are  with  God  ;  and  that  his  Almighty  power 
can  as  easily  preserve  the  life  of  David  in  the  pesti- 
lence as  David  on  the  throne. 

The  babe  is  the  best  child  you  ever  saw — very 
healthy,  and  quiet  as  a  lamb.  Her  father  says  she 
resembles  me,  which  is  paying  the  child  a  poor 
compliment.  If  Sarah  were  to  see  me  now,  she 
would  laugh  more  than  she  did  when  I   returned 


124  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

from  Boston.  I  have  grown  so  black,  thin,  and 
homely,  that  I  almost  frighten  myself.  This,  how- 
ever, is  a  small  tiling  to  me,  who  never  had  any 
beauty  to  lose. 

TO    A    SISTER    IN    MEREDITH,    N.  Y. 

Charleston,  Aug.  26,  1813. 

Dear  Sarah  : — We  received  Mr.  Law's  letter 
with  pleasure,  and  thank  him  for  his  expressions  of 
brotherly  affection,  and '  hope  I  shall  never  do  any 
thing  to  forfeit  it.  If  God  should  once  more  re- 
store us  to  the  land  of  our  forefathers,  we  may, 
through  his  goodness,  enjoy  many  happy  hours,  both 
in  M.  and  N.  H.,  and  our  meeting  be  as  happy  as 
our  separation  was  painful.  But  all  these  things 
are  in  the  hands  of  Him,  who  doeth  what  he  will 
with  his  own ;  and  uncertainty,  great  uncertainty, 
is  written  upon  this,  as  well  as  upon  all  other  future 
events.     We  can  only  pray,  wait,  and  trust. 

If  my  mind  had  not  been  so  engrossed  this  sum- 
mer by  Emilia's  severe  illness,  other  sickness  in 
the  family,  and  poor  Claudia's  death,  I  should 
think  more  of  the  loss  we  have  sustained  by  your 
marriage.  But  duty  did  not  require  you  to  remain 
where  you  were,  and  I  think  we  have  reason  to 
bless  God  for  effecting  this  union.  We  are  com- 
plete captives.  Since  the  first  of  June  we  have 
hardly  been  out  of  doors ;  and  the  great  aggrava- 


MEMOIRS   or   MARY   LYON.  125 

tion  of  this  confinement  is,  the  omitting  of  public 
worship.  In  this  particular,  I  am  uncertain  what 
duty  is,  and  have,  therefore,  yielded  to  the  wishes 
and  advice  of  my  friends.  When  Satan  endeav- 
ored to  persuade  our  Savior  to  cast  himself  down 
from  the  pinnacle  of  the  temple,  mentioning,  as  an 
inducement,  the  care  of  his  heavenly  Father  over 
his  children,  Jesus  answered,  "  Thou  shalt  not 
tempt  the  Lord  thy  God."  So  it  appears  that  run- 
ning into  danger,  uncalled,  is  tempting  God.  But 
when  duty  is  evident,  we  ought  to  disregard  dan- 
ger and  trust  to  his  care  and  providence. 

I  should  like  very  much  to  know   Mr.  Law's 
opinion  on  this  particular  subject. 

August  28. 

Last  night  we  were  visited  with  a  violent  tor- 
nado, which  spread  destruction  far  and  wide.  An 
elegant  bridge  over  Ashley  river,  which  yesterday 
afternoon  appeared  so  beautiful  from  the  window, 
we  beheld  this  morning  in  ruins,  and  part  of  it  car- 
ried entirely  away.  A  number  of  vessels  are  driven 
up  on  the  beach — chimneys  are  blown  down — trees 
and  fences  lie  prostrate ;  and  one  unfinished  build- 
ing lies  level  with  the  earth.  The  wind  and  rain 
were  violent  beyond  description.  The  house  rock- 
ed like  a  cradle,  and  we  were  all  up  the  greatest 
part  of  the  night.  Providence  has,  however,  pre- 
11* 


126  MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON. 

served  us  through  the  danger,  and  I  pray  that  my 
spared  hfe  may  not  be  spared  in  vain. 

The  people  here  are  longing  for  cool  weather 
and  frosty  nights,  as  with  those  health  will  probably 
return.  Health  is  a  mercy  every  one  earnestly 
covets ;  but  sickness  sinks  into  a  trifle,  when  com- 
pared with  loss  of  reason  or  loss  of  mental  peace  ; 
and  it  is  nothing  when  compared  with  the  greatest 
of  all  evils,  sin.  The  business  of  life,  with  many 
individuals,  appears  to  be  only  to  prolong  it,  without 
taking  care  to  improve  it ;  and  to  enjoy  the  days 
as  they  roll  along,  without  considering  their  end. 
It  is  truly  astonishing,  that  we  can  let  time  pass 
with  so  little  improvement,  and  meet  one  Saturday 
evening  after  another,  with  the  same  feelings  we 
should  experience  were  they  to  endure  forever. 

It  is  nearly  three  weeks  since  we  have  heard 
from  our  dear  absent  friends  in  N.  H. ;  but  they 
are  in  the  hands  of  God.  This  consideration  is 
sometimes  a  great  support  to  me,  and  I  can  rest 
in  it.  But  when  faith  is  weak,  I  get  melancholy, 
and  am  driven  from  my  rest. 

Remember  me  in  your  prayers,  and  ask  your 
husband  not  to  forget  me  at  the  throne  of  grace. 
Farewell,  dear  sister  ;  should  we  meet  no  more  in 
this  world,  the  blessed  God  grant  that  we  may  meet 
in  the  kingdom  of  glory,  through  Jesus  Christ,  the 
only  support,  stay,  and  comfort  of  my  soul. 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON,  l^J 

TO    TWO    OF    HER    SISTERS    IN    NEW    HAVEN. 

Charleston,  Nov.  12,  1813. 

My  Dear  Elizabeth  and  Sophia  : — "  As  wa- 
ters to  a  thirsty  soul,  so  is  good  news  from  a  far 
country ;"  and  if  any  thing  can  gladden  my  soul, 
it  is  to  hear,  that  those  I  love  are  in  health,  and 
prosper  ;  especially,  that  their  souls  prosper. 

Judging  your  feelings  by  our  own,  we  have  en- 
deavored to  let  you  hear  from  us  once  in  two  or 
three  weeks,  ever  since  we  left  home.  Mr.  B.  ex- 
pects  to  go  to  Columbia  next  week,  and  will  be  ab- 
sent two  or  three  weeks.  If  we  prefer  it,  we  shall 
spend  the  time  on  James  Island,  with  Mr.  B's  fa- 
ther, as  Mrs.  B.  is  anxious  we  should.  Last  win- 
ter Claudia  was  with  her,  and  the  vacuum  her 
death  has  occasioned,  is  deeply  felt  both  by  her  and 
her  husband.  The  other  evening  our  feelings  were 
much  pained,  with  reading  the  death  of  a  little  girl 
of  SLX  years  of  age,  named  Hannah  Gordon,  a  na- 
tive of  New  Haven,  Conn.  Her  parents  are  sup- 
posed to  be  in  Savannah,  and  being  in  destitute 
circumstances,  left  this  child  with  Mr.  A.  of  George- 
town. About  an  hour  before  we  read  the  notice, 
we  were  planning  to  send  her  a  present ;  but  death 
frustrated  our  scheme,  as  it  is  has  often  done  those 
of  more  consequence. 


128  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

November  15. 

Yesterday  Emilia  carried  her  little  girl  to  church, 
and  had  her  baptized  by  the  name  of  Lois  Mans- 
field. If  she  is  hereafter  dissatisfied  with  her  first 
name,  she  can  be  called  Mansfield.  Surnames  for 
female  children  are  not  uncommon  here.  The 
changes  are  so  great  here  in  the  weather,  that 
sometimes  I  put  on  flannel  and  throw  it  off  two  or 
three  times  a  week ;  but  yet  I  prefer  this  climate 
much  to  ours.  The  proportion  of  cold  in  the 
twelve  months  is  quite  sufficient  for  me  ;  and  for 
some  reason  beyond  my  comprehension,  I  never  felt 
the  heat  less,  or  the  cold  more  sensibly  in  my  life, 
than  during  the  last  year.  Give  my  love  to  all  my 
relatives,  especially  grandmother.  The  poor  old 
lady  is  left  like  the  "pelican  in  the  wilderness," 
while  all  her  contemporaries  have  long  since  passed 
over  Jordan,  and  many  of  them  are  enjoying  the 
blessings  of  the  promised  land.  Remember  me  to 
Mrs.  Lcffingwell,  Mrs.  Wooster,  and  Mrs.  Beers. 
I  was  very  much  overcome  at  uncle  Beer's  death. 
The  friendship  he  has  always  manifested  for  us 
could  not  fail  of  obtaining  ours  in  return.  Indeed, 
I  feel  as  if  I  had  almost  lost  a  second  father.  The 
kind  affection  uncle  and  aunt  B.  exercised  towards 
us  during  the  period  of  childhood,  I  shall  never, 
never  forget. 

Sometimes,  my  dear  sisters,  when  I  reflect  upon 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  129 

the  changes  which  have  taken  place  since  my  ab- 
sence, I  almost  feel  a  tremor  at  the  idea  of  return- 
ing. Write  soon  again,  my  dear  sisters,  and  mu 
nutely.  Give  my  love  to  brother  William.  Tell 
him  if  I  never  return,  I  bequeath  him  my  map  of 
New  York,  as  a  legacy.* 

TO  HER  MOTHER  IN  NEW  HAVEN,  CONN. 

Charleston,  Jan.  5,  1814. 

My  Dear  Mother  : — Your  presents  by  Capt. 
W.  arrived  in  safety.  We  thank  you  for  remem- 
bering us  in  this  way  ;  and  we  have  not  been  un- 
mindful of  you.  E.  and  myself  have  been  pre- 
paring a  jar  of  orange  sweetmeats  for  you  and  our 
dear  father ;  and  we  think  you  will  not  like  them 
the  less,  from  being  made  by  the  hands  of  your  ab- 
sent children.  The  oranges  were  presented  by  a 
lady  on  James  Island,  whose  plantation  joins  Mr. 
Bennett's.  When  we  were  there,  we  were  gratified 
with  the  sight  of  an  orange  orchard ;  large  trees 
full  of  green  fruit,  with  here  and  there  one  of  a 
perfect  gold  color.  When  I  stood  under  their 
branches,  I  thought  how  pleased  my  father  would 
be  with  such  a  novel  spectacle. 

Mr.  Bennett's  long  protracted  infirmities,  give  us 
reason  to  fear  they  will  finally  terminate  in  death. 

*  A  map  presented  by  an  esteemed  friend. 


130  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

He  bears  them  with  cheerfuhiess,  and  expresses 
perfect  resignation  to  the  will  of  God,  whether  it  be 
life  or  death.  If  this  proceeds  from  true  faith,  he 
is  a  happy  man,  and  we  have  reason  to  think  it 
does,  as  he  manifests  such  uncommon  patience  un- 
der suffering. 

Charleston  has  sustained  a  great  loss  in  the  death 
of  Dr.  Keith.  He  was  a  good  man,  and  "showed 
his  faith  by  his  works."  His  house  was  the  asylum 
of  all  who  needed  his  assistance.  The  poor  slaves 
were  the  special  objects  of  his  attention.  Twice  a 
week  they  met  at  his  house  to  receive  instruction, 
and  he  was  made  an  instrument  of  bringing  many 
of  them  from  the  paths  of  ignorance  and  sin,  to  the 
wisdom  of  the  just.  I  can  hardly  feel  willing  to 
resign  him  to  death,  when  I  remember  how  often 
he  has  spoken  comfort  to  my  soul,  in  times  of  trou- 
ble. "  Give  yourself  up  to  God  and  trust  in  him," 
he  would  say  to  me,  while  his  countenance  showed 
how  deeply  he  experienced,  what  he  was  desirous 
of  imparting  to  others,  firm  unwavering  faith. 
Death  is  no  evil  to  those  who  are  in  Christ ;  but 
rather  an  emancipation  from  the  prison  of  this 
world,  and  from  the  chains  that  sin  has  forged  for 
the  guilty  children  of  Adam. 

Please  give  my  love  to  every  member  of  the 
family,  and  tell  Sophia  I  long  to  see  her.  1  hope 
thai  you  pray  for  me.     Oh,  my  mother,  you  know 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  131 

not  how  much  I  need  your  prayers  !  But  I  will  not 
distress  you.  God  has  erected  a  throne  of  mercy 
in  the  heavens.  "  Thanks  be  unto  God  for  his  un- 
speakable gift."  Do  write  soon,  my  dear  mother. 
Your  letters  are  like  balm  to  my  soul. 

TO    HER    FATHER    IN    NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  March  19,  1814. 

We  have  received  Sophia's  letter,  acknowledging 
the  reception  of  Mr.  B's  letter,  conve}dng  the 
tidings  of  his  father's  decease,  and  our  then  melan- 
choly situation. 

The  removal  of  any  one  by  death  is  a  solemn 
and  important  event  ;  but  when  the  destroying  an- 
gel is  commissioned,  (as  in  the  present  instance,) 
to  lay  prostrate  one,  who,  to  an  uncommon  degree, 
was  the  guide,  protector,  and  support  of  a  numer- 
ous family  of  children  and  grandchildren,  it  is  pe- 
culiarly distressing,  and  as  such  his  family  feel  it. 
Time,  however,  God's  great  instrument  of  impart- 
ing consolation  under  bereavements,  has  mellowed 
down  their  feelings,  and  they  are  now  pursuing 
their  ordinary  business  with  composure,  and  even 
with  cheerfulness.  Mrs.  B.,  the  greatest  sulferer 
by  this  dispensation,  to  uncommon  strength  of 
mind  and  native  fortitude,  joins,  I  believe,  christian 
resignation ;  and,  notwithstanding  the  bitterness  of 
a  double  blow  of  divine  chastisement,  she  furnishes 


132  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

her  children  with  an  example  of  firmness  and  sub- 
mission to  the  will  of  God.  She  frequently  assures 
them,  that  the  Lord  has  a  controversy  with  the 
family,  and  exhorts  them  to  make  a  spiritual  im- 
provement of  these  afflictions,  lest  they  should 
prove  merely  a  prelude  to  greater. 

A  short  lime  before  Mr.  B's  death  he  made  his 
will,  and  called  me  to  witness  it.  After  it  was  fin- 
ished, he  told  me  a  great  burden  was  removed  from 
his  mind  ;  his  worldly  business  was  settled  accord- 
ing to  his  wishes,  and  he  was  ready  to  depart 
whenever  God  saw  fit.  He  left  his  two  sons^ 
Thomas  and  Joseph,  executors  of  his  will.  Through- 
out his  whole  illness,  his  patience  and  cheerfulness 
were  almost  unequaled,  though  his  sufferings  were 
part  of  the  time  very  great,  and  such  as  would  nat- 
urally produce  complaint  and  peevishness.  From 
Monday  morning  until  he  died,  which  was  Thurs- 
day forenoon,  I  kept  my  post  at  the  head  of  his 
bed.  The  last  offices  done  for  him  were  done  by 
me.  I  sprinkled  the  bed  with  vinegar,  and  wet  his 
lips  with  wine  and  water  while  he  continued  to 
breathe — and  long  after  the  family  were  obliged  to 
quit  the  bed-side,  and  even  the  room,  I  remained 
calm  and  self-collected.  But  O !  my  dear  father, 
how  weak  is  human  nature !  After  witnessing  the 
conflict  between  soul  and  body  for  two  or  three 
days,  just  at  the  moment  when  the  conflict  ceased, 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  133 

my  strength  ceased  also,  and  for  a  few  minutes  my 
reason  nearly  forsook  me.  Coward-like,  I  sunk  at 
beholding  what  I  must  soon  experience  myself,  the 
separation  of  the  mortal  and  immortal  existence. 

The  funeral  scene  was  to  us  entirely  new  ;  and 
you  will  be  surprised  to  hear  the  expenses  of  it 
were  between  five  and  six  hundred  dollars.  The 
services  were  performed  by  candle  light,  and  when 
we  came  out  of  the  church,  and  saw,  through  the 
darkness  of  the  night,  lights  burning  round  the 
grave,  and  heard,  as  we  passed,  the  earth  falling 
upon  the  coffin,  I  thought  how  unwise  it  was  to 
clothe  any  thing  so  awful  in  itself  as  death,  with  ar- 
tificial horrors.  Had  the  funeral  been  attended  in 
the  day-time,  the  soul  might  have  been  as  much 
edified,  and  the  imagination  less  appalled.  Since 
we  have  been  here.  Providence  has  seen  fit  to  sur- 
round us,  a  great  portion  of  the  time,  with  sickness, 
sorrow,  and  death.  The  Saturday  before  Mr.  B. 
expired,  Mrs.  Scott,  sister  of  Mrs.  T.  Bennet  and 
Miss  Stone,  came  over  from  James  Island  in  a  veiy 
feeble  state  of  health,  for  the  purpose  of  being  with 
her  sisters,  and  obtaining  proper  medical  aid ;  but 
means  were  ineffectual.  She  died  about  midnight. 
Her  death  was  probably  hastened  by  the  exertion 
of  the  day.  Thus  one  house  contained  the  d}ing, 
and  another  held  the  dead.  I  have  but  one  prayer 
to  offer  for  this  family  and  for  myself — that  God 
12 


134  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

would  make  all  these  events  instrumental  of  pro- 
moting his  glory,  and  the  good  of  our  souls. 

We  have  received  Sophia's  letter,  mentioning 
the  death  of  uncle  Lines,  and  shall  write  to  aunt  L. 
this  week. 

TO    HER    FATHER    IN    NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  March  25,  1814. 

Elizabeth's  letter  to  E.  arrived  last  Saturday, 
and  I  have  a  fresh  call  for  my  gratitude  to  God,  that 
death  has  not  yet  been  suffered  to  lay  his  icy  hand 
on  any  of  my  dear  father's  family.  Bless  the  Lord 
O  !  our  souls !  Judge  Johnson  is  expected  next 
week.  I  spent  the  day  at  his  house  a  short  time 
before  he  left  home.  I  told  him  I  hoped  he  would 
form  an  acquaintance  with  our  Connecticut  senator, 
Mr.  Daggett,  for,  though  their  political  sentiments 
might  not  exactly  accord,  he  would  find  his  society 
highly  interesting.  I  was  glad  Mr.  D.  found  leisure 
to  write  you  from  Washington. 

Mrs.  Bennett  has  had  some  thoughts  of  accom- 
panying us  to  Connecticut.  When  you  write,  dear 
father,  please  send  some  message  to  her  respecting 
it.  She  is  now  in  the  country,  attending  to  her 
plantation,  and  I  expect  to  visit  her  to-morrow. 
She  wishes  the  whole  family  to  go  over  and  stay 
with  her.  Isaac's  wedding  was  postponed,  as  it 
was  appointed  the  day  his  father  was  dying. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  135 

Should  the  state  of  the  country  render  it  safe, 
we  shall  return  by  water ;  but  at  present  there  is 
no  such  probability.  So  long  a  journey  by  land 
again,  is  a  great  undertaking  ;  but  we  must  deter- 
mine on  something  soon,  as  it  would  be  highly  dan- 
gerous to  ride  through  the  southern  country  after 
the  middle  of  May.  Sometimes  we  almost  con- 
clude to  stay  over  another  summer,  and  then  we 
are  all  anxiety  to  be  gone.  For  myself,  I  feel  no 
fears  respecting  sickness.  I  am  on  this  subject, 
wholly  inapprehensive.  But  E.  remembers  her 
fever,  and  fears  for  me,  as  well  as  for  herself;  per- 
haps more,  for  seeing  my  unconcern.  I  pray  we 
may  all  be  directed  right  by  Him,  who  knoweth 
what  will  be  for  our  good. 

Mr.  Thomas  Bennett,  and  his  family  ;  Judge 
Johnson,  and  his  family;  and  indeed,  the  whole 
circle  of  family  connections,  have  been  very  kind 
and  attentive  to  us,  during  all  our  residence  here  ; 
and  appear  more  attached  to  us  than  I  should  think 
it  possible  they  could  be,  (at  least,  as  respects  my- 
self,) considering  our  different  habits,  manners,  &c. 

New  Haven,  Oct.  22.  1814. 

Almost  seventeen   months  have  elapsed,  since 

the  last  date  of  my  journal.     Many  providential 

hindrances  continually  occurred  ;  but  above  all,  the 

state  of  my  mind  was  such,  at  seasons,  as  to  ren- 


136  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

der  me  almost  incapable  of  writing,  or  indeed,  of 
attending  to  any  regular  employment.  During  this 
interval,  however,  I  have  returned  to  the  place  of 
my  nativity,  and  I  hope,  also,  am  emerging  from 
the  "  horrible  pit"  into  which  I  unwarily  fell. 

While  absent  from  home,  I  was  called  to  pass 
through  very  many  trying  scenes,  and  by  the  sup- 
porting mercy  of  God,  my  mind  was  sustained  and 
kept  from  sinking.  Sickness,  sorrow,  and  death, 
was  the  portion  of  all  around  me,  and  a  thick  cloud 
overshadowed  us  continually.  But  from  outward 
afflictions,  the  blessed  God  saw  fit  to  exempt  me. 
My  life  was  spared,  while  I  was  called  to  part  with 
one  and  another  of  those  with  whom  I  resided. 
My  health  was  continued,  while  beds  of  pain  and 
languishment  were  constantly  before  my  eyes. 
The  lives  of  those  nearest  and  dearest  to  me  were 
prolonged,  while  others  were  bereaved  and  left  sol- 
itary. These  mercies  I  would  humbly  acknow- 
ledge ;  and  pray  they  may  be  so  improved  as  to 
promote  my  spiritual'  good.  But  O  !  how  great 
have  been  my  mental  sufferings.  One  huge  wave 
of  temptation  after  another,  has  rolled  over  me. 
The  sinfulness  of  my  nature  has  been  unfolded  to 
my  view ;  and  vices  and  corruptions  that  I  knew 
not  existed  at  all,  I  found  were  the  deep-rooted  in- 
mates,  and  the  determined  possessors  of  my  heart. 
I  saw  with  astonishment,  how  much  1  had  been  all 


MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON.  ]37 

my  life  indebted  to  the  restraining  grace  of  God. 
I  saw  sin  in  every  thing.  Sin  in  my  nature — sin 
in  my  practice.  The  conflict  was  sometimes  so 
violent,  that  the  apostle's  expression,  "  Resisting 
unto  blood,  striving  against  sin,"  was  easily  com- 
prehended.  But  the  warfare  is  not  yet  accom- 
plished. The  Lord  give  me  grace  "  to  gird  up  my 
loins,"  watch  and  be  sober. 

Miss  Lyon  returned  to  New  Haven,  June  18, 
1814. 

Sin,  as  she  often  observed ,  is  undoubtedly  the 
cause  of  the  spiritual  sufferings  of  christians  in  this 
life  ;  for  were  they  perfectly  satisfied,  they  would  then 
be  perfectly  happy.  But  physical  causes  also  co- 
operate powerfully  in  producing  these  dreadful  tri- 
als, in  a  being  so  organized  as  man.  In  her  case, 
they  might  be  clearly  traced,  in  a  great  measure,  to 
such  causes. 

In  addition  to  the  usual  enervating  effects  of  a 
southern  cHmate,  her  system  had  become  surchar- 
ged with  bile,  to  such  a  degree,  that  her  complex- 
ion, naturally  fair,  was  so  changed,  that  a  near  neigh- 
bor, who  sat  opposite  to  her  at  an  evening  lecture, 
a  few  days  after  her  return  to  New  Haven,  did  not 
recognise  her.  There  had  also  been  continual  sick- 
ness and  two  deaths  in  the  family  ;  and  Miss  Lyon, 
with  that  self-sacrificing  spirit  which  distinguished 
12* 


138  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

her,  nursed,  watched,  and  attended  upon  the  sick, 
far  beyond  her  strength.  Miss  Claudia  Bennett's, 
was  the  first  of  these  deaths.  She  died  with  mahg- 
nant  fever  ;  had  slept  with  Miss  L.,  and  was  greatly 
beloved  by  her,  for  the  sweetness  of  her  temper, 
and  many  interesting  qualities.  Miss  L.  could  only 
be  kept  from  her  sick  room,  by  entreaties,  amount- 
ing to  prohibition  ;  the  friends  of  the  family  sup- 
posing, if  she  took  the  fever,  a  stranger  to  the  cli- 
mate, her  death  would  be  inevitable.  The  same 
summer,  her  sister,  Mrs.  B.,  was  seized  with  yellow 
fever,  and  given  over  by  the  physicians ;  but  after 
much  suffering,  God  was  pleased  to  restore  her 
again  to  health.  Miss  L.  was  with  her  almost  con- 
stantly, night  and  day,  except  what  time  she  devoted 
to  the  two  children  of  her  sister,  the  youngest  an 
infant  of  five  months. 

The  second  death,  was  Mr.  B.,  father  of  her 
step-brother.  She  had  been  in  declining  health, 
from  her  first  arrival  in  Charleston  ;  and  the  kind- 
ness and  paternal  affection  which  he  manifested  for 
her,  had  interested  her  much  in  his  illness.  After  it 
became  alarming,  her  attention  to  him  was  constant, 
except  when  higher  duties  called  her  elsewhere. 
She  closed  his  dying  eyes.  Her  work  then  being  done, 
she  fainted  from  exhaustion  and  was  carried  from 
the  chamber  of  death.  Her  sensibility  was  at  all 
times  extreme,  and  her  nervous  system  suffered 


MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON.  139 

exceedingly  from  these  repeated  shocks.  She  be- 
came physically  unable  to  gird  up  the  loins  of  her 
mind  and  resist  the  assaults  of  her  enemy,  as  she 
might  have  done  in  some  measure  under  different 
circumstances.  From  a  tender  regard  of  the  feel- 
ings of  friends,  her  state  of  mind  was  generally 
known  only  to  herself.  Her  letters  to  the  north 
were  always  cheerful,  when  addressed  to  her  parents ; 
and  rarely,  indeed,  made  an  allusion  to  her  own  pecu- 
liar sufferings  in  her  communications  to  her  sisters. 

Oct.  24.  I  think  long  experience  has  taught  me, 
that  if  ever  I  feel  a  spirit  of  devotion,  a  spirit  of 
prayer,  or  communion  with  God,  it  is  in  the  closet. 
Prayer  is  a  privilege,  a  comfort.  But  to  watch 
over  ourselves,  lest  we  offend  in  thought,  word,  or 
deed,  is  an  arduous  task.  Divine  grace  only  can 
enable  up  to  perform  it. 

Nov.  5.  Our  Savior  endured  the  contradiction 
of  sinners  against  liimself,  and  I  am  obliged  to  call 
up  his  example  to  support  me  under  provocation  ; 
and  what  appears  to  my  mind  injurious  treatment. 
Perhaps  it  is  self-love  only,  wliich  makes  these  things 
so  hard  to  bear.  If  so,  I  pray  that  God  will  par- 
don me,  enlighten  my  mind  to  see  it,  and  pardon 
those  also  who  injure  me,  and  turn  their  hearts  to 
love  and  holiness. 

Nov.  10.     Called  on  a  friend  m  mental  darkness 


140  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

and  hope  our  conversation  may  prove  beneficial  to 
the  souls  of  both.  My  health  is  good,  my  mind 
generally  tranquil,  and  rny  sleep  quiet.  The  last 
two  of  these  mercies  are  highly  prized  by  such  as 
have  experienced  their  loss.  No  other  can  truly 
realize  their  value,  and  of  course  can  be  as  truly 
thankful  for  their  enjoyment. 

TO    MRS.    SUSAN    HUNTINGTON,    BOSTON. 

New  Haven,  Nov.  10,  1814. 
My  Ever  Dear  S.  : — You  mention  your  good 
mother  ;  I  love  her  as  if  she  were  mine.  I  love  the 
memory  of  my  excellent  uncle  ;  but  I  will  not  suf- 
fer  my  thoughts  to  follow  his  mortal  remains  to  the 
dust,  and  rest  there  in  useless  regret.  I  compel 
them  to  mount  upward  to  heaven.  There  in  "  my 
mind's  eye,"  I  behold  him,  clothed  in  the  white  robe 
of  the  saints,  and  joining  in  that  song  he  began,  and 
taught  others  on  earth ;  "  Worthy  is  the  Lamb, 
&c."  Shall  we  not  also  in  due  season,  respond  to 
this  ascription  of  praise,  and  behold  those  glories 
we  now  conceive  of  so  faintly?  If  our  glorified 
spirits  meet  there,  it  will  seem  of  little  importance 
that  our  interviews  on  earth  were  so  hurried,  short, 
and  interrupted.  There  we  shall  have  but  one  em- 
ployment, one  mind,  and  one  soul.  O  !  I  will  cUng 
to  the  blessed  hope  of  entering  into  this  rest,  for  it 
is  the  anchor  of  my  soul.     This  vision  of  heaven 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  141 

by  faith,  is  a  cordial  administered  at  intervals,  as 
we  have  need.  Though  we  are  obliged  to  descend 
from  the  mount,  and  lose  the  heavenly  prospect  by 
traversing  the  valley, — yet  it  is  a  subject  for  praise 
and  gratitude,  that  we  have  sometimes  a  partial 
glimpse,  a  foretaste  to  cheer  us  in  the  path  of  duty, 
and  quicken  our  desires  after  the  fruition  of  the 
kingdom  of  heaven. 

When  you  write  again,  inform  me  particularly 
respecting  your  spiritual  state.  My  own  hope  of 
late,  (though  sometimes  it  burns  brightly,)  resem- 
bles at  seasons,  a  flame  in  the  socket,  sinking  and 
almost  extinguished.  The  God  of  mercy  heal  my 
spiritual  diseases,  and  increase  my  faith. 

How  did  you  like  Mr.  Leland  ?  He  is  a  happy 
representative  of  the  reUgious  community  of  Charles- 
ton. There  are  some  good  people  in  that  place  ; 
though  sin  nowhere  abounds  as  in  large  cities. 
Dr.  Flinn  is  opposing  the  tide  of  corruption  with  all 
his  power.  The  labors  of  the  lamented  Dr.  Keith 
have  ceased  ;  and  his  pastoral  duties  have  devolved 
on  Mr.  Palmer,  whom  you  probably  recollect. 

Nov.  29.  Providence  has  favored  us  with  a 
warm  and  pleasant  autumn.  I  would  thank  God 
for  this  favor  to  me,  (having  spent  the  last  two  win- 
ters in  a  southern  chmate,  makes  me  more  sus- 
ceptible of  cold  ;)  and  also  towards  the  children  of 
want. 


142  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

Dec.  13.  This  morning  I  enjoyed  a  sweet  sea- 
son of  prayer,  and  the  sense  of  it  did  not  immedi- 
ately wear  off,  although  my  worldly  avocations 
called  for  my  direct  and  continued  attention.  Men- 
tal peace  is  generally  my  portion  of  late.  I  lie 
down  and  rise  up  with  a  tranquil  mind.  The  boun- 
ties of  His  providence  are  lavished  upon  me,  and  the 
happiness  of  heaven  is  offered  to  my  acceptance. 
"  What  shall  I  render  to  the  Lord." 

Dec.  27.  Scarcely  a  day  passes,  but  we  are 
called,  in  some  one  thing,  to  take  up  the  cross  ;  and' 
happy  are  they,  who  like  our  Savior,  bear  it  meekly. 
Sometimes,  our  greatest  crosses  proceed  from  our 
greatest  temporal  blessings  and  dearest  earthly 
friends.  Imperfection  is  written  on  all  below,  and 
every  mercy  may  be  a  source  of  sorrow. 

Jan.  1,  1815.  This  is  the  first  sabbath  of  our 
assembling  in  the  new  church,  the  first  day  of  the 
month  and  the  year.  Mr.  Taylor's  sermon  this 
morning,  and  Dr.  Dwight's  this  afternoon,  were 
striking,  solemn  and  impressive.  I  have  renewedly 
given  up  myself  to  God. 

Feb.  8.  I  have  lately  experienced  some  uncom- 
mon seasons  of  prayer,  which  I  think  cannot  be 
delusions.  This  morning  I  received  sensible  relief 
by  prayer,  from  a  weight  of  gloom  that  distressed 
me  cxcecdingh\  I  now  record  it,  that  I  may  ac- 
knowledge the  goodness  of  my  God,  in  granting 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  143 

me  such  tokens,  that  he  indeed  heareth  prayer,  and 
answereth  the  petitions  of  his  creatures. 

Feb.  15.  The  news  of  peace  has  diffused  a 
general  joy  through  the  country.  Last  evening 
the  city  was  illuminated,  and  the  voice  of  rejoicing 
resounded  through  our  streets  :  but  my  heart  is 
stupid  and  ungrateful,  under  the  reception  of  this 
mercy. 

Feb.  27.  Saturday  P.  M.,  a  stranger  called 
here.  I  relieved  her  as  far  as  I  was  able,  and  en- 
deavored to  convince  her  how  sinful  it  was  to  yield 
to  the  dominion  of  passion  and  despair.  She  ex- 
pressed a  fear,  that  I  would  withhold  my  kindness, 
when  I  should  know  her  extreme  wickedness  and 
desperation  under  trials ;  but  alas  !  I  knew  too  much 
of  "  the  secret  chambers  of  imagery"  in  my  own 
heart,  to  hear  her  story  with  any  sensations  but 
those  of  pity. 

Ignorance  of  the  human  heart  only,  can  lead  any 
to  expect  salvation  by  the  deeds  of  the  law  :  or,  in 
other  words,  as  the  consequence  of  personal  merit. 
Eternal  salvation  is  not  only  an  act  of  free  grace, 
but  the  smallest  temporal  mercy  is  also  an  act  of 
free  grace,  being  wholly  undeserved. 

March  7.  1  have  lately  read  the  hfe  and  reli- 
gious experience  of  Mrs.  Ramsay,  of  S.  C.  She 
mentions,  in  terms  of  great  self-abasement,  the  pre- 
valence of  her  besetting  sin ;  and  sometimes  ap- 


144  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

pears  almost  in  despair  under  its  workings.  I  can 
easily  compreliend  her  feelings,  though  ignorant  of 
what  particular  sin  afflicted  her.  I  wish  she  had 
named  it ;  it  might  have  given  comfort  to  some  dis- 
tressed soul,  tempted  by  the  same  "  messenger  of 
Satan."  But  the  remains  of  that  pride,  inherited 
from  Adam,  makes  us  unwilling  that  others  should 
know  our  depravity,  thougli  conscious  of  it  our- 
selves. Those  dreadful  heart  sins,  beyond  the 
reach  of  human  sight,  are  by  far  the  most  malig- 
nant, the  most  heinous  in  the  sight  of  God  ;  and, 
to  a  soul  in  any  measure  enlightened,  the  most 
dreadful  to  bear. 

March  10.  A  disappointment  last  evening, 
caused  me  to  pass  a  wretched  night.  I  sought  re- 
lief where  alone  it  can  be  found,  and  the  Lord 
heard  me.  O  my  God  !  for  thy  Son's  sake,  keep 
my  sinful  heart  from  that  extreme  wickedness  of 
harboring  one  hard  thought  of  thee. 

March  21.  My  mind  has  been  of  late,  much 
perplexed,  and  sometimes  distressed,  on  the  subject 
of  divine  providence.  I  cannot  see  the  line  of  dis- 
tinction between  the  will  and  good  pleasure  of  God, 
in  human  affairs,  and  the  free  agency  and  wicked, 
ness  of  man.  I  cannot  discern  the  "  leadings  of 
Providence"  in  such  a  way,  as  to  be  satisfied  re- 
specting my  duty  and  the  will  of  God. 

How  anxious  we  are  for  temporal  happiness,  and 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  145 

how  unwilling  to  resign  the  hope,  that  futurity  will 
bring  a  larger  portion  of  earthly  enjoyment ;  or  at 
least,  that  the  present  causes  for  disquiet  will  be  re- 
moved. And  yet,  one  of  the  greatest  instruments 
of  weaning  us  from  life,  and  preparing  us  for  death, 
is  worldly  affliction  under  its  various  forms.  The 
great  God  assist  me  in  the  work  of  mental  disci- 
pline. A  well  regulated  mind  will,  through  grace, 
render  almost  any  situation  tolerable. 

March  26.  "  God  is  love."  How  often  have  I 
been  cheered  by  his  grace,  and  made  to  drink  of 
the  waters  of  hope.  Memory  records  ten  thou- 
sand instances  of  his  love,  manifested  to  me  in  such 
striking  characters,  that  I  could  not  mistake  them, 
with  all  my  slowness  of  heart  to  believe.  Relief 
has  followed  prayer.  The  shades  of  gloom  and 
despondency  have  been  removed  from  my  mind, 
when  overwhelmed ;  and  when  no  human  means 
interposed  to  effect  it.  Temptations,  that  beset 
me,  with  all  the  malice  and  fury  of  devils,  have  been 
removed,  or  their  power  broken,  when  I  was  so 
weak  that  I  could  hardly  utter  a  cry  for  deliver- 
ance. In  all  these,  and  a  thousand  other  ways,  he 
has  proved  himself  to  me  a  God  of  love.  O !  how 
ungrateful  to  distrust  his  goodness,  or  forget  these 
proofs  of  his  love. 

March  29.     The  scriptures  insist  much  on  faith, 
and  in  some  places,  comprise  in  it  the  whole  es- 
13 


146  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.. 

sence  of  the  christian  rehgion.  Indeed,  this  grace 
is  the  foundation  of  all  the  rest.  When  faith  is  in 
exercise,  (if  I  know  what  it  is,)  it  is  comparatively 
easy  to  exercise  all  the  other  christian  virtues.  It 
gives  a  spring  to  exertion — a  relish  to  duty — a  fear- 
lessness of  danger — an  indifference  to  worldly  joy 
or  sorrow,  and  settles  the  whole  soul  in  a  peaceful, 
blessed  calm. 

April  1.  The  bible  is  a  mine  of  treasures,  and 
a  mine  that  can  never  be  exhausted.  Search  ever 
so  deep,  and  more  yet  remains  to  be  explored. 
It  is  consolation  for  the  afflicted — rest  for  the  weary 
— support  for  the  sinking,  and  direction  for  the 
wandering.  As  our  circumstances  vary,  the  bible 
still  offers  a  word  in  season  :  as  our  feelings  alter, 
there  is  still  a  portion  adapted  to  our  necessities. 
Nothing  is  wanting  to  make  a  complete  whole. 

April  6.  My  heart  sinks  under  the  apprehen- 
sion of  the  probable  trials  and  temptations  of  the 
coming  summer.  Lord,  why  this  despondency  ? 
Why  this  dreadful  foreboding  ?  Am  I  indeed,  all 
my  life,  to  be  the  subject  of  these  terrible  attacks 
from  my  spiritual  foes  ?  O  !  my  Creator,  pity  the 
soul  thou  hast  made,  and  forsake  not  the  work  of 
thy  own  hands !  I  am  weak,  necessitous,  and  most 
unha[)py,  and  yet  my  outward  situation  is  such, 
that  I  am  regarded  as  a  peculiar  favorite  of  Provi- 
dence by  those  around  me.    But  thou,  blessed  God, 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  147 

knowest  the  secret  sorrows  of  my  heart,  and  the 
hidden  causes  of  these  sorrows.  I  spread  them  all 
before  thee  ;  I  pray  for  their  removal,  if  consistent 
with  thy  will  and  my  soul's  good.  Hear  my  daily 
prayer  for  deliverance,  O  my  God,  for  Jesus'  sake  ! 

April  9.  What  wretched  unbelief  pervades  my 
heart !  In  some  instances  I  have  been  favored  with 
remarkable  answers  to  prayer,  still,  I  remain  a  sin- 
ner in  thought,  word,  and  deed. 

April  12.  Sickness  in  the  family  engages  my 
whole  time  and  attention. 

April  18.  The  sovereign  God  has  taken  from 
me,  by  death,  my  darling  little  niece,  Lois  M.  Ben- 
nett.  She  died  on  Sunday,  5  o'clock,  P.  M. ;  and 
though  her  precious  clay  still  remains  in  the  house, 
I  dare  not  trust  myself  to  behold  her.  My  distress 
at  intervals  has  been  extreme,  though  at  seasons  I 
have  enjoyed  composure  of  mind.  She  lay  in  my 
bosom,  was  fed  from  my  hand,  and  was  to  me  as 
a  child  ;  but  I  would  not  rebel.  God's  name  be 
praised. 

Friday,  April  21.  Yesterday,  we  committed 
the  precious  remains  of  our  sweet  Lois  to  the  grave, 
and  1  record  the  mercy  of  God,  in  granting  me  a 
calm  state  of  mind  during  the  whole  day ;  which  I 
humbly  hope  arose  from  resignation  to  the  divine 
will.  I  feel  sensible  that  I  deserved  the  rod,  and  I 
desire  to  kiss  it  with  submission.     Several  consid- 


148  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

erations  have,  (through  infinite  goodness,)  helped 
to  support  me  under  this  heavy  affliction.  A  sense 
of  my  sinfuhicss  has  closed  my  lips  and  made  me 
afraid  to  complain,  lest  the  chastisement  should  be 
repeated.  A  sense  also  of  my  extreme  ignorance, 
and  inability  of  judging  of  the  whole  design  of  God 
in  his  dispensations.  A  desire,  (I  hope  a  sincere 
one,)  of  glorifying  God,  and  a  fear  of  dishonoring 
my  profession.  Ciiristians  are  expected  by  the 
world,  to  bear  adversity  with  patience  ;  and  when 
they  do  not,  the  principles  on  which  they  profess  to 
act  are  tliought  unsound,  because  inoperative.  A 
belief,  (I  think  grounded  on  scripture,)  that  the 
dear  infant  has  ceased  from  suffering,  and  gone  to 
eternal  rest.  These  considerations,  with  some  oth- 
ers, have  tended  to  tranquillize  my  soul  at  seasons, 
though  the  anguish  of  my  spirit  has  been  great. 
Prayer  has  been  an  instrument  of  conveying  com- 
fort to  my  soul,  and  I  thank  my  God  for  hearing 
me  in  this  trying  season. 

I  long  to  have  my  nature  purified  in  this  furnace, 
and  the  dross  purged  away.  "  1  will  bear  the  indigna- 
tion of  the  Lord,  because  I  have  sinned  against  him." 

Miss  Lyon  bore  this  dispensation  with  outward 
calmness,  and  conversed  with  the  family,  and  sym- 
pathizing friends  who  called,  with  perfect  compo- 
sure.    This  was  remarkable  to  those  who  knew 


MEMOIRS   OP   MARY  LYON.  149 

her  mental  sufferings,  and  her  uncommon  affection 
for  the  child,  which  was  more  like  that  of  a  mother 
than  the  relation  which  she  sustained.  Resigna- 
tion and  submission  were  considered  by  her,  as 
special  duties  for  her  to  exercise  in  particular,  from 
circumstances  which  she  at  this  time  related  to  a 
friend.  During  her  sister's  extreme  illness  in 
Charleston,  she  prayed  the  Lord,  if  death  must  en- 
ter the  family,  he  would  be  pleased  to  spare  the 
mother  and  take  the  sweet  babe.  The  Lord  saw 
fit  to  raise  up  the  mother  and  spare  the  child,  till 
she  had  become  so  dear  to  her  heart,  and  then  re- 
move her  by  death  ;  and  now  she  observed,  "  I 
must  be  dumb,  and  open  not  my  mouth." 

Miss  Lyon,  and  another  aunt,  watched  with  the 
sweet  and  suffering  babe,  the  last  night  of  her  mor- 
tal existence  ;  and  among  the  last  words  she  uttered, 
while  intelligence  remained,  and  after  her  sight  was 
gone,  was  a  wish  to  see,  or  to  go  to  her  aunt  Mary. 

April  24.  When  I  awake  in  the  morning,  my 
spirits  are  agitated  and  my  heart  throbs  violently, 
as  I  see  the  place  of  my  noiu  angelic  Lois,  vacant 
by  my  side,  and  reflect  that  her  pillow  is  the  cold 
earth.  But  immediately  I  lift  my  heart  to  God, 
and  prayer  will  still  the  tempest  of  my  soul. 

April  30.  My  sweet  Lois,  I  trust,  has  now  been 
a  fortnight  an  inhabitant  of  the  New  Jerusalem. 
13* 


150  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

This  infant  of  two  years,  now  understands  myste- 
ries the  great  men  of  this  world  cannot  compre- 
hend. She  has  companions,  whose  faces  they  could 
not  behold  and  live ;  and  she  has  passed  a  gulf 
they  tremble  to  approach  ;  and  is  now  forever  be- 
yond  the  reach  of  sin  and  sufferiug,  which,  in  this 
life,  are  the  companions  of  all. 

May  3.  I  have  been  hearing  a  sacramental  dis- 
course from  these  words,  "  Master,  carest  thou  not 
that  we  perish  ?"  How  often  have  these  words 
been  the  language  of  my  heart  in  seasons  of  unbe- 
lief, when  providential  events  have  been  dark  and 
unhappy.  But  even  the  disciples  of  our  Lord,  who 
were  witnesses  of  his  miracles,  and  experienced 
constant  proofs  of  his  kindness  and  affeciion,  gave 
way  to  distrust,  and  expressed  their  feelings  almost 
in  terms  of  displeasure.  "  Master,  carest  thou  not 
that  we  perish  ?" 

]\Iay  11.  Monday,  my  brother  B.,  with  his  moth- 
er,  arrived  from  Charleston  to  spend  the  summer. 
This  meeting  is,  indeed,  a  gloomy  one. 

May  13.  The  promises  of  God  extend  to  every 
case,  and  yet  I  seem  to  seek  in  vain  for  one  to  suit 
my  own  peculiar  situation.  But,  perhaps,  I  have 
also  peculiar  assistance  from  God  ;  for  certainly,  I 
have  been  strangely  supported  in  some  seasons  of 
great  anguish,  unknown  to  all  around  me.  This 
tends  to  uphold  my  faith  and  hope,  even  when  the 
promises  are  liid  from  sight. 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  151 

May  16.  Yesterday  I  visited  the  grave  of  my 
darling  Lois,  and  to-day  I  have  seen  it  again.  O ! 
how  my  heart  is  pained  when  I  remember  her  en- 
dearing actions. 

May  20.  Since  the  death  of  my  lamented  Lois, 
unusual  sickness  in  the  family,  and  unusual  com- 
pany, have  hardly  allowed  me  lime  to  m.ourn  for 
her  ;  but  perhaps  it  is  best.  God  frequently  makes 
necessary  duty  an  instrument  of  preventing  the 
mind  fi-om  fixing  on  one  subject,  and  thus  restrain- 
ing grief  from  becoming  extreme.  I  trust  I  have 
felt  something  like  resignation,  as  respects  the  event 
itself;  and  merely  to  reflect  upon  the  circum- 
stances, (her  sufferings,  and  the  possibility  that  they 
might  have  been  prevented  by  the  use  of  other 
remedies,)  can  avail  nothing.  If  it  was  a  chastise- 
ment designed  for  me  particularly,  I  would  patiently 
kiss  the  rod. 

May  22.  O  how  much  I  have  sinned  by  dis- 
content !  Were  I  about  to  die,  I  think  a  remem- 
brance of  this  sin  would  embitter  my  death-bed 
greatly  ;  and  yet  it  is  regarded  generally,  as  a  light 
offence.  But  surely,  it  is  no  small  matter  to  ar- 
raign the  conduct  of  that  Being  whose  wisdom  sur- 
passeth  comprehension ;  and  to  say  practically, 
"  The  God  who  had  power  to  create  the  world,  is 
unable  to  govern  it."  Yet  this  is  the  true  language 
of  discontent.     I   bless  my  God,  for  if  I  grow  in 


1^  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

grace  no  other  way,  I  think  I  increase  in  know- 
ledge.  My  eyes  are  gradually  opened  to  see  the 
workings  of  my  mind,  when  nature  prevails,  and 
when  grace  is  triumphant.  Sometimes  I  am  taught 
out  of  God's  law ;  and  sometimes  1  am  enabled  to 
read  another  page  in  the  book  of  self-knowledge, 
and  a  fresh  discovery  will  open  upon  me.  I  feel 
an  increasing  conviction  of  my  weakness  in  judg- 
ment,  and  my  fallibility  in  choosing ;  and  this  teach- 
ing I  hope,  comes  from  God,  to  whom  I  would  un- 
reservedly commit  all  the  future  events  of  my  life, 
whether  joyous  or  afflictive. 

May  26.  My  sister  E.  leaves  us  to-morrow, 
and  commences  house-keeping.  May  the  blessing 
of  God  go  with  her,  and  remain  also  upon  this  fam- 
ily. If  I  accompany  her,  or  remain  in  my  father's 
house,  may  the  Lord  grant  me  his  cheering  pres- 
ence, his  protection,  his  support  and  his  guidance, 

June  4.  On  Wednesday  night  I  was  taken  ex- 
tremely ill,  and  am  still  very  weak.  My  bodily 
pain  was  greater  than  I  remember  ever  to  have  ex- 
perienced befoi-e.  If  I  were  impatient  under  it,  I 
pray  God  to  forgive  m3,  I  found  by  experience, 
that  meditation  and  prayer  were  almost  impossible, 
when  the  body  was  racked  with  pain.  A  dying 
bed  is  no  place  to  prepare  for  death.  To-day  I 
am  providentially  detained  from  church.  When 
the  mind  and  body  are  fatigued  and  exhausted,  with 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  153 

the  necessary  business  and  unnecessary  engage- 
ments of  the  week,  retirement  and  repose  are  in- 
deed blessings.  How  strange  then,  that  any  one 
can  wish  to  waste  this  tranquil  season  in  company 
and  vain  conversation. 

June  14.  What  a  comfort  it  is,  that  God  knows 
all  my  perplexities,  and  could  remove  them  if  he 
saw  fit.  Whether  I  am  an  object  of  his  favor,  or 
otherwise,  I  know  that  all  he  does  is  right ;  and 
sometimes  I  can  rest  in  his  wisdom  to  plan,  and 
his  power  to  execute,  when  I  smart  under  his  dis- 
pensations towards  me.  1  shudder  at  the  idea  of 
being  given  up  to  the  guidance  of  my  own  fallible 
judgment,  and  yet  I  cannot  discern  what  the  will 
of  the  Lord  is  concerning  me,  and  what  is  the  re- 
sult of  my  own  free-agency. 

June  20.  1  have  been  absent  several  days  at 
my  sister  E's.  Their  house  is  a  delightful  sum- 
mer residence,  and  I  love  her  family.  But  O !  my 
hard  heart !  my  evil  heart  of  unbelief.  I  am  afraid 
of  the  cross,  and  am,  to  a  great  degree,  untliank- 
ful  for  present  mercies.  I  am  seeking  earthly 
good,  when  religion  and  reason  both  assure  me,  it 
is  a  dangerous  snare  to  the  soul — in  a  great  meas- 
ure unattainable — fleeting  in  duration,  and  unsatis- 
factory in  possession.  There  is  no  peace  but  in 
Jesus  Christ,  the  friend  of  sinners. 

July  2.     This  morning  attended  a  prayer  meet- 


154  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON, 

ing  lately  established.  The  exercises  were  con- 
ducted by  Mr.  N.,  under  whose  preaching  several 
revivals  of  religion  have  recently  taken  place.  The 
summer  is  rapidly  passing  away,  and  with  me,  the 
last  season,  the  last  day,  and  the  last  hour  will  soon 
arrive. 

July  12.  I  have  spent  the  morning  with  grand- 
mother, and  heard  from  her  lips  many  lessons  of 
wisdom  and  many  words  of  consolation.  My  mind 
has  been  melancholy  and  distressed  since  morning, 
to  a  great  degree.  "  Satan,  my  malicious  foe,"  is 
constantly  aiming  his  arrows  at  my  peace,  as  well 
as  my  soul.  I  am  not  "  ignorant  of  his  devices," 
though  I  suffer  by  them.  The  loss  of  my  darling 
Lois,  has  also  severely  afflicted  me  to-day,  and  my 
tears  have  flowed  freely  :  yet  I  thank  my  God  I 
have  enjoyed  more  mental  serenity  this  summer 
than  I  expected,  and  far  more  than  during  the  last. 

July  17.  Yesterday  we  had  a  most  severe  thunder 
storm  ;  but  for  some  unknown  reason,  my  mind  at 
such  seasons  feels  little  alarm.  On  the  contrary,  yes- 
terday it  seemed  a  pleasing  consideration  that  God 
was  so  near,  as  the  war  of  the  elements  appeared 
to  indicate.  For  some  time  past  I  have,  at  seasons, 
felt  apprehensive,  that  God  had  entirely  given  me 
up  to  myself,  and  withdrawn  his  providential  inter- 
ference in  my  concerns.  But  this  morning  I  had 
a  sweet  season,  which  I   hope  was  a  visit  of  his 


MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON.  155 

gracious  Spirit.  I  felt  willing  to  resign  my  dearest 
hopes  to  his  blessed  will,  and  \\ou\i\  feel  that  all  was 
indeed  right.  1  hardly  had  a  wish  for  any  thing, 
but  only  that  the  will  of  my  God  should  be  done. 
I  thought  I  loved  his  name,  though  crosses  and  dis- 
appointments should  be  my  constant  portion. 

Aug.  3.  I  think  1  know  something  of  the  inward 
conflict  between  grace  and  the  sins  of  my  nature  ; 
and  I  think  also,  I  know  something  of  the  contest 
between  Satan  and  grace,  for  the  conquest  of  my 
soul.  I  have  some  discernment  of  the  wiles  of  the 
adversary,  and  can,  in  some  measure,  distinguish 
his  attacks  from  those  of  the  world  and  the  flesh. 
I  am  not  wholly  ignorant  of  my  peculiar  "  besetting 
sin."  The  struggle  of  contending  armies  in  the 
field  of  battle,  is  but  a  faint  picture  of  the  conflict  I 
feel  at  seasons  in  my  soul.  At  such  times,  my  only 
refuge  is  in  God,  and  my  only  comfort  flying  to  the 
shadow  of  his  wings. 

Aug.  9.  I  am  astonished,  when  I  observe  what 
a  trijle  will  elate  or  depress  my  spirits.  It  is, 
indeed,  a  humiliating  consideration,  and  I  feel 
ashamed  of  my  weakness.  I  am  constantly  suf- 
fering for  sin,  or  blushing  for  folly. 

Aug.  26.     Tiie  town  is  very  sickly.*    Last  night 


*  A  malignant  dysentery    then    prevailed  in   New 
Haven. 


156        MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON. 

I  watched  in  a  family  consisting  of  only  four  per- 
sons, three  of  whom  lay  ill.  Several  of  my  rela- 
tives are  ill  with  it,  and  one  has  died. 

Aug.  31.  My  mind,  since  Monday  evening,  has 
been  very  much  pressed  by  a  particular  subje'ct, 
that  has  caused  me  many  anxious  and  many  sleep- 
less hours.  I  have  laid  the  matter  before  God  in 
prayer,  and  this  morning  I  have  taken  up  the  cross, 
and  had  a  long  conversation  with  the  person  con- 
cerned, which  I  pray  God  to  bless,  and  make  in- 
strumental of  good.  This  afternoon  a  mother  and 
daughter  have  been  laid  in  one  grave,  and  neither 
left  any  evidence  of  dying  in  Christ.  I  am  to-day 
in  some  measure  affected  with  the  prevailing  disease. 
O  !  my  God,  enable  me  so  to  live  that  I  may  meet 
death  with  joy.     Lord  increase  nny  faith. 

Sept.  24.  The  rod  of  chastisement  is  still  held 
over  this  suffering  town.  The  sexton's  report  yes- 
terday noon,  was  nine  dead.  In  a  season  like  this, 
we  stand  upon  the  threshold  of  eternity,  and  may, 
before  we  are  aware,  enter  within  its  confines. 
What  a  solemn  time  is  this  !  How  many  hearts  are 
bleeding  under  bereavements  !  Various  and  pressing 
engagements,  the  prevailing  sickness,  company,  &:c., 
have  hardly  left  me  time  to  attend  to  the  concerns 
of  my  own  soul.  The  blessed  God  pardon  and 
sanctify  me! 

Oct.  18.     11'  I  have  any  refuge  it  is  certainly  in 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  157 

the  Lord.  I  have  found  peace  in  him,  when  I  could 
find  it  nowhere  else.  Sometimes  divine  truths  come 
home  to  my  soul  with  peculiar  sweetness,  and  the 
promises  buoy  me  up  above  every  thing.  My  mind 
is  in  some  degree  exercised  respecting  another  visit 
to  Charleston.  I  have  been  told  the  path  of  duty 
lay  that  way,  and  that  Providence  evidently  pointed 
it  out.  But  as  no  one  can  judge  exactly  of  the 
state  of  another's  mind,  so  no  one  can  decide  truly 
what  is  the  precise  duty  of  another.  What  would 
be  hounden  duty  under  certain  circumstances,  would 
cease  to  be  so,  when  those  circumstances  varied, 
and  as  each  one  knows,  or  ought  to  know,  their  own 
particular  temptations,  so  each  one  must  judge, 
(with  humility  and  due  deference  for  the  opinions  of 
others,)  what  is  their  own  true  duty.  With  respect 
to  inclination,  my  mind  stands  neuter,  the  motives 
for  going  or  staying,  being  nearly,  or  quite  equal. 
If  I  know  my  own  heart,  I  am  willing,  (in  this  case 
at  least,)  to  do  right,  and  act  in  conformity  to  the 
will  of  God.  I  pray  the  blessed  God  to  place  ef- 
fectual barriers  in  my  way,  if  my  going  would  be 
inconsistent  with  his  glory,  or  my  own  real  good. 
I  desire  with  humility  to  leave  the  issue  with  him. 

Oct.  27.     Past  experience  has  so  often  convin- 
ced me  of  the  faUibility  of  my  own  judgment,  that 
I  am  not  only  afraid  to  trust  it,  but  almost  to  exer- 
cise  it.     I   have  suffered  so  severely  from   lean- 
14 


158  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

ing  to  my  own  understanding,  that  I  fear  being 
again  duped  by  it.  This  is  one  reason  why  I  am 
so  anxious  to  know  the  path  of  duty,  respecting 
going  to  the  South.  No  ultimate  evil  can  ensue 
from  a  conscientious  discharge  of  duty,  and  there- 
fore, it  is  always  safe  to  perform  it.  But  how  to 
find  this  narrow  path  is  the  question.  I  have  made 
it  a  subject  of  much  prayer,  but  am  still  perplexed. 
The  blessed  God  guide  me,  and  prevent  my  doing 
aught  displeasing  to  him,  or  injurious  to  my  own 
soul. 

Miss  Lyon's  perplexity  in  ascertaining  duty  at 
this  time,  was  occasioned  by  the  situation  of  her 
father's  family.  Her  sister,  whom  she  thought  of 
accompanying,  was  in  delicate  health,  with  two 
small  children,  and  subject  to  much  depression  of 
spirits,  particularly  at  the  south.  She  was  the 
youngest  of  five  daughters,  three  of  whom  still  re- 
mained at  home,  and  Mary  felt  as  if  it  was  the  duty 
of  one  of  them,  to  accompany  her  in  her  exile, 
for  so  E.  always  considered  her  absence  from 
New  Haven.  The  mother  of  Miss  Lyon,  (as 
has  been  before  observed,)  was  a  nervous  invalid, 
and  felt  a  strong  reluctance  to  part  again  with  her 
judicious,  self-denying,  and  affectionate  child.  She 
often  observed,  that  her  mother  had  the  highest 
claim,  and  had  there  been  no  daughter  at  home  but 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  159 

herself,  duty  would  have  been  plain  ;  but  all  the 
circumstances  considered,  rendered  it  difficult  for 
her  to  ascertain  what  was  the  Lord's  will  respecting 
her. 


Sabbath,  Nov.  5.  This  morning  I  awoke  very 
early,  before  day,  and  endeavored  to  lead  my  mind 
into  a  proper  train  of  reflections  for  the  Lord's  day, 
and  the  communion.  The  hour  is  rapidly  coming, 
when  the  love  of  Christ  will  appear  more  precious 
than  gold  ;  and  the  benefits  of  his  death,  be  all  that 
is  worth  possessing.  Sometimes,  I  feel  as  if  death 
was  very  near,  yet  still  the  love  of  the  world  con- 
tinues. I  feel  more  and  more  that  I  have  nothing 
to  rest  on  but  the  power  of  God,  to  preserve  me, 
even  from  myself. 

Nov.  17.  The  matter  is  at  last  determined,  re- 
specting my  Charleston  trip.  E.  has  concluded  to 
stay  in  New  Haven  another  year.  Perhaps  this 
result  is  an  answer  to  long  and  earnest  prayer,  that 
God  would  terminate  this  affair,  as  his  infinite  wis- 
dom saw  best ;  and  to  promote  his  own  glory,  and 
the  real  good  of  all  concerned.  Such  has  been 
my  prayer,  and  the  present  event  has  followed  ; 
therefore,  I  have  reason  to  rest  satisfied  and  con- 
tented. 

Thanksgiving,  Nov.  30.  O  !  how  much  I  have 
received  since  the  last  anniversary  of  this  kind.     I 


160  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

remember  God's  supporting  mercy  in  a  season  of 
deep  affliction,  and  his  forbearing  mercy  through 
the  whole  year. 

Dec.  14.  My  conduct  is  exactly  like  that  of  a 
child.  When  a  child  is  exulting  in  a  full  flow  of 
health  and  spirits,  we  see  it  leave  the  presence  of 
its  parent,  and  seek  amusements  from  the  various 
objects  which  surround  it.  These  objects  are  some- 
times improper,  sometimes  dangerous,  and  often, 
very  often,  sinful.  But  no  sooner  does  sickness, 
accident,  or  the  petty  disappointments  of  childhood, 
assail  it,  than  it  flies  to  its  forsaken  parent  for  assis- 
tance and  consolation.  Just  so  it  is  with  me.  When 
the  sun  of  prosperity  shines  warm  upon  me,  and  the 
chords  of  my  mind  harmonize  with  each  other,  my 
foolish  heart  will  wander  abroad,  and  childishly  seek 
for  gold  in  the  dross  of  this  world.  But  when  my 
mental  sky  lowers,  or  a  stroke  of  deserved  chastise- 
ment rouses  me  to  a  sense  of  my  dependence  and 
danger,  then  I  fly  to  God, — seek  support  and  com- 
fort from  him ;  and  find  by  renewed  experience, 
that  he  is  the  supreme  and  only  good. 

Dec.  24.  Since  writing  the  above,  I  have  had 
new  and  peculiar  proofs  that  the  Lord  is  kind  and 
gracious  to  me  in  particular,  I  always  experience 
his  mercy  ;  but  when  a  trial  comes,  his  help  is  most 
conspicuous ;  and  these  helps  in  time  of  need, 
greatly  strengthen  my  faith.     I  find  when  new  difli. 


M  E  M  0  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  Y    L  Y  0  ^f  .  161 

culties  arise,  I  expect  to  be  carried  through,  more  than 
I  did  formerly,  and  fly  to  prayer,  as  the  sure  chan- 
nel of  God's  assistance.  If  I  am  a  child  of  God, 
the  next  world  will  clear  away  all  this  darkness, — 
solve  all  these  difficulties,  and  I  shall  clearly  see 
through  all  the  dispensations  of  Providence  towards 
me. 

Jan.  2,  1816,  We  are  manifestly  forbidden  to 
anticipate  at  all,  whether  good  or  evil  ;  and  cer- 
tainly we  injure  our  present  situation  by  doing  it. 
If  our  minds  run  forward,  contemplating  scenes  of 
future  happiness,  we  necessarily  regard  present  en- 
joyment with  indifference.  And  if  they  forebode 
evil,  then  the  comfort  of  the  present  hour  is  marred. 
We  endanger  our  temporal  peace,  and  act  contrary 
to  christian  duty,  when  we  foolishly  suffer  our  cal- 
culations to  escape  the  confines  of  the  present  day. 
It  is  equally  absurd,  and  equally  sinful,  to  indulge 
painful  regret,  when  meditating  on  the'  past,  unless 
conscious  of  deliberate  sin. 

March  1,  1816.  This  day  begins  a  new  season, 
and  a  new  volume  in  my  journal.*  Would  that  I 
could  also  begin  a  new  life.  A  life  with  the  peace 
of  God,  which  passeth  all  understanding,  reigning 
in  my  heart.     A  hfe  of  submission  to  the  will  of 


*  This  she  did  not  live  to  finish. 
14* 


162  MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON. 

Providence ;  and  a  life  of  progressive  preparation 
for  the  kingdom  of  glory. 

March  3.  To-day  is  communion,  and  I,  with 
the  rest  of  Christ's  professed  followei's,  have  sat 
around  his  table,  and  received  a  fresh  token  of  his 
gracious  intentions  towards  the  children  of  Adam. 
The  sermon  was  adapted  to  the  occasion,  and  hap. 
inly  adapted  to  the  state  of  my  mind.  It  told  of  a 
rest ;  and  it  proved  that  in  attaining  that  rest,  much 
tribulation  must  be  encountered.  It  described  the 
enemies  to  be  opposed  in  the  conflict,  and  the  vari- 
ous difficulties  of  the  way  ;  all  of  which,  I  thought 
I  perfectly  understood. 

March  12.  Within  the  short  period  of  eight 
months,  I  have  heard  the  death  of  four  associates 
of  my  youth,  whose  intimacy  here,  made  them  like 
members  of  the  family.  Twice,  in  the  term  of 
twenty. one  months,  my  bed -fellow  was  taken  from 
my  side  by  the  king  of  terrors.  These  things  are 
not  without  design.  The  God  of  providence  speaks 
in  language  not  easily  misunderstood.  Stupid  as  I 
am,  I  know  that  life  is  on  the  wing,  and  that  I  am 
rapidly  approaching  the  boundary  line  between  this 
world  and  eternity.  I  know  that  true  preparation 
for  death  is  tlie  only  real  good  worth  pursuing,  yet 
the  tinsel  of  this  vain  world,  at  times  leads  my  im- 
agination,  my  lieart,  and  almost  my  reason  in  chains. 

March  16.     For  two  or  three  days  my  mind  has 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY    LYON.  1(33 

been  disturbed  with  blasphemous  thoughts,  and  at 
intervals,  my  distress  has  been  great,  fearing  I  had 
committed  the  unpardonable  sin.  But  prayer,  using 
the  means  for  turning  Ay  thoughts  into  another 
channel,  and  the  idea  that  I  could  discern  the  au- 
thor  of  this  trouble,  have  kept  me  thus  far  from 
sinking.  O !  thou  blessed  God,  Father,  Son,  and 
Holy  Spirit,  my  soul  supplicates  thee  to  keep  me 
from  the  power  of  the  adversary,  and  have  mercy 
on  all  others  tempted  in  a  similar  manner. 

March  24.  The  exercises  of  the  day  are  over, 
and  another  sabbath  sun  near  setting.  There  is 
something  sweet  and  soothing  in  this  hour,  on  this 
day,  that  communicates  itself  to  any  mind  tuned  to 
harmonize  with  it.  The  bright,  though  serene  face 
of  nature,  reminds  one  of  that  reconciled  face  in 
Christ  Jesus,  which  is  the  christian's  hope.  The 
tempered  rays  of  the  natural  sun,  are  a  striking 
emblem  of  the  overwhelming  glory  of  God,  softened 
by  divine  grace,  that  mortals  may  contemplate  it 
with  the  eye  of  faith  and  live.  O  !  were  it  not  for 
some  precious  moments  of  this  kind,  the  powers  of 
reflection  would  be  worthless. 

March  27.  Monday  called  on  two  women  in  af- 
fliction, with  the  hope  of  administering  some  conso- 
lation. This  afternoon  I  have  witnessed  the  last 
scene  of  a  brother  professor  in  the  church  of  Christ. 
He  died  triumphantly  ;  and  is  now  doubtless  re- 
joicing with  the  "  spirits  of  the  just  made  perfect." 


164  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

April  2.  This  morning  I  have  walked  out  with 
my  mother.  Thursday  I  accompanied  her  to  a  tea- 
party,  and  this  evening  expect  to  attend  another. 
Too  much  time  spent  in  this  way,  I  think  is  sinful, 
but  my  motive  for  thus  spending  a  part  of  mine,  is 
sometimes,  merely  a  sense  of  duty.  "  Satan  de- 
sires to  have  me,  that  he  may  sift  me  as  wheat ;" 
and  I  find  by  experience,  that  solitude  is  often  an  in- 
strument in  his  hands  of  distressing  and  perplexing 
my  soul.  He  even  dared  to  attack  our  blessed 
Savior  in  the  wilderness.  His  malice  towards  me 
is  amazing,  though  at  seasons  I  regard  it  as  an  evi- 
dence in  my  favor.  I  am  often  perplexed,  some- 
times confounded,  and  know  not  what  opinion  to 
form  of  myself,  or  what  course  to  take. 

TO  A  NEPHEW  IN  HARPERSFIELD,  NEW  YORK. 

Neio  Haven,  April  5,  1816. 
My  Dear  Eli  : — My  long  silence  has  not  arisen 
from  forgetfulness  or  indifference  ;  for  your  welfare 
is  as  near  and  dear  to  my  heart,  as  ever.  Almost 
three  and  a  half  years  have  expired,  since  we  last 
saw  each  other ;  and  during  this  period,  we  have 
both  passed  through  a  variety  of  scenes,  seen  a 
great  many  different  places,  and  been  the  subjects 
of  some  suffering.  Happy  would  it  be,  had  we 
both  lived  all  that  time,  without  committing  any  sin> 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  165 

and  done  exactly  as  we  shall  wish  we  had,  when 
the  hour  of  death  arrives. 

I  trust,  nny  dear  E.,  you  feel  the  necessity  of  ex- 
erting yourself,  and  establishing  a  good  character 
for  life.  Every  young  man  can  do  well,  if  he  la- 
bors for  that  object ;  and  is  careful  to  perform  his 
duty,  in  the  situation  where  Providence  has  placed 
him.  Youth  is  the  time  to  acquire  good  habits,  and  to 
lay  a  sure  foundation  for  usefulness  and  comfort  in 
future  years.  But,  when  this  period  is  suffered  to 
pass  away  unimproved,  the  whole  after  life  suffers  by 
the  neglect.  Endeavor  to  acquire  the  confidence 
of  Mr.  H.  Most  of  our  respectable  merchants 
owe  their  prosperity,  (under  the  blessing  of  God,) 
to  the  esteem  and  friendship  of  their  employers  ; 
and  nothing  will  conduce  more  to  your  advance- 
ment in  the  world,  than  tlie  confidence  of  those 
with  whom  you  pass  this  important  season  of  your 
life. 

Mr.  L.  and  Mr.  B.,  will  inform  you  of  every- 
thing interesting,  respecting  our  family.  But  they 
can  never  inform  you,  how  anxious  we  are  for  your 
improvement  and  welfare.  It  is  difficult  to  imag- 
ine, what  pain  it  would  give  us,  if  your  conduct 
should  become  improper  or  sinful.  Remember, 
dear  E.,  after  this  age  you  must  depend  on  your- 
self. If  you  become  idle  and  vicious,  farewell  to 
respectability,  to  prosperity,  and  every  tiling  valu- 


\QQ  MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON. 

able  in  this  world.     If,  on  the  contrary,  you  are  in- 
dustrious and  upright,  there  is  no  danger. 

We  thank  the  kind  lady  who  took  care  of  you  in 
your  illness.  You  must  be  grateful  and  strive  to 
repay  the  kindness  received.  I  hope  before  the 
lapse  of  another  three  years,  either,  that  you  will 
be  able,  (consistent  with  duty,)  to  leave  your  busi- 
ness long  enough  to  make  us  a  visit,  or  that  I  shall 
see  you  in  M. 

April  12.  It  is  a  common  opinion,  that  we  are 
accountable  only  for  our  own  personal  transgres- 
sions :  but  this  opinion  is  without  a  spiritual  warrant. 
We  are,  in  a  great  measure,  answerable  for  the 
sins  committed  by  others,  in  consequence  of  our  ex- 
ample, and  our  want  of  exertion  in  trying  to  prevent 
it.  How  awfully  the  final  account  may  swell  in  this 
way,  no  finite  mind  can  comprehend.  But  every 
child  of  Adam  knows  the  obligation  we  are  under? 
to  prevent  all  sin,  as  far  as  we  have  the  power,  in 
others,  as  well  as  in  ourselves.  How  unmindful  are 
the  best  people  of  this  truth.  My  God  cover  over 
my  scarlet  sins  with  the  blood  of  Christ,  and  make 
me  more  watchful  during  the  remainder  of  my  days. 

April  14.  One  year,  this  day  and  this  hour,  my 
darling  Lois  took  her  flight  from  this  "  sin  worn 
world,"  and  soared  to  the  regions  of  eternal  bliss. 
God  supported  me  through   that  trial ;  why  then 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  167 

should  I  ever  despair  ?  Blessed  be  his  name,  this 
day  I  have  again  experienced  his  delivering  mercy. 
My  fell  adversary  levelled  his  "  fiery  darts"  at  my 
peace  and  at  my  soul.  Remembering  "  the  worm- 
wood and  the  gall,"  I  was  filled  with  consternation, 
and  rose  from  my  seat  to  run,  I  know  not  where  ; 
when  suddenly  the  idea  of  infernal  agency  entered 
my  mind,  and  I  exclaimed,  "  Satan  shall  not  pre- 
vail," or  words  to  this  amount,  and  again  sat  down. 
I  looked  upward  with  anguish,  known  only  to  those 
who  have  experienced  it,  and  prayed,  blessed  Jesus 
pity  me  !  blessed  Jesus  pity  me  !  blessed  Jesus  save 
me  !  The  dear  Savior  heard  me, — the  tempter 
gave  way,  and  his  horrid  suggestion  gradually  wore 
off.     "  Bless  the  Lord,  O  !  my  soul !" 

April  24.  To-day  have  walked  out  with  S.,  and 
called  at  several  places.  What  a  vacuum  does  this 
world  present  to  my  soul.  I  try  to  feel  as  I  think 
others  do,  and  endeavor  to  cheat  myself  into  the 
opinion  that  my  trials  are  not  peculiar,  but  alas  it  is 
in  vain.  Singular  indeed,  have  been  m}^  trials, — 
most  mysterious  the  dispensations  of  Providence 
towards  me.  But  yet  my  soul  justifies  the  blessed 
God,  and  though  I  cannot  comprehend,  (in  some 
measure,)  I  learn  to  trust.  A  man  deranged  in  in- 
tellect, has  just  passed  my  window.  Let  me  thank 
the  Lord,  that  amidst  all  the  convulsions  and  tumults 


168  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

that  have  shook  my  soul,  he  is  graciously  pleased  to 
preserve  my  reason  still. 

April  27.  Thursday  evening  I  spent  with  a  party 
of  friends,  and  yesterday  morning  I  passed  in  the 
sick  chamber  of  my  step-brother.  Mr.  L's  sick- 
ness is  indeed  a  season  of  trial.  Those  things 
which  the  worldling  calls  good,  lose  their  charms 
when  the  body  is  pained ;  and  all  that  pertains  to 
this  life  becomes  valueless,  as  another  appears  to  be 
approaching.  Faith,  "  precious  faith,"  is  the  only 
light  of  a  sick-room, — the  only  opiate  for  the  wake- 
ful eye, — the  only  balm  for  the  aching  heart,  and  the 
only  medicine  for  the  sin-sick  soul.  Lord  give  me 
faith. 

April  28.  Jesus  Christ,  and  him  crucified,  is  the 
only  foundation  of  hope.  On  him  my  soul  leans, — 
my  confidence  rests,  and  on  him  alone.  To-day  I 
had  some  happy  moments.  My  soul  seemed  to 
flutter  to  be  gone.  Fear  lay  dormant,  and  hope 
arose  almost  to  exultation.  The  bliss  of  heaven 
was  revealed  strongly  to  my  mental  sight,  and  for 
the  moment,  I  almost  left  the  earth.  I  hope  like 
David,  I  saw  something  of  the  power  and  glory  of 
God  in  the  sanctuary.  O  !  what  a  mystery  1  am 
to  myself.  Blessed  Jesus,  I  commit  my  soul  into 
thy  hands. 


MExMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  169 

TO    MRS.    SUSAN    HUNTINGTON,    BOSTON. 

ISeic  Haven,  May  4,  1816. 
My  Dear  Susan  : — When  personal  intercourse 
is  cut  oif  with  those  we  love,  it  is  a  real  solace  to 
converse  occasionally  with  the  pen.  Most  persons, 
and  even  those,  who,  in  the  judgment  of  candor,  must 
be  regarded  as  christians,  are  far  more  clear-sight- 
ed  in  discerning  the  wisdom  of  God,  in  his  disposal 
of  the  affairs  oi  others,  than  in  his  interference  with 
their  own  ;  especially  when  that  interference  is  ad- 
verse to  their  wishes,  flow  easily  they  can  see  the 
propriety  and  mercy  of  pride  being  humbled, — self- 
will  broken, — patience  tried, — unrecisonable  expec- 
tations crossed, — idols  removed,  &c.  But  let  the 
rod  of  divine  chastisement  touch  these  moral 
preachers  themselves,  with  any  of  the  various  ad- 
^'ersities  of  human  life,  and  then  all  is  dark  and 
mysterious.  "  Clouds  and  darkness  are  round  about 
the  throne  of  God."  His  designs  are  deep  and  in- 
scrutable, beyond  the  power  of  finite  beings  to  ex- 
plain or  comprehend.  It  is  well  when  this  knowl- 
edge of  the  human  character  is  learned  by  obser- 
vation alone  ;  but  alas  !  many  of  us  have  a  more 
infallible  teacher,  our  inward  personal  experience. 
What  a  striking  proof  of  the  prevalence  of  self- 
love,  and  the  blindness  that  clouds  our  minds  where 
self  is  concerned,  thus  to  erect  one  standard  in 
15 


170  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

judging  for  others,  and  another  in  judging  for  our- 
selves. When  reason,  and  the  principles  of  the 
christian  religion  take  the  seat  of  government,  we 
do  not  judge  thus.  If  we  see  the  wisdom  and  jus- 
tice of  God  when  others  are  afflicted,  we  feel  also 
that  he  is  just,  and  wise,  in  afflicting  us.  If  we  see 
that  others  enjoy  the  smiles  of  Providence  without 
desert,  and  only  through  the  free  bounty  of  the  Al- 
mighty,  we  feel  that  we.  enjoy  them  on  the  same 
terms.  In  all  things  we  are  ready  to  "  vindicate 
the  ways  of  God  to  man." 

The  blessings  of  Providence,  dear  S.,  to  a  care- 
ful observer,  are  evidently  meted  out,  in  a  great 
measure,  even  according  to  our  ideas  of  right  and 
impartiality.  God  appoints  different  sources  of 
happiness,  and  different  sources  of  sorrow  for  his 
people,  during  their  stay  in  this  "house  of  their  pil- 
grimage  ;"  but  although  differing  in  kindy  they  are 
nearly,  if  not  wholly  equal  in  degree.  Where  ex- 
ternal circumstances  are  happy,  the  mind  will  fre- 
quently sink  under  imaginary  evils.  Where  want 
and  difficulty  assail  the  outward  situation,  the  spirits 
will  often  he  light  and  buoyant.  How  often  are  af- 
fluence and  sickness,  companions  through  life, — la- 
borious hardship  and  uninterrupted  health, — high 
rank  and  heavy  family  afflictions, — obscure  life 
and  domestic  comfort.  We  could  both  illustrate 
these  remarks  by  living  examples,  were  it  neces- 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON,  171 

sary.  Even  within  the  narrow  circle  of  our  ob- 
servation, many  such  instances  present  themselves 
to  our  view. 

One  great  cause  of  the  discontent  that  seems  to 
pervade  almost  every  heart,  in  a  greater  or  less  de- 
gree, is  the  superficial  examination  we  give  those 
things  that  the  world  calls  good.  We  judge  of  the 
whole  from  some  conspicuous  part,  and  then  draw 
hasty  and  erroneous  conclusions.  It  is  melancholly 
that  the  grace  of  real  contentment  should  be  so 
very  rare  ;  and  most  strange,  that  when  life  itself 
is  so  rapidly  passing  away,  we  can  be  so  solicitous 
about  the  trifles  which  compose  it. 

May  5.  I  have  been  so  dull  and  stupid  to-day, 
either  through  the  influence  of  the  season,  or  some 
other  cause,  I  have  hardly  been  sensible  of  what  I 
have  heard  and  seen  of  the  word  of  life.  Two  ex- 
cellent sermons,  the  Lord's  supper,  several  bap- 
tisms, and  fervent  prayers,  all  united,  have  scarcely 
been  able  to  confine  my  attention  even  for  a  mo- 
ment. With  every  advantage,  how  little  spiritual 
improvement  I  make.  Some  things  give  me  hope 
that  I  am  a  child  of  grace ;  but  the  evidences  against 
me  are  innumerable.  Why  I  was  born,  and  why 
my  life  has  been  continued  thus  far  ?  are  questions 
I  have  no  right  to  ask.  Sin  and  suflering  appear  to 
claim  me  for  their  own  ;  and  when  I  reflect  that  the 


172  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

remainder  of  my  days  will  probably  be  spent  like 
the  past,  I  almost  wish  they  were  numbered  and 
finished.  But  O  !  let  faith  prevail,  and  let  patience 
have  its  perfect  work.  Newton's  hymn,  beginning 
with  the  line,  "  I  asked  the  Lord  that  I  might  grow," 
is  so  applicable  to  my  case,  and  such  a  true  deline- 
ation of  my  experience,  that  I  often  repeat  it.  The 
Lord  forgive  and  comfort  me. 

May  12.  One  subject  in  particular  mars  all  pre- 
sent comfort,  and  fills  me  with  apprehensions  for 
the  future.  Can  I  be  a  child  of  God,  and  feel  thus  ? 
Can  I  be  an  object  of  divine  favor,  while  divine 
providence  is  so  continually  adverse  to  my  wishes  ? 
These  are  idle  questions  indeed.  I  know  that 
"whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth;"  and  that 
tribulation  is  the  pathway  to  heaven.  I  have  prayed 
much  on  this  subject,  but,  as  yet,  I  have  received 
no  answer  ;  no  token  for  good  has  yet  appeared. 
My  mind  is  harassed  and  perplexed  with  the  fear 
that  God  regards  me  as  beneath  his  notice,  and  my 
sorrows  as  unworthy  his  regard.  I  am  most  vile, 
I  confess,  and  of  course  deserve  no  good.  But  I 
do  not  sin  with  impunity,  and  I  "  groan,  being  bur- 
dened." 

May  25.  Last  week  I  spent  an  afternoon  at 
Mr.  Taylor's,  with  a  large  number  of  the  society. 
Thursday  the  Rev.  Mr.  D.  and  his  lady,  with  M. 
L.,  took  tea  with  us.     I  have  lately  heard  two  ser- 


MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON.  173 

mons  from  Dr.  Palmer,  of  Charleston,  which  have 
instrumentally  done  me  good.  The  trials  and 
temptations  of  the  christian  life  were  so  clearly 
delineated,  that  I  recognized  my  own  experience  as 
I  listened,  and  felt  a  sweet  hope  that  my  troubles 
were  consistent  with  a  state  of  grace.  Yesterday 
and  to-day  my  mind  has  been  composed,  and  at  in- 
tervals happy,  (as  I  think,)  happy  in  God.  I  enjoy 
at  seasons  some  sweet  moments  of  peace,  such  as 
the  world  cannot  give.  God  is  my  rock, — the  re- 
fuge of  my  soul, — my  ark  of  safety. 

June  1.  Last  night  when  I  laid  my  head  on  the 
pillow,  I  endeavored  to  take  a  retrospect  of  the  past 
day,  and  learn  wherein  I  had  done  amiss.  I  ex- 
amined the  whole  day  carefully,  and  though  I  found 
many  faults,  no  out-breaking  sin  stared  me  in  the 
face.  The  faults  I  had  committed  pained  me, 
though  I  rejoiced  I  had  been  in  a  measure  preserv- 
ed from  sin.  In  this  frame  of  mind  I  closed  my 
eyes  in  sleep,  and  the  "  Watchman  of  Israel"  took 
care  of  me,  and  I  have  had  a  morning  of  peace. 
Thursday  I  attended  a  military  funeral.  A  solemn 
pomp  marked  the  interment  of  the  perishing  body, 
while  the  immortal  soul,  far,  far  beyond  this  scene 
of  things,  has  entered  upon  the  destinies  of  eter- 
nity. 

June  2.     Yesterday  we  received  a  visit  from  our 

old  friend  Mr.  N.  Dewit,  after  an  absence  of  nearly 
15* 


174  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON, 

eight  years.  The  various  scenes  we  have  both 
passed  through  since  we  last  met, — the  heavy  and 
uncommon  spiritual  trials  we  have  sustained, — the 
singular  care  of  Providence  we  have  both  experi- 
enced, rendered  this  meeting  a  serious,  though  a 
pleasing  one.  He  has  preached  two  able  and  in- 
teresting discourses  to-day,  particularly  the  morning 
one,  from  these  words,  "  Thou  art  a  priest  forever." 
June  7.  There  is  a  dark  cloud  hangs  over  the 
providence  of  God  towards  me.  My  way  is  hedged 
up  with  thorns,  and  I  find  myself  like  one  in  the 
midst  of  a  vast  wilderness,  without  a  guide  or  com- 
pass. I  feel  afraid  to  venture  on  any  thing  but 
prayer ;  and  here  God  hides  himself,  and  I  receive 
no  answer.  I  contemplate  from  this  day  to  set 
apart  fifteen  minutes  every  noon,  (unless  prevented 
by  necessity,)  to  spread  my  case  before  God,  and 
seek  direction  from  him  ;  and  to  supplicate  his 
grace,  that  my  mind  may  be  set  at  rest  on  the  sub- 
ject that  has  so  long  agitated  and  oppressed  it.  This 
will  be  the  burden  of  my  petition.  Not  for  the  ex- 
tended universe  would  I  waive  my  own  portion, 
neither  would  I  dictate  to  the  Supreme  Arbiter  of 
all  things.  I  only  ask  for  a  settled  acquiesence,^ 
and  to  be  dehvered  from  these  corroding  anxieties. 
In  other  words,  I  pray  for  a  firmer  practical  belief 
in  a  superintending,  general,  and  particular  provi- 
dence.     My  soul  longs  to  rest  here,  and  to  pene- 


MEMOIRS    or   MARY   LYON.  175 

trate  so  far  into  the  dealings  of  God  towards  me, 
as  shall  compose  my  mind.  But  alas  !  I  fear  I  must 
wait  till  eternity  lifts  the  veil,  and  I  see  God  face 
to  face. 

June  13.  Prayer  is  truly  speaking  my  comfort. 
It  will  compose  my  mind, — sooth  my  sorrows, — in- 
spire hope, — strengthen  patience, — and  for  a  season 
subdue  self-will.  Prayerless  souls  are  ignorant  how 
much  they  lose.  Let  me  submit,  trust,  love,  and 
adore.  Let  me  submit,  for  infinite  wisdom  is  at  the 
helm.  Let  me  trust,  for  in  doubting  the  promises, 
God's  integrity  is  called  in  question.  Let  me  love, 
for  whatever  befalls  me,  his  character  is  love,  even 
to  perfection.  Let  me  adore,  for,  though  a  veil  is 
drawn  over  the  operations  of  his  hand,  faith  assures 
me  they  are  altogether  righteous. 

June  16.  The  children  are  just  returning  from 
a  sabbath  school,  recently  established  in  this  city. 
Happy  state  of  childish  ignorance,  and  happy  would 
be  their  state  of  maturity,  if  a  knowledge  of  their 
duty,  and  their  Savior,  were  the  only  knowledge 
they  would  obtain  by  an  increase  of  years.  But 
time  multiphes  ideas  ;  and  an  increase  of  ideas  is 
generally  only  an  increase  of  sorrows  and  sins. 
We  cannot  breathe  the  air  of  this  polluted  world, 
with  our  polluted  natures,  without  contracting  the 
infection  ;  and  this  moral  disease  "  grows  with  our 
growth,  and  strengthens  with  our  strength."     The 


176  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

children  of  God,  to  be  sure,  are  supplied  with  spirit- 
ual medicine  to  counteract  its  ravages  ;  but  taking 
this  remnant  out  of  the  account,  and  this  vast  world 
is  little  better  than  a  hospital  and  a  mad-house.  As 
ignorance  gives  place  to  knowledge,  she  draws  away 
peace  in  her  train,  and  leaves  unhappy  man  with  an 
enlightened  understanding  and  an  aching  heart. 

June  21.  The  General  Association  of  the  cler- 
gy of  this  state  held  their  annual  session  in  this  city 
this  week.  On  Wednesday  afternoon  the  sacra- 
ment was  administered  to  five  or  six  hundred  com- 
municants. A  spirit  of  supplication  has  appeared 
to  be  poured  out  upon  me  of  late,  and  my  mind 
has  been  relieved  of  many  a  heavy  burden  by 
spreading  my  case  before  God.  What  awaits  me 
I  know  not ;  but  in  the  strength  of  Christ  I  am  de- 
termined to  pray  and  wait, — wait  and  pray,  trusting 
that  his  promises  shall  be  fulfilled  to  me  also,  even 
to  me. 

June  26.  Monday  I  felt  discouraged,  and  the 
tempter  whispered  that  prayer  was  useless.  Does 
it  produce  any  effect  ?  was  a  question  that  sounded 
in  my  ears  all  day  at  intervals  ; — no,  my  unbeliev- 
ing heart  would  continually  answer.  Then  hard 
thoughts  of  Providence  would  rise  in  my  mind, 
and  gloom  and  despondency  would  cloud  my  spirits. 

June  30.  I  bless  my  God  for  the  mercies  of  this 
day.     My  heart  is  full,  my  God  is  kind  and  hears 


M  E  M  0  I  R  S   O  F   M  A  R  Y   L  Y  0  N .  ]  77 

my  complaints.  He  has  supported  me  in  a  season 
of  trial,  and  2inll  carry  me  through  whatever  awaits 
me.  O !  my  God,  help  me  to  trust  in  thee, — 
strengthen  my  faith, — increase  my  patience, — for- 
give my  sins, — hear  my  prayer,  and  save  me  from 
the  tempter.  I  ask  only  in  the  name  of  Jesus,  to 
whom  with  Thee,  and  the  Holy  Spirit,  will  be  all 
the  praise  of  my  salvation  to  eternity. 

July  3.  Sometimes  I  stand  on  "  Prospect  Hill." 
The  sun  shines  warm,  the  atmosphere  is  clear,  the 
surrounding  objects  pleasing,  and  the  distant  land- 
scape inspires  hope,  peace,  and  joy.  And  then 
suddenly  I  find  myself  in  the  valley,  fighting  with 
Apollyon.  I  do  not  rest  on  frames,  but  on  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  therefore  my  hope  does  not 
sink  with  my  heart ;  but  more  equanimity  o^  feel- 
ing is  most  truly  desirable.  The  shadow  of  a  mur- 
mur against  the  blessed  God,  either  in  thought  or 
word,  is  as  unreasonable  as  it  is  impious.  If  we 
examine,  we  shall  find  that  sin  is  the  root  of  all  our 
sufferings ;  either  our  own  sins,  or  the  sins  of  others. 
Natural  evil  was  the  product  of  sin  in  the  first  place, 
and  we  may  now  safely  ascribe  all  sufferings,  of  all 
kinds,  to  this  cause. 

July  19.  "  Why  weepest  thou,"  said  the  blessed 
Savior  to  the  once  polluted,  then  justified,  but  now 
glorified  Mary  Magdalene.  Should  the  same  ques- 
tion  be  asked  me,  I  would  answer,  I  weep.  Lord, 


178  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

because  sin  has  entered  the  world,  and  the  crown 
has  fallen  from  the  head  of  Adam.  I  weep,  be- 
cause affliction  has  laid  her  leaden  hand  upon  every 
individual  of  his  wretched  posterity.  I  weep.  Lord, 
because  my  nature  is  sinful,  my  affections  corrupt, 
my  will  rebellious,  and  my  thoughts  impious.  Surely 
I  have  much  cause  to  weep. 

July  21.  My  noon-day  prayer  was  answered 
for  the  time,  and  we  must  not  expect  a  supply  of 
grace  only  for  the  present  hour.  I  am  convinced 
that  indwelling  sin  is  the  source  of  my  continual  in- 
quietude. If  all  were  right  within,  all  would  be  right 
without.  That  grace  may  out-grow  nature,  and 
keep  it  in  subjection,  must  be  the  business  of  life  ; 
and  may  the  Lord  aid  me  in  this  arduous  conflict. 

July  23.  My  dear  brother  B.  has  arrived  from 
Charleston.  With  him  I  received  a  letter  from  his 
mother,  Mrs.  R.,  and  an  invitation  to  accompany 
him  and  E.  to  Charleston  the  next  autumn.  I  have 
much  cause  for  gratitude  to  God  for  the  mercies  I 
enjoy  in  my  friends.  Social  affections  are  a  source 
of  much  enjoyment,  and  life  would  indeed  be  dreary 
without  the  comforts  of  mutual  friendship  and  af-. 
fection. 

Sabbath,  28.  I  have  much  cause  for  the  exer- 
cise of  humility  in  my  soul  this  evening.  I  have 
been  so  spiritless  and  dull  on  religious  subjects,  and 
so  anxious  and  inwardly  disquieted  on    temporal 


MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON.  179 

ones.  But  my  uneasiness  has  not  been  selfish.  The 
troubles  of  those  I  love,  and  not  my  own,  have 
burdened  my  mind  to-day,  and  made  me  look  for- 
ward with  apprehension.  Unbelief  is  the  source 
of  all  this.  Faith  enables  the  soul  to  repose  in  God, 
and  give  up  all  things  to  the  direction  of  his  wis- 
dom. At  noon  I  poured  out  my  soul  in  earnest 
supplication,  and  since  that  I  have  felt  in  some 
measure  relieved.  Dispose  of  me  and  mine.  Lord, 
according  to  thine  own  will,  only  let  the  issue  be  to 
thy  glory  and  our  salvation. 

Aug.  4.  Once  more  I  have  visited  the  table  of 
the  Lord.  What  a  standing  proof  of  the  love  and 
death  of  Christ  is  this  ordinance,  continued  for  more 
than  eighteen  centuries  the  distinguishing  badge  of 
the  christian  church.  The  hope  of  salvation  through 
a  Savior,  is  the  anchor  of  my  soul  in  all  my  trials, 
of  which  I  have  a  great  share  ;  though  the  opinion 
of  the  world  around  me,  is  to  the  contrary.  But 
it  would  be  impious  ingratitude  to  my  Maker  and 
kind  Benefactor,  to  say  I  have  more  than  others. 
I  have  less  than  many  others  ;  and  less,  far  less, 
than  I  deserve.  O  !  how  "  earthly,  sensual,  and 
devilish"  is  my  heart.  I  long  to  be  delivered  from 
myself.  I  long  for  the  happiness  of  hoUness.  I 
am  weary  of  this  base  world,  and  yet,  astonishing 
as  it  is,  I  find  my  heart  wishing  for,  and  seeking 
after  its  enjoyments. 


180  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

Aug.  19.  This  afternoon  I  have  been  with 
many  others  to  hear  a  sermon  from  Mr.  Taylor, 
at  the  dwelling  of  my  grandmother,  who  was  this 
day  ninety-one  years  of  age.  She  will  probably 
never  witness  another  birth-day ;  but  death  is  no 
evil  to  her.  She  is  impatient  for  her  release, 
and  anxiously  waiting  for  the  summons.  I  long  for 
the  rest  of  an  eternal  sabbath,  where  my  tempest- 
tossed  soul  can  be  at  peace  ;  but  let  a  sense  of  ill- 
desert  make  me  patient. 

Sept.  13.  Commencement  is  over,  and,  as  usual, 
I  have  parted  with  several  friends  whom  I  remem- 
ber with  interest.  There  is  in  my  natural  disposi- 
tion a  tendency  to  melanchoUy.  But  I  think  my 
increasing  experience  of  the  goodness  of  God,  ena- 
bles me  in  some  measure  to  trust  in  him,  even  when 
the  cloud  appears  the  blackest.  It  is  indeed  strange, 
that  my  heart  is  ever  heavy,  or  that  my  spirits  ever 
sink,  when  I  know  so  well  the  power  and  willing- 
ness of  God,  to  help  and  dehver.  O  !  for  more 
faith. 

Sept.  15.  My  journey  through  this  world  re. 
sembles  one  traveling  a  very  narrow  path,  walled 
on  each  side  by  a  hedge  of  sharp  thorns.  If  07ie 
false  step  is  taken,  if  one  irregular  motion  is  made, 
the  unhnppy  sufferer  finds  himself  bleeding.  On 
every  side  I  find  the  enemies  of  my  peace,  and  the 
enemies  of  my  soul.     I  look  this  way,  and  my  spirit 


MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON.  181 

is  wounded.  I  look  the  other,  and  my  soul  is  en- 
dangered. I  look  forward,  and  clouds  of  gloom 
bar  up  the  prospect, — backward,  and  tears  of  re- 
gret start  from  my  eyes.  I  can  do  nothing  but 
look  upward, — upward  to  the  God  who  formed  me, 
and  who  knows  my  weakness,  and  the  secret  sor- 
rows of  my  heart.  Perhaps  it  is  in  mercy,  that 
the  waters  of  this  mortal  life  should  all  be  bitter  to 
my  taste,  and  the  gales  of  this  terrestrial  atmos- 
phere, wintry  blasts.  But  hold,  my  pen,  and  hold, 
my  heart,  lest  I  murmur  against  the  providence  of 
the  blessed  God.  I  ought  to  sing  of  mercy,  as  well 
as  judgment.  The  crown  of  immortal  life  is  held 
out  to  my  acceptance.  The  shining  path  to  heaven 
is  opened  to  my  view.  "  I  will  look  unto  the  hills, 
from  whence  cometh  my  help."  "  What  time  I 
am  afraid,  I  will  trust  in  thee." 

Sept.  22.  The  grace  of  God  is  sufficient  for 
every  emergency,  and  my  faith  ought  to  be  strength- 
ened by  every  fresh  proof  I  receive  of  the  good- 
ness of  God  towards  me.  Sometimes  all  around 
me  is  involved  in  darkness,  and  despondency  al- 
most  makes  me  cast  away  my  hope.  But  the  Lord 
from  time  to  time  upholds  me,  and  bids  me  look  up,, 
and  trust  in  him.     I  will  do  so,  blessed  God  ! 

Sept.  27.  Yesterday  I  received  a  letter,  the  con- 
tents of  which  were  important.     I  have  answered 

it,  (I  think,)  according  to  the  dictates  of  truth  and 
16 


182  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

conscience  ;  and,  if  I  have,  I  may  safely  leave  the 
event  to  God. 

Sept.  29.  The  Lord  is  good.  He  hears  my 
impatient  prayers,  and  with  astonishing  condescen- 
sion grants  my  request.  I  have  received  a  direct 
answer  to  my  noon-day  petition,  after  only  three 
months  asking.  I  feel  as  if  I  had  wrestled  with 
God,  and  prevailed.  O  !  how  ought  this  event  to 
strengthen  my  faith,  and  humble  me  in  the  dust  at 
his  footstool.  How  can  God's  rational  creatures 
neglect  prayer,  when  prayer,  joined  with  faith  and 
patience,  will  perform  such  wonders  ? 

Oct.  4.  Blessed  God,  direct  me.  Look  with 
mercy  upon  my  perplexity,  O  my  Maker  !  Take 
from  me  not  only  the  will,  but  the  power  of  acting 
contrary  to  thy  good  pleasure.  Let  me  be  in  thy 
hands,  "as  clay  in  the  hands  of  the  potter." 

Oct.  6.  This  has  been  a  happy  communion  day. 
My  heart  was  raised  to  heaven  while  partaking  of 
the  elements,  and  seemed  on  the  point  of  bursting 
with  gratitude  to  the  ever  blessed  God.  O  what  a 
debt  do  I  owe  my  Maker  !  When  I  thought  of  the 
dangers  I  had  escaped, — the  temptations  through 
which  I  had  been  carried,  I  could  not  suppress  my 
tears.  Salvation  belongs  to  God,  and  to  his  name 
be  all  the  glory  ! 

Miss  Lyon,  with  her  brother-in-law,  Mr.  B.,  and 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY    LYON.  Ig3 

his  family,  sailed  for  Charleston  on  the  12th  of  this 
month. 

Charleston,  South  Carolina. 

Nov.  1.  Once  more,  through  the  providence  of 
God,  I  breathe  the  air  of  a  southern  clime,  and  feel 
the  influence  of  a  southern  sun.  I  hope  this  step 
has  been  taken  under  the  smile  of  divine  approba- 
tion, and  that  the  blessing  of  God  will  rest  upon  it. 
If  I  know  my  own  heart,  5e/f.gratification  was  not 
my  motive  for  leaving  the  place  of  my  nativity.  I 
have  many  ties  which  bind  me  there.  I  commit 
myself  to  the  care  of  that  Being,  who  preserved 
me  on  the  mighty  deep  ;  who  is  my  refuge  in  all 
places  and  under  all  circumstances  ;  and  to  whom, 
with  the  Son  and  the  Spirit,  I  would  hereafter  join 
in  a  song  of  endless  gratitude  and  praise. 

Nov.  3.  To-day  is  communion,  but  being  dis- 
tressed with  an  intense  head-ache,  I  have  not  en- 
joyed it  as  the  last.  How  deluded  are  those  who 
neglect  their  eternal  interests,  with  the  intention  of 
securing  the  benefits  of  repentance  on  a  death-bed, 
when  a  slight  indisposition  unfits  the  soul  for  the 
duties  of  religion.  Blessed  God,  save  thy  simple 
ones  from  this  dreadful  delusion  of  Satan. 

Nov.  5.  Received  a  letter  to-day  from  Mr. . 

The  Lord  direct  my  conduct,  and  influence  my 
feelmgs  in  this  affair. 


184  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

Nov.  8.  Yesterday  was  observed  in  this  city  as 
a  day  of  thanksgiving,  for  the  uncommon  health  of 
the  last  summer.  I  felt  that  I  was  under  peculiar 
obligations  to  exercise  gratitude  towards  my  blessed 
Benefactor.  The  answers  to  prayer  that  have 
been  granted  m.e  within  a  few  months,  are  remark- 
able. 

Nov.  14.  I  have  called  on  Mrs.  Bennett,  Mrs. 
Johnson,  and  Mrs.  Stiles.  Took  tea  with  Mrs. 
Stiles  on  Wednesday.  She  seems  deeply  interest- 
ed in  the  subject  of  religion,  and  treats  me  with  un- 
common kindness.  I  greatly  value  her  friendship. 
I  lead  a  very  domestic  life,  though  I  live  in  a  gay, 
dissipated  city,  which  shows  we  are  not  compelled 
to  adopt  the  customs  of  the  world,  though  we  are 
obliged  to  live  in  it. 

Nov.  17.  Break  the  charm,  blessed  God,  that 
binds  my  soul  to  this  base  world.  Raise  my  affec- 
tions on  the  wings  of  faith  and  love,  to  that  pure 
region  of  spiritual  excellence  where  Thou  dwellest. 
Be  thou  my  supreme  good.  Never  suffer  me  to 
be  so  mad  as  to  expect  happiness  in  ought  but 
Thee. 

Nov.  29.  Time  glides  so  rapidly  away,  I  can 
hardly  remember  the  incidents  of  the  preceding 
day.  But  they  are  all  registered  above.  My 
thoughts,  words,  and  actions, — the  events  of  my 
whole  life,  with  their  causes  and  consequences, — 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  185 

the  happy  or  fatal  effects  of  steps  I  have  taken 
without  consideration,  and  sometimes  almost  with- 
out consciousness, — and  above  all,  the  load  of  mo- 
ral evil  I  have  contracted  during  my  earthly  pil- 
grimage, will  all  be  disclosed.  Spread  thy  skirt 
over  me,  my  Savior,  in  that  tremendous  day  !  and 
present  me  to  the  Father  in  the  spotless  robe  of 
thine  own  righteousness, — Amen. 

Dec.  3.  I  find  my  soul  flies  more  directly  to 
God,  in  perplexity  and  sorrow,  than  formerly.  If 
this  is  a  mark  of  growing  in  grace,  bless  the  Lord 
for  it,  O  my  soul. 

Dec.  8.  How  many  ways  Satan  is  trying  to  ob- 
tain my  soul ;  but  thanks  be  unto  God,  I  am  not 
wholly  ignorant  of  his  devices.  Sometimes  he 
appals  me,  and  at  other  times  the  cloven  foot  is  so 
apparent  that  I  can  smile  at  his  attempts.  Surely 
there  must  be  something  very  valuable  in  my  soul, 
or  the  conflict  would  not  be  so  prolonged,  or  so 
great.  At  seasons,  the  power  of  God  is  the  attri- 
bute which  comforts  and  supports  my  soul  more 
than  all  others.  I  have  felt  calm  from  a  conviction 
that  I  was  wholly  at  the  disposal  of  God,  even  when 
uncertain  what  his  design  was  towards  me. 


16* 


1Q6-  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

TO   HER   FATHER    IN    NEW   HAVEN. 

Charleston,  Dec,  8,  1816. 

My  Dear  Father  : — We  have  been  here  about 
six  weeks.  Twelve  days  from  the  time  we  sailed 
from  N.  H,,  we  were  quietly  and  pleasantly  settled 
in  our  own  house.  E.  and  myself  are  preparing  a 
package  of  letters  to  send  by  Capt.  L.,  and  judg- 
ing our  friends  at  home  by  ourselves,  we  think  they 
will  not  be  unacceptable. 

We  rejoiced  to  hear,  that  the  blessings  of  health 
was  enjoyed  by  yourself  and  family  in  so  good  a 
measure ;  particularly,  that  our  mother  is  in  any  de- 
gree relieved  from  those  distressing  maladies,  which 
afflicted  her  when  we  left  N.  PI.  Every  mitiga- 
tion of  sufforing,  of  whatever  kind  it  may  be,  is  a 
call  for  our  gratitude  to  Him,  "  from  whom  cometh 
every  good  and  perfect  gift ;"  and  our  own  health 
and  that  of  our  friends,  is  certainly  among  our 
greatest  temporal  mercies. 

Charleston  appears  very  much  as  when  I  left. 
My  former  acquaintances  are  apparently  still  dis- 
posed to  exercise  a  spirit  of  friendship  and  kindness 
towards  me.  Judge  Johnson  treats  me  with  much 
politeness.  We  were  invited  there  on  a  dining 
party  a  few  days  since,  with  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Cheves, 
and  other  company.  Mr.  B.  and  E.  were  there, 
but  a  headache  kept  me  at  home.     If  you  are  will- 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  187 

ing  dear  father,  T  wish  you  would  part  with  one  vol- 
ume  of  those  ancient  newspapers,  pubHshed  during 
the  protectorship  of  Cromwell,  that  I  may  present  to 
Judge  J.,  as  a  donation  to  the  "  Literary  and  Phi- 
losophical Society."  It  would  be  an  acceptable 
gift  to  the  Society,  and  gratifying  to  him.  Major 
Theus  still  retains  the  Collector's  office,  though 
nearly  seventy  years  of  age. 

We  were  glad  to  learn,  that  you  have  a  prospect 
of  arranging  your  tenements  and  your  tenants,  ac- 
cording to  your  wishes.  Charleston  is  very  busy 
in  consequence  of  an  uncommon  accession  of  stran- 
gers. Provisions  of  all  kinds  very  high.  Butter, 
seventy-five  cents  per  pound — milk,  one  shilling  per 
quart — some  kinds  of  meat,  two  shillings  and  three 
pence  per  pound — ham,  tvventy-five  cents — one 
dollar  and  fifty  cents  for  a  small  turkey — two  dol- 
lars for  a  loin  of  veal,  &c. 

TO  HER  FATHER  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  Dec.  13,  1816. 
My  Dear  Father  : — T  was  sorry  to  hear  of  so 
many  failures  in  my  native  city ;  but  trust,  the 
present  period  of  commercial  embarrassments  is 
the  crisis,  and  better  times  will  soon  make  their  ap- 
pearance, A  Jew,  rich  in  this  world's  goods,  but 
in  other  respects  an  object  of  pity,  lost  by  a  failure, 
a  few  days  since,  $200.     Trifling  as  this  sum  was 


188  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

to  him,  the  loss  was  insupportable,  and  he  destroy- 
ed his  own  life  in  despair.  This  blinded  people  are 
accused  of  a  stronger  attachment  to  the  "  yellow 
god"  than  christians,  and  certainly,  to  extenuate 
their  conduct  a  little,  they  do  not  profess  to  take 
the  New  Testament  for  their  rule.  "  The  veil  is 
still  upon  their  hearts  ;"  and  the  precepts,  the  mis- 
sion, and  the  character  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  are  their 
scorn.  But  we  have  no  such  excuse  to  plead.  We 
have  a  perfect  example  offered  for  our  imitation, 
and  we  profess  to  believe  that  the  revelation  by 
Him  is  truth  itself.  How  little  the  christian  would 
appear  to  realize  the  disagreement  between  their 
professions  and  practice  ;  and  how  insensible  of  the 
just  charges  that  may  be  brought  against  them  by 
the  posterity  of  Israel !  The  Jews  exercise  a  spirit 
of  bitter  prejudice  and  hatred  towards  christians, 
and  they  return  it  by  ridicule  and  oppression. 
This  is  the  kind  of  intercourse  between  them,  and 
it  will  probably  continue  till  the  glorious  period  ar- 
rives, "  when  all  shall  be  of  one  heart  and  one 
mind."  Then  the  scattered  tribes  of  Jacob  shall 
be  collected,  and  reinstated  in  their  ancient  pos- 
session  of  the  land  of  Canaan — not  to  celebrate  the 
morning  and  evening  sacrifice  of  the  typical  lamb, 
without  spot  or  blemish,  but  to  ofTer  up  the  morn- 
ing and  evening  sacrifice  oi^  faith  in  that  Lamb, 
"  slain  from  the  foundation  of  the  world,"  and  to 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  189 

exalt  and  magnify  that  glorified  Savior,  whom  their 
own  impious  hands  once  nailed  to  the  tree  ! 

When  I  left  home  my  dear  father,  I  put  a  jar  of 
currant  jelly  and  ajar  of  preserved  barberries,  which 
I  made  imrticularly  for  you  and  mamma,  in  the 
east  chamber  closet.  No  one  but  myself,  proba- 
bly, knew  the  circumstance,  and  I  forgot  to  men- 
tion it  when  I  left  home. 

I  have  purchased  some  silk  for  mamma  a  dress, 
which  I  shall  send  on.  I  hope  the  color  will  please 
her.  It  is  now  dark,  and  Capt.  L.  sails  in  the 
morning,  so  I  must  bid  my  dear  lather,  and  all  the 
family,  farewell. 

Dec.  14.  We  ought  to  be  diligent  in  improving 
every  moment  of  time,  when  so  large  a  portion  of 
life  is  taken  up  in  necessary  employments.  If  we 
have  half  an  hour,  or  fifteen  minutes  of  leisure,  we 
are  not  at  liberty  to  spend  them  in  idleness.  Oc- 
cupations enough  present  themselves,  which  are 
not  absolutely  business,  and  while  they  in  some 
measure  amuse  may  also  be  useful.  We  can  at 
least,  spend  them  in  reading  or  writing  something 
that  may  improve  the  mind,  or  what  is  better,  the 
heart ;  and  thus  all  our  spare  moments  may  be 
turned  to  good  account. 

Dec.  28.  Christmas  day  I  attended  service  at 
St.  Philip's  church ;  dined  and  spent  the  remainder 


190  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY    L  Y  0  X. 

of  the  day  at  Mr.  Bennett's.  Another  year  is 
drawing  to  a  close.  When  I  take  a  retrospect,  I 
find  goodness  and  mercy  have  followed  me  through 
the  past  year.  I  have  received  direct  answers  to 
prayer.  I  have  been  preserved,  both  by  sea  and 
land.  In  seasons  of  despondency  and  gloom,  I 
have  been  supported,  and  in  due  time  delivered. 
In  times  of  temptation  I  have  been  rescued,  even 
when  the  temptation  arose"  from  my  own  unwatch- 
fulness  and  presumption.  Bless  the  Lord,  O  my 
soul,  and  all  that  is  within  me,  bless  his  holy  name  ! 

Jan.  1,  1817.  Ah!  how  melancholy  to  write 
a  new  date. 

Uncertainty,  is  written  on  future  time.  Tliis 
coming  year  to  me^  may  be  full  of  the  most  import- 
ant .events — it  may  land  me  on  the  shores  of  eter- 
nity ;  and  on  some  accounts,  I  feel  more  than  usual 
solemnized  at  this  season.  How  the  wheels  of  time 
roll !  My  life  passes  with  the  rapidity  of  the  "  post 
boy,"  and  like  his,  the  place  of  destination  cannot 
be  far  off.  To  the  Lord  I  would  commit  the  com- 
ing year,  whether  prosperity  or  adversity,  life  or 
death,  is  to  be  my  portion. 

Jan.  4.  I  attended  the  Wednesday  evening  lec- 
ture. The  words  of  the  text,  "  This  year  thou 
shalt  die,"  spoke  forcibly  to  every  reflecting  mind. 

Jan.  7.  Sunday  was  not  as  happy  a  communion 
season  as  the  last.    I  could  not  realize  divine  things 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  191 

as  I  wished,  and  my  sluggish  soul  was  fettered  by 
the  world.  I  have  since  felt  the  invariable  conse- 
quence of  such  a  state  of  mind,  and  could  not  rest 
in  God  as  usual.  This  morning  I  sought  him 
whom,  (I  trust,)  my  soul  loveth,  in  fervent  prayer 
and  supplication.  My  own  concerns,  and  those  I 
love,  are  at  the  disposal  of  infinite  power,  guided  by 
infinite  wisdom  :  why  should  I  then  fear  ?  Free 
agency  is  indeed  mine  ;  but  if  I  pray  for  direction, 
God  will  not  suffer  me  to  run  fatally  astray.  I 
commit  my  way  to  him,  and  pray,  that  he  will 
lead  me  through  his  own  path  to  eternal  glory. 

TO  HER  SISTER  IN   NEW  HAVEN. 

CJmrleston,  Jan.  8,  1817. 
My  Dear  Sophia  : — The  idea,  that  another  por- 
tion of  our  probation  has  expired,  and  the  uncer- 
tainty what  awaits  us  during  the  new  period  of  time 
on  which  we  have  entered,  produces  a  temporary 
gloom  in  a  reflecting  mind.  But  our  past  experi- 
ence, dear  S.,  of  the  goodness  of  God,  should  lead 
us  to  trust  him  unreservedly  for  the  future.  The 
rapid  flight  of  time  ought  to  produce  no  uueasiness 
in  our  minds  but  what  arises  from  a  consciousness  of 
its  misimprovement,  and  the  dangers  our  souls  must 
encounter  before  we  reach  that  place  "  where  time 
shall  be  no  more."  The  veil  of  obscurity,  which 
wraps  the  future,  leaves  the  same  ground  for  hope, 


192  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON, 

as  fear  ;  and  it  is  certainly  more  our  duty  and  our 
interest  to  trust  than  to  distrust.  The  sunshine  of 
grace  may  be  warmer,  and  the  smiles  of  Providence 
sweeter,  than  we  have  ever  yet  experienced.  An- 
ticipation, as  respects  temporal  good  or  evil,  is  a 
word  with  which  christians  have  nothing  to  do. 

1  enjoy  myself  better  than  when  I  was  here  be- 
fore. There  is  certainly  a  spirit  of  greater  seri- 
ousness, and  the  few  ladies  who  compose  the  little 
society  who  meet  for  prayer  on  Saturday  evenings 
at  Dr.  Palmer's,  manifest  a  state  of  mind,  and  pur- 
sue a  course  of  conduct,  that  I  never  witnessed  be- 
fore in  this  place. 

About  ten  days  since,  at  4  o'clock  P.  M.,  the  in- 
habitants of  Charleston  experienced  a  slight  shock 
of  an  earthquake.  We  felt  nothing  of  it,  and  the 
general  panic  in  a  few  days  subsided.  The  night 
before  last  we  were  visited  by  a  much  more  severe 
one.  The  shock  was  so  violent  as  to  throw  books 
from  shelves  ;  and  the  people  in  the  city  left  their 
bods  in  terror.  We  were  still  unconscious  of  any 
thing  uncommon,  till  informed  of  it  by  others ;. 
though  1  felt,  on  rising,  a  sensation  resembling  sea 
sickness,  which  is  the  usual  eifect.  Dear  S.,  how 
little  we  realize  our  dependence  on  God,  when  even 
the  earth  that  bears  us,  carries  in  its  bosom  the  ma- 
terials for  its  own  destruction,  and  but  for  the  re- 
straining power  of  its  Maker,  would  soon  return  to 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY    LYON.  193 

its  original  chaos.  The  most  important  truth,  rela- 
tive to  matter,  for  us  to  know,  is,  that  God  fashioned 
the  world  according  to  his  own  wisdom, — that  sec- 
ond causes  are  the  instruments  he  uses, — that  his 
power  can  continue  its  usual  state  of  harmonious 
order  for  millions  of  ages,  or  destroy  this  work  of 
his  hands  partially  or  wholly,  as  he  sees  best.  At 
all  times  his  children  are  safe,  even  in  that  day 
"  when  the  heavens  shall  pass  away  with  a  great 
noise,  and  the  elements  shall  melt  with  fervent  heat ; 
the  earlh  also,  and  the  works  that  are  therein,  shall 
be  burned  up." 

I  know  not  how  it  is,  but  without  the  faith  of  as- 
surance, and  almost  without  evidence  of  possessing 
any  genuine  faith,  meditations  on  the  character  of 
God,  in  seasons  of  danger  and  trial,  are  the  props 
which  sustain  me.  O  !  how  often  has  the  contem- 
plation of  his  character  given  support  to  my  soul, 
when  I  could  find  it  in  nothing  else,  and  even  when 
I  knew  not  that  I  had  any  interest  in  his  favor, 
through  Jesus  Christ. 

Give  my  respects  to  Mr.  Linsley,  and  submit  to 
his  opinion  two  questions,  and  let  me  know  his  de- 
cision, viz  :  Is  it  right  to  let  expediency  be  the  mo- 
tive for  forming  a  matrimonial  connection  ?  Is  it 
right  for  a  professor  to  maiTy  a  non- professor  ?  Do 
not  suppose  I  am  acting  a  double  part,  or  that  I  have 
in  the  least  degree  implicated  myself,  Mv  sincer- 
17 


194  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

ity  has  bordered  on  incivility,  and  my  fear  of  giving 
false  encouragement,  has  made  me  sometimes  al- 
most rude. 

We  have  heard  the  death  of  S.  L.,  and  Capt. 
L.'s  child.  Poor  aunt  Lines  is  indeed  afflicted. 
Tell  all  the  family  we  sympathize  with  them  sin- 
cerely. Distribute  my  love  and  compliments  as 
you  think  proper ;  remembering  me  particularly 
to  cousin  Sarah  Lyon.  Is  Mrs.  Garfield  in  New 
Haven  ? 

Jan.  27.  The  fear  of  man  is  a  snare,  in  which 
I  have  been  repeatedly  caught,  and  betrayed  into 
sin.  To  fear  man  is  to  fear  a  shadow, — a  passing 
shadow.  One  realizing  thought  of  death  would  re- 
press this  fear,  and  make  us  fear  Him  whose  dis- 
pleasure is  indeed  dreadful.  This  winter,  consid- 
ering  the  latitude,  is  very  cold.  I  have  thought 
much  to-day  of  my  friends  in  the  northern  states, 
who  experience  the  rigors  of  a  keener  atmosphere, 
but  hope  they  enjoy  the  sunshine  of  grace. 

Feb.  1.  Habit  is  powerful ;  and  how  important, 
then,  to  establish  good  ones.  In  nothing  is  the  in- 
fluence of  habit  seen  more  clearly  than  in  the  gov- 
ernment of  the  temper.  If  anger  is  successfully 
resisted  in  one  instance,  it  is  more  easy  to  do  it  the 
second  time,  and  so  on  till  resistance  become  a 
liahit,  and  then  victory  is  certain.     On  the  contra- 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON.  195 

ry,  the  mind  is  weakened  every  time  we  yield  to 
temptation,  and  our  power  to  oppose  it  becomes  less 
and  less.  One  fall  prepares  the  way  for  another, 
till  at  last  the  mind  becomes  like  "  a  city  broken 
down  and  without  walls,"  and  exposed  to  the  full 
power  of  the  enemy. 

Feb.  2.  I  have  heard  a  sermon  to-day  on  chris- 
tian meekness,  which  was  very  needful  for  me  at 
this  time.  My  pride  has  been  painfully  wounded 
by  a  friend,  from  whom  I  have  ever  experienced 
the  utmost  kmdness.  Perhaps  I  was  mistaken ; 
but  if  not,  christian  meekness  requires  that  I  should 
suppress  every  unpleasant  feeling,  for  pride  is  surely 
the  source  of  this  uneasiness.  Humihty  is  the  pa- 
rent of  mental  tranquillity,  and  pride  the  prolific 
cause  of  trouble  and  disquiet.  Help  me,  my  Sa- 
vior,  to  copy  thy  bright  example  in  the  exercise  of 
this  sweet  spirit. 

Feb.  8.  On  Wednesday  the  ground  was  cov- 
ered with  snow,  and  every  tree  and  shrub  incrusted 
with  ice.  In  a  southern  latitude,  where  there  are 
so  many  evergreens  and  flowers  in  full  bloom 
through  the  winter,  this  appearance  was  as  beau- 
tiful as  it  was  novel.  Every  object  glittered  in  the 
sun,  and  nature  was  indeed  clothed  in  her  most 
splendid  garb.  But  O  !  how  far  these  earthly  splen- 
dors  fall  short  of  the  glories  of  the  New  Jerusalem. 
Yesterday  I  received  letters  from  my  mother,  Eliz- 


196  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

abeth,  and  Sophia.  My  dear  friends  are  all  well, 
and  I  would  thank  my  God  for  this  mercy. 

Feb.  9.  I  have  heard  a  sermon  to-day  on  the 
joys  of  heaven  ;  but  the  subject  was  treated  in  so 
heartless  a  manner,  the  preacher  hardly  appeared 
to  be  in  earnest.  He  seemed  to  carry  all  his  hear- 
ers to  heaven  as  a  thing  of  course  ;  he  mentioned 
so  lightly  the  necessary  qualifications  for  that  state. 
How  melancholy  that  this  "responsible  station  should 
be  filled  by  men  whose  views  of  religious  truth  are 
so  superficial,  and  whose  christian  experience  is  so 
doubtful.  The  majority  of  every  congregation  need 
exhortation  to  "  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come,"  and 
the  very  few  who  sustain  the  opposite  character,  are 
far  from  requiring  opiates. 

Feb.  17.  I  habituate  myself  to  a  course  of  self- 
examination  of  the  day  past,  every  night  when  I 
retire  to  rest.  O !  how  much  I  find  wrong  in  my 
temper,  disposition,  and  conduct.  What  need  of 
sanctifying  grace. 

Feb.  19.  The  two  or  three  last  days  I  have 
spent  in  nursing.  Sickness  in  the  family  engrosses 
my  time  and  attention  day  and  night.  I  pray  God 
to  qualify  me  to  discharge  the  duties  of  my  present 
situation  to  his  acceptance  and  glory. 

Sabbath  noon,  Feb.  23.  O  !  this  vain,  this  en- 
snaring world.  My  soul  is  sick  of  it.  I  long  for 
the  pure  joys,  and  the  pure  society  of  heaven.     A 


M  E  M  O  I  R  S    0  F    M  A  R  y    L  Y  0  N  ,  ]  97 

few  more  suns,  and  I  have  done  with  earth  for- 
ever,— a  few  more  changes,  and  the  last  great 
change  will  come.  O  !  that  it  might  usher  me 
into  a  purer  region, — a  fairer  mansion, — where  my 
blessed  Savior  sits  enthroned  in  glory,  and  shines 
with  unclouded  li^ht  throusrh  the  wide  dominions 

CD  O 

of  the  New  Jerusalem. 

Feb.  26.  Last  evening  I  omitted  a  little  act  of 
self-denial  that  conscience  told  me  I  ought  to  per- 
form, and  dearly  did  I  pay  for  it.  My  sleep  was 
broken, — my  mind  agitated, — and  this  morning  I 
arose  with  a  heavy  gloom  upon  my  spirits,  which 
continued  until  tears  and  prayers  brought  my  soul 
relief.  I  prayed  with  earnestness,  and  I  trust  the 
Lord  heard  me  from  his  holy  hill,  for  the  burden 
is  removed. 

March  3.  We  little  prize  mercies  in  possess- 
ion ;  but  when  removed,  we  clearly  see  their  value. 
Sickness  in  the  family  for  the  last  two  or  three 
weeks,  has  made  me  feel  that  health  is  indeed 
among  the  greatest  temporal  blessings.  My  time 
and  attention  are  engrossed  night  and  day  ;  but  I 
thank  the  Lord  that  nothing  alarming  yet  appears. 
My  advantages  for  becoming  eminent  in  piety, — 
useful  to  my  fellow  beings, — and  for  securing  a 
crown  of  glory  in  the  world  to  come,  appear  to  me 
uncommonly  great.  "  To  whom  much  is  given, 
much  will  be  required,"  is  a  text  which  ought  to  be 
17* 


198  *  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

continually  in  my  mind,  and  produce  a  correspond- 
ing effect  upon  my  conduct ;  for  time  is  short,  and 
what  is  done  must  be  done  speedily. 

March  10.  How  weak  is  my  faith!  My  dear 
sister  is  sick  ;  and  though  I  am  assured,  by  my  own 
reason  and  the  opinion  of  others,  that  there  is  no- 
thing alarming  in  her  situation,  yet  at  times  my 
heart  sinks  with  apprehension.  Bunyan's  "  All 
Prayer"  is  my  only  refuge  ;  and  blessed  be  God, 
that  is  still  open  for  me  through  Christ. 

TO  HER  FATHER  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  March  12,  1817. 

How  much  cause  we  have,  (though  we  are  occa* 
sionally  visited  with  sickness,)  to  thank  and  bless 
our  God  that  our  lives  are  thus  far  continued,  while 
so  many  families  of  our  acquaintance  are  called  to 
mourning,  because  some  beloved  member  is  remo- 
ved by  death. 

Dr.  Dwight's  labors  on  earth  have  then  ceased. 
His  son,  and  Mrs.  Harrison,  who  were  fellow  pas- 
sengers with  us,  have  both  lost  a  parent  since  they 
left  home.  Mrs.  Boardman,  (excellent  woman !)  has 
without  doubt  entered  into  rest.  But  her  gain  is 
indeed  the  loss  of  her  family, — the  community  in 
which  she  lived, — and  the  church  of  Christ.  The 
termination  of  Henry  Sherman's  earthly  pilgrim- 
age, is  indeed  most  melancholy ;  but  I  trust  he  has 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  199 

made  a  happy  exchange  of  a  world  of  sorrow,  for 
one  of  everlasting  peace.  His  life  has  been  un- 
commonly exemplary,  almost  from  his  birth  ;  and 
few  persons  have  attained  his  age  with  so  few  stains 
upon  their  profession.  If  his  religious  tenets  be- 
came unsettled  during  the  last  few  weeks  of  his 
life,  so  were  all  the  faculties  of  his  mind  ;  and  a 
disordered  intellect,  as  it  destroys  free  agency,  so 
it  also  destroys  accountahility . 

We  are  all  in  good  health,  excepting  Emelia,  who 
has  been  extremely  distressed  with  a  complaint  in  her 
face,  and  had  three  teeth  extracted  without  getting 
iiny  relief.  She  thinks  she  is  now  better,  and  is 
sitting  up  in  bed.  I  am  very  careful  to  prevent 
her  taking  cold,  and  am  now  writing  in  her  cham- 
ber.  Little  Joseph  has  just  returned  from  school, 
and  says  I  must  tell  grandpapa  that  "  he  stands  at 
the  top  of  the  class."  I  do  not  know  what  kind 
of  class  it  is  ;  but  I  strongly  suspect  in  his  school, 
"  kissing  goes  by  favor."  However,  he  says  he 
went  up  by  spelling  the  word  Lock.  A  famous 
class  you  will  say,  to  be  able  to  spell  such  important 
words.  Little  Thomas  is  as  full  of  mischief  as 
ever  ;  and  when  we  endeavor  to  stop  him,  he  looks 
at  us  with  a  threatening  aspect,  and  says,  "  What 
do  you  mean  ?" 

The  theatre  last  night  was  almost  destroyed  by 
a  mob ;  of  course  the  plays  are  suspended  for  the 


300  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

present,  and  this  is  a  happy  circumstance.     Fare- 
well my  dear  father. 

March  17.  A  week  of  trial  has  passed,  and  I 
am  astonished  and  alarmed  at  my  want  of  faith.  If 
I  sink  in  this  streamlet,  what  shall  I  do  in  the  swell- 
ings of  Jordan  ?  Four  weeks  confinement  in  a 
chamber  of  sickness  has  taught  me  some  self- 
knowledge.  I  have  discovered  that  my  faith  is 
alarmingly  weak.  The  bare  apprehension  that 
God  might  deprive  me  of  a  beloved  sister,  filled 
me  with  dismay,  and  my  soul  sank  within  me.  But 
as  God  graciously  reserves  dying  strength  for  a 
dying  hour,  should  he  will  me  to  a  trial  of  this  kind, 
I  hope  he  will  bestow  grace  sufficient  for  the  day, 
and  not  leave  my  feeble  spirit  to  sink  under  the 
trial. 

March  26.  My  sister  is  gradually  recovering. 
I  hope  I  feel  a  sense  of  gratitude  to  God  for  his 
mercy  to  me  and  mine.  Those  are  happy  who 
bear  patiently  that  kind  of  trial  God  is  pleased  to 
send.  It  betrays  great  self-ignorance  to  suppose 
that  ours  are  the  only  insupportable  ones,  and  that 
we  would  much  easier  endure  those  of  a  diflferent 
kind.  If  we  murmur  under  one  cross,  we  may 
reasonably  conclude  we  should  under  another.  If 
we  meekly  bow  under  the  weight  of  a  present  bur- 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY    LYOX.  201 

den,  we  may  hope  for  strength  under  the  pressure 
of  future  ones. 

March  30.  A  heavy  rain  has  prevented  my  at- 
tending church  ;  but  as  tliis  is  a  providerdial  hin- 
derance,  it  is  my  duty  to  submit  cheerfully.  The 
soul  needs  the  outward  exercises  of  devotion,  just 
as  the  body  needs  food  ;  and  the  soul  grows  fee- 
ble, and  sinks  into  a  spiritual  lethargy,  without  the 
means  of  grace. 

April  3.  My  present  situation  has  a  thousand 
mercies,  and  a  thousand  sources  of  enjoyment ; 
why  then  should  I  wish  to  change  it  ?  However, 
I  am  willing,  if  such  is  evidently  the  will  of  God. 
1  only  ask  for  divine  influence  and  direction.  My 
tin:ies  are  in  thy  hands,  my  God. 

April  10.  My  mind,  yesterday  and  to-day,  has 
been  agitated  and  apprehensive  of  evil.  Should  a 
worldling  ask  me  what  I  feared, — and  I  should  an- 
swer, that  I  feared  the  temptations  of  Satan,  I  should 
be  considered  in  a  state  of  derangement.  But  it 
is  so.  I  am  not  ignorant  of  his  wiles, — I  know  the 
weakness  of  my  faith,  and  therefore  I  fear. 

April  18.  My  mind  is  perplexed.  I  fear  to  act, 
and  I  fear  to  refrain  from  acting.  O  !  for  a  clear 
discovery  of  the  path  of  duty.  It  is  dangerous  for 
those  who  have  been  aicakened,  not  to  say  converU 
ed,  to  act  contrary  to  the  will  of  God.  They  may 
do  it,  but  they  run  themselves  into  the  thorns,  and 


202  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

will  assuredly  be  wounded  and  bleeding.  There 
is  no  safety  but  in  acting  right,  obeying  God,  and 
keeping  close  to  the  gospel  standard,  without  re- 
garding  the  pleadings  of  selfishness.  Preparation 
for  death  is  the  one  thing  needful. 

TO    A    SISTER    IN    NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  April  18,  1817. 

Before  this  reaches  you,  dear  Sophia,  you  will 
learn  from  Emelia's  letter,  that  poor  Mrs.  Ann 
Bennett  is  no  more.  The  last  night  she  passed  in 
this  "  vale  of  tears,"  I  watched  with  her  ;  and  when 
I  left  her,  at  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning,  for  the 
purpose  of  attending  church,  (it  being  sabbath,)  we 
entertained  hopes  that  she  was  better.  But  alas  ! 
it  was  like  the  last  flickering  of  a  flame  before  it 
expires.  She  died  suddenly  in  the  evening.  She 
has  had  a  strong  presentiment  during  the  whole  of 
her  sickness  that  she  should  not  survive  it.  Her 
friends,  and  wc  among  the  number,  have  endeav- 
ored to  dissipate  her  apprehensions  ;  but  the  event 
has  proved  too  well  founded.  She  took  leave  of 
her  family  with  perfect  composure,  and  expressed 
entire  resignation  to  the  will  of  God. 

Does  not  God  sometimes,  my  dear  sister,  send 
these  mental  impressions  as  instruments  of  prepa- 
ration for  that  approaching  change  which  he  fore- 
sees ?     Does  not  His  blessed  eye  look  upon,  and 


MEMOIRS    OP   MARY    LYON.  203 

pity  the  soul  hurrying  to  his  awful  bar,  naked  and 
unconscious  of  its  nakedness  ?  Does  not  his  grace 
in  Christ  Jesus  interpose,  and  put  that  soul  upon 
seeking  an  Advocate  at  that  bar,  before  the  hour 
of  arraignment  arrives  ?  I  believe  he  sometimes 
does  ;  and  happy,  thrice  happy,  are  those  who  are 
not  "  disobedient  to  the  heavenly  vision."  I  have 
put  on  mourning,  as  I  perceived  it  was  the  wish 
and  expectation  of  the  family. 

Young  Faber  is  apparently  near  the  closing 
scene  ;  but  as  the  material  part  decays,  the  imma- 
terial appears  to  brighten.  His  natural  reason  is 
clear,  and  his  perception  of  divine  truth  very  un- 
common, considering  the  disordered  state  of  his  in- 
tellect for  some  time  past.  He  dies  with  all  the 
quietness  and  simplicity  of  a  little  child.  His  hfe 
has  been,  according  to  human  judgment,  of  the 
most  harmless,  inoffensive  kind.  Books  have  been 
his  companions,  and  he  has  hardly  known  any  other ; 
and  was  alike  ignorant  of  the  world,  and  ignorant 
of  its  vices.  He  feels  a  willingness  to  die,  lest  pro- 
tracted life,  (to  use  his  own  language,)  should  be  in- 
creasing his  sins. 

Miss  B.,  and  Major  Lines,  intend  remaining  here 
till  next  spring.  From  my  whole  heart  I  can  say. 
The  Lord  lead  me,  and  guide  me,  and  make  me 
willing  to  act  in  this  matter  according  to  his  will. 
Never  did  the  enUghtened  soul  gain  any  thing  by 


204  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

acting  contrary  to  the  dictates  of  duty.  It  may 
be  done  ;  but  God  can  meet  us  at  every  turn,  and 
make  us  smart  for  our  presumption.  This  con- 
sideration makes  me  afraid  to  follow  my  own  incli- 
nation, which  would  be  to  return  home.  "  Charity 
seeketh  not  her  own,"  and  perhaps  I  am  7iow  called 
upon  to  act  in  conformity  to  this  standard  of  self- 
denial  ;  and  should  I  do  otherwise,  regret  might 
pursue  me  to  the  end  of  my  days.  Many  argu- 
ments, for  and  against  the  measure,  continually 
crowd  my  mind,  and  keep  me  undecided.  No- 
thing that  Mr.  Bennett  or  Emelia  can  do  to  make 
me  happy,  is  wanting ;  and  their  wishes  on  this 
subject  you  will  know.  Should  I  stay,  it  would  in- 
deed be  "seeking  not  my  own." 

April  21.  Much  cause  have  I  for  thankfulness. 
The  sun  of  providence  shines  warm  upon  me,  and 
my  heart  feels,  in  some  measure,  a  sweet  sense  of 
its  obligations  to  God.  When  I  meditate  upon  the 
distinguishing  goodness  of  God  to  my  soul,  I  feel 
constrained  to  love.  Whatever  the  world  thinks, 
real  religion  produces  real  happiness.  "  The  love 
of  God  shed  abroad  in  the  heart"  by  the  Holy  Spirit, 
is  pure  unmixed  enjoyment.  Yesterday,  I  enjoyed 
some  happy  moments,  and  to-day,  my  mind  has 
been  peaceful.  Let  my  soul  rejoice  that  "  the  Lord 
reigneth."     "  My  times  are  in  his  hands,"  and  sure- 


MEMOIRS    or   MARY   LYON.  205 

ly,  when  I  have  received  so  much  from  him,  I  ought 
to  trust  futurity  to  him  without  anxiety.  Lord  Je- 
sus increase  my  faith,  increase  my  love,  and  in- 
crease my  joy  in  thee. 

Saturday.  The  scene  around  me  is  beautiful. 
Vegetation  is  now  in  full  luxuriance.  The  tide  is 
high,  and  flows  almost  beneath  my  window  ;  a  fresh 
breeze  tempers  the  warmth  of  "  the  noon -tide 
hour,"  and  every  object  appears  calculated  to  in- 
spire mental  tranquillity  and  joy.  Ah  !  how  grate- 
ful my  soul  should  be,  that  no  blast  of  adversity  is 
now  gnawing  my  heart,  and  casting  a  sable  man- 
tle over  the  charms  of  nature.  Others  are  smitten, 
but  I  am  spared.  God  makes  me  to  differ,  not 
surely  because  I  am  better,  but  because  his  grace 
in  Christ  Jesus  so  wills  it.  Forbid,  blessed  God,  that 
1  should  be  spared  in  anger,  and  write  laws  of  grati- 
tude upon  my  heart  for  the  P».edeemer's  sake. 

Tuesday.  Two  points  at  present  perplex  me,  and  I 
know  not  what  to  do.  Had  I  more  faith  I  should  not 
experience  this  uneasiness.  I  am  called  to  exercise 
my  free  agency ,  and  a  fear  that  I  may  hereafter  re- 
gret my  conduct  fills  me  with  anxiety.  Human 
judgment  is  fallible,  and  no  finite  mind  can  know 
the  end  from  the  beginning. 
18 


206  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

TO  A  SISTER  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  April  22,  1817. 

I  THANK  Mr.  Linsley  for  his  answers  to  my  ques- 
tions.  He  has  said  all  on  the  subject  that  the 
scriptures  authorize,  and  private  opinion  is  nothing^ 
because  human  judgment,  even  when  sanctified,  is 
falHble. 

In  reading  the  bible  in  course,  I  came  to  the 
books  of  Ezra  and  Nehemiah,  at  the  very  period 
when  direction  seemed  necessary.  The  people  of 
God,  you  recollect,  were  required  to  separate  from 
their  partners,  even  after  they  had  families  of  child- 
ren ;  and  this  appears  to  be  an  intimation  of  the 
path  of  duty  to  be  pursued  by  christians  under  the 
gospel  dispensation,  excepting  in  cases  where  mar- 
riage has  actually  taken  place.  On  this  point  the 
opinion  and  language  of  the  apostle  is  full  and  ex- 
plicit, that  the  believer  must  abide  with  the  unbe- 
liever, &c. 

There  may  be  cases  where  a  contrary  course 
would  be  justifiable,  and  should  my  affections  be- 
come  engaged,  self-love  might 7;er5Zfa<ie  me  that  my 
own  case  was  one  of  this  number,  so  powerful  is 
the  principle  of  self-love  in  the  human  heart.  The 
burden  of  my  daily  prayer,  for  some  time  past,  has 
been,  that  the  intentions  of  God  towards  me  and  the 
feelings  of  my  heart  might  correspond  ;  and  the 


MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON.  207 

longer  I  offer  up  this  petition  the  more  indifferent 
I  become.  Is  not  this  circumstance  an  intimation 
of  the  will  of  God  ?  We  must  not  expect  a  reve- 
lation to  determine  us  in  particular  points  of  per- 
plexity. 

I  have  written  but  twice,  and  those  letters  con- 
cealed no  part  of  my  sentiments,  so  that  1  have 
done  nothing  worthy  of  censure,  even  in  the  judg- 
ment of  the  person  most  concerned.  I  cannot 
think  duty  requires  me  to  take  so  important  a  step, 
merely  to  comply  with  the  wishes  and  save  the 
feelings  of  another,  when  my  own  mind  is  in  this 
state. 

Is  it  not  a  singular  occurrence  in  Providence, 
dear  Sophia,  that  although  many  times  it  has  been 
at  my  option  to  change  my  situation,  never  yet 
have  I  been  addressed  by  one  whom  I  could  regard 
as  a  christian  ?  This  circumstance  has  sometimes 
led  me  to  think  that  God  has  designed  me  for  a  single 
life.  I  write  to  you,  my  dear  sister,  with  the  utmost 
confidence ;  but  I  wish  you  not  to  mention  the 
subject  of  this  letter  to  any  one. 

I  am  going  to  town  this  afternoon  to  get  some- 
thing neat  to  send  you  and  Elizabeth,  by  the  Shep- 
herdess. I  hope  you  will  approve  of  my  taste  as 
much  as  Mr.  Bennett  did  of  yours.  How  did  mo- 
ther like  her  dress  ?  Ask  her,  from  me,  to  send 
gome  httle  present  to  Flora,     The  faithful,  good 


208         MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON. 

creature,  lives  with  us,  and  neglects  nothing  for  our 
comfort. 

There  is  a  strong  contest  prevailing  now,  with 
respect  to  settling  a  colleague  with  Dr.  Palmer,  a 
Mr.  T.,  who,  to  the  astonishment  of  all,  has  open- 
ly declared  himself  a  Socinian.  This  infatuated 
party  still  adhere  to  him,  and  the  issue  is  doubtful. 
Major  Theus  informed  me,  when  in  town,  that  he 
had  cleared  Capt.  Lines,  of  course  our  letters,  &c., 
must  be  dispatched. 

April  23.  The  Shepherdess  sailed  this  morning 
with  a  fair,  brisk  wind,  and  will  probably  soon 
reach  my  native  city.  My  mind  is  perplexed, — I 
am  uncertain  what  is  duty  with  respect  to  remain- 
ing here  this  summer,  and  no  one  can  direct  me. 

May  7.  How  my  will  rises  in  rebellion  when 
called  to  take  up  the  cross  !  Self-love  pleads  pow- 
erfully, that  these  things  ought  not  so  to  be,  and  self- 
will  creates  a  great  portion  of  our  sufferings  through 
life.  What  a  happy  thing  is  a  quiet  submissive 
temper. 

Thursday.  I  pray  God  to  influence  me  by  his 
grace  in  my  present  concerns.  I  pray  to  be  kept 
from  presumption  on  the  one  hand,  and  slavish  fear 
on  the  other.  I  pray  that  I  may  act  according  to 
the  will  of  God,  and  feel  easy  as  to  consequences. 
I  earnestly  pray  that  my  present  course  may  be 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  209 

such,  that  I  may  hereafter  reflect  upon  it  with  ap- 
probation and  comfort.  These  mercies  I  ask  in 
the  name  of  Jesus. 

Friday.  To-day  my  mind  has  been  calm,  though 
thoughtful.  Many  circumstances  unite  to  con- 
vince me  of  the  rapidity  of  time,  and  the  proba- 
ble nearness  of  death.  But  no  matter,  if  God  by 
his  grace  will  prepare  me  for  the  great  change  ;  for 
with  truth  I  can  say,  "  Lord  vvhat  a  wretched  land 
is  this  ?" 

May  18.  Have  sent  a  letter  to  brother  William. 
When  I  awake  in  the  miorning,  a  gloom  shades  my 
mind,  and  1  know  not  what  course  to  pursue.  I 
entreat  the  Lord  not  to  leave  me  to  myself  in  this 
uncertainty,  but  to  influence  my  mind  in  choosing 
that  course  which  he  will  approve  and  bless. 

Sabbath.  There  is  nothing  this  side  the  courts 
of  heaven  that  will  satisfy  my  soul.  Empfyness  is 
written  on  every  thing,  and  my  heart  finds  a  void 
in  all  it  looks  to  for  enjoyment,  that  pertains  to  this 
world.  The  blessed  God  has  heard  my  prayers,  and 
in  some  instances,  granted  my  petition.  But  I  have 
found  it  failed  of  bestowing  that  happiness  I  expect- 
ed :  and  then  my  foolish  heart  would  reach  forward 
to  something  else.  The  truth  is,  the  soul  was  des- 
tined, at  its  creation,  for  a  region  far,  far  beyond  this 
scene  of  things,  and  here  it  is  not  at  home.  The 
soul  passes  through  this  world,  as  the  traveler 
18* 


210  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

through  a  wilderness — it  finds  no  permanent  rest, 
no  satisfying  food,  no  uniform,  continued  light. 
Now  and  then,  a  ray  gleams  across  its  path,  and  for 
a  season  illumines  the  darkness.  Sometimes  a 
cluster  of  the  grapes  of  life  hangs  within  its  reach, 
and  it  plucks  and  eats — and  sometimes  it  rests, 
sweetly  reposing  on  Christ.  But,  anon,  these  com- 
forts vanish,  and  again  a  dreary  way  lies  before  it. 

May  20.  Yesterday  I  took  tea  with  Mrs.  Stiles. 
After  my  return,  my  mind  became  agitated,  and  a 
fearful  apprehension  rushed  into  it,  that  Satan  and 
inward  corruptions,  were  again  renewing  their  at- 
tacks. But  God  was  better  to  me  than  my  fears, 
for  although  my  sleep  was  broken,  yet  to-day  I  am 
calm.  Let  my  soul  bless  the  Lord  for  his  mercy, 
and  protecting  grace. 

May  24.  Yesterday  I  accompanied  a  party  to 
Sullivan's  Island,  and  returned  by  moonlight.  I 
have  been  almost  continually  in  company,  for  a 
week,  and  as  I  am  situated,  it  seemed  necessary ; 
yet  nothing  tends  more  to  interrupt  a  spiritual  course 
of  thinking,  than  commerce  with  the  world,  and 
therefore,  christians  should  avoid  it  as  much  as  pos- 
sible. Some  intercourse  with  those  we  cannot  re- 
gard as  the  children  of  God,  is  unavoidable  ;  but 
duty  requires  that  they  should  not  be  our  chosen 
companions,  and  the  enjoyments  of  the  world  afford 
no  permanent  peace. 


I 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  211 

May  26.  Yesterday  attended  church,  but  the 
day  passed  without  spiritual  improvement.  I  lis- 
tened, as  though  I  listened  not, — I  prayed  as  though 
I  prayed  not, — I  sang,  but  without  feeling  or  inte- 
rest ;  and  the  ordinances  of  God's  house  appeared 
lost  upon  me.  O !  how  I  try  the  patience  of  my 
God! 

May  27.  How  often  the  voice  of  lamentation 
assails  my  ears.  Few,  among  those  we  call  the 
children  of  this  world,  will  own  themselves  happy, 
and  how  few,  even  among  christians,  can  suppress 
the  language  of  complaint !  Great  God,  assist  me 
to  act  a  wiser  part.  Let  me  think  of  the  mercies 
I  enjoy,  as  well  as  the  crosses  I  am  called  to  bear. 
Influence  me  to  say,  with  Job,  in  sincerity  of  heart, 
"  Shall  we  receive  good  at  the  hand  of  God  ;  and 
shall  we  not  receive  evil."  In  a  few  instances,  du- 
ring the  last  two  or  three  days,  I  have  been  enabled 
to  preserve  my  mind  in  the  state  1  wished,  in  a  time 
of  temptation.  I  thank  my  God  for  this  token  of 
his  favor ;  and  pray  for  his  assisting  grace,  in  every 
moment  of  trial,  hereafter.  Watchfulness  and 
prayer  insure  the  aid  of  the  Spirit,  and  the  sinner 
may  charge  every  fall  into  sin,  to  his  own  pervers- 
ness,  or  to  his  own  indolent  negligence. 

May  31.  The  doctrine  of  free-agency,  so  ear- 
nestly contended  for  by  some,  gives  no  comfort  to 
my  soul.     Could  I  feel  as  if  I  was,  strictly  speaking, 


212  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

like  "  clay  in  the  hands  of  the  potter,"  and  believe 
that  all  my  actions  were  under  the  irresistible  influ- 
ences of  the  Spirit,  1  should  be  satisfied.  But  con- 
science assures  me  this  is  not  the  case,  and  there- 
fore, at  times,  my  mind  is  pressed  with  regret  for  the 
past,  perplexity  for  the  present,  and  apprehension 
for  the  future. 

June  2.  The  arrival  of  another  season,  has 
found  me  in  happier  circumstances  than  the  last. 
O !  .that  the  next  may  also  bear  testimony,  to  the 
distthguishing  goodness  of  God  to  me  and  mine.  I 
acknowledge  myself  wholly  unworthy  of  mercy,  and 
deserving  of  judgments ;  still,  T  pray  for  sparing 
goodness.  O  !  keep  us  from  sickness,  and  all  evil, 
blessed  God,  if  consistent  v.ith  ihy  will  and  our 
best  good,  for  the  Redeemer's  sake ! 

Monday.  The  last  week  has  furnished  me  with 
a  most  humiliating  proof  of  my  low  state,  in  moral 
goodness.  I  am  indeed  most  vile.  I  am  ashamed 
before  God,  for  he  sees  my  heart.  What  rebellion 
against  his  providence, — what  ingratitude  for  his 
mercies, — what  distrust  of  his  goodness.  A  trifle 
will  make  me  murmur, — a  trifle  will  make  me  des- 
pond !  O !  let  me  exercise  more  watchfulness  ; 
and  may  the  bltssed  God  increase  my  faith  and  pa- 
tience. I  heard  a  sermon  yesterday,  from  these 
words,  "  What  is  man,  that  thou  art  mindful  of 
him."     True  enough,  I  thought,  what  is  man,  that 


MEMOIRS  or  MARY  LYON.         213 

the  great  God  should  regard  him  ?  and  what  am  /, 
that  the  Majesty  of  Heaven  should  hear  my  pray- 
ers, and  grant  my  petitions,  as  he  frequently  does  ? 

June  13.  Yesterday,  I  heard  of  the  death  of  my 
grand-mother.  She  died,  May  29,  in  her  ninety- 
third  year.  What  a  change  she  has  experienced. 
Sickness,  sorrow,  old  age,  and  the  pains  of  death, 
for  perfect  health,  unmixed  joy,  perpetual  youth,  and 
life  eternal.  A  long  course  of  piety,  puts  all  doubt 
to  flight,  and  we  may  feel  satisfied,  that  she  has 
entered  into  the  rest  of  heaven. 

June  15.  How  few  of  those  who  call  them- 
selves christians  realize  that  on  this  morning  our 
blessed  Savior  rose  from  the  dead?  How  little  do 
they  think  of  that  awful  morning  yet  to  come, 
when  the  earth  and  the  sea  shall  cast  forth  their  dead, 
and  all  flesh  stand  before  God.  O  !  may  I  stand 
at  the  right  hand  of  the  Judge,  and  be  found  in 
him,  and  to  God  shall  be  all  the  glory.  Amen. 

TO  A  SISTER  IN  MEREDITH,  N.  Y. 

Charleston^  June  18,  1817. 

Your  letter,  dear  Sarah,  was  to  my  heart  "  good 
news  from  a  far  country."  Do  write  as  often  as  is 
consistent  with  your  necessary  duties  and  avocations. 

Charleston  furnishes  many  things  to  attract  the 
notice  of  one  born  in,  and  habituated  to  a  northern 
climate.     Just  below  my  window  are  two  fig-trees, 


214  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

loaded  with  fruit,  nearly  ripe  ;  a  little  farther,  pom- 
egranate-trees in  full  blossom,  with  a  beautiful  scar- 
let flower  ;  and  not  far  distant,  orange-groves,  that 
produce  abundantly.  The  flowers  here,  possess  a 
richness  and  fragrance,  tliat  a  northern  latitude 
cannot  boast.  We  have  had  a  profusion  of  black- 
berries, plumbs,  pears,  apples,  &;c.  Most  kinds  of 
vegetables  for  the  table,  we  have  had  several 
weeks.  But  with  the  good,  we  must  take  the  evil. 
To  enjoy  these  gifts  of  providence,  so  early,  we  have 
been  obliged  to  endure  the  heat  of  a  burning  sun, 
and  to-day  there  have  been  thunder  and  lightning, 
appalling  to  human  nature.  Thus  it  is,  my  dear 
sister,  with  every  thing  of  a  worldly  nature,  through 
hfe.  Every  good  has  a  mixture  of  evil, — every 
enjoyment  its  attendant  anxiety, — and  every  treas- 
ure its  alloy.  Blessed  be  God,  there  is  a  better 
state  of  things  beyond  the  veil  which  hides  eternity 
from  our  view  !  In  that  world  of  perfection,  there 
is  no  sting,  no  bitterness.  The  sins  and  the  sor- 
rows of  the  wilderness  will  be  left  behind  ;  and 
perfection  of  beauty,  perfection  of  happiness,  and 
perfection  of  glory,  will  reign  triumphant. 

Farewell,  dear  sister,  kiss  your  sweet  children  for 
me.  Tell  Eli  I  love  him,  and  wish  and  pray  for 
his  welfare,  as  if  he  were  my  own  child.  Once 
more,  farewell. 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON.  215 

June  19.  To-day  sent  a  long  letter  to  my  broth- 
er and  sister  at  Meredith.  May  God  bless  them 
and  their  children.  "  Neither  distrust  or  tempt  the 
Lord,"  was  an  exhortation  given  me  some  time 
ago,  and  let  my  soul  remember  it.  My  Savior,  I 
look  to  thee, — Thou  art  my  strength.  Order  all 
things  in  mercy. 

June  23.  Perhaps  my  present  situation  con- 
tains as  few  trials  as  any  one ;  and  this  con- 
sideration should  teach  me  contentment.  Some- 
times I  feel  disturbed,  because  I  am  prevented 
from  doing  what  I  know  to  be  according  to  the  dic- 
tates of  reason  and  duty  ;  but  this  also  may  be  right 
as  respects  me,  for  it  may  be  self-will  more  than 
conscience,  that  influences  my  mind.  In  all  things 
I  ought  to  glorify  God,  by  inwardly  examining  my 
motives,  and  outwardly  practising  moderation, 
where  absolute  sin  is  not  concerned. 

Friday.  Meditation  on  the  operations  of  Prov- 
idence, might  afford  a  fund  of  instruction,  had  we 
wisdom  to  improve  it.  In  taking  a  retrospect,  what 
goodness,  as  well  as  wisdom,  we  discern  in  those 
events,  that  once  appeared  so  distressing;  and  when 
we  remember  our  feelings  under  them,  we  blush 
with  shame.  Surely  our  ignorance  of  what  is  re- 
ally worth  possessing,  as  respects  this  world,  should 
make  us  moderate  in  our  wishes,  and  cahn  when 
they  are  disappointed.     But  our  conduct  is  very 


216  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

different  from  this.  We  form  extravagant  wishes, 
and  expectations, — pursue  our  object  as  if  we 
knew  our  temporal  happiness  depended  on  its  pos- 
session, and  if  we  fail,  sink  into  despondency  and 
dejection. 

Sabbath  29.     I  am  called  to  practice  a  severe 
^piece  of  self-denial,  and  to  bear  a  heavy  cross.  The 
season  has  now  arrived,  when  it  is  deemed  impru- 
dent, and  even  presumptuous,  for  me  to  visit  the 
city ;  of  course,  I  must  relinquish  public  worship 
for  three  or  four  months.     This  is  indeed  a  severe 
trial, — so  severe,  that  I  sin  in  my  extreme  restive- 
ness  under  it.     So  many  things  at  home,  interrupt, 
and  prevent  a  spiritual  frame  of  mind,  that  it  appears 
impossible  to  keep  my  soul  from  sinking,  and  dying, 
if  confined  here.     But  with  God  all  things  are  pos- 
sible ;  and  in  his  j^ower,  my  heart  has  often  found 
rest.     Almighty  power,  united  with  consummate 
wisdom  and  mercy,  form  a  resting  place  of  triple 
strength,  and  thither  my  soul  flies  in  seasons  of  trial. 
Wednesday.     As  there  is  nothing  can  compen- 
sate for  the  loss  of  God's  favor,  it  is  madness  to 
seek  for  any  thing  contrary  to  his  will.     The  pos- 
session  of  a  desired  object,  without  the  approbation 
of  God,  can  yield  but  momentary  satisfaction  to  a 
mind  that  knows  by  experience,  the  joy  that  results 
from  the  light  of  his  countenance  ;  and  the  horror 
and  darkness  of  his  frown. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  217 

July  4.  The  whole  city  is  a  scene  of  rejoicing 
and  gayety.  While  others  are  thus  engaged  in  cel- 
ebrating tiie  day,  let  me  also  remember  the  events  of 
"  other  time."  Four  years  ago  this  day,  I  was  in 
this  town,  watching  by  the  bed-side  of  my  sick  sister, 
in  a  state  of  mind  wholly  beyond  the  conception  of 
any,  who  had  not  experienced  it.  Now  I  enjoy  the 
smiles  of  providence,  and  I  hope  the  smiles  of 
grace.     Let  my  soul  bless  the  Lord. 

Sabbath.  The  subject  of  the  sermon  this  after- 
noon, was  death.  The  exercises  of  the  day,  and 
the  communion  season,  interested  my  feelings  more 
than  usual.  Perhaps  the  consideration  that  this 
might  be  the  last  sabbath  I  should  enjoy  public 
worship  this  summer,  and  perhaps  the  last  I  should 
ever  enjoy,  produced  this  effect.  O !  whatever 
is  before  me,  let  me  trust  in  God  and  cling  close  to 
Christ. 

Monday.  O !  how  my  heart  revolts  at  taking 
up  the  cross.  Every  day  I  find  proof  of  this 
alarming  truth.  If  there  is  any  one  sin  that  pre- 
dominates more  than  others  in  my  bosom,  it  is  self- 
will  ;  yet  I  find  what  appears  so  important  in  my 
eyes  one  day  does  not  so  appear  in  the  next.  Why 
does  not  this  experience  teach  me  to  view  things  in 
the  calm  light  of  christian  moderation. 
19 


218  MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON. 

TO    A    SISTER    IN   NEW   HAVEN. 

Charleston,  July  8,  1817. 

You  may  rest  assured,  dear  Sophia,  that  my  let- 
ters would  be  more  frequent,  did  not  writing  inter- 
fere with  what  I  know  to  be  the  discharge  of  posi- 
tive duty.  I  mention  this  merely  to  explain  my 
conduct,  and  not  to  utter- a  complaint.  Elizabeth 
has  appeared  to  think  my  silence  the  result  of  ne- 
glect, when,  could  she  see  the  cause,  she  would  not 
only  justify  me,  but  willingly  forego  the  pleasure  of 
receiving  letters,  that  I  might  devote  my  time  to 
the  assistance  of  E.,  and  the  care  of  her  children. 

Who  would  have  thought,  ten  years  ago,  that 
New  Haven  would  ever  have  presented  such  a 
scene  on  the  arrival  of  a  republican  President  ? 
Such  parade  accords  but  little  with  the  simplicity 
of  a  republican  government.  It  seems  too  much 
like  London  and  Paris.  Papa's  judgment  respect- 
ing such  things  is  right  and  rational.  The  time 
and  money  expended  on  this  occasion  might  cer- 
tainly be  devoted  to  far  better  purposes.  In  the 
days  of  the  millcnium  no  pagentry  of  this  kind 
will  be  witnessed  or  approved  ;  and  surely  it  is  the 
duty  of  the  christian  community  now,  to  form  their 
taste  according  to  the  standard  of  that  day. 

In  answer  to  your  question,  I  reply,  that  my  ac- 
quaintance was  definitely  settled  in  the  negative 


;.4EM0IRS    OP    MARY    LYON.  219 

last  May.  I  believe  I  acted  according  to  the  dic- 
tates of  duty,  and  my  mind  feels  lightened  of  its 
burden.  In  a  connection  of  that  nature  the  path 
of  duty  lies  between  two  extremes.  To  form  a 
union  v>here  fancy  is  the  only  bond  of  agreement, 
is  little  short  of  insanity.  On  the  other  hand,  if 
we  listen  to  the  maxims  of  wordly  prudence,  when 
our  own  affections  ai-e  uninterested,  we  practice  a 
sort  of  imposition  on  the  other  party,  and  sell  our- 
selves to  a  kind  of  degraded  slavery  for  life.  In 
either  case  the  blessing  of  God  cannot  be  expected. 
Let  principle  be  the  basis,  and  the  structure  will  be 
firm. 

I  am  glad  you  find  time  and  opportunity  to  pay 
Mrs.  Stiles  some  attention.  Her  departure  was 
wholly  unexpected  to  us,  and  to  her,  till  withhi  two  or 
three  days  of  sailing.  The  feeble  state  of  her  sis- 
ter's health  induced  her  to  take  this  voyage.  I  am 
truly  sorry  to  be  absent  from  home  when  she  is 
there.  Emelia  and  I  wish  you  to  give  our  love  to 
Mary  Lines,  and  tell  her  we  hope  her  trip  to  Charles- 
ton has  been  of  service  to  her  health.  Tell  mother 
we  long  to  hear  that  she  has  recovered  from  her 
nervous  complaints.  Give  my  love  to  father  and 
William.  Remember  me  affectionately  to  all  the 
neighborhood,  particularly  Sarah  Lyon. 

I  feel  sometimes  peculiarly  desirous  of  being  at 
home  this  summer — so  much  so,  that  it  is  difficult 


220  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY  LYON. 

to  subdue  my  feelings.  But  why  should  I  ?  If  I 
am  filling  up  the  part  assigned  me  by  God,  it  is  suf- 
ficient. "  Life,  death,  and  hell,  and  worlds  un- 
known, hang  on  his  firm  decree."  It  is  impossible 
-to  prolong  the  first,  or  delay  the  second,  by  a  change 
of  place  or  circumstances.  It  is  easy,  most  easy 
with  God,  to  make  those  things  which  appear  threat- 
ening, conducive  to  our  preservation, — and  those 
events  that  seem  adverse,  instrumental  in  promoting 
our  eternal  happiness,  and  even  our  temporal  en- 
joyment. With  this  conviction  on  the  mind,  why 
should  we  be  so  solicitious  to  crave  our  own  portion ; 
especially  when  convinced  by  experience  that  we 
choose  at  random,  or  like  children,  select  the  very 
things  of  all  others,  the  most  hurtful  and  dangerous  ? 

O !  I  feel  this  morning  a  weight  upon  my  spirits 
that  I  cannot  shake  off :  but  think  I  can  say,  "  this 
is  my  infirmity,"  and  there  let  it  rest.  Write  soon 
and  inform  me  of  all  that  happens.  Those  things 
which  appear  trifling  to  you,  being  present,  are  deep- 
ly interesting  to  me  at  this  distance.  We  have 
written  four  times  in  six  weeks,  surely  we  have  not 
been  so  very  remiss. 

July  11.  To-day  my  mind  feels  oppressed  by 
misgiving  and  a  fear  of  evil — but  I  have  so  often 
experienced  the  delivering  goodness  of  God,  that 
hope  and  faith  spring  up  in  my  bosom.  Let  me 
look  to  God  and  lean  on  Christ,  and  the  cloud  may 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYO  N.  221 

soon  disperse.  If  I  lived  nearer  the  throne  of  grace, 
I  might  defy  the  tempter,  for  he  dare  not  approach 
the  presence  of  Infinite  purity  and  excellence. 

Sabbath,  13.  Another  sabbath  of  mercy  has  dawn- 
ed  upon  me,  and  another  morning  sun  has  enlight- 
ened this  part  of  our  earth.  In  heaven  there  is  a  per- 
petual sabbath  and  an  everlasting  day.  My  soul ! 
are  you  in  the  way  to  this  blessed  region  ?  Do  you 
live  "  as  seeing  Him  who  is  invisible  ?"  Let  me 
bless  the  Lord,  that  amidst  all  the  rubbish  of  my 
sins,  backshdings,  doubts,  and  misgivings,  liojpe 
springs  up,  and  sparkles  like  a  diamond  in  the  mine, 

TO    A    SISTER    IN    NEW   HAVEN. 

Charleston,  July  14,  1817. 
You  appear,  my  dear  sister  Elizabeth,  to  write  in 
some  degree  of  alarm  on  two  accounts.  You  fear 
in  general  that  Charleston  is  sickly,  and  in  particii' 
lar  that  I  am  imprudent  in  exposing  myself  to  dan- 
ger. But  as  far  as  I  am  capable  of  judging,  your  fears 
in  both  cases  are  groundless.  We  take  a  daily  pa- 
per, and  the  number  of  deaths  do  not  exceed  those 
of  last  winter.  I  have  been  regularly  to  churchy 
and  observed  the  cases  of  sickness  mentioned. 
Last  sabbath  there  were  two  of  lingering  com- 
plaints, and  the  sabbath  previous  none,  which  in  so 
large  a  congregation  could  hardly  be  expected,  at 
any  season.  With  respect  to  myself,  I  am  now  in 
19* 


222  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON, 

good  health,  and  I  mean,  as  far  as  human  prudence 
can  go,  to  preserve  it. 

Our  health  is  no  more  our  own  than  any  other 
gift  of  God  ;  and  what  is  not  our  own,  we  certainly 
have  no  right  to  trifle  with.  This  consideration 
should  make  us  strive  to  preserve  this  valuable  hies- 
sing,  even  if  self-love  was  out  of  the  question.  But 
too  much  care  sometimes  defeats  the  end  for  which 
it  is  exercised  ;  and  I  might  feel  so  very  anxious  as 
to  produce  real  sickness.  The  right  line  of  con- 
duct is,  to  use  the  means  of  self-preservation,  leave 
the  issue  with  God,  and  then  make  ourselves  easy ; 
for,  after  all,  we  must  depend  on  the  Maker  of  our 
frames  to  keep  them  alive. 

July  16.  I  add  a  few  lines  that  you  may  hear 
from  us  by  the  latest  date.  We  are  all  ni  perfect 
health,  excepting  Emilia,  and  she  is  getting  over  her 
sickness.  The  children  are  playing  horse,  through 
the  room,  and  almost  deafen  mc  with  their  noise. 
J.  says  I  must  tell  grand-father  that  he  reads  about 
the  boy  stealing  the  old  man's  apples.  T.  is  en- 
tirely different  from  J. ;  but  though  so  turbulent  in 
his  disposition,  he  has  some  noble  traits  of  character. 
He  will  not  take  any  thing  in  J's  absence,  without 
having  half  cut  off  and  laid  up  for  his  brother,  and 
when  his  father  promises  to  bring  him  something 
pretty  from  town,  he  always  says  "  bring  one  for 
brother  too." 


MEMOIRS   or   MARY   LYON.  223 

Write  particularly  respecting  mother.  I  hope 
that  God  has  graciously  restored  her  todily  and 
mental  health.  E.  and  m5'self  greatly  desire  that 
she  should  visit  Meredith.  Could  not  brother  Wil- 
liam  go  whh  her,  and  leave  her  there  for  a  while. 
Farewell,  dear  Elizabeth. 

July  20.  I  find  it  a  great  piece  of  self-denial  to 
stay  at  home  on  the  sabbath,  tliough  my  reluctance 
may  not  arise  from  a  right  motive.  Habit,  the  ex- 
ample of  others,  and  many  other  things,  may  ope- 
rate to  make  it  desirable  to  me,  when  a  sanctified 
improvement  of  the  privileges  of  God's  house,  may 
have  but  little  influence.  The  path  of  duty  in  this 
case  is  doubtful,  but  the  path  of  inclination  is  not. 
How  strange  it  is  that  any  should  voluntarily  deprive 
themselves  of  the  privilege  and  pleasure  of  public 
worship. 

Sabbath,  July  27.  The  day  is  remarkably  cool 
for  the  season,  and  I  have  ventured  once  more  into 
town,  and  attended  church.  Perhaps  it  is  supersti- 
tion, but  I  feel  far  less  fear  of  becoming  sick,  in  con- 
sequence of  breathing  town  air,  by  attending  church 
on  the  sabbath,  than  if  I  ran  the  same  risk  for  the 
purpose  of  visiting,  or  pleasing  myself  any  other 
way.  When  duty  calls,  we  may  confidently  place 
ourselves  under  the  protection  of  God,  perform  our 
part,  and  leave  consequences  to  him.  But  when 
we  are  led  by  our  own  spirit,  seeking  our  own  grat- 


224  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   r.  YON. 

ification  only,  we  have  no  right  to  expect  the  favor 
and  providential  care  of  God.  It  is  'presumption  to 
run  into  danger,  without  being  called,  and  then  ex- 
pect God  to  preserve  us  from  the  effects  of  our 
own  imprudence ;  and  it  is  unbelief  to  distrust  his 
power  to  save  us  when  doing  his  will. 

TO  HER  FATHER  IN  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  July  28,  1817. 

It  is  but  a  few  days  since  we  wrote  by  Capt.  L., 
but  as  I  know  your  anxiety  to  hear  often  from  us  at 
this  season,  I  now  write  again.  E.  is  still  feeble, 
though  comfortable ;  other  members  of  the  family 
are  well. 

Mr.  B.  has  gone  down  to  one  of  the  Sea-Islands 
on  a  fishing  excursion.  The  party  stay  in  palmet- 
to  houses  built  on  the  beach,  or  in  tents  of  their  own 
construction.  Mr.  B's  two  brothers,  J.  and  I.,  with 
their  families,  have  gone  down  also.  Our  going,  at 
this  season  of  the  year,  was  out  of  the  question. 
The  time  is  spent  in  fishing,  hunting,  and  bathing, 
and  this  forms  a  fashionable  amusement  for  several 
days.  Mr.  B.  sent  us  a  note  yesterday  with  some 
fish,  and  expects  to  return  to-morrow.  We  have 
just  received  a  letter  from  Sarah.  She  complains 
that  she  has  been  in  M.  four  years  and  that  none  of 
her  father's  family  have  yet  visited  her.  I  know,  my 
dear  father,  it  is  a  long  journey,  and  I  suppose  ap- 


1 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  225 

pears  like  a  great  undertaking,  still  I  hope  you  and 
mamma  will  attempt  it  this  summer.*  Mamma's  com- 
plaints are  of  that  kind  that  medicine  avails  but  lit- 
tle,— riding,  and  a  change  of  air,  and  new  scenes 
would  probably  do  much.  When  I  think  how  far  I 
am  from  my  dear  parents,  and  that  I  may  possibly 
never  return,  as  life  is  so  uncertain,  I  feel  a  peculiar 
anxiety  that  every  thing  possible  should  be  done  for 
the  health  and  comfort  of  both. 

J.  remembers  his  grand-father  perfectly,  and  ev- 
ery day,  after  eating  apples  or  pears,  he  takes  his 
knife  and  cuts  the  parings  as  they  lie  on  the  table, 
as  you  used  to  do,  and  says  "  grandpapa  does  so." 
T.  has  been  making  up  a  present  for  you.  He 
says  he  will  send  grandpapa  some  sugar  plumbs, 
some  marbles,  a  horse-whip,  and  a  screw-driver. 
The  last  article  is  very  valuable  in  his  eyes,  because 
his  father  refuses  to  let  him  have  it. 

Provisions  of  all  kinds  continue  very  high  in 
Charleston,  and  the  crops  are  in  danger  of  injury 
from  the  continued  and  heavy  rains.  Almost  ev- 
ery day  we  have  rain  ;  but   in  the  city  the  hot  sun 


*  The  parents  of  Miss  Lyon,  were  performing  this 
journey,  when  the  tidings  of  her  death  arrived  in  New 
Haven,  The  health  of  her  mother  was  benefitted,  and 
she  bore  the  shock  with  exemplary  christian  submission, 
as  coming  from  the  hand  of  her  heavenly  Father. 


226  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON, 

soon  dries  it  up.  In  the  country  alone  the  conse- 
quences are  feared.  Charleston  is  very  healthy  as 
far  as  we  know.  E.  and  I  live  entirely  at  home, 
but  find  our  time  fully  employed  in  taking  care  of 
the  children  and  the  domestics.  Please  give  our 
love  to  mamma.  We  have  been  trying  to  get  some- 
thing to  send  her,  but  Mr.  B's  absence  has  prevent- 
ed.     Farewell,  my  dear  father. 

Aug.  3.  A  death  took  place  last  Monday  that 
excited  some  alarm, — and  I  found  that  realizing  the 
certainty  of  death  rather  more  than  usual,  filled  my 
soul  with  dismay  for  several  hours.  The  difficulty 
is,  I  have  not  the  evidence  of  a  holy  life  to  give  me 
boldness  in  death.  My  faith,  I  believe,  is  right,  rest- 
ing on  Jesus  Christ ;  but  my  life  does  not  corres- 
pond. O !  how  watchful  I  ought  to  be  !  How 
careful  to  keep  my  lamp  trimmed  and  burning.  I 
feel  this  truth,  and  yet  temptations  throw  me  off  my 
guard.  Salvation  by  grace  is  a  sweet  doctrine  in- 
deed to  the  soul  that  sees  help  no  where  else. 

Aug.  6.  My  last  letters  from  home  was  dated 
July  2  ;  and  so  unusual  a  silence  makes  me  anx- 
ious. Several  instances  of  the  "  stranger's  fever," 
have  spread  alarm  and  terror  through  the  city.  My 
dear  sister's  health  is  veiy  much  impaired  ;  and  my 
mother's  accumulated  infirmities,  make  me  tremble 
for  her  life.  Thus  situated,  where  can  I  go  for  help 
but  to  God.     Pie  can  restore  health,  and  continue 


MEMOIRS    OP    MARY   LYON,  227 

it.  He  can  preserve  life  in  the  midst  of  pestilence  ; 
and  what  is  far  more,  He  can  save  the  soul,  when 
the  body  descends  to  the  tomb.  O  !  my  Savior,  to 
thee  I  commit  the  keeping  of  my  soul, — deal  mer- 
cifully with  me,  and  call  me  not  away  from  this 
world,  until  by  faith  in  thee,  I  am  prepared  ! 

Aug.  8.  My  mind  is  calm  to-day,  though  the 
same  causes  for  anxiety  remain.  I  hear  nothing 
from  home, — the  city  is  panic-struck,  and  I  see 
trouble  and  danger  on  every  side.  God  has  car- 
ried me  through  many  trying  seasons,  and  there- 
fore I  ought  to  trust  him  now.  My  friends,  my 
life,  my  all,  are  in  his  hands,  and  therefore  let  my 
soul  rest  satisfied. 

EXTRACT  OF  A  LETTER  FROM  MR.  BENNETT,  TO  THE 
FATHER  OF  MISS  LYON. 

Charleston,  Aug.  9,  1817. 
We  all  remain  in  excellent  health  ;  but  fearing 
the  effect  which  improper,  exaggerated,  and  dis- 
tressing accounts,  relative  to  the  health  of  Charles- 
ton, may  produce  on  yourself  and  family,  I  have 
deemed  it  my  duty  to  state  our  present  situation, 
and  my  arrangements  for  the  future.  This  I  shall 
do  for  the  present  weekly.  We  now  reside  in 
my  house  on  Harleston  Green.  For  its  situation, 
advantages,  reputation  for  health,  &c.,  Capt.  L., 
Mr.  H.,  or  any  of  the  students  from  this  city, 
can  give  you  ample  information.     I  now  declare 


228  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

to  you,  I  never  knew,  or  heard  of  any  instance  of 
the  fever  originating  in  this  neighborhood,  and  I 
have  been  here  from  my  infancy.  I  have  consult- 
ed five  different  physicians,  and  have  their  unan- 
imous opinion  that  they  think  my  family  quite  safe. 
Not  satisfied,  however,  I  have  taken  a  house  on 
SulHvan's  Island,  and  shall,  upon  the  least  approx. 
imation  of  disease,  remove  there.  Considerable 
alarm  has  existed  ;  but  so  far  as  I  know,  not  more 
than  eight  or  ten  persons  have  died  with  the  fever, 
and  those  in  the  vicinity  of  the  wharves,  and  that 
part  of  the  city  where  it  has  always  heretofore  been 
confined. 

I  regard  so  tenderly  the  anxiety  you  may  have 
felt,  or  will  be  subject  to  feel,  that  but  for  the  season 
of  the  year,  and  the  danger  of  equinoctial  storms, 
I  would  have  taken  my  family  immediately  to  the 
northward.  I  feel  the  sacred  obligations  that  lie 
upon  me,  and  I  pledge  myself  that  nothing  shall  be 
left  undone  that  ought,  or  can  be  done  for  the  safety 
of  my  family. 

That  part  of  the  city  to  which  the  fever  is  con- 
fined, has  been  emptied  of  its  non-resident  inhab- 
itants. The  United  States  barracks,  on  the  differ- 
ent islands  in  the  harbor,  have  been  thrown  open 
to  the  stranger  ;  and  the  munificence  of  our  local 
authority,  with  the  unbounded  charity  of  the  citi- 
zens, have  provided  an  ample  support  for  those 


MEMOIRS    OP    MARY   LYON.  229 

who  have  been  obliged  to  relinquish  their  respect- 
ive avocations.  The  islands  afford  a  sure  and  safe 
retreat ;  and  the  citizens  have  undertaken  to  see 
that  nothing  is  wanting  to  the  support  and  comfort 
of  tlie  stranger. 


Aug.  9.  The  two  last  days  we  have  been  visit- 
ed by  a  heavy  storm  ;  and  as  God  works  by  means, 
I  hope  this  agitation  of  the  elements  will  be  instru- 
mental in  his  hands  of  purifying  the  atmosphere, 
and  checking  the  progress  of  disease.  Death  is 
indeed  the  "  king  of  terrors,"  and  we  are  bound  to 
preserve  life  as  long  as  possible,  although  we  know 
we  must  at  last  submit  to  his  dominion.  Christ 
has  conquered  death  ;  and  this  consideration  is  the 
christian's  triumph,  even  while  smarting  under  his 
power.  O  my  Savior !  let  my  soul  triumph  in  thy 
victory  in  the  trying  hour,  whenever  I  am  called  to 
exchange  worlds. 

Aug.  12.  Yesterday  1  received  "good  news 
from  a  far  country,"  in  a  letter  from  Elizabeth  ; 
and  I  thank  my  God  for  ending  my  anxiety  on  this 
subject.  To-day  my  heart  is  heavy.  Sometimes 
I  feel  as  if  I  could  not  pass  through  what  I  see  be- 
fore me.  Care,  anxiety,  perplexity  respecting  my- 
self, (fee,  all  conspire  to  weigh  down  my  spirit. 
Aug.  14.  "  Whoso  offereth  praise,  glorifyeth  me," 
20 


230  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

saith  the  great  and  ever  blessed  God.  A  cheerful 
spirit,  springing  from  right  motives,  is,  (v^e  have 
reason  to  think  from  scripture,)  acceptable  to  God  ; 
and  therefore  we  ought  to  cultivate  it,  as  unto  God, 
and  not  unto  men.  But  alas  !  how  prone  is  my 
heart  to  sink  under  trouble.  How  desponding  I 
often  feel  under  the  trials  of  life.  O  !  that  I  was 
like  my  happy  namesake,  who  sat  at  the  feet  of 
Jesus,  and  cared  only  for  "  the  one  thing  needful." 

Sabbath,  Aug.  18.  This  morning  of  the  day  of 
the  Son  of  man,  finds  me  in  possession  of  much 
mercy.  Sickness  is  raging  in  the  city,  and  my 
health  is  thus  far  preserved.  Many  have  been 
called  away  by  death  unprepared,  while  I  have  a 
longer  time  allowed  me  for  prayer,  and  for  seeking 
the  mercy  of  God  in  Christ  Jesus.  Let  me  re- 
member these  distinguishing  mercies,  and  who  it 
is  that  causes  me  to  differ,  and  strive  to  live  ac- 
cording to  benefits  received. 

Aug.  19.  Yesterday  there  was  company  here, 
and  my  mind  was  necessarily  engaged  while  they 
remained ;  but  when  I  retired  to  sleep,  I  felt  anx- 
ious and  depressed.  This  is  indeed  a  season  of 
trial, — but  I  pray  God  to  prepare  me  for  whatever 
awaits  me,  whether  health  or  sickness,  life  or  death. 
O  !  let  me  trust  in  God  !  and  be  no  longer  "  faith- 
less, but  believing." 

Aug.  21.     My  mind  is  so  harassed,  that  I  hardly 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  231 

know  what  course  to  think  best.  An  aching  head, 
an  aching  heart,  a  perplexed  judgment,  and  an  agi- 
tated mind,  almost  at  intervals  upset  my  reason. 
I  have  been  praying  this  morning  that  God  would 
remove  the  evils  I  feel,  and  avert  those  I  fear ;  and 
the  burden  of  my  soul  is  a  little  hghtened.  Help 
me,  great  God,  to  trust  in  thee,  and  wait  thy  time 
of  deliverance. 

Aug.  26.  This  is  a  morning  of  mercy.  Sick- 
ness rages  in  the  city,  and  we  are  exempt.  Death 
is  removing  numbers,  and  we  are  spared.  The 
last  four  days  my  mind  has  been  exercised  with 
different  emotions  ;  but  prayer  has  been  instru- 
mental  in  allaying  its  agitation.  Let  me  watch 
against  sin,  and  trust  in  God.     This  is  my  part. 

Aug.  28.  O  !  how  the  world,  and  the  cares  of 
life,  destroy  the  bliss  of  spiritual  enjoyment.  My 
soul  mourns  at  feeling  this  truth.  "  Return,  O  holy 
Dove,  return,"  and  warm  my  heart  with  the  rays 
of  the  "Sun  of  righteousness."  Sometimes  I  do 
indeed  feel  that  my  Savior  is  all  in  all.  I  feel 
weaned  from  this  "  sin  worn  world,"  and  almost  on 
the  wing  to  depart ;  and  then  the  world,  sin,  and 
the  great  enemy  of  my  soul  interfere,  and  bind  me 
again  to  the  polluted  earth.  The  idea  of  eternity 
is  lovely,  when  I  think  of  spending  it  in  praising 
God. 

Fridav.     Pveceived  a  letter  yesterday  from  mo- 


232  MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON. 

ther,  and  another  from  Sophia.  The  letter  con- 
tained a  piece  of  information  which  caused  me  a 
momentary'  agitation.  Meditating  on  the  providene 
of  God,  soon  cahTied  my  mind ;  and  1  hfted  my 
soul  to  him  with  gratitude  and  submission.  "  His 
ways  are  perfect." 

Sabbath,  Aug.  31.  Let  my  soul  bless  the  Lord 
for  the  light  of  this  pleasant  morning  ;  for  "  hith- 
erto he  has  helped  me."  Serenity  and  peace  seem 
to  smile  upon  the  face  of  nature,  as  I  contemplate 
it  from  my  window.  The  rising  sun, — the  decli- 
ning moon, — the  clear  blue  sky, — the  unruffled, 
"  gently  flowing"  Ashley, — and  the  distant  woods 
that  bound  the  prospect,  all  unite  to  render  this 
morning  scene  lovely,  and  this  early  hour  sooth- 
ing.  But  O,  reverse  the  scene  !  The  adjacent 
city  is  agitated,  groaning,  and  dying,  beneath  the 
ravages  of  the  pestilence,  and  the  more  fell  rav- 
ages of  sin.  The  dying  struggle, — the  blackening 
corpse, — the  rattling  hearse,  and  the  closing  grave, 
are  sights  at  which  frail  humanity  shudders,  and 
stands  appalled.  Yet  these  soul-harrowing  objects 
are  daily  and  hourly  witnessed  within  a  short  dis- 
tance  of  this  tranquil  and  beautiful  scene.  Let 
my  soul  bless  the  Lord  for  the  light  of  this  pleasant 
morning,  for  "hitherto  he  has  helped  me." 

Tuesday,  Sept.  2.  My  life  is  still  prolonged, — 
my  health  is  still  continued,  though  multitudes  near 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LY  ON  .  233 

me  are  falling  beneath  the  pestilence.  My  nnind, 
however,  (I  hope  through  the  influence  of  prayer,) 
is  generally  composed  and  tranquil  on  this  subject. 
"  The  issues  of  life  and  death"  are  with  God ;  and 
safety  is  with  him,  and  him  alone. 

Thursday,  Sept.  4.  I  never  felt  so  much  as  if 
my  life  was  suspended  by  a  hair,  as  I  now  do.  The 
fever  rages,  and  attacks  strangers  only.  This  may 
be  the  season  for  my  departure, — my  Maker  only 
knows.  I  endeavor  to  prepare  my  mind  for  the 
worst.  But  O  !  it  is  a  great  and  solemn  thing  to 
exchange  worlds.  Faith  in  Christ  is  the  only  pre- 
paration. 

Friday,  Sept.  5.  To-day  I  feel  universally  ill, — 
but  thanks  be  to  God,  my  mind  is  calm.  I  do  not 
feel  frightened.  I  trust  I  shall  be  carried  through 
whatever  awaits  me  ;  for  I  have  prayed  for  this 
mercy,  and  by  experience  I  know  that  God  an- 
swers prayer. 

These  were  the  last  lines  penned  by  Miss  Lyon, 
and  were  probably  written  in  the  afterpart  of  the 
day,  as  she  was  not  indisposed  at  breakfast,  and 
now  speaks  of  feeling  "  universally  ill."  She  doubt- 
less knew  the  nature  of  the  disease  with  which  she 
was  attacked,  and  its  fatal  power  over  the  constitu- 
tion of  strangers  ;  and  of  course,  the  great  proba- 
20* 


234  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

bilitj'-  that  the  angel  of  death  had  now  arrived  to 
execute  his  commission. 

Her  afflicted  friends  at  the  north  derived  much 
consolation  from  the  evidence  these  Hnes  afforded 
them,  that  she  regarded  the  scene  before  her  with 
peace  and  composure.  They  were  particularly 
soothing  to  the  minds  of  those  who  had  known  her 
spiritual  conflicts,  and  those  agonizing  doubts  which 
at  times  assailed  her.  Believers  know  that  death 
affects  no  moral  change  in  the  soul,  and  merely 
regard  it  as  a  passage  from  one  state  of  existence 
to  another  :  still  it  is  pleasant,  when  reflecting  on 
the  last  hours  of  a  pious  and  beloved  relative,  to 
learn  from  her  own  hand,  that  a  faithful  God  has 
rendered  her  strength  equal  to  her  day. 

EXTRACT  OF  A  LETTER  TO  THE  REV.  NATHANIEL  W, 
TAYLOR,  OF  NEW  HAVEN,  FROM  MR.  BENNETT. 

Charleston,  Sept.  12,  1817. 
Dear  Sir  : — It  has  pleased  Almighty  God  to 
remove  from  us  by  death,  our  beloved  sister,  Mary 
Lyon.  With  feelings  too  acute  for  utterance,  and 
a  mind  bowed  down  and  broken,  with  severe  aflh'c- 
tion,  I  have  ventured  to  request  that  you  would 
convey  to  her  parents  and  relatives,  the  melancholy 
intelligence.  Clothe  it,  my  dear  Sir,  with  all  the 
consolations  of  religion, — mitigate  its  appalling  se- 
verity with  all  those  gracious  promises  with  which 


MEMOIRS    OF    Mary    LYON.  235 

the  scriptures  abound.  You  knew  her  devoted- 
ness  to  the  cause  of  her  Redeemer.  You  knew  her 
overcoming  faith, — her  meek  submission.  Death 
had  no  sting  for  her.  She  dwelt  with  firm  reliance 
on  the  promises,  and  bade  the  world  farewell,  with 
a  fortitude  that  marked  the  child  of  God.  She 
never  murmured,  or  repined,  or  cast  one  lingering 
look  behind,  but  breathed  out  her  spirit  to  Him  who 
gave  it ;  and  on  this  morning,  at  three  o'clock,  sunk 
to  sleep  on  the  bosom  of  Jesus.  Her  afflicted  sis- 
ter has  been  wonderfully  supported  ;  and  I  trust  her 
consolations  will  never  fail  her.  O  pray  for  us,  and 
for  her  afflicted  parents.  Soothe  their  sufferings, 
if  they  can  be  soothed.  My  feehngs  overpower 
me.     Farewell. 

EXTRACT      OF     A      LETTER     FROM      DR.     PALMER,     OF 
CHARLESTON,    TO    COL.    LYON,    OF    NEW  HAVEN. 

Dear  Sir  : — Your  children  in  this  place  have 
been  expecting  and  intending  .to  remove,  for  a 
month  or  two,  to  an  island  in  the  neighborhood  of 
our  city,  remarkable  for  its  superior  health.  But 
after  considering  the  matter  a  while,  it  was  con- 
eluded  to  abandon  this  design,  and  continue  where 
they  were,  confining  themselves  entirely  to  the 
house,  and  not  exposing  themselves  to  the  heat,  or 
to  the  atmosphere  of  the  interior  of  the  city.  But 
we  cannot  escape  disease.     Shall  I  conceal  the 


236  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON. 

painful  truth  any  longer,  which,  after  every  prepa- 
ration to  meet  it,  must  come  hke  a  dagger  to  a  pa- 
rent's heart  ?  The  lovely,  interesting,  and  pious 
Miss  Lyon,  is  no  more  !  The  sad  duty  of  per- 
forming her  funeral  service, — a  duty  sad  indeed, 
as  well  from  the  great  regard  I  bear  the  family,  out 
of  which  she  was  taken,  as  for  the  respect  I  had 
for  her  own  excellence  and  worth, — was  devolved 
on  me  the  day  before  yesterday,  and  was  perform- 
ed in  presence  of  a  company  of  as  deep  and  sin- 
cere mourners  as  ever  assembled  on  such  an  oc- 
casion. 

The  last  time  I  called  to  see  Mr.  and  Mrs.  B., 
was  yesterday.  On  parting  with  this  afHicted  pair, 
Mr.  B.  said  I  would  confer  a  particular  favor  on 
him  by  writing  you, — that  he  could  not  do  so  yet, 
so  keen  were  his  feelings, — so  deep  was  his  dis- 
tress. 

I  pray  God,  that  as  the  "  comforter  of  those  who 
are  cast  down,"  he  would  appear  for  your  relief  in 
this  emergency,  and  enable  you  to  sa}'',  "  It  is  the 
Lord,  let  him  do  as  seemeth  him  good." 

Your  sympathizing,  tho'  unknown  friend, 
Benj.  M.  Palmer. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  237 

EXTRACT  OF  A    LETTER    FROM   MR.  BENNETT,  TO  COL. 
LYON,  OF  NEW  HAVEN. 

Charleston,  Sept.  15,  1817. 

In  what  language,  my  venerable  and  afflicted 
parents,  shall  1  address  you  ?  Where  find  words  to 
solace  and  compose  the  anguish  of  your  wounds  ? 
Or  where  shall  I  seek  for  foititude  to  execute  my 
melancholy,  heart-rending  duty? 

Our  dearly  beloved  Mary  rose  on  Friday  morn- 
ing, 5th  inst.,  in  the  enjoyment,  as  she  supposed,  of 
uncommonly  good  health  ;  and  remarked,  after  eat- 
ing breakfast,  that  her  appetite  had  been  unusually 
good  during  the  whole  summer.  When  I  returned, 
at  two  o'clock,  Mary  complained  of  being  indispo- 
sed ;  nevertheless,  sat  at  table,  and  ate  a  little  din- 
ner. In  the  afternoon,  her  indisposition  not  being 
perceptibly  abated,  I  urged  her  to  take  some  slight 
medicine,  to  which,  after  much  entreaty,  she  acce- 
ded. Against  her  wish  and  desire,  I  called  in  a 
physician,  who  prescribed  for  her ;  and  on  Satur- 
day, her  symptoms  had  considerably  abated,  and 
what  fever  she  had,  almost  gone.  In  the  course  of 
that  day,  or  night,  she  had  an  accession  of  fever  ; 
but  it  yielded,  as  before,  to  the  medicine  offered 
her ;  and  the  physician  assured  us,  on  Monday 
morning,  that  her  disease  was  taking  a  favorable 
course,  and  that  o.ur  sister  was  progressing  to  health. 


238  MEMOIRS    OF    MARY   LYON. 

On  Wednesday,  her  fever  wholly  left  her,  as  the  phy- 
sician assured  me  ;  but  I  felt  alarmed  at  the  evident 
prostration  of  her  strength.  Other  symptoms,  at 
noon,  determined  me  to  call  in  the  assistance  of  two 
other  physicians,  those  of  greatest  eminence  among 
us,  who,  after  an  attentive  examination,  declared 
that  they  saw  no  cause  of  alarm,  and  prescribed  for 
her.  On  Thursday  morning,  her  situation  was,  to 
my  mind,  dreadfully  alarming, — nor,  unhappily,  was 
I  mistaken.  The  disease .  had  assumed,  unexpect- 
edly, and  suddenly,  a  most  fatal  aspect ;  and  not- 
withstanding all  that  was  within  the  compass  of 
human  ability  to  do,  or  human  skill  to  devise,  was 
done,  death  triumphed  over  the  object  of  our  ten- 
derest  affection  ;  and  our  beloved,  and  ever  to  be 
remembered  sister,  yielded  up  her  spirit  to  Him 
who  gave  it,  and  on  Friday  morning  sank  to  sleep 
upon  the  bosom  of  her  Savior  and  her  God. 

Mary,  during  her  last  illness,  spoke  but  little  ; 
and  after  it  assumed  a  dangerous  complexion,  did 
not  speak  oftener  than  to  answer  the  inquiries  of 
her  physicians ;  but  her  countenance  and  manner 
leave  no  doubt  upon  my  mind,  that  her  thoughts 
were  fixed  on  God.  On  Thursday  morning  she 
took  a  sort  of  farewell  of  me  ;  and  after  that  she 
did  not  take  notice  of  those  about  her.  She  did 
not  appear  to  endure  great  pain  ;  on  the  contrary, 
she  was  free  from  bodily  anguish.     Mary  was  at- 


MEMOIRS    OF    MARY    LYON.  239 

tended  by  three  of  the  most  eminent  physicians  of 
this  city  ;  and  all  that  the  utmost  devoted ness  of 
friends  could  do,  or  could  be  expected,  or  wished 
for,  was  anxiously  offered.  Nothing  was  left  un- 
done that  the  whole  circle  of  friends  or  relatives 
could  suggest  or  devise  ;  and  the  exalted  estimation 
in  which  she  was  held,  was  attested  by  the  brothers, 
sisters,  friends,  and  acquaintances,  who  mourned  in 
bitterness  and  sorrow  her  unexpected  departure. 

Thus  I  have  struggled  through  this  heart-rending 
detail.  It  was  a  sacrifice  due  to  you,  and  I  have 
performed  the  painful  duty. 

Weep  not,  O  !  disconsolate  parents  !  Weep  not, 
O !  broken  hearted  brother  and  sisters,  as  those 
weep  who  have  no  hope.  IVIary  is  not  dead,  but 
sleepeth.  She  has  exchanged  a  world  of  sorrow 
and  tribulation,  for  that  world  where  sighing  and 
sorrow  shall  be  heard  no  more  forever !  Do  you 
ask  for  consolation  !  Look  at  the  icliole  life  of  that 
best  of  daughters, — dearest  of  sisters.  Remember 
her  steady,  unwavering  faith.  What  object  appal- 
led it  ?  What  danger  shook  it  ?  Remember  her 
steady  adherence  to  the  precepts  of  her  Lord  and 
Master. 

May  the  God  of  consolation  ever  be  with  you,  to 
comfort  and  support  you  under  this  righteous  dis- 
pensation.    Your  afflicted,  and  mourning  son, 

Joseph  Bennett. 


240  MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON. 

The  following  lines  were  sent  by  a  friend  from 
Charleston,  soon  after  the  death  of  Miss  Lyon, 
which,  for  their  appropriateness  and  beauty,  ai'e  in- 
serted here. 

O !  there  was  one,  on  earth  awhile 
She  dwelt,  but  transient  as  a  smile 

That  turns  into  a  tear: 
Her  lovely  image  pass'd  us  by, — 
She  came  like  lightning  from  the  sky, — 
She  seem'd  as  dazzling  to  the  eye, — 

As  prompt  to  disappear. 

Revolving  her  mysterious  lot, 

I  mourn  her,  but  I  praise  her  not, — 

To  God  the  praise  be  given  ; 
Who  sent  her  like  the  radiant  bow, 
His  covenant  of  peace  to  show, 
Athwart  the  passing  storm  to  glow, 

Then  vanish  into  heaven. 


EXTRACTS  OF  TWO  LETTERS  FROM  THE  LATE  MRS. 
SUSAN  HUNTINGTON,  OF  BOSTON,  TO  MRS.  E.  FITCH, 
OF  NEW  HAVEN.       " 

Boston,  Sept.  23,  1817. 
When  have  yon  heard  from  Charleston  ?  The 
sickness  there  makes  me  very  anxious  about  our 
beloved  Mary.  Dear  girl  !  were  she  to  fall  a  vic- 
tim to  this  distressing  epidemic,  how  many  hearts 
would  bleed  ;  how  irreparable  would  be  the  loss  to 


Vi-i' 


MEMOIRS    OF   TTARY   LYON.  241 

her  family.  But  I  hope,  that  the  God  who  has  re- 
peatedly carried  her  through  the  most  trying  scenes, 
will  still  spare  her  to  contribute,  by  her  pious  and 
disinterested  exertions,  to  the  comfort  of  those 
friends,  who  have  so  often  looked  to  her  for  it.  I 
dread  to  look  over  the  weekly  list  of  deaths,  lest  a 
dear  name  should  meet  my  eye. 

Boston,  Sept.  24,  1817. 

Oh,  my  dear  Eliza,  your  letter,  containing  the 
heart-rending  tidings,  has  just  been  received.  And 
why  should  I  say  heart-rending  tidings  ?  Shall  that 
be  deemed  heart-rending,  which  is  so  unutterably 
for  her  advantage  and  felicity  ?  But  when  I  think 
of  her  dear  mother,  feeble  and  broken,  wanting  just 
such  a  steady  arm  as  hers  to  lean  upon  ;  when  I 
think  of  the  dear  sister  whom  she  has  left  in  a  land  of 
strangers  ;  when  I  think  of  the  church,  which  had 
her  fervent  daily  prayers, — such  prayers  as  not 
many  offer  on  earth  ;  when  I  think  of  myself,  the 
tender  sympathy  she  felt  for  me  in  affliction,  the 
undissembled  and  faithful  affection  she  bore  me, 
which  survived  years  of  separation,  and  bore  with 
all  my  frailties  and  follies;  and  then  reflect  that 
her  friendship,  her  efforts,  her  prayers,  for  me,  for 
others,  for  the  church,  are  all  at  an  end,  how  can  I 
help  mourning  !  bitterly  mourning ! 

Oh,  God  of  mercy,  let  her  mantle  fall  on  us  who 
21 


242  MEMOIRS  OF  MARY  LYON. 

remain !  Let  something  of  that  meek,  prayerful, 
holy,  Christ-like  spirit  which  distinguished  her,  be 
communicated  to  us,  and  abide  with  us  continually. 
Alas  !  little  did  I  think  she  was  going  to  Charleston 
to  find  her  grave.  But  she  died  as  she  lived,  mag- 
nanimously, disinterestedly  and  cheerfully  sacrifi- 
cing  her  own  desires  and  comforts  for  others.* 


The  subjoined  remarks  were  written  by  a  mem- 
ber of  her  father's  family  a  few  weeks  after  her 
death,  and  before  any  of  her  private  writings  had 
been  seen.  Mary  was  remarkable  for  sincerity, 
and  a  fearless  discharge  of  what  she  considered 
duty,  whatever  were  the  consequences  ;  and  if  cen- 
sured or  blamed,  remained  silent,  or  meekly  repeat- 
ed  what  she  had  said,  or  defended  what  she  had 
done,  when  she  thought  her  duty  required  it :  but 
when  she  failed  of  producing  conviction,  ceased 
speaking,  and  committed  her  cause  to  God  who 
judges  justly. 

She  cultivated  in  an  eminent  degree,  a  spirit  of 
forgiveness.     I  do  not  believe  she  ever  suffered  "  the 


♦  The  situation  of  Mrs.  B.  rendered  a  removal  to  Sul- 
livan's Island,  or  New  Haven  hazardous.  Mary,  there- 
fore, believed  it  her  duty  to  continue  with  her  sister,  and 
leave  the  issue  with  God. 


MEMOIRS    OF   MARY   LYON.  243 

sun  to  go  down  upon  her  wrath  :"  and  was  ever 
ready  to  ask  pardon  of  others,  for  any  unadvised 
word  she  mi^ht  have  uttered,  after  a  lonsj  course  of 
provocation  from  them. 

She  was  as  peculiar  for  kindness  and  attention  to 
the  sick,  as  she  was  indifferent  to  her  own  health, 
and  bodily  pain  and  danger.  She  never  allowed 
herself  to  speak  evil  of  the  absent,  and  seemed  dis- 
tressed, when  direct  appeals  were  made  to  her  of 
that  nature,  what  part  to  act.  The  characters  of  aZZ 
were  safe  with  her.  I  do  not  believe  anything  but 
a  thorough  conviction  that  the  honor  of  God  re- 
quired it,  would  have  induced  her  to  speak  of  the 
sins  of  the  openly  profane  in  a  promiscuous  conu 
pany. 

The  remains  of  the  subject  of  this  memoir,  were 
enclosed  in  a  triple  coffin  of  lead,  mahogany,  and 
oak  ;  and  early  the  ensuing  spring  conveyed  to  her 
native  city,  and  recommitted  to  the  earth,  in  the  new 
burying-ground,  which  had  so  often  been  the  scene 
of  her  pious  meditations. 

A  family  monument  has  been  erected  to  the 
memory  of  her  parents,  since  deceased,  with  the 
following  inscription  on  one  of  the  plates. 


244  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

M.^RY  Lyon, 

Daughter  of  Wm.  and  Lois  Lyon, 

Born  Oct.  17,  1780. 

Died  in  Charleston,  S.  C,  Sept.  11,  A.  D.  1817. 

Her  remains  were  deposited  in  this  yard, 

Feb.  1819. 

She  early  chose  Jesus  Christ  for  her  portion, 

And  with  an  intellect  of  superior  order, 

Sensibilities  gentle  and  refined, 

and  unwavering  fortitude, 

She  exemplified  and  adorned 

the  precepts  of  the  christian  religion,  in  the  discharge 

of  all  her  relative  duties. 

Unshaken  faith  was  her  companion  in  the  last 

trying  hour,  and 

Illuminated  her  way  to  happiness  and 

Eternal  existence. 


In  Miss  Lyon's  long  season  of  spiritual  desertion, 
during  her  first  residence  in  Charleston,  she  inform- 
ed a  friend  after  her  return,  that  the  life  of  Hali- 
burton,  was  an  instrument  in  the  hands  of  God,  of 
keeping  her  soul  from  despair ;  justly  reasoning, 
that  if  one  true  believer,  had  been  long  deserted,  and 
was  again  visited  with  the  light  of  God's  counte- 
nance, such  might  possibly  be  her  case.  She  ap- 
peared to  consider  the  lives  of  those  christians,  who 
had  been  assailed  by  doubts,  temptations  and  de- 
spondency, as  superior  in  usefulness  to  those,  who, 
(from   their  constitutional   organization,   or   other 


MEMOIRS   OP   MARY   LYON.  245 

causes,)  enjoyed  a  more  equable  state  of  feeling, 
and  an  abiding  hope.  She  probably  considered  the 
former  class,  as  constituting  the  larger  portion  of 
believers ;  or  that  desponding  christians  most  need- 
ed the  consolations  and  supports,  which  the  lives  of 
kindred  spirits  could  afford.  Her  remarks  on  the  life 
of  Haliburton,  first  induced  the  compiler  to  suppose  it 
a  duty,  to  give  hers  to  the  christian  community. 
But  many  providential  hinderances  have  hitherto 
prevented  its  execution. 

If  this  little  volume  should  fall  into  the  hands  of 
any,  unacquainted  with  the  trials  of  a  christian's 
life,  it  may  seem  incomprehensible,  that  one  repre- 
sented as  eminent  in  holiness,  should  so  often  com- 
plain of  sin,  and  aggravated  sin.  To  such  it  may 
be  observed,  her  standard  was  the  gospel  require- 
ments, which  is  perfection  ;  and  that  she  did  not 
speak  of  what  she  had  said  or  done,  but  her  feel- 
ings and  her  thoughts.  There  is  no  doubt,  that  an 
envious,  or  resentful  emotion,  unexpressed  by  words, 
and  unknown  to  all,  gave  more  poignant  distress  to 
one  of  her  high  spiritual  attainments,  than  malice 
and  revenge,  long  indulged,  and  exerted  in  devising 
plans  to  injure  its  object,  would  to  those  "  hardened 
through  the  deceitfulness  of  sin." 

She  speaks  of  her  failure  in  relative  duties  ;  when 

perhaps  her  scrupulous  discharge  of  these,  was  a 

prominent  trait  in  her  character.     The  omission  of 
21* 


248  MEMOIRS   or   MARY   LYON. 

one  small  act  of  self-denial,  in  her  self-denying  life, 
gave  her  the  deepest  repentance  ;  when  the  world 
pursues  one  course  of  selfish  indulgence,  without  a 
compunctious  thought. 

Blessed  with  a  pious  and  faithful  ministry,  she 
highly  prized  the  privileges  of  the  sanctuary  ;  and 
her  attention  was  such,  as  enabled  her  to  record 
the  text  after  her  return  home,  and  give  a  short 
sketch  of  every  sermon  she  heard,  for  several  years, 
with  two  or  three  exceptions.  Yet  she  often  com- 
plains of  her  inattention  to  the  preached  word,  and 
her  wanderin2[  thouo-hts. 

Those  who  have  never  made  the  Scripture  their 
standard  can  form  no  adequate  idea  how  sin,  the 
character  of  God,  and  the  law  of  God  appear  to  the 
humble  and  contrite  heart.  Yet  their  ignorance  is 
no  excuse,  because  it  is  voluntary.  The  apostle 
declares  that  even  "  the  heathen  are  without  ex- 
cuse, having  the  law  written  on  their  hearts ;  their 
conscience  also  bearing  witness,  and  their  thoughts 
the  meanwhile,  accusing  or  else  excusing  one  anoth- 
er :"  then  what  can  the  impenitent  hearer  of  the 
gospel  plead  ? 

Perhaps  the  experienced  believer  may  discern 
some  disproportion  in  the  christian  graces  of  the 
subject  of  this  memoir :  that  while  her  hatred  of 
sin,  and  her  godly  jealousy  over  herself,  were  so 
conspicuous ;  she  did  not  at  times,  fix  the  eye  of 


MEMOIRS   OF   MARY   LYON,  247 

faith  as  steadfastly  on  Christ,  as  his  dealings  with 
her  seemed  to  demand.  Had  her  blessed  Savior 
been  on  earth,  perhaps  he  would  sometimes  have 
addressed  her  in  the  language,  (Luke,  xxiv.  25,) 
*'  O  !  slow  of  heart  to  believe." 

However  difficult  it  might  have  been,  at  some  pe- 
riods, for  her  to  appropriate  to  herself  those  promi- 
ses and  consolations,  which  the  Spirit  held  out  for 
her  acceptance,  her  confidence  in  God,  based  upon 
a  cordial  belief  of  his  perfections,  was  extraordinary. 
The  sentiment  expressed  in  one  of  her  letters,  was 
often  repeated  in  conversation.  That  meditations 
on  the  character  of  God  would  compose  and  tran- 
quillize her  mind,  when  she  had  little  or  no  evidence 
that  she  possessed  his  favor.  She  never  appeared 
to  fear  or  dread  death  in  her  dark  seasons  :  but 
ever  seemed  to  regard  God,  as  a  good  and  glorious 
Being ;  and  to  justify  all  his  dealings  with  herself 
and  others.  "  Though  he  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust 
in  him,"  appeared  to  be  the  language  of  her  heart. 

As  she  made  up  her  opinions,  and  arranged  her 
plans  with  much  prayer  and  deliberation,  it  was 
not  strange  that  she  held  them  with  some  degree 
of  tenacity ;  or  that  it  required  a  struggle  to  relin- 
quish them,  and  adopt  those  of  others,  who,  she  sup- 
posed, did  not  employ  the  same  means  to  ascertain 
what  was  the  best  course.  Yet  none  was  more 
anxious  to  receive  advice,  or  more  grateful  for  it, 


248  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

when  offered  by  pious  or  experienced  persons.  In- 
deed, she  seemed  afraid  to  "  lean  to  her  own  under- 
standing," or  act  on  any  important  point  at  all,  with- 
out advice  from  the  pious  and  judicious.  She  had 
a  long  struggle  in  her  mind,  whether  it  was  trusting 
or  tempting  God,  to  attend  public  worship  in 
Charleston,  (which  was  her  desire,)  during  what  is 
called  the  sickly  season,  and  after  seeking  advice 
elsewhere,  she  took  the  trouble  to  write  to  a  chris- 
tian friend  of  much  experience,  at  the  distance  of 
eight  or  nine  hundred  miles,  to  obtain  his  opinion 
on  this  subject. 

Matthew  Henry  somewhere  observes  ;  "  that  a 
tender  spirit  will  be  a  mourning  spirit."  And, "  that 
a  good  man,  in  such  a  bad  world  as  this,  cannot  but 
be  a  n^n  of  sorrows."  The  subject  of  this  me- 
moir had  certainly  many  sorrows.  The  sins  of  her 
own  heart  were  her  daily  burden,  and  at  some  pe- 
riods, it  appeared  to  be  almost  insupportable ;  and 
she  was  grieved  at  the  sins  of  others.  Her  heart 
was  pained,  that  so  many  professing  christians, 
aimed  at  no  higher  attainments  in  holiness,  and  were 
so  little  careful  to  regulate  their  conduct  and  con- 
versation by  the  precepts  of  the  gospel.  She  was 
pained  to 'see  the  unconverted  pursuing  their  fatal 
course,  and  that  she  could  not  convince  those  with 
whom  she  Jiad  social  intercourse,  that  they  were 
blind  to  their  highest  interests,  and  that  the  end  of 


MEMOIRS   OP   MART   LTON.  249 

an  impenitent  life,  would  be  death  eternal.  She 
earnestly  longed  to  have  things,  which  appeared  so 
plain  and  clear  to  her  mind,  plain  and  visible  to 
others.  And  she  felt  sorrow  in  her  heart  daily,  at 
the  blindness  of  mind,  and  hardness  of  heart  she 
witnessed. 

Chj-istians  have  many  sorrows  peculiar  to  them- 
selves, nor  do  they  always  enjoy  that  hope  of  final 
acceptance,  which  would  enable  them  to  sustain 
these  and  other  troubles  of  life,  which  are  common 
to  all.  Were  christians  always  to  enjoy  on  earth, 
the  light  of  God's  countenance,  would  it  not  be  fru- 
ition ?  and  where  would  be  room  to  exercise  faith 
or  hope  ?  "  For  what  a  man  seeth,  why  doth  he  yet 
hope  for?"  yet  "  godliness,  (in  the  highest  sense,) 
hath  the  promise  of  tlie  life  that  now  is,  and  of  that 
which  is  to  come."  And  this  declaration  is  glo- 
riously fulfilled  in  this,  that  the  godly  shall  be  kept 
through  this  life,  however  tempted  or  tried,  from 
committing  soul-destroying  sins,  and  final  apostacy. 

It  seems  a  sort  of  unbelief,  to  dwell  so  much  on 
the  sufferings  of  any  christian  during  this  brief  life, 
when  the  race  is  so  soon  run,  and  the  faithful  chris- 
tian victor  crowned  with  immortal  glory.  If  any 
individual  of  the  human  family  were  to  endure  a 
few  moments  of  suffering,  succeeded  by  a  long  life 
of  uninterrupted  health  and  enjoyment,  all  w^ould 
consider  him  a  happy  being,  and  no  thought  be 


250  MEMOIRS    OP   MARY   LYON. 

given  to  his  momentary  sufferings.  Still  two  finite 
durations  can  be  compared  ;  but  who  shall  compare 
time  with  eternity  !  Endless  eternity  !  stretching 
far,  far  beyond  the  conception  of  any  intelligent 
being,  but  that  glorious  One,  who  "  from  everlasting 
to  everlasting  is  God  !" 

It  is  sweet,  with  what  light  revelation  affords,  to 
trace  the  soul  of  the  believer,  from  the  couch  of 
fiuffering,  to  its  entrance  into  the  New  Jerusalem, 
"  that  city  which  has  no  need  of  the  sun,  neither  of 
the  moon  to  shine  in  it,  for  the  glory  of  God  doth 
lighten  it,  and  the  Lamb  is  the  light  thereof."  "  And 
the  throne  of  God  and  the  Lamb  shall  be  in  it,  and 
his  servants  shall  serve  him  ;  and  they  shall  see  his 
face,  and  his  name  shall  be  in  their  foreheads." 
"  And  he  that  sitteth  upon  the  throne  shall  say ;  it 
is  done.  I  am  Alpha  and  Omega,  the  beginning  and 
the  end.  He  that  overcometli  shall  inherit  all  things  ; 
and  I  will  be  his  God,  and  he  shall  be  my  son." 
*'  And  God  shall  wipe  away  all  tears  from  their  eyes, 
and  there  shall  be  no  more  death,  neither  sorrow 
nor  crying,  neither  shall  there  be  any  more  pain." 
*'  And  there  shall  be  no  night  there  :  for  the  Lord 
God  giveth  them  light,  and  they  shall  veign  forever 
and  ever." 

THE  END. 


ERRATA. 

Page  9,  line  21,  for  No  diviue  illumination,  read,  As  divine  illumin- 
ation. 
-  Page   77,  line  14,  for  liuraan-Iike  spirit,  read,  Haman-like  spirit. 

Page  137,  line  12,  for  perfectly  satisfied,  read,  perfectly  sanctified. 

Page  138,  line  19,  for  Slit^  liad,  read.  He  had. 

Page  173,  line  27,  for  Mr.  N.  Dewit,  read,  Mr.  N.  Hewit. 

Page  174,  line  22,  for  would  I  waive,  read,  would  I  carve. 


.<^ 


->'  /, 


.^ 


I  I 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  ^BRARY  FACILITY 

405  Hilgard  Avenue,  Los  Angeles  CA  90024-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library 

from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


^^    JAN22i|99i 


r 


juN  0  4  war.. 


<ril]0NYS01^ 


^IHBRARYQ^ 


^.     ^.^  p       V 


-\. 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


^<!/0JllV3-J0-^      ^OJIWDJO^        ^i'ilJDNVSOl^ 


^OFCALIFOi?^ 


^OFCAIIFO/?^        ^^WEUNIVERS/A 


"^(^Aavyani^ 


^^Aavyaii-^       <rii]3Nv.soi^ 


.^WEUNIVER% 


<ril3DNVS0V'^ 


^lOSANCEl^^ 

o 


e    ^ 


^^HIBRARY^k; 


m^iivDjo^ 


.^WEUNIVER5"/A 


o 


^VlOSANGElfX^ 


%y3AINn]W^ 


;4cOFCAllFO/?^ 


A,^lllBRARYQ<-         -^HIBRARY^/' 


.5,WEUN1VER% 


^.. 


J 


